Chapter 40 seven months and nine days

1 airport The flight she took from Shanghai to Beijing arrived at 9:15 in the evening.She called him at Pudong Airport. Discounted tickets can only be bought at night time.But you can save 400 bucks.she said on the phone.I paid 1,500 yuan for my mobile phone bill this month.I'll make a long-distance call for you. He listened to her talking to him about money in innocent tones.The voice on the phone seemed to have an echo, coming from an open space.He told her that it was raining in Beijing tonight.It was sleet.You take your coat.very cold. Does it snow in early November?There is only snow in Shanghai in January.It stopped for one night.

You will see heavy snowfall in Beijing.do not worry. He didn't tell her that he was already in a taxi bound for the airport.He ate instant noodles in the company, and went directly by car, fearing that it would be too late to go home.The car was speeding on the airport expressway, and the black woods on both sides passed by quickly.He saw his face in the car window.The phone is attached to the right ear.The dazzling headlights flashed past.Finally couldn't help it.Laugh softly. It seems to see her in the empty airport, dangling her feet and looking absent-minded.There is her favorite Japanese bag beside her, brown suede, the fluff will fall down layer by layer.She named her bag Tokyo.She names every favorite object around her.She said she had a fetish.Only fetish not lover.

She also named him. King.The name of a puppy she adopted when she was 17.Later disappeared. She said, whatever I like, I have to give it a name. In the lobby of the airport pick-up, he smoked half a pack of cigarettes. There are still very few people.The air conditioner was very hot.Occasionally the door is pushed open, and a freezing wind blows in.He sat on the bar in the corner, looking at his sneakers and jeans.Although he has worked in a large foreign-funded company for a long time, he is still used to wearing the clothes he loved most when he was in college after get off work.There is a copy of "Philosophy of History" in the left trouser pocket on the back, which is a book that I have been reading all the time.He maintained many of the habits he had at the Polytechnic University.So he does not deny what his parents sometimes think of him, and there is an immature side in his character.

In fact, some places are too mature.Some places never mature.Grow in divisions. Naturally he never discussed these matters with his parents.They teach history in college and have nothing to do with the world.They cannot see where he is. He wanted to move out of the house and live alone two years ago.But because there is no motivation, I still live with them. The first time I fell in love was in college.Originally, there were not many beautiful girls in the Polytechnic University, but Ye Zi was considered to be the most sought-after in the class.I don't know why she likes him who is silent and serious.We have traveled together several times.The first time I had sex was in his boys' dorm.The other students had all gone to class, and the two of them hugged each other in a panic in the sunny dormitory.Ye Zi was in pain, and there was a towel under his body.There was blood all over the towels.

Together for 4 years.until graduation.She got a job in a magazine.It was good at the beginning, but gradually they are no longer together.Then one day, after having sex, she told him that she had a new man. He never understood why she had sex with him before breaking up.The warm and soft body was still hugging him in his arms just a moment ago.In a blink of an eye, he got away. It used to be painful.Her reason was that he didn't care about her, so she wanted to leave.What are the concerns, he thought.During those days together, he never thought that one day they would become strangers.

In the first days, I often suffered from insomnia, and almost every night I had to drink some wine to fall asleep.Sleep becomes the safest cave from pain.In the past 4 years, they have used this feeling wantonly and arbitrarily.He believed he loved her.He felt as if he wanted to let go of his familiar left hand. But there are too many excuses for a woman to leave a man.Include questions of concern or non-concern.He thought, it could only be because she had met too many rich and experienced men after graduation.His future is unclear.So get kicked out. There is nothing wrong with it.There is no right or wrong standard for her choice.

At a class reunion, he saw Ye Zi.She has gained a lot of weight and her stomach is sticking out.About to have a baby.He knew she was married to the manager of a trading company.It has some family background.It looks like she's doing well. It was at that party that he found himself liberated.Physical and mental pleasure. Remembering the past is no longer a burden.Sometimes he would drag out their past events one by one to filter and chew in his mind.Indeed, there were some happy moments.But those happiness, just like the pain, can no longer arouse any feeling in his heart. The only thing he was satisfied with himself, he thought, was that he thought more of happiness than of pain.

2 Xiao En and Sunrise It was Qiao Xiaoen who met on the Internet.He is 26 years old and she is 25 years old.He is in Beijing and she is in Shanghai.He had just joined IBM from a dot-com company.She draws drawings and designs patterns on fabrics at home. The daily meeting point is waiting for him to chat during lunch break and after get off work.Sometimes at work, sometimes at home.Sometimes it's half an hour.Sometimes all night.For the sake of relaxation, he found that he still had a humorous quality in himself.More often, he is her audience.They use microphone, E-mail, OICQ, send each other's photos and favorite MP3, pictures.Go to the website to do psychological quiz questions.

Lives are still separate from each other.He doesn't know anything about her.Although I know that she has a very favorite travel bag named Tokyo, she has traveled with it all over the world.Knowing that she had a little mongrel named King who had been missing for many years. In May, she asked him for his cell phone number and called him.She was going on a trip to Xiangxi and asked him about the route.They are self-guided travel enthusiasts.He spends most of his salary on travel.He heard her voice for the first time.That innocent toddler-like voice.The sweet lingering accent of the South.When speaking Mandarin, I bite my tongue, and I don’t roll my tongue when I should, and I keep rolling it when I shouldn’t.He said, go, go and iron your tongue.

She said, what are you looking like.Isn't he a Beijinger?High-spirited. She asked him to speak Southern dialect to her, and told him to pronounce "you" as "Nong".Call "dinner" "night meal".Such a little difference in tone also became their fun for a dozen or two hours on the phone.In fact, it's just listening to the other person talking. Two weeks later, she called him in the wee hours of the morning, out of breath.She said, I am at the top of the mountain now.When I was climbing the mountain just now, the road was slippery after it rained, and I almost fell down.While laughing shamelessly.She said, I almost died.

