Chapter 15 On Marriage and Others

On Marriage and Others (The magazine asked Zhang Ailing to talk to me about women's careers and marriage. In fact, we have talked several times. Because there were reporters present, I felt a little restrained. On the way back, I thought carefully about what I said just now , I feel that the meaning is still unfinished, so it is necessary to repeat the discussion.) Marriage should be rationalized.All man-made is to make up for the insufficiency of nature, and marriage is also a human relationship, so it must meet the requirements of nature. Sex is one of the natural requirements of human beings, also known as instinct.The young man who has sex with a woman feels so happy that he wants to go on forever, which is the number one reason for a marriage relationship.Secondly, children are born as a natural result. Mothers love their children instinctively. Because breastfeeding and taking care of them will inevitably affect other work, so it is necessary to establish a so-called marriage relationship so that they can legally live a life of division of labor and cooperation. This is the second reason. .I think that's about the usefulness of marriage.

Unfortunately, however, fraud occurred.Because men hold the economic power in their hands, they become self-respecting, thinking that you all depend on me for a living, and everything is up to me.Because women are reluctant to bear children, they have to give in everywhere, and they get used to yielding over time. This world has finally become a man's world. Natural inequality is really helpless. Men share this cheap job because of their biological relationship. Besides being proud, they want to go further and let machines replace labor. This will cause the problem of excessive disparity between the rich and the poor. .The poor cannot support themselves, let alone their wives and children, and since then he has lost his position of authority in the family.Women cannot let themselves and their children starve to death, so they have to take on double responsibilities and seek trouble in society.The capitalists hired them for cheap.Thoughtful people feel that they really deserve the same treatment as men, and that it is too wronged for them to be limited to domestic work.Then the European War started again, and the men were busy fighting, leaving many of the daily tasks to the women, and the results did not seem to be too bad.As a result, women themselves became proud, and there were endless calls for equality and independence.They feel that they are really the same people as men and should do the same things.

This can first embarrass the problem of raising children. In fact, it would be great if human beings could be like animals. Birth and rearing would be easy. Females and males would be quite equal and lead the same life.However, females have to work harder during pregnancy and breastfeeding, and birds incubate their eggs. After all, males take advantage of it. Only insects, because the reproductive work is too convenient, can be said to be absolutely equal—humans cannot be like this. Raising children is hard work and takes too long without help.In the past, although men were more authoritarian, they were willing to take responsibility for the family after all. Although women were wronged, it was fine.Moreover, after being suppressed for a long time, it will also produce a kind of happiness of being protected. It is happiness to have a master in this body. The strong should be strong, and the soft should be soft.This phenomenon can be found in sexual relations. It is very boring if men and women are equally brave.Even birds and beasts have males chasing females, and it is rare to see difficult ones offering themselves everywhere.There are examples of the combination of hardness and softness everywhere in the world. For example, when a man and a woman are together, the boy is called soft, and when the mother is with the child, the mother is hard and the child is soft. There is always a difference between rigidity and softness, which is the so-called harmony of yin and yang.That's why I say that the career I fear the most is queen, that is, I will occupy the supremacy as a female, and I will never get this natural, traditional, protected or suppressed happiness from now on.

Women are not people like men, they are women.There is a natural inequality between men and women, that is, production is.If we want to achieve real equality between men and women, we must ease women's work to compensate for the pain they have suffered in childbirth.If she is more responsible for raising children, all other tasks should be reduced or completely eliminated, so that people can make up for the deficiencies of nature, which is the original intention of marriage.Marriage is a guarantee for people, and it also stipulates the obligations of both parties; it is not so much beneficial to men as it is more beneficial to women and children.

Therefore, it is a disadvantage for a woman to say that she wants to do the same thing as a man, unless she first relieves herself of the responsibility of raising children. The women's movement is a legal and reasonable request for women to reduce work, not to ask for more work, or to work with men. same job.But there is no guarantee to hide at home, the economic system is not perfect, the law is not complete, and people have too many free and new ideas.I watched the movie "Modern Couple" yesterday, and I saw a couple arguing with each other, neither giving in nor winning, and at first it seemed that the woman had the upper hand; He said sternly, "If you don't agree, get out!" The woman couldn't answer, so she cried bitterly, because this house belonged to him, and he paid for it to maintain, so you can't tell him to get out.

When women lose their security, they don't feel like forever, so they have to make up their minds early, so they say they want to be financially independent.But making money will inevitably hurt children, so many countries promote nursery schools.This kind of career is rare in China, so the foundation of a professional woman has to be built on the maid. Without a reliable maid to rely on, she is determined not to be a professional, otherwise the family will be messed up. I am not opposed to women's careers, because it is an inevitable trend. When the economy is difficult and the mind is liberated, who can keep them at home?It is a pity that in the present transitional era, working women are shouldering double responsibilities and enduring double pain.There are many outstanding members who are unmarried, because they still want to be protected in the traditional concept, so men who are poorer or lower than her are unwilling to marry, and men with status and money do not like them. Professional women, they would rather find someone who is dedicated and makes a career out of it, no matter if she is a prostitute or sells herself to be a wife. ——Of course, professional women can also be prostitutes or be wives, but there is a problem at the first time. When the two jobs conflict, it is inevitable that they will not be able to do it at the same time.

