Chapter 42 chasing dreams

my life experience I am a person who likes to dream, especially childhood dreams; but my childhood dreams are not gorgeous.From the day I can remember, for at least five or six years, all I saw every day were loess roofs, loess walls, loess streets, in short, a piece of yellow.Only when I think of spring, do I see one or two reddish clouds in my memory: these are the flowers of the apricot tree in my yard.But it's just such a piece or two, and even I feel a little bit shabby. When I was 6 years old, I went to the city by myself.The exact time has been forgotten, but it seems that he entered elementary school not long ago.The school site is close to the city wall of the outer city; it is very wide, with many trees, rockery and pavilions, and a large pool.In spring, hibiscus blooms all over the campus; when the hibiscus fades, peonies and peonies come again.There is a very tall tree near the cave. I still don't know its name until now, and I don't seem to have seen it anywhere else.In summer, the tree is full of golden beans, which are very beautiful when they are drooping.A few times at dusk, I went there alone to catch dragonflies. The vast twilight floated over the pool, and the wings of bats flew in the air.I just felt that it only took a moment, and then I looked at the water surface, and there were already shadows of stars shining dimly.Of course, all of this is not like the previous piece of yellow, which once embellished the life at that time very colorfully.

But now when I think of the beautiful campus, the first thing that comes to mind is not these things, but a very low and dark hut.I'm afraid there was also a wooden sign nailed to the outside of the door, with the name of the house written on it, but I didn't notice it.Let me call it the library for now.Every afternoon after class, I would run there.Strange to say, what I associate with this hut in my memory is always a sunny and sunny weather, most of which are in spring, and hibiscus flowers or something are probably blooming outside, but the temptation of this hut The power is greater than the spring world outside.

I have now forgotten what I was reading in that hut.I just remember that the covers are very beautiful, and the illustrations inside are also very colorful. In short, it is just a world-class thing for children that was popular at that time.Later I learned that some people, of course the so-called scholars and experts, were dissatisfied with these things.Even if I let myself see it now, I may not think it is completely satisfactory.But at the time, these things gave me some comfort.They inspired my childish fantasies at the time, and brought me to soar in the world of animals, plants, moons and rainbows.More than once, in my fantasy, I saw angels with golden wings flying in a ball of golden light.Finally, I seemed to join in it, until I forgot who was an angel and who was me.These angels have always accompanied me in my dreams.

Who hasn't experienced it from childhood?As long as you die before you are born, you have to go through childhood.No matter whether he becomes a dragon or a snake in the future, he becomes a dignitary of the country, a celebrity or a scholar, or a charioteer; but when he was a child, he was always a child, just like all other children.He has a request for a small child.However, this requirement cannot be fulfilled in all likelihood, because his parents have a requirement for him as an adult.As for his disappointment and sorrowful psychology at that time, I am afraid that only he understands it.But, poor people!Human beings are always forgetful.For this sad psychology, even he himself gradually became blurred, and finally he forgot even a trace.When he was promoted from a child to an adult, he forgot that he was a child, and he had the requirements of his parents for him as a child.Since the existence of human beings, this tragedy has been played out from generation to generation, and it has been played on me, and I am no exception.

I'm really no exception: I've had grown-up demands on my kids, too.Since leaving that small school, I have grown up gradually.There was a time when I just felt that children were a little mysterious and extremely strange animals.Sometimes they don't make sense at all (don't forget, this is just the so-called reasoning of us adults), especially when children read fairy tales and fables, I feel bored.What can be learned from those chickens, ducks, dogs and cats?I don't even remember the little library.Later, I read in an ancient Western book that "children are all devils". At that time, I felt that I really "got my heart first", and I was very happy.As if I've never been like this, no, I almost feel like I've never been a child.From birth, he "sees no evil, hears no evil", and gradually becomes a "senior" teenager.Until now, more than ten years later, I have become such a person who always feels unsatisfied in my heart.During this period, I passed through middle school, passed through university, and then came to a foreign country, where I lived lonely in this small town for 6 years.It seems that it only took a moment, but I am already 30 years old.

