Chapter 4 Rose Island (4)

Sue, I know death is such a common thing.In this world, countless people die every day.Disease, disaster, murder, war, execution, poverty, ignorance, suicide... life is as vigorous and humble as weeds. We have never had mercy on the suffering of others.So our world remains dark and painful.The earth is just a lonely blue planet, rotating fragilely, and no one knows when it will stop.Man, deprived of all power.We have only such fleeting sweetness of life: seasons, caresses, warmth, past events, flesh... We live for this.So blind and unaware.Beloved, we send him away with our own hands.Watch him turn into a heap of ashes.So will I.

Su.If only we could have mercy.How should we be silent, how to embrace.Who can tell us how to go through this long, long despair... They left the church.An unusually bright cluster of stars in the deep blue sky.From this close, you can see the vibrant luster.There are flickering lights in the farmhouses in the distance.Street lamps illuminate the white mountain road.On the terrace of a small hotel nearby, there is a young man drinking a can of beer alone in the dark.They walked along the high sloping road to Xuan Huong Lake and returned to the square. It was almost morning.The people in the square gradually dispersed, leaving behind a mess of garbage and desolation after the hustle and bustle, Su took out his camera.She uses flash.She absolutely loves flash.She said that this dazzling flash can feel the freezing of time more intensely.

Su photographed the withered roses scattered on the square, the sleeping beggar, the tired and indifferent prostitute sitting in the dark, and the old wall under the dim light. She stood by and lit a cigarette. Start to clean up father's relics. Lots of photos. 15-year-old father, standing on the Bund in Shanghai.A precocious boy with a proud look on his face.At that time, the family situation had begun to decline, and he was the eldest son in the family. At the age of 20, I went to the countryside.In a remote mountain village with children. 27 years old, married to mother.Two people take pictures at West Lake in Hangzhou.Wearing a black tunic.Beside her is a pretty girl with big braids and dark eyes.There was a touch of sadness on the faces of both of them.Accompanied by nearly 30 years. 30 years old, back to the city.work.Quit your job and start a company.Decades of wind and rain.Many photos were taken at stations in various cities across the country.Thin and handsome, with a fiery gleam in his eyes. 40 years old.After experiencing setbacks in his career, his grandfather passed away, and his loneliness gradually seeped out.There is tiredness in his expression.

At the age of 50, the company re-expanded.Fat and sick man.Standing in the sunshine of the park, beside him are his wife and children and the daughter who went home for the New Year.Loneliness and ideals, depression and passion, ups and downs and wisdom, toil and responsibility.stumbling all the way. 56 years old, cerebral hemorrhage.died. ... and a lot of old things: old books, old newspapers, old magazines, old photographs.various information. Invoices, vouchers, and train tickets from more than 30 years ago. There was a big yellowed kraft paper envelope, and when she opened it, there was a small cotton gown she wore when she was a baby, which was hand-sewn by her grandma, and it was moldy.Tuition invoices for elementary school admission, report cards, diaries with crooked fonts, job recommendations until graduation, training notes at work...all the things she couldn't remember or had been discarded for a long time, he kept them all.Safe deposit box in the bank.pull out.There was no passbook or certificate of deposit in it, just a pile of old bills, all of which were withdrawal certificates.Father had poured all his money into the expanded reproduction of the company.Not a penny was left with him.There is a stack of photos of a strange woman.It should be the woman I once loved.There is also a paper bag.Inside was a handful of fine black hair.It was her baby hair.

there is none left.This is my father's most secret collection.Never disclose it to any one person. His feelings are so deep and closed.Caught in an obsession with the past.Never express.I'm not used to it, and I can't find a way.So do not express.Never express. She looked at her mother beside her.She said, mother, father has gone.Don't judge him.Mother nods.Both mother and father are such kind people.Kind people, being together does not guarantee happiness.Everyone is alone.Can't get close. When we parted, we didn't even say goodbye. That night, she was pinching her baby hair in her hands, and beside her was a moldy little cotton gown.Relax after being tired and finally fall asleep.Girl.She heard him calling her.I can't change my mouth, and I still call it like this after the age of 25.Jiangnan people's pet name for babies.She is the baby in his palm.Just say no one.In the dream she saw herself looking in the mirror.A large pile of dark and thick hair fell out in a flash.All dropped.

