Chapter 43 holy silence

I still remember some things about my childhood in Chongqing.My family lives in Lion Mountain on the south bank, from where we can visit a higher Zhenwu Mountain.There is a section of road on Zhenwu Mountain that is very dangerous, with steep rocks on the inside and extremely deep cliffs on the outside.I had a lot of fun that day. When I came back, I deliberately walked on the edge of the cliff, bouncing around, and even jumped forward.At the age of seven, I still don't understand the preciousness of life.In doing so, there is an intention to let the mother see that she is anxious.A strange rock protrudes from the wild grass in the valley below the cliff. The rock is naturally formed in the state of a coiled snake, and one of the rocks protrudes like a snake's neck and head.Legend has it that married men and women throw stones down from the cliff, and if they hit the body of the stone snake, they will have a son.I am in chaos, I think I understand

Regarding the matter of adults, I heard the adults have such discussions, and I remembered that I also played a game of pretending to be a bride and groom with a neighbor girl, and even picked up stones and threw them down the cliff. The posture is even more thrilling when viewed from the side. I still remember the face of my mother that day.She clings to the cliff on the inner side of the road and walks slowly.She must have regretted not being able to hold my hand firmly and keep me at her side before she turned to that part of the road, and she moved forward by herself, but kept her eyes on me.I playfully hop and throw, laugh at her, retch her, and piss her off, with the edge of the precipice inches away from my lively life.Afterwards, especially when I grew up, I recalled my mother's expression at that time, and I was very surprised, because according to the general psychological logic and behavioral logic, my mother should have yelled at me in panic, and even came over and pulled me to the road section Inside, but she was very calm, she didn't shout, let alone roar, and she didn't show signs of stepping forward to interfere with me. She just pursed her lips, looked at me calmly, and moved forward relatively parallel to me.

That dangerous road was finally over, and after turning a corner, there were cliffs covered with thatch and shrubs on both sides of the road, and my mother came to hold my hand, still speechless, I just felt her fat palm Overflowing with cool sweat. Until middle age, one day I somehow mentioned this past event, and I asked my mother why she was so quiet that day.She told me that on the first level, I must be quiet in that situation, because if I shouted and reprimanded in a panic, it would make me nervous, and it might cause a slip; on the second level, she noticed that I knew that there was a cliff at my feet. Facing danger, I deliberately angered her. Although I don't understand how absurd it is to hang my life on the line, but the state at that time had a certain sense of self-defense awareness and ability. A life will face many dangers in a lifetime, and often There will be deliberate approach to danger, that is, risky action, and she thought it would be okay for me to enjoy the fun of adventure.I was amazed that my mother was able to have second-order profound thoughts at that time.

It has been almost 20 years since my mother passed away, and she left me a rich spiritual heritage, among which the extraordinarily calmness in times of great danger or great joy is the most precious one.When I wrote my first novel, my mother lived in my small study room. I leaned on the table and wrote on the manuscript paper, and my mother was behind me, quietly leaning on the bed and reading other people's works.Sometimes I would turn around and tell her excitedly that I felt good about myself when I wrote a certain paragraph, and I would read a paragraph to her. I will also talk about some content of a work I read at hand. That work was written by a colleague. I don’t have time to read it, and I don’t think it has any reference value for me. Naturally, she felt that the writing was quite good, but she didn't add any words of praise. She just told me objectively and calmly, without being wordy, and had the effect of acupuncture.Later, when I won the Mao Dun Literature Award, my mother had already moved to my elder brother’s house in Chengdu. I wrote to them to announce the good news, and my mother quickly replied to me alone, but there was no mention of my award in the letter, no words of congratulations. But in a calm tone, he asked me to do a few housework, which are the easiest things for me to ignore when I am so proud of my success in my career.

I went to Paris for the third time in 2000, and went to the Louvre to see Da Vinci's "Mona Lisa". Among the many viewers, I suddenly had a very private feeling, that is, the face of Mona Lisa The expression on the face does not necessarily have to be summed up as a smile, it is actually a sacred silence, in the calmness with tension and concentration, it silently bears the ups and downs, joys and sorrows, thrills and surprises of life.At that time, my mother had passed away for 12 years. I stared at the Mona Lisa and felt that my mother's face was superimposed on it, which continued to show me: no matter what happens in life, whether it is expected or unreasonable, silence is always necessary. Prepared psychological treasure.