Chapter 8 The second person in desertion

The political situation was very tense at this time.Chiang Kai-shek is desperately trying to "settle down the interior", and the Japanese army has weakened Gubeikou, making waves in the northeast, let alone. After "September 18th", I also participated in the hunger strike of Tsinghua students lying on the tracks, and went to Nanjing to petition, demanding that Chiang Kai-shek send troops to resist Japan.We were full of enthusiasm, but we were teased by Chiang Kai-shek who was full of lies, and we returned home in defeat. The beautiful and quiet Tsinghua Garden is not quiet either.The struggle between the students of the Kuomintang and the Communist Party was fierce.At this time, Comrade Hu Qiaomu (formerly known as Hu Dingxin) was studying in the Department of History and was in the same class as me.He is carrying out revolutionary activities, but he is actually not very concealed.Every morning, the leaflets stuffed into our washbasins are from his hands.This is an open secret, and everyone knows it.He once sat on my bed late at night and persuaded me to join their organization.I was timid and afraid of getting into trouble, so I didn't dare to promise.He only agreed to go to the night school for workers' children hosted by him.

The struggle between the two factions of the Student China and the Communist Party is fierce, and I don't know the details.I'm a left-of-centre peripatetic, and I don't get involved, and I'm not interested in getting involved in this kind of struggle.However, according to my observation, the students of the two factions also have joint actions, such as going to the villages in Shahe and Qinghe to promote the resistance against Japan to the peasants.I have participated a few times, and it seems that students who are inclined to the Kuomintang also participated in the memory.The reason is probably that although Chiang Kai-shek did not fight against Japan, young students are still more patriotic.Among Chinese intellectuals, the tradition of patriotism has a long history and is deeply rooted.

In the past few years, our family's financial situation has been quite bad.Every year when I go home during the winter and summer vacations, and when I return to school, I take great pains to raise tuition and board expenses.Tsinghua is a national university, and the cost is not much.A tuition fee of 40 yuan is charged per semester; but this is just a formality. The school will return the full amount of the tuition fee to the students upon graduation for use in graduation trips.There is no dormitory fee, and the board fee is six yuan a month, and there is meat in every meal.Even so, I can't afford it.In Qingping County, my hometown, I am probably the only national college student, who treats me as a "county treasure" and gives me an annual allowance of 50 yuan.In addition, I can write some articles and get some manuscript fees, which can greatly reduce the burden on the family.In this way, I spent four years in rather limited circumstances, graduated, and put on a rented bachelor's cap for a photo, and ended my college life.

At that time, there was a popular word called "the problem of rice bowls", and there was also a popular saying that "you will be unemployed after graduation".Except for a very small number of children of high-ranking officials and wealthy businessmen, everyone will encounter this life-threatening problem.I've struggled with this since third grade.I was faced with the burden of bearing the main financial burden of my family.However, I have no skills in playing and playing, and I have nowhere to go.In the dead of night, it seemed like a pot was boiling in my head.However, the result was helpless.

It was almost the summer of 1934, and I was about to leave school.It’s like rain in a year of severe drought. The principal of my alma mater, Jinan Provincial High School, Mr. Song Huanwu, asked someone to invite me to his alma mater as a Chinese teacher.The monthly salary is one hundred and sixty yuan, which is double that of a university teaching assistant.Probably because I published some articles, I was considered a writer, and writers must be able to teach Chinese, this was the logic at the time.I was really flattered by this move, but my heart opened up: I am a student of Western literature, can I be a high school Chinese language teacher? What's more, my predecessor was "framed" by students (a term used by students at the time, meaning "to drive away") ”), which shows that students are not easy to deal with.I am undoubtedly asking for trouble, asking for trouble, it is tantamount to jumping into a pit of fire.I thought about it left and right, and finally hesitated and dared not answer.However, time is not forgiving.The summer vacation is just around the corner, and leaving school is a foregone conclusion. Finally, I gritted my teeth and made up my mind: "If you have the courage to ask, I will have the courage to undertake it!"

So in the fall of 1934, I became a Chinese teacher in a high school.The principal treats me well, and the relationship with the students is quite harmonious.But the Chinese teacher who was traveling with me had the intention of running on me.The school has three grades, twelve classes, and four Chinese teachers, each of whom teaches three classes.Here came the problem: the other three teachers were much older than me, and one of them was from my teacher's generation, all of whom had a background in majors.But each of them teaches three classes in one grade, and there is only one head for lesson preparation.I teach the remaining class of the third grade, and there are three heads in lesson preparation. The difficulty and inner awkwardness are obvious.So in this year, although my income was good (the purchasing power of 160 yuan is about the same as today's 3,200 yuan), my mood was depressed.The study abroad in front of me disappeared without a trace, and the job in my hand seemed to be flying away.This kind of mood is really not humane.

But luck (if any) is on my side.When I was desperate, my alma mater, Tsinghua University, signed a contract with the German Academic Exchange Office to exchange students. I was so overjoyed that I immediately wrote a letter and signed up, and I was admitted.This is different from the mood of being admitted to the university's gold list, and it's not a feeling in my heart.Years of worries are swept away, and a lifetime of happiness is finalized.It seems that the golden rice bowl is already in your hands.Once you are gilded on your body, you will be able to go both ways, and you will have nowhere to go.Everything I look at now has a rosy sheen.

However, people cannot be divorced from reality.My reality at the time was: relatives to the elderly, poor family, and children, and I came to the biggest fork in my life.Where to go? Difficult to decide.This fork in the road, for me, is really of great significance.If you don't move forward, you will be destined to be a middle school teacher for a lifetime, and you may not always be able to hold the job in your hands; if you move forward, you will be in another realm. "Peach blossoms before the horse, snow after the horse, how dare people turn back?" After painful ideological conflicts and careful family negotiations, it was decided to move forward.Fortunately, the original time limit was only two years, so I came over after gritting my teeth.

So I left home in the summer of 1935, went to Peiping and Tianjin to complete the formalities for going abroad, took the Siberian train, passed through the Soviet Union, and arrived in Berlin.My own mood is: the second person who casts thousands of miles away. During this period from university to teaching to going abroad, what I see in my mind mirror is: Chiang Kai-shek’s rampant anti-communism, the Japanese army’s brutal invasion, the current situation is turbulent, and the students are polarized. Such a very complicated and contradictory image .