Written in 1992, why is it only published in 1998 after six years.It's kind of against the norm for writing a book.Readers will suspect that there must be a saying in it. The reader's suspicion is right, there is indeed a statement in it, and this statement is not mysterious, it is just a little selfishness of "using the heart of a villain to measure the belly of a gentleman".I have already been stepped on by a "revolutionary" teenager—in fact, not necessarily all young—and I will never be able to stand up again.Is it possible to be extremely peaceful, the world is righteous, once the catastrophe is over, I not only stand up, but also flourish, and the "official" fortune is prosperous, which makes some young generals who beat me up and tortured me tremble with fear.If I really want to take revenge, I will have a thousand methods, and I will be able to take revenge without any effort.

But I didn't do that. I didn't hit anyone, take revenge, wear small shoes, or play big sticks.Am I a great magnanimous gentleman?No, no, absolutely not.I have love, hate, jealousy, revenge, and my tolerance is no higher than anyone else.However, as soon as I thought of revenge, I immediately thought that under the circumstances and atmosphere at that time, everyone, no matter which hilltop or faction he belonged to, would become alienated into inhumans as if he had drunk the soup of ecstasy.Now people sometimes call people "animals". I think this is a slander for animals.A beast eats people because it is hungry.It will not lie, it will not play tricks, and it will never talk about the principle of cannibalism first, citing extensively and eloquently, and then opening its mouth to eat people.But people are not.The so-called "non-human" here definitely does not refer to animals, I just call him "non-human".I myself believed in the correctness of the "Cultural Revolution" when I was beaten to the point that "one Buddha was born, and two Buddhas ascended to heaven". How dare I ask others for it?The beater and the beaten are both victims, but they are in different positions.It was because of these thoughts that I refrained from retaliation.

However, this is only the high-sounding side, which is not everything, and my selfish side. People who are familiar with the "Ten Years of Catastrophe" know that when the war was fought, all schools, institutions, factories, enterprises, and even some troops were divided into two opposing factions, and each faction was "only I left". ", "I am the only one".Now it seems that the two factions are fighting, smashing, robbing, even murdering and setting fire, they are all the same, and no one is better than the other.It is meaningless to discuss or debate who is right now.But at that time, there was something called "partisan nature", which was intangible, invisible, groundless, and unreasonable, but it was vicious, vicious, and utterly devoid of reason.If anyone is caught by it, it is like being caught by an evil spirit. If a family that was originally loving and harmonious is unfortunately divided into two factions, there will be cases where the couple divorces, and the father and son turn against each other. Wall", quarreling at home every day.I have been studying for seven or eighty years, and I have never found this kind of psychological condition in ancient and modern Chinese and foreign books. It is really worthy of serious investigation by sociologists and psychologists.

I am no exception.My partisanship is not insignificant.However, I personally think that my faction is hard-won, and I bought it by risking my life.At the beginning of the movement, as the leader of a line, I was not qualified to participate in the revolution with the "revolutionary masses". "Revolution is innocent, and rebellion is justified." This voice resounded throughout China, but it had no positive relationship with me. At first, I was in the position of being the target of "revolution" and "rebellion".However, before liberation, I hated politics the most and had no connection with the Kuomintang.No big crime can be placed on my head.Being labeled as a "capitalist roader" and a "reactionary bourgeois academic authority" is justified and inevitable.Once these two gusts of wind passed, I regained my original shape, became a free citizen, and could blend in with the revolutionary masses.

If I had kept to myself and played my cards right, I could have been a happy-go-lucky peripatetic for a few years.However, luckily?Unlucky?God has endowed me with strength, and I dare to speak out.If there is anything worthy of praise in me, it is this stubbornness.No matter how many problems I have in my body, it is quite worth masturbating to have this bit of stubbornness, and my life is not in vain.I was in Xiaoyao, watching with cold eyes, and the more I watched, the more I felt that the hot "Lafayette" of Peking University was perverse, in charge of the school's financial power, frantically suppressing the weak opposition faction, even cutting off water and electricity, and conniving at his subordinates to assassinate with spears Secondary school students from outside the school.It is tolerable, what is unbearable!I don't really understand this line or that line, but as soon as Niu Jin made a move, he took the case and resolutely joined the "revolutionary organization" that was the opposite of "Lafayette". "Lafayette" is famous for his cruelty.I almost lost my old life.There are descriptions in the detailed book, so I won't repeat them here.

If I don't join a faction, it's fine. Once I join, the faction will be like a big poisonous snake, entangle me tightly, and lose my rationality in speaking and acting.After the ten-year catastrophe, the sky is bright again; however, the partisanship in people's hearts still leaves traces, thick or thin, and it will be revealed if you don't pay attention.Most of the colleagues who worked with me were the opposite of the ten-year catastrophe. They criticized me, slandered me, interrogated me, and kicked me.Many of them seemed a little remorseful.In my opinion, these people are good comrades, and just like me, they got confused for a while and did some irrational things.There is no one who does not make mistakes in the world, this is a truth that everyone admits.If these good people know that I have one hidden in my drawer, they will definitely think that I am a post-autumn accountant, a private black account, and plan to retaliate in the future.Although I didn't write the name in my book—I did it on purpose—but the person involved knew who it was at a glance, and it was easy to check the number.With such anxiety, how can we work together at the same table?In order to avoid this embarrassing situation, I kept the book secret even though I wrote it.

