Chapter 36 I have got

When I went home that afternoon, I was so unhappy that I sat by the window and couldn't help feeling sorry for myself. A row of wisterias crawled between the window lattices, and I sat across from the spring and green gauze, exchanging sorrows with me in the cool autumn wind. The way it always is, you don't always get the fairness you crave.You try hard, but you don't succeed, because it is others who control your success, not yourself.I may not appreciate that success, but there is always a feeling of being fooled in my heart.It's like when you were a child, you stood in front of a candy store, and there was a sign for a lottery, your eyes were on the biggest and most beautiful prize, but you couldn't draw it, the nickel in your bag was empty, but that That hope still hangs high.Until one day, you suddenly discovered that in fact there was no such prize at all, and the tickets hidden behind a row of red paper were all blank or nearly blank small prizes.

The string of wisterias has been magically beautiful these days. The flowers in autumn are like this. They are not only beautiful, but also have that sad and gorgeous charm.As soon as the wind passed, the drunken red swirled wildly, sending all the pitiful redness into the small room by the window. Alas, such a beautiful afternoon makes the resentment even more incongruous.What is hateful is not only those things themselves, but also the heart that is disturbed by those things and is no longer peaceful. The green leaves are rustling, like a copper bell in front of the eaves, hanging the music of the whole wind season.This music is in harmony with the blue sky, and with the crystal drops of red -- it's just not in harmony with my fooled heart.

In fact, we have been fooled many times, and so many times, it has not changed our hearts. We still trust people like children, still stubbornly expect goodness, and still prefer to be wronged by others. , so, we are still vulnerable. Our hearts are opened to welcome a blue bird from afar, but bats always come in, and we refuse to close it, we are still looking forward to the blue bird. I stood up, and the green smoke and red mist lingered in front of me.It made me feel slightly dizzy, and the irresistible sunset glow broke through the wall and covered me under the stained glass of the cathedral. I stood there in the brilliance, and the weight of sprinkled gold weighed heavily on me.

"It's all yours, boy, all of it." A distant and clear sound came through the fragile leaves, very soft and powerful, which shocked me. "mine?" "Mine, I gave you a long time" "Well," I said, "you don't know." "I know," he said, with compassion in his voice, "you're too busy." I cried, though without reproach. When I raised my head, the voice quietly disappeared, only the soft evening wind refused to dissipate for a long time.I sat down wearily, weary of an afternoon of grievances. I was so stupid--stupider than I thought, that I'd been so rich all along that I didn't know anything, I was always calculating, I was never easy-going.

There was the slight sound of a key turning, that was his return.He always wanted to sneak in and give me a little surprise, but he couldn't do it, his steps were heavy and firm, that's how he was. Now he is standing behind me, and the familiar smell of the leather jacket hits me in all directions, sinking me into the dream of a very happy childhood. "It's not worth it," he said. "It's so cheap to be disappointed about those things." "I know," I said, playing with the sun-kissed gold sprinkles, "it's really nothing." There are only two kinds of people, happy and unhappy. Happy people cannot become unhappy because of unfortunate things, and unhappy people cannot become happy because of lucky things. "

His eyes looked down, and there was a line of the most beautiful words written in it repeatedly, and I immediately knew again which category I belonged to. "You must not know," I said timidly, "I just found out today that I have a lot of things." "Is it really that many?" "Really, I used to think that those things were given to all human beings by God, but today you know, they are mine, mine alone." "You are so rich." "Yes, very rich, my property is very rich, I tell you that I really believe that if I am alone in the universe at dusk today, those sunset clouds will still be spread in the sky, and those flowers will still bloom in one piece Red Milky Way."

Suddenly I found that those soft hairs and stems began to explore in the wind, how delicately struggling, and those curls of greenery went up and down with the wind, a kind of shocking rhythm of life.Looking out from the window lattice, the colors of the sunset are all shaken by these slender tentacles, and the chaos is very vivid. Life is an adventure, isn't it?Those weak little stems can grow in the wind, why should I care about the long wind season? Suddenly, I could no longer remember the real reason for my sorrow just now.I was stunned for a while by my vulgarity. A tender fire rose from his eyes.We looked at each other in the cold twilight.

"You still have me, don't forget." His voice was like the music of a winter night, enclosing people in a distant candlelight. What I have, what I have always had, how could I ignore it?Those wisterias that are still green for me in the autumn wind, those red clouds that are still shining brightly on me even though they are far away in the sky, and those loves that are concentrated in a moment, what more can I ask for? Those leaves turned light green waves in the wind, like a row of chimes, knocking very ancient and producing a very classical tone.I suddenly heard that this is the most beautiful performance in the whole long autumn.