Chapter 16 Section 16

Galaxy, hello. I am also sorry to see you so upset this morning by my dastardly letter.Let me explain to you this one dastardly friday incident!Do you want to hear it? You must not know that this time I went to the drama school, but I took a lot of "speech" and other things in the literature and art theory test.I was even more unhappy when I heard some literature lectures from your uncle that day.If I didn’t pass the exam, it was the next best thing. I felt that the literary and art world was very dark, so I came out unhappy.Later I found out that you were also very unhappy.I comforted you at the time, didn't I?In fact, I was also in a dark mood at the time.I confess to you that I have grown suspicious of you, surrounded by dark moods.are you mad?It's half-truth and half-false suspicions, suspicious suspicions, superstitious suspicions, suspicions that are wrong but cannot be restrained.I was sad and looked down on myself, so I wrote a letter.I tell you (although I am ashamed), I called out to you in my heart, hoping that you would give me a gentle human word.You know that I don't like to expose my weaknesses to others. When I'm upset, even my family members can't see it, and sometimes when my brother sees it, his comforting also makes me tired, because at that time I want to be quiet .This time I don't know why I long for you so much, longing for you to say a kind word.

You know what happened later.You beat me up.I hid in a corner, stretched out my hand cautiously and furtively, and as soon as you said it, I immediately turned from shame to anger.Really, it's getting angry from embarrassment.My eyes were all right with anger.What do I think a nice word is to you?You don't even want to say anything, you insist on pestering me.So I wrote a lot of irritating things, and I also felt that you must not take me very seriously, so many bad conjectures arose spontaneously, in fact, I didn't believe them myself. Then I got another letter from you.I was so happy that I forgot all about the last letter.

You understand all this.I've done a terrible job of it.Please forget it.Give me back your letter from Despicable Friday. We are all too shy and suspicious.Mainly me!I just now realize how much you are like me.I'm really afraid that you will hate me from now on.I walked home annoyed, and suddenly remembered a song I sang when I was a child, about an old lady and her little dough.Little Dough sang such a song: please don't eat me don't eat me I will sing you a nice song. I told you about it.How can I explain it?I can't explain it.I have no choice but to sing this song to you.Please don't hate me, let me sing you a nice song.

Do you think there is anything forgivable about me?I did such a bad thing to you, can you still forgive me?I want to sing you a nice song, but this time my suspicion is the last time.I dare not resent you, even if you make any decision I don't resent.I give you my whole soul, with all its eccentricities, pettiness, flickering, eighteen hundred kinds of ills.It's nasty and only a little good, love you. Where do you put it?Put it in the heart to warm it, or put it in the insole?I wish you would open the door of your soul to contain this lonely ghost, but it doesn't deserve it.If only your souls and mine could become one.I love to hear the pulse of your thoughts, and I love every movement of your heart.You must not like mine.So, I want you to give me a little tenderness, I want it! (Don’t think that’s what you’re talking about! No.)

Wang Xiaobo Sunday