Chapter 14 after stepping down the red carpet

wedge The younger sister was put down, helped up, and stood on the muddy ground in the yard. Her little feet were fat and white, and she couldn't stand firmly.She's probably only a year old, and I'm already four! Mother took out the kitchen knife, aimed at the mud between the younger sister's feet, and chopped it down earnestly and vigorously. "What?" I asked aloud. "Children are ignorant!" Mom put away the knife mysteriously, "Grandma said, so that children can learn to walk. I also cut it for you when you were young." "Why cut it?"

"When a child is born, there are shackles on his feet, so he can't walk. Only when they are cut off can they walk." "I didn't see," I said unconvinced, "where are the shackles." "There are shackles, grandma said, you just can't see them." "Is it broken now?" "It's broken. Now that it's broken, my sister will be able to walk." Of course my younger sister could walk later, and as I grew up, I finally realized that my younger sister's ability to walk had nothing to do with cutting off the shackles, but for some reason, the distant picture was so clear and upright, which moved me.

Maybe the shackles and handcuffs are real, people are always rushing, always breaking something, anyway, either we are strong to break the shackles by ourselves, or let the cruel steel ring hoop our flesh! I can't remember whether it was late spring or early summer, but I went upstairs to Wenxing Publishing House, and Mr. Xiao gave me a copy of the contract. "Very good," he said. He looked tall, fine, and capable. "Reading your stuff reminds me of Bing Xin and Tagore when I was a child." I was so surprised that I almost jumped up, Bing Xin and Tagore?This is something I know so well and love so much!How would he know?I simply felt that it was a kindness to know you, "The Other End of the Carpet" was sold out in this way, and I only got more than 2,000 yuan after deducting taxes, but I didn't feel that I was at a disadvantage.

I was in a hurry to find a color sample from a friend, and I asked for purple. I was newly married at that time, and my house was all decorated with purple curtains, purple bedspreads, and purple creeping flowers on the window sills. The purple was overflowing. On the pages of the book, there is a period of dreamlike years. It was a beautiful sunny day. I sent color samples to the publishing house. On the way, I met Sanmao. She also sent color samples. She was coloring a friend’s book. Green, what a thrill to have a book out, and we happily hand over a splash of color in our lives to the forthcoming booklet.

"We published a book together at that time," Kang Yun said slightly once, "Wen Xing's publicity was so big that the enlarged photos were all hung up." I forgot about that incident, but after she mentioned it, it seemed to be true when I thought about it. The strange thing is that I don’t remember much about the photos. What I remember is that I often ran upstairs to the publishing house after work, Ask them to show me the release of the new book. "Whose book sells better?" In fact, the book has already been sold out, and how it sells has nothing to do with me.

"Your and Ye Shan's." The clerk showed me the brochure. I took the brochure and looked at it carefully, wondering whether it was Ye Shan who sold more, or me—I couldn't tell if it was stupid or naive, at that time I was always worrying about inexplicable things, and it was probably like that when I was young. In October of that year, Weiqiao from Young Lion Arts sent me a gift certificate for the ceremony, and I went to Taiwan.My husband also has a ticket, and we are seated in different areas, and we meet at the gate of the stadium when the meeting is over. I was wearing a magenta suit, the sun was shining brightly that day, the sky was brilliant blue, my position was very good, the sports performance was very exciting, and what I wanted to see was close at hand, while my husband was somewhere in the field, we After the meeting, we will meet and return, everything is perfect and crystal clear, full and full without regrets.

But, suddenly, tears welled up in my eyes, and I remembered Nanjing... It’s not Nanjing in geography, but in poems, words, dreams, Nanjing in mother’s local accent (mother is not from Nanjing, but went to middle school in Nanjing). I vaguely remember the name, Xuanwu Lake, Ming Xiaoling Tomb, Jiming Temple, Confucius Temple, Qinhuai River... No, don't think about those names, it's not fair, middle-aged people don't feel nostalgic anymore, you're only so young, nostalgia shouldn't be left to you, go to the show, you were invited to the show, watch it!What a great seat!Don't cry, don't you see that everyone is doing well!why are you weepingYou are really too young, you are still wearing the wedding gown of a bride, you are happy, you have your little home, every evening, pull down the purple curtain and wait for that person to come back, there are little things in life Little annoyance, a little pride, a little sadness and sweetness, isn't life so good?

