Chapter 6 6

31 My heart, this wild bird, found the sky in your eyes. They are the cradle of dawn, they are the kingdom of the stars. My poems disappear in their depths. Just let me fly high in the sky, soaring in the silent infinite space. Only let me break through its clouds and spread my wings in its sunshine. 32 Tell me if all this is true.Tell me, my lover, if this is true. When those eyes flash with lightning, the cloud in your breast answers with a storm. Are my lips really as sweet as the buds of awakened first love? Does the memory of the vanished May still linger in my limbs? Does the earth, like a harp, tremble into poetry at the touch of my feet?

Then when I come, does the dew really fall from the eyes of the night, and does the morning light really feel happy because it surrounds my body? Is it true, is it true, that your love has sought me through many ages and through many worlds? When at last you found me, did your everlasting longing find complete peace in my tender words, in my eyes lips and flowing hair? So is the mystery of "infinity" really written on my small forehead? Tell me, my love, if all this is true. 33 i love you my love.Please forgive my love. Like a lost bird, I was caught. When my heart trembles, it loses its veil and becomes naked.Cover it with pity.Lover, please forgive my love.

If you cannot love me, love, please forgive my pain. Don't squint at me from afar. I shall steal back to my corner and sit in the dark. I will cover my naked shame with my hands. Turn your back, my love, and forgive my pain. If you love me, love, forgive my joy. Don't laugh at my raging retreat when my heart is swept away by the flood of joy. Forgive my pride, love, and my joy, when I sit on my throne and reign over you with my tyrannical love, when I shower you with grace like a goddess. 34 Don't leave without saying goodbye, I love. I visited all night and now I have sleepiness on my face.

lest I lose you in my sleep. Don't leave without saying goodbye, I love. I started up and stretched out my hands to touch you. I asked myself, "Is this a dream?" If only I could bind your feet with my heart, and hold it close to my breast! Don't leave without saying goodbye, I love. 35 I'm afraid I recognize you too easily, and you play tricks on me. You blinded me with flashes of laughter to cover your tears. I know, I know your tricks. You never say what you have to say. I'm afraid I don't cherish you, so you do everything possible to avoid me. Lest I confuse you with the others and you stand alone.

I know, I know your tricks, you never go the way you want to go. You demand more than anyone else, and therefore you are silent. You evade my gift with playful carelessness. I know, I know your tricks, you never accept what you want to accept. 36 He whispered, "I love, lift up your eyes." I scolded him severely and said, "Go!" But he didn't move. He stood in front of me and took my hands.I said, "Get away from me!" but he didn't go. He put his face close to my ear.I glared at him and said, "Shameless!" But he didn't move. His lips touched my cheek.I trembled and said, "You are so bold!"

But he is not afraid of being ugly. He put a flower in my hair."It's no use either!" I said, but he stood still. He took the wreath from my neck and walked away.I cried and asked my heart, "Why doesn't he come back?" 37 "Would you like to hang your wreath of flowers about my neck, lady?" "But you know, that wreath I made is for all, for those who glimpse it by chance, who live in unexplored lands, who live in the songs of poets." It is too late now to ask for my heart in return. There was a time when my life was like a bud in which all its fragrance was stored.

Now it has spewed far away. Who knows what charms can collect them and close them? My heart does not allow me to give to one, it is to be given to many. 38 I love, once upon a time your poet put into his heart a great epic poem. Oh, I was not careful, it hit your jingle's anklet and caused sorrow. It breaks into poetic fragments and falls at your feet. All the cargo of ancient wars I'm laden with, Tossed by laughing waves, Soaked and sunk by tears. You must make this loss my gain, I love. If all hope of my afterlife immortality is dashed, make me immortal while alive. I will not grieve this loss nor blame you.

