Chapter 15 "This is life too"

This is also a matter of illness. There are some things that healthy or sick people don't feel, maybe they can't encounter them, maybe they are too subtle.When you recover from a serious illness, you will experience it; for me, the fear of fatigue and the comfort of rest are two good examples.I used to be conceited and never knew what fatigue is.There is a round chair in front of the desk, sitting and writing or reading carefully is work; there is a rattan recliner next to it, chatting or casually reading newspapers is resting; I feel that there is not much difference between the two, and they are often referred to as This is conceited.Now I know that it is wrong, so there is no big difference, but it is because I am not tired, that is, I have not worked hard.

I have a relative's child who graduated from high school, but had to work as an apprentice in a hosiery factory. I was already very unhappy, and the work was very heavy, almost all year round without rest.He is very tall, he refuses to be lazy, and has supported him for more than a year.One day, he suddenly fell down and said to his brother, "I don't have any strength left." Since then, he could not stand up, sent him home, lay down, did not want to eat, move, or speak. He invited a doctor from the Church of Jesus to see him. He said that he was fine, but he was exhausted.There is no cure.Naturally, what follows is a quiet death.I also had this situation for two days, but the reasons were different, he was exhausted from work, and I was exhausted from illness.I really don't have any desires, it seems that everything has nothing to do with me, all actions are troublesome, I don't think of death, but I don't feel alive either; this is the so-called "desireless state" and it is the first step of death.Someone who loved me once cried secretly because of this; but I have a turning point, I want to drink some soup, and sometimes I look at things nearby, such as walls, flies, etc., only after that can I feel tired and need to rest.

It is really a great pleasure to lie down with all one's heart, stretch out the limbs, yawn loudly, put the whole body in a suitable position, and then relax all the points of exertion.I have never enjoyed it.I think that the strong, or the blessed, probably have never enjoyed it either. I remember that the year before last, also after my illness, I wrote an article "Miscellaneous Talks after Illness", consisting of five sections, and submitted it to "Literature", but the last four sections could not be published, and only the first section remained after printing. 〔2〕Although there is a word "one" at the beginning of the article, it stops abruptly after that, and there is no "two" or "three". If you think about it carefully, you will find it strange, but this cannot be required for every reader, even for readers. Can't hope for critics.So someone based on this verse and asserted to me: "Lu Xun is in favor of getting sick." Now maybe this kind of disaster is temporarily avoided, but I might as well declare here first: "My words are not finished here."

Four or five days after the turning point, I woke up and woke up Quang Binh. "Give me some water. And go and turn on the light, and show me around." "Why?..." Her voice was a little panicked, probably thinking that I was talking nonsense. "Because I want to live. Do you understand? This is life too. I want to see and see." "Oh..." She walked up, drank a few sips of tea for me, lingered for a while, and lay down gently again without turning on the light. I know she didn't understand my words. The light from the street lamp came in through the window, and the room was dimly lit. I glanced at the familiar wall, the ridge line at the end of the wall, the familiar pile of books, the unordered painting collection beside the pile, the ongoing night outside, endless In the distant place, countless people are related to me.I exist, I am living, I will live, I begin to feel more solid, I have the desire to move - but soon I fall back to sleep.

I looked at it in the sunlight the next morning, and sure enough, there are familiar walls, familiar piles of books... These, I often look at them in normal times, are actually counted as a kind of rest.But we have always underestimated such things, even though they are a piece of life, they are ranked next to drinking tea, or they are not a thing at all.What we pay attention to is the special essence, not the leaves.People who write biographies of famous people tend to blindly exaggerate their characteristics, such as how Li Bai wrote poems and played tricks, how Napoleon fought wars and why he didn't sleep, but they didn't talk about how they didn't play tricks and wanted to sleep.In fact, if you spend all your life playing or not sleeping, you will definitely not be able to survive. The reason why people can sometimes be playing and not sleeping is because they sometimes sleep when they are not playing.However, people think that these ordinary things are the dregs of life, and they don't even look at them.