It's not the thought of touching the hometown, it's too strong, don't let the three rivers and five mountains hit you, don't read the name of Chixian Shenzhou, you can't stand it, really, life is good, force back the tears, you can't start, you Can't start, you can't start, you can't take it back once you start... I sat, admonishing myself ineffectively, the fire from Jinmen was lit in the venue, the shirtless men were performing frogman exercises, the butts of the guards’ guns were condensed like purple lightning, especially the big red pillars on the stands, which were directly I can't help but think about Sun Yat-Sen Mausoleum, the stone steps facing the sky, the Chinese Wailing Wall, when can we put our hot foreheads against the sacred cold, we will step by step Climb to the highest mountain buried in fog and clouds...

The meeting ended, and I walked to the door, where he was waiting for me, and we went home together. "What's wrong with you?" After walking for a long time, he couldn't help asking me. "No, don't ask me." "are you uncomfortable?" "No." "Then," he became anxious, "I provoked you?" "No, no, nothing—don't ask me, please don't ask me, don't tell me a word, at least don't tell me today..." He looked at me in surprise, but there was understanding in the surprise. The mid-day sun shone on the wide and open Dunhua North Road, and we returned to the purple nest without saying a word.

He really didn’t bother me anymore, I started to sort myself out in a trance, and I gradually realized that there were some deep-rooted things hidden in the abyss that I didn’t know much about, which couldn’t be covered up by a lady-like education. It cannot be smoothed out by the text exegesis and poems and poems of the traditional Chinese department. The extremely brutal, wild, hot, and unstoppable thing, the kind of "desire to fill the history pen with fat marrow, blood for gold and bones for the base, with The feelings of turning a visceral heart into boiling water in the three rivers" (Note)...

I remembered that when I was very young, I was separated from my father. At that time, there were two long knives at home, which were distributed during the victory of the Anti-Japanese War. Shark skin, antique, was the only precious thing my father had. When my younger sister went to Taiwan, my father didn't leave, but sent us to the riverside. He said: You take that knife, and I take this one. It would be nice to meet him next year, otherwise, there will always be one. " Such a plot, such a dialogue of copper nails, is not a novel but the truth! In the end, my father came back from the Yeren Mountain on the border of Yunnan. He lost his long knife and the only thing he brought back was his body. Not in the book of sages, not in the lessons of thread-packing, I understand the thought of family and country, I understand the passion that longs to embrace five thousand years and eight hundred million people vertically and horizontally, it is there, it has always been there... … Grabbing a piece of paper at random, right on the blank back, and using a pencil, I began to write "October Sunshine": Those balloons are all gone, there must be hundreds of them?There were piles of colors floating in the transparent blue sky, and people all cheered, as if they had shared the luck of rising to the sky-it always happens like this, light things can always float higher, and sad things can always float higher. Hold me, objects with weight are always destined to sink. The stadium is very bright, shining with the sunshine of late autumn. At this time, next month, the story of the Revolution of 1911 is far away.The tragic past in the west wind is far away... The fallen leaves on the Sun Yat-sen Mausoleum are already deep, and our arms are sore from longing for a grave-sweeping action. I suddenly realized that the time to write "The End of the Carpet" is far away, and I know what I should write more. The boudoir is beautiful, but I have a heavier sword to wear and a longer road to go. "Sunshine in October" won an award later, with a prize of 1,000 yuan. After that, I won many awards, many bonuses, trophies, medals, and there was always a grand event when receiving awards, but only that one time, it was the one I was really excited about. , Zhu Qiao told me that the judges read it and cried. I can't wear white sand forever, step on the petals, and walk towards him at the end of the red carpet. When we walk down the red carpet hand in hand, what greets people is the wind or the rain, and the mourning in the sound of wind and rain. —But anyway, I'm on my way.