39 All morning I tried to make a wreath, but the flowers slipped off. You sat on the sidelines secretly looking at me from the corner of your scouting eyes. Ask the pair of dark mischievous eyes whose fault it is. I want to sing a song, but I can't. A snicker quivered on your lips; you asked it the reason of my failure. Let your smiling lips swear how my voice was lost in silence like a bee drunk in a lotus. It's night, it's time for the petals to close. Allow me to sit by your side and allow my lips to do what they can do in silence and in the twilight of the stars. 40

A skeptical smile flickers in your eyes when I come to say goodbye. I've done this so many times you think I'll be back again soon. To tell you the truth, I had the same doubts in my mind. Because spring comes back every year; the full moon bids farewell and visits again, the flowers come back every year to blush on the branches, and it is likely that I say goodbye to you just to return to your side. But hold on to the illusion for a while, and don't drive it away callously. When I say I'm leaving you forever, accept it as the truth and let the mist of tears temporarily deepen the shadows around your eyes.

When I come again, you can sneer all you want. 41 I want to say to you the deepest words I have to say, but I dare not, lest you laugh. So I laugh at myself and break my secrets in jest. I speak lightly of my pain, lest you should do so. I want to tell you the truest words I want to say, but I dare not, I am afraid you will not believe me. So I falsify the truth and say the opposite of what I really mean. I make ridiculous my pain because I fear you will. I would like to use the most precious terms to describe you, but I dare not, for fear that I will not be rewarded accordingly. Therefore I give you a harsh name and boast of my toughness.

I hurt you because I was afraid you would never know my pain. I long to sit silent by you; but I dare not lest my heart come out to my lips. So I gossiped lightly, hiding my heart behind words. I roughed up my pain because I was afraid you would. I long to walk away from you, but I dare not, lest you see my cowardice. So I casually walked up to you with my head held high. Thrills thrown from your eyes keep my pain forever fresh. 42 Oh, mad, drunkard number one; if you kick your doors open and play mad in public; if you empty your pockets overnight, and snap your fingers at prudence and contempt; if you walk strange paths, and useless things Play; disregard rhythm and reason; if you hoist the sails before the storm, and you snap the rudder in two, then I'll follow you, mate, drunken to perdition. I wasted days and nights among steady and wise neighbors. Too much knowledge has made my hair white, and too much observation has made my eyesight blurred. Over the years I have amassed many scraps; break them, dance on them, and throw them to the wind. Because I know that it is the highest wisdom to get drunk and perish. Let all crooked scruples die, let me be hopelessly lost. Let a whirlwind blow and carry me away with the anchor. Noble people live in the world, working people, useful and intelligent. Some people walked ahead calmly, while others walked solemnly behind. Let them be happy and prosperous, let me be foolishly useless. For I know that getting drunk and falling to death is the end of all works. At this moment, I swear to give up all my demands to the gentleman. I throw away the pride of my learning and my judgment of right and wrong. I smashed the bottle of memory and swayed the last tears. I bathe in the foam of burgundy and make my laughter radiate. I'm tearing apart the signs of gentleness and earnestness for now. I'll swear to be a worthless man, get drunk and perish. 43 No, my friend, I will never be an ascetic, call it what you will. I shall never be an ascetic if she is not ordained with me. It is my firm resolve that, unless I find a shady abode and a penitent companion, I shall never become an ascetic. Nay, my friend, I shall never leave my fire and home to retire deep into the woods; if there were no laughter echoed in the shadows; Deepened by soft whispers. I will never be an ascetic. 44 Dear elder, forgive this pair of sinners. Today the spring breeze blew wildly and swirled, sweeping away the dust and dead leaves, and your homework was thrown away along with it. Master, don't say that life is empty. For we made a pact with death, and for a sweet moment we both became immortal. Even if the king's army came ferociously in pursuit, we would shake our heads mournfully and say, Brethren, you have disturbed us.If you must do this rowdy game, tap your weapons elsewhere.For we have just become immortal in this fleeting moment of time. If kind people come and surround us, we shall bow respectfully to them and say that the honor shames us. In the infinite sky we inhabit, there is not much room.For in the spring when the flowers are in full bloom, the busy wings of the bees jostle each other.The little paradise where only us two immortals live is ridiculously small. 45 For those guests who must leave, ask God to help them go quickly and sweep away all their footprints. Hold the comfortable, simple, close smile together in your arms. Today is the holiday of the Phantoms, who do not know when they will die. Let your laughter be but meaningless joy, like the sparkle on the surf. Let your life dance gently on the edge of time like dew on the tip of a leaf. Play upon the strings of your harpsichords an indeterminate, momentary note.