Chapter 46 Kindness and Beauty

Kindness and Beauty What should a wife do when her husband is having an affair?My grandmother said to me: "When your grandfather married an opera singer, I was so angry that I trembled all over my body when I heard it. But I didn't dare to show it, lest I would be jealous if people laughed at me. It is serious for a man to have three wives and four concubines. , Later I figured it out myself, and I simply persuaded your grandfather to marry her in, and I ended up being praised as a virtuous man. What can I do if the man changes his mind? ." This is the theory of grandma's time, and of course it is unreasonable for us to hear it today.First, how can a man be serious if he has three wives and four concubines?Second, jealousy is normal, why are you afraid of being laughed at?Conversely, persuading a husband to take a concubine is considered virtuous, and this kind of inhuman moral concept is unacceptable.Third, the man is about to change his mind; is there no way to get it back?Can chanting Buddha's name and cultivating the afterlife comfort one's lonely soul?

My mother is a graduate of a women's normal school. She doesn't believe in reciting Buddha's name, and insists that she must have no children until she is 40, and she is not allowed to take concubines.Although my father doesn't take concubines, he plays, whores, concubines, and all kinds of tricks are still emerging endlessly.My mother became discouraged and simply left him alone. She served her in-laws, taught her children, and continued to fulfill her vocation as a good wife and mother.She never mentioned her father's affair, and her father knew he was wrong, so of course he didn't dare to mention it to her.The couple have always treated each other with respect.However, I saw her lose weight day by day, her voice became softer, she was more careful with her grandparents, and treated us with more love.Once I woke up suddenly in the middle of the night, I felt wet on my cheeks, and when I opened my eyes, she was crying against me.There was a panic in my heart, and I also cried with her inexplicably.With tears in her eyes, she said to me: "Since your father changed his mind, I have suffered enough! However, I can't be as virtuous as your grandma, and let that bitch step in the door, isn't it afraid that she will climb on top of me? Fortunately, I have sons and daughters, even if your father never looks back, I can still watch over your sisters and brothers to live. A wife is always a wife. Could it be that he kicked me out of the gate just because of his concubine?"

After this exciting evening, she continued to be silent again.For the next three days, she avoided my eyes from time to time, as if she hated telling me such things.Her attitude towards her father was still respectful and caring, but she was so reserved that no one dared to speak to her. Therefore, the father separated the boundaries between the wife and the lover: the wife is the housekeeper, the one who raises the children, and deals with parents and relatives; the lover is the one who entertains, comforts himself, and only shows up among friends.He can love both sides, the lover is ordinary opposite-sex love, and the wife is close to brother-sister love, friend love, very natural, but not passionate.

Such workarounds are extremely difficult for new women to tolerate.First, they believe that the love between husband and wife must be dedicated and eternal.Second, they think raising children is too worthless and a disappointment to what they have learned. They already disdain it when the couple are in love. Once the husband has an affair, they are even less willing to bear the cross alone.Third, most of them think that after their husbands change their minds, their only comfort is to find another lover or work hard. When my eldest sister heard that her husband who was free and successful in love was also having an affair, she couldn't help being furious: "He dares to be so inhumane, huh, I'm not as easy to bully as my grandmother and mother! Tomorrow I will shoot him to death and fight Pay him with your own life, see if he still dares to play with women?" Said, without waiting to buy a pistol tomorrow, ran to argue with him angrily.His theory is brand new, he said that love comes naturally.The eldest sister came back from a broken relationship, and immediately changed her mind: "Hmph, whoever tells you that love is not love, what is the value of a man like you? I can't fight you if you don't love me. If you don't love me, I won't love you." Do you love me? In this way, it would be better for everyone to simply get divorced. Even if I don’t marry for the rest of my life, I can still work hard! But my child, how inconvenient it is to do things with a child..."

