Chapter 32 fill your own bowl

A reporter came to ask me what I think about "Chinese writers going to the world" (or "Chinese literature going to the world", there is only a slight difference between the two formulations, so I won't go into details here). I've said it, I don't want to say it anymore.He wondered why I was "indifferent to such an important issue", and I told him that this issue was really unimportant to me personally, and I could be completely indifferent. Many Chinese regard winning the Nobel Prize in Literature as a big deal, as if that is the direction of Chinese literature and Chinese writers.

World flags.If a Chinese writer wins the Nobel Prize in Literature, I will be happy for him.But that is likely to be just a happy event for him to gain both fame and fortune. What should happen to Chinese literature is probably still the same, and what should be done to other Chinese writers is probably still the same; especially let us not forget that now There are quite a few Chinese writers living abroad, some of them have won certain authoritative literary awards in the West second only to the Nobel Prize for Literature, some have been nominated many times, and some of their works have been awarded The number of translations into Western languages ​​and the praise they received are far more than those of the writers who stayed in the country, and there is even a direct writing in Western languages ​​​​and published by major Western publishing houses, so there is no need to "go"; Writers, one of them is likely to "get the first month" in the near future, and his award-winning works have not been published in the mainland at all. You said that it has nothing to do with the writing of our local writers, the reading of local readers, and even How much can the work of native critics really matter?

In 1992, I was invited to visit by the institution responsible for evaluating the Nobel Prize in Literature - the Swedish Academy, and I was fortunate to listen to the award-winning speech of the year's winner Walcott. The biggest gain of my visit was to know The academicians of the Swedish Academy laughed at some writers who wrote for their award. Why do writers write?There will be a variety of starting points and purposes.If someone writes for the podium in Stockholm, I don't laugh at him, and I even feel quite tragic.That, too, should count as a kind of writing. Personally, I believe in the ancient Chinese saying: "The bigger the bowl, the bigger the rice." My bowl is not only small, but also not of high quality.I am deeply aware of my limitations.I am a writer who lives in Beijing, writes in square characters, and is basically only supported by a relatively stable readership. In recent years, I have become more and more marginalized, and I am going from middle age to old age.I value myself a lot, but I don't expect others to value themselves as much as I do.I like literature, I like writing, and I am not limited to literary writing. When I have the urge to write, I write, whether it is long or short, or it can be a literary work or a non-literary text. When I write, I seldom hide it in a drawer. Find a space that can accommodate it and publish it. If it is published, it is very good. If you can’t publish it here, try another place, if you can’t publish it, let’s forget it; The ideological connotation of words, but in recent years I have become more and more conscious and comfortable, only obeying my own life experience and conscience, not other instructions.Chinese literature going to the world?That's fine, but I'm afraid it's not an obligation of mine; as far as my own writing is concerned, some native readers are happy to read it, and I feel that my writing mission has been accomplished.Chinese writers going to the world?If you understand it in a narrow sense, I have visited many times abroad, and I have already "reached the standard". But if I want to become a so-called "world-type writer", for example, once I appear in a bookstore in New York or Paris, I will have blonde hair and blue eyes. Admirers flocked to sign, then, please forgive me, it is absolutely impossible-if that is really a state that Chinese writers as a whole should strive for for national honor, please put that heavy responsibility, "historically on" Other writers with that ambition.

The same reporter, after forcing out what I said above, said sharply: "You have taken this posture because you have lost the possibility of 'going'. In fact, you are very ambitious. You say you Marginalized, what is the readership is small, but recently, it has published a new novel, and continued to explore the lost, wrote "Miao Yu's Death"; also set foot in architectural criticism; Not to mention throwing out non-literary essays from time to time, which are scattered in newspapers and magazines all over the world... Can this be called 'how much bowl you keep, how much food you eat'?"

I laughed and argued, this just shows that I am a "bowl guard".The "Pizza Hut" chain store that sells American-style pizza in Beijing has a rule that you can go to the "salad bar" to pick up your own salad at one time with a bowl of the same size they provide for a price.In order to fit as much salad as possible into a prescribed bowl, some customers really did their best.For example, they first fill the bottom of the bowl with green peas, and then stick the cucumber slices obliquely on the side of the bowl so that the upper half is exposed from the edge of the bowl. Put the "fluffy" ones on the top, put a layer, pour a layer of salad dressing, and the last bowl is more than double that of customers who don't pack it that way.Is this indecent?I asked an American from a Beijing-based company, and her answer was: "As long as you can eat enough, there is nothing wrong with it." Good appetite, no leftovers, no waste, then how you use it, how much you eat and how little you eat, is entirely your own business, and no one else needs to comment.I used to be very contemptuous of the diners in Beijing's "Pizza Hut" who used ingenious ways to fill their salad bowls to the top, and I also suggested to the manager there, why can't they allow multiple servings?It is enough to keep only one restriction not to take out of the store. How much salad can a diner eat in the store?The manager replied to me that they are not afraid of diners eating more, but they are afraid of taking too much and leaving too much. They have tried it and concluded that although there is waste under the current rule of "keeping one bowl to eat", there is not much leftover after all. .From this, I think of my own writing. In fact, it is nothing more than keeping a bowl, because my appetite is really good, and I fill it relatively full.I think that after a while, my own appetite will decline, especially the readers who read my words will lose their appetite for me, so the amount I put in the bowl should decrease.I suddenly recalled a distant relative in my hometown when I was young. At that time, he was very strong. Every meal, he would serve a bowl of "Maotou", topped with spicy bean curd, and it was delicious.When I saw him again later, he was already an old man with asthma. Every meal, the rice he filled was no more than the edge of the bowl-but no matter how much rice he filled, there was always no grain left.Whether life is good, appetite is good, writing is good, or publishing is good, keep a bowl, don't exceed the rules, don't waste, don't deceive others, don't fool yourself, let nature take its course, and be honest, maybe you will be considered blessed !