Call him from so far away.Although he was drowsy, he still got up on the bed wrapped in a quilt.I poured a cup of coffee and didn't sleep at all.She said, wait a moment, wait a moment, the sun will come out soon.We are watching the sunrise. There was silence on the phone for about 10 minutes, only noisy voices were heard.He drank his coffee and lit a cigarette.I feel very warm in my heart. Then she exclaimed and came out.Out. She says the sun is as perfect as the heart. K.If you're with me right now, you can see it. 3 Do not throw away things that have been used for a long time If you're with me right now, you can see it. The crowd began to stir.The flight has arrived.He squeezed in front of the railing and looked at the empty brightly lit airport hall, where a large group of tired night flight passengers poured out like a tide. He saw her right away.She also wears jeans and sneakers.An orange lace cotton shirt.Necklaces and bracelets of scrap metal.There is a rich makeup like camellia on the face.She saw him, waved to him, whistled.A sharp voice pierced the stagnation in the air.Everyone looked sideways. This unscrupulous little woman.He cursed inwardly. She stood by the conveyor belt and waited for the luggage to jump out.They were separated by a distance and could not get close.He kept staring at her.She is yawning.She is moving.She rubs her eyes.She was more slovenly and careless than in the picture. She brought a total of 5 boxes.From lamps, porcelain cups, cotton floral pillows, pajamas to prickly pears. He said, where's the coat? The box was so overweight that I lost it at the airport. Why don't you throw away the pillow? Do not throw away things that have been used for a long time.she says. It is raining.He dragged a heavy box and took her to a taxi.The cold rain hit his forehead and he touched her hand.Her fingers are warm.He touched her face, felt the scar on her face.In the middle of the left cheek.A small incomplete scar, slightly protruding.He said, how did you do it? Digged it up when I was a kid.Not good.When he moved, his face was covered in blood. He looks at her.Her face is beautiful.The wound flashed like a white lightning.Calm down. When she told him that she was coming to Beijing, he was not surprised.She is the kind of plant that can grow anywhere. She said that most of her clients are in Beijing, which is convenient to contact.She also said that she likes going to rough and lively bars, watching various dramas and performances, and making strange friends.These are all things that only Beijing can provide. A woman with the sweet smile and tone of a child.Irresponsible living. Of course, he said to her, I welcome you on behalf of Beijing and the people. 4 we live together She first lived with friends in the Asian Games Village. Her friend worked in a record company, a young man from Guangzhou who liked tight black clothes.He has two rooms.There is a big bed in one bedroom, which he slept with his ex-girlfriend.There is also a small study room with a sofa bed.He and his current girlfriend slept in the small study because the extremely skinny model didn't like the big bed. They often go home around 4 in the morning and get up at one or two in the afternoon.Occasionally go to work in the company. He later found out that she also met that friend online. He has been to where she lives.The man is also very thin, exuding a coquettish smell all over his body.He doesn't like Xiao En living there.I feel that she is sandwiched between a pair of lovers who are passionately in love, like a big hot light bulb.She is still at ease. After taking a shower, she dangles in the living room in a floral pajamas with thin suspenders, and sometimes watches pirated discs on the sofa under a blanket. She moved her own pillow and quilt to the big bed.There is no air conditioning in the room.At night she kept the window open all night.Outside the window is the empty sky and the vague outline of buildings.This place already belongs to the outskirts of Beijing.She still calls him on her cell phone.The only difference is that he only needs 10 minutes of taxi time to rush to her side.Like one night, she told him that she didn't feel well. I have a cold and a fever.The climate in the north still needs to adapt, her body is weak.She is the only one in the house.The other two go to bars and nightclubs every day.He saw her lying on someone else's big bed, her face flushed red, like a broken doll.Poor look. Immediately go downstairs to buy her medicine.The elevator stops in the building after 12pm.He turned on the lights one by one and walked down to the 18th floor.I took a taxi to the 24-hour pharmacy to buy antipyretics, and then went up to the 18th floor.Feed her medicine.She reached out to touch his face.I felt cold sweat on my hand. She said, why are you being so nice to me. As soon as he finished speaking, he turned his face and fell asleep. He has been watching