In the last two years, I went to a professor's house almost every week to talk and kill the night.He has two boys, two lively angels.The little one can speak just now, but he can already play a lot of tricks to be naughty.The older one is 5 years old and has not yet entered elementary school, but he can already read books.I have taught him many Chinese characters, and he has shown an amazing memory in this respect.I'm happy and he's proud of himself.So I became his good friend.Every night before going to bed, his mother read him fairy tales.When I watched him stare wide-eyed and watched his mother's mouth move, there was a childish brilliance in his eyes, and I couldn't help being fascinated.He refused to go to sleep every time, and sat still on the sofa. His mother promised him to read more tomorrow night, and then reluctantly jumped off the sofa and walked to the dormitory.In his childish fantasies, I know that he must have also seen the kingdom of the moon and the kingdom of the rainbow; he saw the angel with golden wings, this happy child!

Perhaps it is for this reason that I have been dreaming about the elementary school that I have never dreamed about for several nights, which seems to have disappeared from my memory.I dream of hibiscus flowers, of peonies and peonies, of golden-yellow beans drooping in abundance.Although I never once saw the small library in my dreams; but when I woke up and lay down on the pillow to search for the scene in my dream, it was the first thing I thought of.I know I was a kid too, and I know kids have kids needs.Although my childhood was not gorgeous, I had a childhood after all; moreover, this dark hut and those colorful little booklets once painted a rainbow on my gray childhood.That's enough for me.Born in China at that time, what more could I ask for?

But sometimes things happen by coincidence, and at this time, Xiyuan and Huwen brought Wenwen to visit me in this small town.Huwen used to mention in his letters that they decided to engage in children's education.Now that we have met, he will bring me a specific plan.It was raining those two days, and we sat in the dining room of the hotel talking.The room was dark, with a cloud of smoke floating everywhere.Outside the window, I could only see strands of rain pulling down from the gray sky.I myself seem to go to a fairy tale country.Although Huwen was sitting close to me, his voice seemed to float from somewhere far away, and every sound dripped into the depths of my Lingfu, which contained mysterious power.At first I was aware of myself, but finally I forgot everything about myself, and there was only this little nameless joy in my heart.Occasionally when I looked up, I seemed to be absent-minded and saw the pearl-like raindrops blowing on the glass windows, shining brightly.I was so happy at the time, I simply felt that this career is the most sacred thing.After they had gone, I wrote them a letter saying: "I have counted these two days among the happiest days of my life." They must know what I mean, but they may think of other things. Go on one hand.Friendship certainly brings me happiness, but their ideals bring me even greater happiness.

At that time, I promised Huwen that I would also help a little.But it was just an impulsive statement.What can I do, even myself is a bit slim.I have studied linguistics here for 6 years, I have read "Rig Veda" written more than 1,000 years ago, I have read "Mahabharata", one of the longest epic poems in the world, and I have read Baba of the Southern School of Buddhism. Liwen classics, through the Arabic "Koran" in the middle, until Pushkin and Gorky in Russia.But I haven't read a single piece of children's literature.However, India, the main research object of his own, is an unparalleled country of fables and fairy tales in the world.Some scholars simply believe that India is the source of all fables and fairy tales in the world.So after much deliberation, I decided to choose the most interesting stories in the Pali "Jataka" (jtaka) and the Sanskrit "Five Scrolls", add a little fantasy of my own, and write them in Chinese. Show it to Chinese kids.So I don't translate directly, because the style of the original text is very weird.And when I think of my experience in reading Chinese translation, I have a headache, and I don't want to let the children suffer unnecessary suffering.

But I don't have any great ambitions, my wishes are very simple and simple.In my nearly twenty years of inexplicable life, I once forgot that I was a child; I also acted out tragedies that have been performed for thousands of years in a short period of time!And finally found myself again: it was a great relief to me.At the same time, the old friend wants to work hard in this area, so he should also give a shout out for his help.Now I dedicate this little book to Xiyuan and Huwen. At the same time, I also want to dedicate the very low and dark library in my school-I have received its favor, but there is a period that I have forgotten- deeply engraved in memory.If there are children like me who only had an unglamorous childhood who read it, and thus can paint even a tiny rainbow in their childhood life, I will finally be worthy of the children, and I will also be worthy of myself.

December 15, 1941 in Göttingen, Germany (This article is the preface to the book "Indian Fables")