That's why I said that there are women who are professionally married or prostituted, and ordinary professional women are bound to suffer in terms of marriage or love.Men's career success is directly proportional to love and marriage success, while women's is inversely proportional.Therefore, the average woman has no choice but to use her career as a way to fill in the gaps in her life: when she has no husband, she will start her career first, then quit after marrying her husband, and then repeat the old tune when her husband unfortunately abandons her. A job with them to do? As far as the present situation is concerned, women's marriage and career are often in conflict.Should we give up marriage because of our career?Or sacrifice career for marriage?Or try to keep both in parallel without stopping?

I think that in an ideal world, everyone can get something for nothing until his needs are met.People's needs are different. If you want to eat one bowl of rice, give him one bowl, and if you want to eat two bowls, give him two bowls. No.Those who are at a loss have too few supplies in the world to satisfy everyone, so they either compete with each other by ability or rob them by force.After having obtained it, greed grows stronger, and what is beyond what is needed will not be given to those who are not enough, so the world is in chaos.A fairer approach is to each do his best and take what he needs, which seems reasonable in theory.But there are also those who have little power but need a lot. If you follow him, it seems to make others dissatisfied.But this kind of free competition, allowing the superior to win and the inferior to lose, always feels cruel to me. Otherwise, why would the physically weak with lung disease give him milk?If it is necessary to have a job, it is advisable to do what everyone likes and do what they can, and the lighter the job, the better, and the higher the reward, the better.

If a woman needs to work, she has the right to choose raising boys and raising children as her career.If it is not enough, on the principle of not harming her adopted boys and girls, the work will be light and the salary will not be reduced.Remuneration for raising sons and daughters should be paid by the state so that they are not dependent on men.If Wenwen gave birth to a child but did not want to raise it, the state would hire someone to take care of her, and let her be free to engage in other jobs.If she does not even want to give birth, she should do whatever work she can, just like a man.

At this time, the married woman is just a dispensable relationship, which is up to everyone's free will, and does not necessarily have legal effect.Men can be responsible or not responsible for their children. I always suspect that it is unnatural to place too much emphasis on the relationship between father and son.Although it is also a human feeling that a man loves a woman and pushes his love to the children born to him, most of them are always caused by customary concepts.Some people say that women love their ex-husbands and men love their second wives. This is only enough to prove that men value sex while women value children.

The above is the ideal, and we have to talk about the current facts below. Professional women in the general intellectual class do not need to suffer because of marriage problems. You must know that you are already self-reliant, and you don't need to mind whether you have a man to protect you or not.If you meet someone you like, you will naturally get married; otherwise, why not talk about sex and marriage separately.As for children, those who are timid use contraception, and those who are brave might as well admit illegitimate children and raise and educate them. Women who are dissatisfied with their marriage can think carefully about it. If you can accommodate, it is better to stay still than to move. If you can't bear it, you might as well be brave. Don't think it's a pity that I don't have the ability. There is no need to make unnecessary sacrifices for children. I said above that women should be given the privilege of raising children for the sake of women. Children themselves need reasonable raising methods more than mothers' love.Aifang has no sense of proportion, and is often enough to harm her.Don't think that changing your husband means losing your child's dignity. It's easy for a woman to be chaste. Most of our grandmothers and mothers came to China to guard their bodies like jade, but we don't feel very dignified because of this.There are also many ancient people who were illegitimate children or oil bottles, and later generations seem to have never looked down on them because of this.I think stepfathers are always less cruel than stepmothers, because children are always directly related to women, and men can't control these things. If the marriage system cannot be abolished resolutely at present, then I hope it can be more free, and everything can be agreed by the parties themselves, and it is good not to live together frequently.It is often difficult for a woman and a man to have a harmonious relationship other than sex.The big family might as well be matriarchal. The mother, daughter, and granddaughter live in a three-story house together, and there will never be a half-spoken voice.A boy may as well be taken by his mother when he is young, and he may live alone or with his wife when he grows up. There is absolutely no room for accommodation in polygamy or polyandry. As long as the parties have sex, the law has expressly stipulated that the crimes such as good and bad should be notified.I really hate the widows in Ningbo who pry into their private affairs all day long, saying that the elder brother of the Zhang family beat his wife yesterday for some unknown reason?Maybe he was a little bit interested in the matchmaking with himself. I saw Cuigu smile at him yesterday on the glass window with Cai Xiaofang, so he came back in a hurry and asked his wife to go out to buy side dishes in the morning. It's been so long, could it be that the fishmonger is hooking up with her... Anyway, these are all personal matters, let others mind their own business. Marriage is meant to complete the fulfillment of the sexual relationship. If it is only used for restriction and restraint, thinking that it is the golden hoop of love, all kinds of abuses will naturally occur.