her by the side.She sleeps more like a toddler.The lips move unconsciously, as if sucking something. He couldn't help but smile alone.Grab her hand and squeeze it in the palm of your hand.Her hands are white, thin, with an air of aloofness.Those are the hands of a manual creator.He kissed her fingertips lightly.He really doesn't know her at all.Although she carried a big bag and a small bag, she migrated to his city all the way. The other two people in the house never came home that night.In the morning, she woke up with the fever gone.Get up and go into the kitchen to cook oatmeal and milk.He is going to work.After washing my face in cold water, I went to the door to put on my shoes.She said, come over for dinner tonight.I'll go to the supermarket to buy fish later, can I cook the fish for you? He suddenly turned around and said to her, let's live together, Xiao En.I'm really worried about leaving you here. Why?Someone will kill me?she laughs.Deliberate expression. It's fine if you don't want to.He got up to open the door. She grabs him.She looked at him very naturally.There was a slight smile on the corner of his mouth, which seemed to be expected.She said, ok, go find a house. 5 rainy night They started looking for a house.Collect information one by one on the Internet, then call to verify, confirm, and make an appointment to see the house. Saw a lot of houses.Sometimes it is very tiring to go back and forth with the car of several routes. She is demanding and wants the house to be clean and surrounded by parks and green belts.And convenient transportation and shopping. She said, I am different from you.You are at work all day, and you just go home to sleep.As for me, I spend most of my time at home, working, reading, cooking, and walking.If the environment is not good, it will affect my mood. Naturally, he followed her wishes, but such a house was too difficult to find.Either the furniture is not complete, or the location is remote. Her emotionality is also expected, and she suddenly doesn't want to talk to him or talk to him. She never controlled her bad temper. There was a social event in his company that night, and the whole department went out for dinner.He was worried, and went outside to call her.she is outside.She said, I am shopping.The tone was very cold, and he didn't want to talk to him, just asked him what time it would be over.He said, we have to wait for a while, and we can't finish it for a while. Then you can eat.She hung up the phone with a snap. He was restless at the dinner table.it's raining outside.He didn't know where she was or what she was doing.He suddenly felt that she would disappear like a bubble in Beijing.Two hours later, the phone rang.There was noisy rain and hustle and bustle, and then her tired voice came over, she said, I'm in Wangfujing, I bought a lot of things.I had no money to take a taxi home.It's raining a lot here. He said, what are you doing now? She said, I ate at the coffee shop and I was hungry. He said, you wait where you are, don't go.I'm here to pick you up and take you home. She said, good.I'm at the coffee shop across from the catholic church. He resigned early and took a taxi to Wangfujing.Traffic jam on the road.Raindrops hit the car windows, and the sound was intense.He wondered if she would get wet, and then remembered that she was in a coffee shop, and his heart sank to the ground. As soon as the taxi stopped, he rushed into the coffee shop.The heavy rain still made my hair a little wet.Xiao En was sitting at the small wooden table by the door. There was a half-drunk cup of cold coffee on the table, and the chocolate cake had already been eaten.A stack of department store paper bags sat on a nearby chair.She spread out a magazine in her hand and flipped through it absently.Seeing him coming in, she said, I'm looking for your girlfriend's name, Ye Zi.Doesn't she work for this magazine?Why is her name not in the editorial list. He really regretted telling her the name of his ex-girlfriend in a moment of distraction, so that she had to repeat it every few days. He said, what did you buy? sweater.Corduroy trousers.shoe.And night cream and lipstick. Did you buy them all at Shidu Department Store? Yes. Shopaholic. She didn't talk, she had a sullen expression on her face.He took off his coat and jacket to cover her head from the rain, picked up a large pile of her shopping paper bags, and led her out to stop the car. There are people in the taxi.The road is full of icy heavy rain and panicked crowds.The neon lights on the side of the road interweave colorful light and shadow on the watery ground.She was suddenly happy again.While smiling for no reason, he followed the taxi.He said, why are you crazy, little girl.She stopped a car, squeezed into it first, and blocked the big family who were waiting on the side of the road. K, K, she yelled at him, get in the car. He saw the unprepared expressions of the