Then the person or thing he sees is like a blind man touching an elephant and its feet, thinking that the shape of an elephant is like a pillar.The ancient Chinese often wanted to get the "whole", that is, to make "Wuji Baifeng Pills" for women, and put the whole chicken and even the blood into the pills. The method is ridiculous, but the idea is good. Those who cut off the branches and leaves will definitely not get flowers and fruits. In order not to turn on the light for me, I was very dissatisfied with Quang Binh, and attacked everyone when I saw it; when I was able to walk, I went to look through the publications she read. A lot has been published, and some things, although the back is still "beauty magic", "ancient wood shines", or "the nun's secret", but the first page is always a little passionate and generous.The composition already has a "central theme" [3]: Even Sai Jinhua, who slept with German commander Waldsee for some time during the Yihequan era, has long been named the Empress of Nine Heavens Protecting the Country. [4] What is particularly surprising is that the "Spring and Autumn Annals" in "Shenbao", which previously used "Yuxiang Piaomiaolu" [5] to describe the court of the Qing Dynasty with gusto, has also changed from time to time. In the "Drip" [6] at the end, he taught people that when eating watermelon, they should also think of our land being cut into pieces, just like this watermelon.Naturally, this is not patriotic at all times and places, and is indisputable.But if I eat watermelon while thinking this way, I am afraid that I will not be able to swallow it down. Even if I swallow it hard, I will inevitably be unable to digest it, and it will gurgle in my stomach for a long time.This is not necessarily because of my neurasthenia after illness.I think, if a watermelon is used as a comparison, after giving a lecture on national humiliation, but immediately eating the watermelon happily and becoming a nourishing person of flesh and blood, this person may be a little numb.No matter what lectures are given to him, they will have no effect.

I've never been a volunteer, so I can't say for sure.But I asked myself: if a soldier eats watermelon, is there a ritual of eating and thinking at the same time?I think: not necessarily.He probably only felt that he was thirsty, wanted to eat, and that it tasted good, but he didn't think of any other good reasons.After eating watermelon, the spirit is refreshed, and the battle is different from when the throat is dry and the tongue is dry. Therefore, eating watermelon is indeed related to fighting the enemy, but it has nothing to do with how Shanghai should think about the strategy set.So weep all day long to eat and drink, and after a while, my appetite loses, and I still resist any enemy.

However, people often like to talk strangely, and even refuse to advocate eating a watermelon in a normal way.In fact, the daily life of a soldier is not all eloquent, but everything is related to the eloquent, and this is the real soldier. August 23rd. CC [1] This article was originally published in the first issue of the first volume of the semi-monthly Shanghai "Zhongliu" on September 5, 1936. [2] "Miscellaneous Talks after Illness" was written on December 11, 1934, and consists of four sections.When the second issue of the fourth volume of the "Literature" monthly magazine (February 1935) was published, the last three sections were deleted by the Kuomintang authorities.Income after the full text.

[3] For "the most central theme", see note [10] on page 540 of this volume. [4] Avon Waldersee (Avon Waldersee, 1832-1904) German, commander-in-chief of the Eight-Power Allied Forces that invaded China during the Boxer Uprising.Sai Jinhua, a prostitute in the late Qing Dynasty.According to the third volume of "Gengxin Jishi" of "Brahma Lu Conglu" written by a close friend Chai E: "Jinhua's original surname is Fu, and her name is Caiyun (from Yun's surname to Zhao, but her real surname is Cao), written by Hong Dian (Jun) The concubine also followed Hong Zhixiyang and became famous for a while, but she still had a scandalous business after returning to the country." "Commander Vaderxi won the famous prostitute Sai Jinhua, and he was very fond of it. He obeyed his advice and secretly became Wa's staff." Jinhua was "conferred the title of Nine Heavens Protecting the Country Empress" in response to Xia Yan's play "Sai Jinhua" and the praise of the play by newspapers and magazines at that time. 〔5〕 "Yuxiang Piaomiaolu" was originally called "The Empress Dowager in the Era of Lafayette", written by De Ling, the imperial family of the Qing Dynasty.Originally in English, it was published in New York, USA in 1933.Qin Shouou translated it into Chinese, and it was serialized in the supplement "Spring and Autumn" of "Shenzhen" in April 1934, and was later printed by the Shenbao Office as a separate edition.

〔6〕 "Dian Dian" and "Shen Bao Spring and Autumn" published columns of short articles.On August 12, 1936, this column published a short article by Yao Mingran, saying: "When the round watermelon was divided up, I thought it would be the same as the division of the world colonies in the future?"