Chapter 47 Contradiction (Part 2)

I want to win. Some people say that people are born to win, don't they? When I was very young, about three years old, because I heard my grandmother say an idiom in my hometown, "eat spicy food - be the head of the house", I ate a few mouthfuls of chili peppers. If I were a British aristocrat, I would be keen on raising horses and racing horses, right?If it was Xiang Kun in China's Taiping era, he would inevitably have to fight crickets with others, but I am a child who grew up in Taiwan, and I am used to comparing homework with others.In the sixth grade of elementary school, late at night, I was still sitting in the dining room of my classmate's house, and after I finished it, I opened my tired eyes and walked home in the dark.You can't lose the battle of entering a higher school. The strange thing is that you are so young, and you are also very deceitful. You often secretly enjoy studying, but at the same time you pretend to be ashamed of death, as if you don't care at all.

Getting into Beiyi Girls' High School was the first small victory. But at home, she is actually domineering. Once my elder sister insisted on asking my mother to buy her two watercolor pens. I bought it for her, but I kept my face and asked my mother to buy four for me the next day. "Why so much?" "The teacher said!" I will never change my words. In fact, the real reason is that I am angry. I am angry that my sister does not know how to be frugal. Okay, if you want to waste, let everyone waste it together. If you want two sticks, I will just want four sticks. You can't lose to others!

Sure enough, my mother went to buy four pens. I don’t know why, those four pens were like tongs, and they almost burned people in my schoolbag. so what? One day, I saw a note like this in front of my little sister's desk: Next exam: Mathematics to win XXX Guowen wants to win XXX English to win XXX I can't help but laugh, fighting for victory, and when it comes to this, I not only want to win the championship, but also want to beat others one by one, how tiring-however, my sister lived to win this difficult game battle. As for myself, can I really be indifferent later?Sometimes, when the faint sound of the drum sounded, I stood up without realizing it, or wrote an extremely difficult article, or competed with the "superior" for an issue.The desire to win and win is still there, but the one who really wants to win is often himself, who wants to win over his own selfishness and stupidity.

Once, I saw in the newspaper that the British commando team went to rescue the hostages in the Iranian embassy, ​​completed the task in a few minutes and won a big victory, but their working motto was "Who dares wins" (the brave wins) , I read it, my blood was surging, I immediately pinned it to the bulletin board, and read it every day. As I grow older, I gradually don't care about my own honor and disgrace, but like a dragon, there is an undeniable reverse scale under its neck. The thing that I can't touch and can't lose is "China".Not the crabapple leaf in geography, but this pain in my chest: when I drink from Zheng He’s Well in Malacca, Malaysia, when I pass by the Chinese cemetery in Manila, when I look at the green trees planted by Li Hongzhang on the streets of New York, When I was touching the bottom of the stele on the Harvard campus, when I was watching Hanwadang in Gyeongju, South Korea, when I was watching Dengwei in the New Territories of Hong Kong, when I was watching barefoot children going to school in the early morning on the hills of northern Thailand. Read Chinese before taking the Thai language class prescribed by the Thai government... What I am eager to win back is the image of my hometown, China that is scattered all over the world and waiting to be assembled like a jigsaw puzzle.

There is a name that cannot be slandered by anyone, there is a topic that cannot allow others to have the upper hand, and there is an old love that cannot be discussed by others.In short, as long as I hear other people's words seem to touch my China, I will smile humbly and draw my sword. As long as there is a word that hurts it, I will immediately swing the sword to win, even if it is wounded by the sword Also at all costs. God, let's win!We were born to win, and we can die to win if necessary, so there is no other choice, win for us - or die for us - in the one and only struggle. I have always been looking for frustration, for the joy of being overwhelmed and annexed.

Some people set out to "conquest mountains", but I have never been, and on the contrary, I climb mountains in order to be conquered by mountains.Some people fly a boat to "override" the water, but I am not. If I go to kiss the water, what I need is the feeling of the water returning to the river, the disappearance of myself, the release of the body, the freezing of the spirit, and the return of self An adventure at zero. Remember the number one swordsman named "Dugu Qiubai" in the story?Throughout his life, he has never met a single opponent, there is no one in the world who can hinder him, and there is no power in the world that can match and confront him, it really makes people go crazy!

Jia Baoyu, who was born with a psychic jade, was happy, but the greater happiness happened at the moment he threw the jade.At that time, he met Daiyu for the first time, and the moment they met, they were shocked as old acquaintances, as if they had been together for thousands of years.In his panic and panic, he smashed a piece of jade on the ground randomly. The self-surrender and shattering is moving, and it is the most mellow pouring out of all true love. There are also such examples in the history of literature. Chen Shidao read the scriptures "once he saw Huang Yuzhang (Yellow Valley) burn all his manuscripts, he learned from them." It should be considered a very happy encounter.

The prophet John in the "New Testament" once saw Jesus and bowed down and said: "I only baptized you with water, but he baptized you with the spirit. To him, I can only be regarded as an opener." Shouting!" The bearded man in "The Legend of the Red Fu" saw Li Jing, and knew that the general trend of the world had been settled, so he floated away from him. Li Jing in the prosperous Tang Dynasty, who made men look down on him and women ran nights for him, I How I longed to see him!Sun Yat-sen in the late Qing Dynasty also had such a demeanor that made heroes from all over the world willing to bow their heads and accept orders.The tragedy of life is not that the head is cut off, but that there are no great heroes to die for, and no great ideals for them to relax.

I have been looking for frustration. In the world of life, what is more joyful than frustration?As far as love is concerned, its victory is nothing more than the most complete "failure". As far as tourism is concerned, once you stand in front of the grand canyon with thousands of hills and valleys and feel like ants, when will you be so willing to humble yourself and enjoy Dahua's Hehe Tianwei?I also remember a summer night, lying on the beach and watching the sky full of stars like rain and arrows, I was almost stunned for a moment, and there was a kind of despair under the greatness, knowing that human beings will never be able to approach the million A light body light years away, this despair makes me still feel excited when I think about it.Just imagine how boring life would be if the whole universe was conquered by us like a wimp!The same is true for reading the books of sages and sages.Seeing the bright lights shining through the ancient and modern nights, and hearing the giant bell that resounds through the world, there will be an unexpected surprise in my heart. Knowing that although I am stupid, there are many capable people in the world, I am so convinced that I almost want to declare Said: "How wonderful! There are such people in the world! I can feel at ease even when I die! Because there are such excellent people and such beautiful thoughts!" In addition, seeing Teresa in India and Schweitzer in Africa, Or the "Big Eight" Shi Tao in the art museum, or Zhou Ding Song porcelain in the museum, there will be an excitement of "I will never be able to trace this state", this excitement, this pious surrender, how unforgettable great joy.

If there is any unfulfilled wish in this life, it is to keep meeting more heart-wrenching people, and to keep exploring more soul-stirring and savage beauty, so that I can be defeated more thoroughly and admit myself more from the bottom of my heart humble and insignificant.