family outside the window.She held the jacket he covered her head with her hands, and looked at him proudly with bright eyes. He said, are you angry again?There was still moisture on her face.He tugged at his jacket and leaned over to kiss her.Kiss her high forehead first, then kiss her pompous eyes, and then block her lips. There was the cool taste of rain on her lips. 6 Insomnia and smoke That night, she didn't go back to her friend's house.He quietly took her to his home. The door to the parents' room was closed.They have fallen asleep. He turned on the light in his room and let her in.That was the first time she had been to his house.A hard single plank bed, covered with blue and white checkered cotton sheets.There is a lamp on the table, and books and magazines are scattered in a mess.The bookshelves are full of historical records.There is a book on the bed, it is "Philosophy of History". He gave her slippers.He said, you go take a shower to wash away the cold. When she went into the bathroom to take a shower, he lay on the window sill and smoked a cigarette.The rain outside was getting heavier and heavier, with no tendency to stop.He saw the empty road, except for the dazed rain and fog and the occasional taxi passing by, there was no one there. She came out after washing.Wearing the white shirt he gave her.The long hair was still damp, slanting slightly curly on the shoulders.She said the water was very hot, very hot. Then why don't you call me. Get over it yourself.Just bear it and pass.She muttered and climbed into his bed, complaining, it was so hard.gosh.It's so hard. Not used to it?Then I'll take a blanket and put it under it. What is the use.Your bed is made of wood, not Simmons.Can the essence be improved? He stood, not knowing what to do.She said, go, pour me a glass of water.I want to drink. He poured water for her.Watch her gulp down the gulp, then lie down and cover her head with the quilt.She said, I'm exhausted.My feet hurt.walking.I walked for 4 hours today. Alone on the street? Yes.one person.I don't know the way.feel fear. He looked at her curled up body under the quilt.He saw her sad. By the time he came out of the shower, she had fallen asleep facing the wall.Curl up like a baby.The long black hair was spread on the pillow, like scattered petals falling all over the ground.He didn't turn off the light, pulled the quilt and lay down.touch her soft body.She still turned her back to him.He stroked her thin shoulders, thin arms, and thin ribs.A muffled grunt came from her lips.The eyes have not yet opened. He said, Xiao En, you are not allowed to fall asleep. what to do.I'm tired.She turned around, buried her head in the socket of his neck, and burrowed into it. He kissed her soft skin, licking and sucking gently.Suddenly something painful came up, pulling the heart one after another.He didn't know why there was no desire in his heart, but there were sour tears in his eyes.He hugged her tightly, kissing and touching her passionately and stubbornly.Until she took off her clothes. In the middle of the night he heard her get up.Her white nude shone like a flower in the shadows.Long hair cascaded down her shoulders.Her body felt strange to him.There is a strange beauty and weirdness. He asked her in a daze, Xiaoen, what are you doing? I want to drink.she said softly. I'm going to pour it.You don't know where.He rose with difficulty.He groped into the living room and poured water for her.After she finished drinking the water, she looked at him with sober eyes.She didn't look like she wanted to sleep. what happened?He said. I can not sleep.I always have insomnia.She looked around.There is no smoke.want to smoke. He took out a pack of Zhongnanhai from the drawer and gave it to her. In Shanghai I always draw Double Happiness. There is no such smoke in Beijing.Most people smoke Zhongnanhai.You can try it, it's very low in tar. She lit a cigarette and sat cross-legged on the bed.She said, do it again? He can't understand. Do it again.She threw away the cigarette butt and climbed on top of him.I like your body, it's so soft.How can a man have such a soft body. He looks at her.He pushed her long hair up her forehead so she could see her innocent smiling face.He said, do you really want it? She nods. So they embraced again. He kissed a small patch of soft skin on the back of her neck.That piece of skin exudes a faint fragrance, with a hurt expression.He hugged her tightly and said, did you come to Beijing because of me, Xiaoen? She said confusedly, what? He already regretted asking such a question, so he remained silent.He thought, before she explained everything herself, he only attributed her coming to work.yes.As she said, she has too many clients in Beijing. In the morning he called the company to ask for leave.The two of them barely slept all night.I slept until two thirty in the afternoon.The curtains in the room were closed.The whole room is dark and dreary like a big ship sailing at night, slowly passing through the dark and silent Pacific Ocean. He got up and opened a corner of the curtains, and suddenly the intense sunlight came in, making his eyes narrow.He lowers the curtains. Xiao En is still fast asleep.He saw her sleeping like a broken toy.It's just that the lips are tightly pressed together, full of guard.He thought of how heartless she was usually.I don't understand why this woman who has not lost her innocence has such deep defenses when she sleeps. 