So why don't you just not write such a book?This is the right question, and it hits the nail on the head. In fact, I did not initially intend to write such a book.Otherwise, the ten-year catastrophe officially ended in 1976, and my book was not written until 1992 after sixteen years. There was such a gap of many years, so why did it come?These sixteen years have been a period of reflection, observation, confusion and anticipation for me.I hate myself for being like a stupid ass in politics, for the brutality and chaos of the so-called "Great Proletarian Cultural Revolution", which humiliated our great Chinese nation and pushed our country's economy to an impasse, unprecedented and unprecedented. —This is my hope—, so far no one has been able to give a comprehensive and reasonable explanation for the tragedy. Many people have already recognized its essence, but my brain only opened up after the "Gang of Four" collapsed.I'm really ashamed.

Once I got my head around it, I sensed that there was something wrong with the way the client was dealing with the disaster.It is not unreasonable to say that thicker is better than thinner.But, I think, we're being rough.As I said above, the vast majority of people are deceived.Even if you are deceived, you should learn enough lessons from this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to improve your own level, so as not to repeat the same mistakes again.Such an opportunity may be difficult to come by in the future.What's more, among those vandals and looters, there are indeed some villains who are not as good as animals.These bad guys are more capable than good guys. There is a commonly used word in the "Cultural Revolution": chameleon, and this group of bad guys is exactly chameleon.When they saw that the limelight was wrong, they immediately changed their colors.Some pretended to be gentlemen, some turned into the son-in-law of a certain general or a certain leader, and hid under this big umbrella.Some drummed their tongues like a reed, and played tricks of scheming, hiding temporarily, spying on the opportunity, and one day when the wind and thunder struck, they became masters again.This kind of person is ambitious, has many ideas, is proficient in dark science, and is good at flattering horses.They are actually potential cancer cells in our socialist society, which will expand sooner or later.We let these people go at that time, and we really buried future troubles.I even suspect that our country and society today are generally stable and united, and there is great hope.However, there is a problem with the moral level in the society. The government in many places is not upright, and many people are not of high quality. If you carefully trace the root cause, it may be related to the aftermath of the ten-year catastrophe, and it is related to the above-mentioned people.

The above is the result of my reflection and observation, and it is the cause of my confusion.But what am I looking forward to? I look forward to someone who will write about the disaster he personally suffered.Some marshals and many veteran generals have been born and died, and they have served half their lives in the army. It can be said that they have made contributions to the people.Leaders of some countries have also revolutionized their lives and are "heroes" of the people.Most of the high-level intellectuals, famous writers and actors are mostly hard-working and sincerely defending the party.All these good people have been splashed with sewage inexplicably, accusations are made, and they are infinitely high-ranked. They must be put to death as soon as possible.I really don't know what the intention is.In ancient China, there was a saying that "when the birds are gone, the good bow will be hidden; if the cunning rabbit is dead, the lackey will be cooked".But it is the feudal emperors who do this kind of thing, but we are an upright socialist country.What he did was cruel and ruthless, even the feudal emperors would feel ashamed of themselves.And it involves a wide range of areas, unprecedented.Is there no resentment in the heart of the victim?Why not express it?I look forward to it day by day, month by month, and year by year; but in the end, I am disappointed. No one is willing to write or dictate to others.I was very puzzled and worried.If there is no record of this unprecedented disaster, our children and grandchildren will not learn the due lessons from it. Once the climate is suitable in the future, some people will go crazy and do the same cruel and stupid things.What a terrible thing this is!Today's young people, if you talk to them about the catastrophe of the ten-year catastrophe, they will often widen their eyes in surprise and doubt, as if they don't believe that such an unimaginable thing can happen in the world.They probably thought I was lying, I was talking about the three mountains of Penglai on the sea, "the mountains are in the void".Although there was a period of time when the so-called "scar" literature was popular.However, in my opinion, it was only a bruise on the skin, and it only needed to be rubbed with red medicine and everything would be fine.The real scars are still deeply buried in the hearts of many people and have not been shown.I look forward to the fact that the person involved will reveal it someday.

In addition, I had a very unrealistic expectation.The above expectations are for the people who suffered in the catastrophe.The "rebels" who tortured people and even tortured them to death at that time were actually people who smashed, smashed and looted. Why can't they express their tortured mental state and torture process and write it into an article or a book? Where are the books?This type of people is now in their forties or fifties, and some officials have important jobs.Even if others don't ask them to settle accounts, if they themselves have a little conscience and a little sense, Qingye asks himself, can you sleep soundly?If this kind of people—it is estimated that the number is not old or young—also write something, compare it with the things written by the tortured and persecuted, the educational significance for our people, especially for our future generations The educational significance of children and grandchildren will be enormous.I don't ask them to review and repent, these are not essential things, I just expect them to be straightforward.In doing so, they can be said to have made great contributions to our nation, and they will only be praised, not condemned. I am sure of this.

In this way, I have been looking forward to the two aspects, looking forward to the stars and looking forward to the moon, for twelve years.The eastern sun came out, but my expectations were in vain. However, the time has come to 1992.Many people who were persecuted back then are like leaves in late autumn, gradually withering; because this group of people is much older, and the law of life and death in the universe is irresistible.And I am getting old myself.The ancients said: "The river is clear".Among the two expectations of my life, I can't do anything about one of them, but I can do much about the other, that is, the one for the persecuted.I am a victim myself.Why am I so stupid to sit on the sidelines and wait for others to act, but I refuse to do it myself?Expecting others is not as good as expecting yourself, let me do it myself.This is what happened.I never tell a lie when I write articles. I will tell the whole story now, hoping it will be helpful to readers.However, although I have fulfilled one expectation myself, I have not given up on the two expectations of others.In the mood of anticipation, I wrote this preface, hoping that my expectation will be realized. March 9, 1998