As a result, the children were all brought up by the husband's parents, and the elder sister and her brother-in-law divorced.After the divorce, the eldest sister made a lot of beautiful boyfriends in search of excitement.But she still feels lonely at times and misses her children constantly.She may also miss her ex-husband a little bit. Although she didn't tell me, shortly after I met her, she broke up all her boyfriends for no reason, claiming that she would always be celibate and devote her life to education.Her educational career is to be a grade-level teacher in a compulsory elementary school. The children are dirty and naughty.Moreover, there were also opinions among colleagues, who secretly called her an orphan and had a black whirlwind temper.She was angry and heartbroken, and within half a year, she was discouraged and educated. At the same time, she heard that her ex-husband also had a falling out with an affair, so she had the intention of reuniting after a broken mirror.

Why didn't she fight for it sooner?When the husband has an affair, the wife should fight for it. There is a story in Liaozhai Zhiyi, that Heng Niang saw that the wife next door was beautiful and could not favor her husband (her husband was in love with an ordinary maid at the time); knowing the crux, she volunteered to be her adviser and decided To help her get her husband back.She told the lady: "Although she is beautiful, she is not flattering; if she is charming, she can win Xizi's favor, how can she be human?" So the lady practiced her facial expressions in front of the mirror every day, and learned a whole set of skills of being charming.After finishing this training, Heng Niang taught her another trick of playing hard to get: first stop making noise, try to put on a generous appearance, and let her husband and concubine enjoy themselves to their heart's content.On the one hand, he unloaded all the decorations.The disheveled bowing of the well mortar made her husband believe in her virtuousness.When the time was right, on a certain night Heng Niang helped her get dressed, and Tingting came out gracefully to persuade her husband to drink.At that time, her husband was tired of playing with the maid too, and he was startled, and after drinking, he would repeat the courtship comedy, feeling like a bride, and Heng Niang made a great contribution here.

I don't care what Heng Niang's policy is good or bad, but his active fighting spirit is admirable.Because the purpose of marriage is to protect children, not to protect love.Love cannot be guaranteed by marriage. It is a mixture of sexual instinct and beauty fantasy. It is the most difficult thing to make it lasting and specific.On the contrary, marriage often leads to the collapse of love, because after marriage, housework such as oil, salt, firewood, rice, etc. are all illusions that destroy beauty, and sexual instincts lose their attraction because they are easy to satisfy. Therefore, some people say that marriage is the grave of love.However.It is the beginning of the parents' life, which is absolutely true: a child from conception to birth, from breastfeeding, holding to growing up, how much energy does it take to be a mother?How many days?If there is no father who helps her materially, encourages her spiritually, and shares the responsibility of nurturing with her, how many children will die young, or even never be born at all.Therefore, I think that monogamous marriage provides great protection for children. Before public child care or other better methods are implemented, this kind of marriage system needs to be maintained. Women generally love children more than men. Therefore, for the maintenance of monogamy, we should go all out.If the husband is having an affair, fighting is the only reasonable way for the wife to safeguard the happiness of the children.

Winning a husband, however, is by no means an easy task: methods such as Heng Niang's seem to place too much emphasis on sexual seduction, so that wives should be trained on the same level as prostitutes.A woman also has her own work, responsibilities and hobbies, how can she do beauty research in front of the mirror all day long?What's more, when it comes to beauty, one has to take care of both body and mind. The ancients called a slender lady, and a gentleman is fond of beauty. If you blindly pay attention to painting and makeup, you are in danger of becoming a plaything for a fool.Even if you have to use this method for the time being during the struggle, then you should also follow the reverse and follow the law later on, Mrs. Gui is the right way, otherwise the lust of a man is unlimited. If you want to win the world right away, how can you keep it right away?

I think people in the world have this kind of paranoid conception, thinking that if a husband has an affair, he must be seductive and willing to be obscene, so if a wife wants to get it back, she must start from this point.That's not always the case.In the past Su Ruolan was abandoned by her husband, and she wrote some very good palindrome poems to touch him, even Empress Wu was very upset about it.It can be seen from this that winning a husband does not rely solely on flattery, and a woman who blindly wants to use flattery to win back her husband is either underestimating her husband or herself.

I think there are three necessary tools to win a husband, namely: true feelings, kindness, and finally beauty.