7 houses Finally rented a house.In the North Third Ring Road.Xiao En found the information on the Internet.There are already 5 competitors vying for the house.It is indeed clean and spacious, with a garden downstairs and red brick walls, it looks pleasant. In the end they won.Although the house price was high, I moved in happily.After searching for too long, I feel very tired.Anxious to settle down.The room faces east, and for only about an hour every morning, the warm rays of the sun will flow on the bed and slip away quickly.Always woke up by the blinding sun in the morning. They bought a large black iron bed from IKEA, with high fences at the head and end of the bed.White cotton sheets.Wooden workbench, bookshelf.There are also embroidered tablecloths that Xiao En likes.She is never tired, full of enthusiasm and creativity.A fresh and comfortable space will soon be arranged.There are wooden picture frames all over the walls.She stuffed her photo in the suitcase and brought it here. Short hair in a bathing suit standing on a sunny sandy beach.Sitting on the top of the mountain with braids and laughing happily.Standing by the railway and looking into the distance, her hair grows to her shoulders.Xiao En told him in turn that she was 15 years old, 20 years old, and 23 years old... He looked at this strange woman of unknown origin and felt a little pain in his heart.He doesn't know anything about her history.They used to live as strangers in cities thousands of miles apart. On the evening of the last cleaning, they tidied up and wiped the wet floor.The two of them sat and rested on the newly purchased pure cotton rug.The paint on the walls is old and dull.Xiaoen said, I really want to paint them apricot yellow, wine red, dark green... He said, we might move out in the future, do we really want to paint the walls?She said, yes, this is someone else's house, not ours. He said that we will have our own house in the future. really?She tilted her head to look at him.Houses in Beijing are so expensive, even more expensive than in Shanghai. No matter how expensive you are, you should have your own house. She nodded.She said that in Shanghai, I made up my mind several times to buy a house.But as long as I think about not knowing when I will leave a city, I feel that there is no need to buy it. Just like when you are in Shanghai, you don’t know when you will go to Beijing? Yes. Just like when you are in Beijing, you don't know when you will go to a new city? Yes.She looks at him. Relocation is such a hassle, and a lot can get lost. As long as you don't lose yourself, that's enough. But I won't let you leave here with a big bag like this again.He said. real? real. 8 ordinary days Every day he gets up earlier than her.Because he has to work from nine to five. He got up and washed his face, dressed, and picked up the bag on the table.Xiao En turned her body on the bed.He walked over, kissed her neck lightly, and said to him, Xiaoen, I'm leaving.She frowned and said, OK.So he closed the door and locked the iron gate outside.Footsteps sounded on the stairs. Xiao En heard these sounds vaguely.Her sleep basically lasts until about 11 noon.The first thing I do when I wake up is to smoke.Draw all the curtains in the room.Because she will be alone at home all day, she is dissociated and out of touch with society.She has no colleagues, no employer.Naturally have fewer friends. Only customers. In her pajamas, she filled the kettle and started watering the flowers.Nearly 10 pots of green plants were placed on the wide windowsill.Jasmine, ivy, prickly pear, aloe, monstera, gardenia... are all common flowers and plants.While watering the plants, put on a record, The Chieftains or Enigma.Wash an apple for breakfast.Then get to work. Her work is without dialogue.Only done alone.At the same time, it is cumbersome and repetitive.Patience is required.But because the creative process is full of fun, it has always been her favorite thing.will last all afternoon. In the evening, she finished her work, went to the supermarket to buy things, and prepared dinner.It takes about 15 minutes to walk to Carrefour.All the way through the river, bridges, newsstands, fruit shops, parks and kindergartens.The autumn chill in Beijing came early, and there was already a rustling breath in the wind, but the sun shone on the face, and it was still as warm as fluffy. Xiao En was wearing