I would love to say goodbye.Su.Just a goodbye. Goodbye time. good bye my love. In the darkness, all the windows of the room were open.The wind howled past.The wind howled in all directions. It was in her little hotel.She and Su lay together on the big bed covered with white sheets.She was curled up, the way a baby is in a mother's womb.Su hugged her from behind.Su Nuan's body approached her.Su's hand, with soft fingers, stroked her bent back and knees, bit by bit, straightening her up. I hug you.Did you feel it. yes.you hug me. I can't make love to you.But I love you.

I love you too.Su. Don't be afraid. No.I am not afraid. We are in love.how nice. ………… Love brings life.to live.survive. It cuts through pain and brings comfort.it's warm.Very bland. When I was 7 years old, a man was passing through town and walked into my family's grocery store to buy a pack of cigarettes.I'm standing right next to the counter.He was carrying a large and heavy bag and was wearing a light brown coarse cloth shirt.He asked me the way to Puwan, a fishing port.I told him.Then he said, do you want to come with me.I said, yes.So we go together. That was the first time I saw the sea.We spent one night by the sea.Watching the sea all night.He's a photographer, I didn't know he was from the far north.He came to take a group of photos for the magazine.He taught me to look at the ocean through a lens.He said, did you see that.All this time is going forward, but you tap, click.It is willing to stay for you.

It started to rain in the middle of the night.In a hotel room on a hill by the sea, he stroked me.No one has ever touched me so warmly, from hair to toes.His fingers were like running water, making no sound and leaving no trace.He should be at least nearly 30 years old.I like his smell, the temperature of his skin, his fingers.We hug each other.He hugged me all night. Does he speak? No.He doesn't speak.He seems to be doing his best.What he wants to give me is not his desire, not his despair.He loves me like he loves the sea at sunrise, the gardenias blooming outside the hotel room, and every night that passes and comes.

The next day, he left town.Leave me a picture. what is in the photo. my nudes.gardenia.Whiteness in the dark.He said to me, you are all so beautiful.Although everything will disappear.There is an English word on the back of the photo. It took me 10 years to learn its original meaning.It is cancer.This is not important to me anymore.Because after he left, I never saw him again. You know nothing about each other. As blind and real as darkness. Then I left home.I have seen many different seas, including returning to Puwan once.But neither was the sea of ​​my childhood.Not like that.It stays in my memory.unspeakable

He has a crew cut, is very thin, and has a refreshing smell of disinfectant on his body.The eyes are as bright as a piece of burnt coal. You will remember him. yes.always remember him. There are many empty shots of the sea in the movie.Nothing at all.Only the sound of the tide.The sun rose, and the sun set, and hastened to the place from which it came.The wind blows to the south, then turns to the north, keeps spinning, and returns to the same path.All the rivers run into the sea, but the sea is not full; to the place from which the rivers flow, there they return. Let's go to the sea.Just to see the empty truth.

Outside the room, is the dawn that is gradually brightening.The blue of the sky has faded.Su fell asleep.Su's face was as white as camellia. She looked at Su.stared at her for a long time.He reached out and stroked the skin on her face.Then move down, neck, shoulders, chest, waist... that is alive, fresh, fresh skin.Can feel the beating of blood vessels and the light sound of blood under the fragile skin.There is also the temperature that seeps out.She clearly felt the nostalgia between her fingers.The hands that had touched his father's corpse were full of new perceptions of life. What a skin.living skin. She pressed her face against Su's neck.get close to her.She heard Su's heartbeat, strong and powerful.Then she closed her eyes. This is in a place very far away from my hometown in the south.Da Lat in Vietnam.A small town on a high mountain. In the movie, two women on the road hug each other and fall asleep.They are strange.They approach.They are about to say goodbye.The conversation between them did not happen. What happened is just the past. The wind howled.In the distance, there is the sound of the sea. ………… Tell me how much you missed it.