Chapter 41 I am here

I remember that I was in the third grade of elementary school. I fell ill by accident and couldn’t go to school. So I sat on the bed with my knees hugged, looking out the window at the lonely green hills and the late spring day.At that time, because I was young, I couldn't explain the reason clearly to myself, but I still remember the pain. Why does it hurt?I understand now, just because you know that your good friends are all there, but you are not there, so you wonder, are they chasing each other on the playground right now?Are they scolded in the classroom?What are they doing?For better or worse, I want to be with them!It's good to be scolded and beaten together!

So, I started to like roll call. Early in the morning, everyone was sitting well, the little faces were not dirty, and the little hands were not sweaty. The teacher said: "XXX" "exist!" Serious and clear, as if not answering the teacher, but answering the universe, telling the world, telling history, saying that there is a child "here" here. Answering the word "yes" is always a kind of full happiness for me. Then, growing up and not having to be named, I became obsessed with traveling.Every time I go to a scenic place, I always want to raise my hand, like that child who always opens his curious round eyes, and reply:

"I am here." "I am" is different from "so-and-so is here for a visit", the latter is arrogant and domineering, and the person who says "I am" is still a child who goes to school early in the morning, happily answering the elders' questions. In fact, between people, whether it is family affection, friendship or love, which kind of intimate friendship cannot be based on the premise that I am here, and you are here too?Isn't all love the fate of "being together"?Even the gods are gods only because of the qualities of "the past, the present, and the eternal" and the "omnipresent".And as a person, I feel another kind of value for myself "can only appear in this time and space limitation", as if I am a twisted and strange small shape on the jigsaw board, which is meaningless when viewed alone, until it fits perfectly. In the right time and space, it is also an indispensable piece.The existence of the gods is vast and infinite without beginning and end, and I am the sentient being and sentient being in this mountain and water at this time.

One year, my husband and I took a group of young people to the United States and Europe to perform. I insisted on choosing Cui Hao's "Long Gan Song" as the opening song. Shaking out sparkling water waves, the Tang Dynasty Yuefu leisurely exported: Where does the Jun family go? The concubine lives in Hengtang. Stop the boat and ask temporarily, or I'm afraid it's a fellow villager. In the misty mist, just because we passed by wrong shoulders, just because you are in the breeze and I am in the bright moon, just because we are both on this earth, and the earth is too empty, so we can't help but stop the boat and ask a question, ask each other's hometown , Ask about the hometown where we were born in the past and where we were buried in another year. That summer, we also went all the way to ask where the overseas Chinese belonged!

The "Old Testament" records a story three thousand years ago. At that time, the old prophet Eli was incompetent because of his old age, and he sat and watched his spoiled son run rampant. However, the little prophet Samuel was still a child, wearing a small dress ignorantly. Pao walked up and down in the empty Great Sanctuary.However, it happened, and one night he heard a soft voice calling: "Samuel!" Although he was sleepy, he was an alert boy. He jumped up and ran to the old man Eli: "You call me, I'm here!" "I didn't tell you," said the old Eli, "you go to bed!"

The child lay down, and he heard the same call again: "Samuel!" "I'm here, did you call me?" He ran to Eli again. "No, I didn't call you, you go to sleep." The third time he heard the calling voice again, the little boy was really confused, but he still ran to Eli as fast as he could. Old Eli was startled suddenly. It turned out that the child had grown up. It turned out that he was not a child who misheard the words in his dream. No, he had heard the voice of heaven for the first time, and he had already faced the divine call.Although he is just an immature child, even though he doesn't even understand what "the fate of heaven" is, the old era is over after all, and young heroes will be subject to the fate of heaven to stir up storms in all directions.

"Little Samuel, go back! There are things you didn't understand before, and if you hear that voice again, say, 'God! Please say, I am here.'" Samuel really heard the voice for the fourth time, the night sky shone, the pillars stood like history, the voice came from the wind, the voice came from the starlight, the voice came from the tide in the bottom of his heart, calling a child.Samuel has been a mighty prophet since his death because years ago, when he was a child, he answered the call and said, "Here I am." Of course I am not a prophet, I never wanted to be a "savior", but I like to make myself an "emergency standby" person who can say "I am here, am I here?"

I have never drank so much in my life, about a bottle of beer. It was the night of the Dragon Boat Festival, on a small outlying island in Penghu.To commemorate Qu Yuan, the fisherman did not go out to sea that day, and the principal of the elementary school accompanied us to dinner with friends from the parent association. It was difficult for you to say "no" to the toasters who raised their necks.The way they drink is very different from the academic people I have seen. After a few drinks, they suddenly turn red. It turns out that the power of wine is so great.At first, those broad and dark faces could not help but feel humbled towards Taipei people and scholars, but after drinking, everyone rushed to talk, saying how hard it was for them to live without fresh water, and how hard it was for fresh water pipes. How to fix it and then break it, saying that they would rather go bankrupt than sail to other islands every day to carry fresh water...

And the fresh water they talk about, in the eyes of Taipei people, is nothing more than salty and unpalatable water with a strange taste-but it is a dream that is out of reach for them. We originally wanted to donate books and set up a reading room for the children, but we didn't expect them to yell about water with blushing faces and thick necks!This island has a nice name, Bird Island, and the rocky shore is made up of beautiful black basalt stones.When the waves are big, water droplets will jump over the classroom and fall straight to the playground. There are precious clove fish in the clear blue waves. At the moment, there are fried sea urchins and delicious eels on the dining table... But such an island, There is no fresh water.

what can i do for themIn the dusk of drinking together, maybe nothing can be done, but at least I am here, listening, and thinking about what I can do... Reading is also a kind of "being". One year, I went to the library and looked for a copy of "Notes of Spring in the Church". It was a collection of Mr. Yu Yue, with a red silk hardcover cover. When I opened the back cover, I found that no one had ever borrowed it. All lonely" Ah! "When I thought about it, I borrowed the book home. The book is there, the spring is here, but the reader must be there! My reading life is like some people playing "Dish Fairy", as if facing the author's soul .For me, Li He came at the call. When mourning the death, I would say: "I am here, come and read me the song "Bitter Day is Short"!"Read 'I don't know the blue sky is high and the yellow ground is thick, but I see the moon is cold and the sun is warm, so I come to fry life'. "When I read Wei Yingwu's "Laughing Order", I would read softly: "Huma Huma, far away under Yanzhi Mountain.Running sand and snow alone hissing, looking east and west looking lost.Lost and lost, the grass is endless and the sun is setting. "On the one hand, I feel that I am the war horse that has been slack since the Tang Dynasty, no, maybe it is not a horse, but just a passion, fascinated by beauty, shocked by the wild yellow sand and the carmine sunset, so my emotions are full of emotions. , unending passion.

When reading a book, there are always figures in the book, including me, and I am always there. In "Old Testament Genesis", the fallen Adam hid himself in the cool and breezy Garden of Eden.God said: "Adam, where are you?" He kept silent. If it were me, I'd step out and say: "God, I am, I am here, please look at me, I am here. I am not better than a mortal, nor worse than a mortal. In my dream of seeking truth and beauty, and in my fragile humanity. God, look down on me, here I am." "I am" means that I am present, in the big classroom of life. A sentence I said in the mountains some years ago allows me to say it again, as a final remark: "The trees are here. The mountains are here. The earth is here. The years are here. I am here. How can you make a better world?"