red floral corduroy pants. FISH's corduroy trousers have a naive and insolent gorgeousness.She felt that she had a cold and her eyes were dizzy.She is adapting to the northern climate.Passing by the parked cars on the side of the road, still looking in the car mirror, with long hair and haggard.Paled face. The wide stone road is very clean, with tall pagoda trees on both sides.He once told her that the locust tree will bloom in spring, and the fragrance is overwhelming, and it will scatter all over the ground when the wind blows, which is very beautiful.She thought, will there be the beauty of cherry blossoms in the south?The pink and white petals are soft and moist, as if they will make a soft and crisp sound of cracking. Xiaoen remembers that when she was playing on the tennis court, the petals all over the ground were curled by the wind, and her hair and clothes were covered with it.She was very young then.Fall in love with a boy.I never thought that one day I would run away from home, and finally went to the north 1,000 kilometers away. Children playing in the sun after a nap in kindergarten.Xiao En looked at them.Thinking of how time flies, let's go forward again.Carrefour is crowded.She pushed the cart, put yogurt, fruit juice, grapes, celery, eggs, as well as his favorite ribs and chicken feet, and bought a bunch of fresh daisies by the way.I bought a lot of flower buds, which cost a lot for 3 yuan.Carrying heavy things in two plastic bags, I called a taxi. Working in the kitchen is as delicate and thoughtful as painting.Study recipes, determine the sequence, clean, make seasonings, chop, cook... Xiao En keeps an old radio in the kitchen so that he can listen to music channels while cooking.The sound is a bit rough, but the melody can be heard clearly.They're all love songs, old or new.She put a pot of small green leafy plants on the window sill, and sprinkled some water on the soil. The soup that has been simmering for a long time began to slowly emit fragrance, mixed with onion, ginger, garlic, tangerine peel, star anise, meat and vegetables.The lid jumped up with a plop.She turned the fire down.Leaning on the window sill to watch the gradually darkening sky.There is a gorgeous sunset glow in the sky, purple blue mixed with crimson.Can see very far.He can then be seen walking in outside the apartment door.Wearing a black coat, clean short hair. Men who are off work have to come home for dinner. When eating, he is quiet and basically doesn't say anything.Xiao En is unwilling.She is a person who has no contact with the society. She will pester him and ask him to tell her about his work, his colleagues, his boss... Sometimes he tells her something, sometimes he will say, these Don't worry about the matter, I will handle it myself. Working in such a large foreign-funded company, he is not without pressure and troubles.But he didn't want her to intervene.Or he didn't want her to see even the slightest bit of anxiety and fatigue in his heart.It was not the image of him he liked for her to see. Therefore, dinner is still often eaten very quietly.The two buried themselves in the meal. After dinner, he helped her wash the dishes, wipe the table, and tidy up the kitchen.Xiao En didn't need to worry about anything, just washed her hair in the bathroom by herself.Carefully work conditioner into your hair and wrap it in a shower cap.She poked her head out of the door to look.There was a light on in the living room.The newly bought daisies are placed in a large glass bottle with clear water.She spoke to him in his apron. I bought paint and beeswax today and want to paint all the wood furniture in the house tomorrow. He said, will not be tired.Or let me do it on Saturday. Xiao En said, you still don't catch up on sleep during your rest on Saturday.It's okay if I come. She paused, then said, K, you know, I like this house very much.Although it is a rented house. Why? Because it feels like having your own home for the first time.she laughs.Withdrew his head behind the door and went to wash his hair. 9 quarrel They hug each other at night.Xiao En's soft naked body squirmed in his arms, he stroked and kissed her, and then turned his body for her.Making love is the most important thing in their lives.Can have sex continuously until her body bleeds.He didn't know where this intense desire came from.They made love on the white sheets of the big iron bed.This bewildered passion makes people feel at a loss as to what to do. He said, Xiaoen, don't take medicine anymore. Xiao En said, if I don’t eat, I will get pregnant. I just want you to have a baby. Why? Once you have kids you don't go away. For a long time, this was indeed the strongest force driving desire in his heart.He looked at Xiao En's white naked body and long black hair. Her face had a kind of erotic trauma and coquettishness.She told him, I've had three surgeries.If I have another child and undergo another operation, I will be disabled for the rest of my life. He said, why do you need another operation.I want this baby.I want you too. She looked at him quietly.She said, I can't have it yet.I still need time. She gradually started to have some friends.There is also a fixed cooperation business.Go out once or twice a week. I got up early in the morning, took a shower and put on makeup, then put on a clean and large cloth shirt, coarse pants and a cotton coat, and went out with a large black canvas bag and a laptop.I often go to the International Building area to discuss business, and when I come back, I tell him that there are the most elegant women in Beijing.Dressed more delicately than Shanghai women. She is a quality of life person.Cosmetics are all imported from Japan and France.You can buy a lot of different pajamas alone, and each piece is hung with an aromatherapy bag in the closet.Of course she bought all of these herself.She never asked him for money.Except for home expenses. Her income was erratic, but when it came it was a lot of money.It might be all he works for half a year or a year.Even so, she still asked him to bear all the miscellaneous expenses of the family.She said, there's nothing else to say, you're a man.No matter how much money you have, you have to bear the responsibility.Of course, if you want AA system, you can also.But if the AA system is used, we will divide the room without disturbing each other. He said, I am a man and I have an income.We are in this together and I will definitely take responsibility.But you have to make it clear what the last sentence means. It means using emotion when you should use emotion, and using money when you should use money.Don't use emotion when you should use money, and use money when you should use emotion.Her eyes were indifferent. He said, do you have feelings for me in your heart? She looked at him without answering. He said, why are you with me.Just to find a man to accompany you? She said, is it so hard to find a man?Do you want to fly over thousands of miles with big and small bags? He was silent and stopped talking. 10 wounds That day, the two of them were going to the supermarket to buy a humidifier and electric heater, along with some vegetables and cooked food. At the checkout, it was Xiaoen who paid.The two each carried a large plastic bag and were ready to go home.As soon as he walked out of the supermarket, Xiao En told him that humidifiers and electric heaters cannot be counted in the incidental budget you gave me.You have to give me 800 yuan back. He just happened to lend money to a friend, and this month's salary is running out, so he plans to give it to her next month.But he joked to her in his mouth, why should he pay you back.I won't pay it back, you will pay the money. Why.I cook and cook at home, do housework, and buy sheets, quilts, china, and flowers. When did I care about that with you?You are not even willing to buy some small electrical appliances now.That's what we use together, not just me. He said, who asked you to buy bed sheets, cups, china and flowers?My life is already simple, and I don't need to be as demanding as you. I am demanding?Don't you enjoy the beautiful decoration of your home?Incompetent men make excuses for themselves. He didn't expect her to have such an outburst.And when he speaks, he ignores a man's self-esteem at all.He said, I told you from the beginning, I will not be the kind of man you need.I have no money either. If you don't have money, you will die.She suddenly put the plastic bag full of chicken, milk, and apples on the ground, turned around and ran.His hands were also full of things.There are already people watching.His anger took hold of him, and he was unable to think.He also put down the things in his hand and ran up to chase her.She was running like crazy on the street full of traffic.The screech of the car's emergency brakes sounded, and the driver poked his head out and cursed. At a corner he grabbed her.He twisted her arm tightly.She struggled, pulling his hair with her hands.He slapped her three times in the first place, which made her dizzy and almost fell.He was shaking with anger.He said, you crazy. She was indeed as crazy as she jumped up and bit his neck fiercely.He let go in pain.When she let go, she slid away like a fish.She left him and ran away quickly. 一直到天黑她还没有回来。他打她的手机，一直在响，但她不接。他固执地一遍又一遍地重复，直到最后传过来的是关机的提示。她不肯和他说话。 他在家里心神不宁。打开电脑玩游戏，想控制自己的情绪，但无法奏效。他发现自己的手指居然一直是在微微地颤抖着。他看着墙壁上她的照片，那些用陈旧的木相框框起来的黑白照片。她甜美脆弱的花朵一样的容颜。他每次凝望那些照片心里就会难过。虽然不明白为何会难过。 但是那一个晚上，他看清楚了。他在她的脸上看到始终没有愈合的创伤。她是一个赤裸的疼痛着的伤口。她的灵魂是他没有触摸到的喜欢躲在黑暗里的孩子。 他每过5分钟就打一次手机，虽然回复他的是一次又一次的关机提示。北京是这样大而无当的一个城市，她如露水一样蒸发。她到底会去往何处。 深夜12点钟的时候，他终于打通了那个手机。她接了电话。 小恩，原谅我。I'm wrong.他听到自己软弱而焦虑的声音。他说，你到底在哪里？ 电话里很嘈杂，可以听到汽车的喇叭声，音乐和旁人激烈的话语。小恩的声音却很温和，懒懒的，并不介意。她说，我在吃东西。 Where are you?tell me.我过去接你。 No.不要你过来接。我自己会回来。一会儿就回来。 小恩，告诉我。你不要再惩罚我。It is my fault. 她说，我在东直门吃麻辣龙虾，喝了酒，好像醉了。Can't stand up. You wait.你千万别乱跑。I'll come over now. 他跑下楼梯的时候，看到外面的天空下着雪。寒风刺骨，大朵干爽的雪花寂静地飘向黑暗的城市。他在街上拦了一辆TAXI。路上有恋人把衣服盖在头上，紧紧拥抱着走过去。 他想起他们曾经在电话里的对话。 11月初就下雪吗？上海1月份才有雪。一个晚上就停了。 你会在北京看到大雪纷飞的。do not worry. 那时候他们还没有同居在一起。那时候他不会想到自己会动手打她耳光。 很容易就在他们以前去过的小餐馆里找到小恩，她一个人占着一张桌子，上面放着空的酒瓶和满满一大盆龙虾壳。她支着头，趴在桌子上，眼神游离。看到他，轻轻地笑。 我吃了60只龙虾。辣得嘴唇都肿了。她噘起嘴唇给他看。唇角都是油腻的污渍，果然是红艳艳的，像肿胀的花苞。 他看到的是她脸颊上，他留下的手指印。还有她嘴角的伤口。 你怎么可以吃那么多龙虾，你会吃伤的。他心力交瘁。我们回家吧，小恩，我求你。 it is good.go home.她摇晃着起身，撞得桌子移动。他扶住她。她看过去过分地平静了。他不知道她这一晚上都做了什么。 街上已经大雪弥漫。他们拦了一辆车。她在出租车上把头埋在他的怀里就睡着了。 大约是凌晨3点左右，他突然惊醒过来。看到小恩赤裸着身体坐在大铁床的床尾，她用手抓着黑色的铸铁栏杆，长发披垂下来，遮住了她的脸。 小恩，你在做什么。他在黑暗中抱住她冰冷的肩头，摸到她脸上的泪。she is crying. 她说，嘴唇上很痛。所以去吃龙虾，想让它被辣得更痛，感觉会木一些。但现在痛得睡不着了。 你怎么可以去做这样的事情。你为什么要这样对待自己。 你老实告诉我，你有没有打过叶子。你有没有动过她一根手指头。 不要再问这种问题了。小恩。 you say.你要告诉我。 我和她根本就没有住在一起。我们是在学校里认识的。 你不会打她。你对她的感情，比我深得多。 这是你自己在这么想。 我那么远过来，和你在一起。 I know.I know.小恩，我求求你，不要再胡思乱想。 他抱住她。他感觉到自己眼睛里的泪水，没有触觉地流下来。然后在空气中消失。心里是有失望的。对自己无能为力的失望。对这份感情的痛苦的失望。觉得自己要死过去一样。 这个任性的脆弱的受伤的女子。她像一道伤口，出现在他的生活里。而他们彼此本可以互相拒绝的。他们都不安全。 11 打架 她决定去找工作上班了。 呆在家里容易得忧郁症。她对他说，我要见见陌生人，和他们在一起，这样就不会想起你对我的不好。 他也觉得她出去工作比较好。有时候下班回来，看到她一个人在家里，空气里都是冰冷的寂静，很难想象她是如何地把一天，硬生生地支撑下来。No dialogue.没有气味。没有温度。 她的性格是不适合独处的。 可是我一个人在家里已经停留了很长时间。我很久很久没有出去工作了。she says. 找工作是要费点神。她想做美术设计。网站，报纸，杂志，公司都可以啊。she says.可是一家家地出去跑，结果却都不好。不是她觉得工资低，公司规模不够大，就是对方觉得她没有北京户口，态度不太明确。在一个月里面，她每天都往外面跑。神情奔波而憔悴。也不再在家里做饭、浇花、有那份闲情逸致。有时候很晚回来，头发上有烟草的混浊味道，往床上一躺，对他也没有话说。 他能感觉到她的心里有一股暗流，在危险而压抑地涌动。 really.他发现她后来已经不再找工作，她只是每天晚上泡在三里屯一带，找个酒吧喝到半醉，才衣衫褴褛地回家。 他当然要制止她。他说，小恩，我不能容许你再去酒吧。 她说，你有什么资格。ridiculous.我难道连行动的自由也没有吗？她又是那种劈头盖脸的架势。 他说，如果你心里有什么不满，你直接说出来。 我讨厌你。 他想他还是能够控制自己的。直到她的手伸出来揪住他的头发。 她是有暴力倾向的人。他压抑了太久的愤怒再一次如潮水决堤。两个人纠缠在一起厮打。从床上到地上。没有穿衣服，赤身裸体。他把她按倒在冰冷的地板上，一下一下地揍她。他能感觉到自己脑子里的空白。什么都没有了。只有机械地运动着手臂的意识。她用手护住自己的头和脸，一声不吭，蜷缩在地上，任他又踢又打。直到他疲倦。 每一次都是相同的。他很快恢复了思维，脑子里清醒过来。不再是空白，后悔和恐惧再次如阴影一样笼罩了他。 她慢慢从地上爬起来，赤裸的身体上是尘土的污迹和红色的淤痕。长发散乱，被汗水粘在脸上。她的脸上居然有微笑。那缕冷漠的微笑因为她嘴唇边的鲜血，显得诡异。 他说，我知道你喜欢这样。你是被虐狂。 她不说话，爬到床上坐在那里。她一直在笑。 他走过去，抱住她。他紧紧地抱住她，把脸贴在她的脖子上。她的脖子上也是血。 小恩，为什么？为什么我们会这样？ 他轻声地疑惑地自言自语。he asked her.他想起叶子的脸，那张在明亮温暖的阳光下像花朵一样绽放的脸。那时候他20岁。他第一次爱上一个女孩子。他是真挚地深切地爱过她。直到最后她离开他嫁给了另外一个男人。 他曾经猜测过自己心里爱的能力还留下多少。他是否还能够继续走下去，把感情托付给另外一个陌生的女子。 他突然明白有些东西是无法修复的。他心里明亮的东西有大部分已经被阴影覆盖。那是一些自私的愤怒的寒冷的东西。从遥远南方过来的小恩，来到他的身边。他们在彼此激发。激发深藏着的阴影。 他们又开始做爱。小恩顺从地让他摆布。她没有声音也没有表情。她像一只彻底被破坏掉的玩具。甚至不再像以前那样提醒他及时抽身。他觉得自己太困了。贴着她的身体就睡了过去。 睡了一会儿，他被她摇醒。她说，我做梦了。刚刚做了一个梦。 她的神情看过去像一个睡意朦胧的天真的小女孩。他说，是噩梦吗？ No.我看到我们去订婚。排着队。很奇怪，不是结婚只是订婚，却要排那么长的队。我的手里还抓着粮食，好像是一把米。 你想嫁给我吗，小恩？he asked her. 你要我嫁给你？ 我想娶你。你相信我。 她没有说话，她又闭上了眼睛。她唇角和脖子上的血迹已经凝固了。她不让他擦干。她阻止他的姿态非常强硬。她又睡着了。 12 为什么不能这样做 第二天他一早起来去上班。 她还在熟睡。出门之前，他想给她留一张条子。他写：小恩，晚上我们一起出去吃晚饭。forgive me.我以后再不会这样做了。You have to believe me. 写完之后，看了一会儿，又随手把它撕掉。yes.他不能让她看到他心里的软弱和恐惧。即使她已经融化在他的生活里，几乎不可分割。 他关上铁门下楼。因为脖子上有她指甲抓伤的血痕，他找出了一条围巾遮盖上。 还是在下雪。路上的雪全冻住了。他仰起头吸了一口凛冽的空气。他想，他还有工作，他还有一个现实正常的世界可以面对。他还有一个出生和长大的熟悉的城市。而小恩，她什么都没有。 他下了决心要对她好。 一整天上班他心神不定。常常无缘无故地掉下文件或碰到椅子。中午吃饭休息的时候，他拨小恩的手机，她没有开机。应该还是在睡觉。下午他一直在寻找机会想早点回家。可是会议一个连一个，始终无法脱身。下班之后，上司又过来通知，因为他过生日，要邀请整个部门的同事出去吃饭。 不可推脱，于是又和一大帮同事们去了星期五餐厅。抽空打手机给小恩，依然是关机。怎么会这样呢。平时她为了方便客户联系到她，常常24小时开机。不敢喝太多酒，好不容易挨到11点左右，聚餐终于结束。 他马上打的回家。他突然担心她不会在家。可能又出去流连在酒吧。如果这样，那么他要赶过去一家一家地找，直到把她找出来。在上楼的时候，他甚至听到自己的心脏激烈跳动的声音。一下一下，跳得是那样的痛。 门一打开，房间里是寂静的空气。他走到房间里一看，小恩还睡在床上。他呼出一口气，说，懒虫，你有没有吃过饭呢，不会一整天就躺着吧。走过去一看，她的脸色苍白，额头上还冒着冷汗。 他把手捂在她的脸上。他说，病了？Not feeling well? 她闭着眼睛，只是疲倦地摇摇头。我要休息一下，明天会好一些。 他说，为什么会这样。告诉我，小恩。 她冷漠地看着他。她说，今天我去医院了。我做了手术。 你怀孕了？ Yes.a month ago. 那你为什么不告诉我？你怎么可以这样做？ 我为什么要告诉你。我又为什么不能这样做。她轻而坚决地推开他的手。 13 不知何处是家乡 有很长一段时间，他们彼此小心翼翼，突然客气了很多。 她很快就恢复了往日的活力，开始在家里忙碌。他无法测量她所遭受的身体上的伤痛。 她曾经对他说过，她已经做过三次手术，如果再做，会有残废的危险。她说话的时候神情是严肃的，带着请求。yes.he knows.她对伤痛的害怕是深切而真实的。 可是她什么都不对他说。 星期六的时候，他们决定去爬山。很久他没有带她出去玩。她到了北京之后因为人生地不熟，几乎从不曾去体会这个城市。 他们坐地铁到苹果园终点站，然后转车去八大处。 红叶早已经凋落。山间只有疏朗的树枝和满地酥脆的落叶。他们爬得很慢。到了适合观望风景的地方就停下来歇息。小恩靠在岩石上晒太阳。阳光很清淡。有黑色的鸟在树梢发出咔咔的奇怪声响。它张开翅膀，顺着山谷的坡度，一路滑翔下去。自由自在。北方的山，在冬天只有肃杀的凛冽。 他们看到一对年老的夫妇，穿着球鞋和运动装，随手拎着大袋子收集空的矿泉水瓶子。 小恩看着他们说，他们在一起应该很久了。 Yes.大部分夫妻还是会在一起很久的。He said.他们已经下山。小恩突然觉得身体不适。她常会觉得疲倦。在山间穿越一片树林的时候，突然看到黄昏的阳光从树枝间穿越过来，金色的光线跳跃。像是电影里的某个场景。 厚厚的落叶，踩上去已经发不出声音。松鼠晃动着大尾巴，悄悄地爬上松树。不知名的美丽大鸟，低声鸣叫着惊跑。蓝得发紫的羽毛。 他们走到了山下。有暮色笼罩的小寺庙。点着的香散发出淡淡的味道。洁净的红砖和青石路面。柿子树上垂挂着最后几只红色的烂熟甜柿。粗壮枝干的中国玫瑰已经开得凋谢。 他们在庙里流连。墙上有各种字画。她一直停顿在那里看着一段话。他走过去，看着那里写着的是憨山大师的一段醒世咏。小恩说，最后两句话写得太好了。她回过头去看他，眼睛里有泪水。她念给他听，她轻轻地说，顷刻一声锣鼓歇，不知何处是家乡。 他突然发现自己停顿在那里无法动弹。他握住她冰冷柔软的手。他说，小恩，我需要你。 她淡淡地微笑。可是你了解我吗？我的过去你一无所知，我的未来你也无法把握。你所能做的，其实只要是对我好一些就可以。因为我一个人来到这里。 14 离开 3月的时候，她找到了工作。 是在广州。一家很大的知名设计公司。 她说，我必须得去工作。I'm tired.我一个人很寒冷。 他知道肯定要放她走。看她慢慢地开始收拾自己的行囊。她只带走她的书，衣服和那一大堆旧的随身物品，包括小熊和瓷杯子，而把所有值钱的新购置的东西都留给了他。 他说，你还回来吗？ 回来。过年的时候就回北京来看你。在上海我已经没有家了。在北京就留一个家给我吧。 He looks at her.他不相信她。他相信她一到新的地方就会抛弃她记忆中所有的往事。她只恋物不恋人。她早就这样对他说过。 他送她去机场。她还是背着她来时的包。她喜欢的日本包，褐色的麂皮，摸上去绒毛会一层层地倒下去。名字叫Tokyo。她穿着旧牛仔裤，跑鞋，厚的纯棉T恤，头发长了许多，凌乱地贴在脸上。 She looks at him.她的脸上又有了那种天真甘甜的笑容。她像一朵干燥的花恢复了水分。在他身边的时候，她的冷漠和愤怒曾是这样的多。 她背了包起来准备进候机厅。他看着她背上一个包，手里分别拎着两个，倔强而坚持地用力支撑自己。她一贯如此。 她转身对他挥了挥手，然后消失在拐角处。 15 原来也就这么多 他们同居的日子一共是7个月零9天。 他把房子退了。准备回家。他要把剩下的东西都搬到家里。 最后一天收拾东西的时候，搬家公司的大卡车已经停在楼下。 他作最后的检查。在卫生间的瓷砖里看到一缕头发。他捡起来看，很长的漆黑的发丝，应该是小恩洗头的时候遗留下来的。 他想，这才是她留给他的惟一的东西。 他们彼此之间有过的，原来也就这么多。 生命是一场幻觉