Chapter 21 twenty-three years and thirteen months

A child who grew up slowly in the past thirteen years, quickly projected his power in twelve months, and caused a little wave in the cultural circle of Taiwan-this is what I have harvested in the past twenty-six years" adventure".Some friends are interested in this "adventure" of mine, and I would also like to do a self-dissection at a time when such rumors are all over the world, so as to teach people how a 14-year-old child is educated in Taiwan and how to live under the standard education. Becoming a traitor, how to struggle in depression, how to present his true colors to his readers.This is an autobiographical story, and I had better start it thirteen years ago.

In the thirty-eighth year of the Republic of China (1949), shortly before Shanghai retreated, my family moved to Taiwan. I was fourteen at the time.During the war, I did not have enough time to get my primary school diploma, but I entered the first year of junior high school twice (at first, I studied in Beiping Municipal No. After less than a semester, I fled again; after arriving in Taiwan, I skipped classes and was admitted to the second grade of the Provincial Taichung No. 1 Middle School. Spirituality, voluntarily suspending studies at home. My father graduated from Peking University in the fifteenth year of the Republic of China (1926). He fully possessed the free spirit of Peking University that "I don't care about my son". He did what I wanted and said easily: "Okay! If you want to suspend school, just suspend!"

My father was the director of the Chinese Department of No. 1 Middle School at the time. He ran to the school and said to the dean: "My precious son is not going to study! You can suspend him from school!" So I squatted at home, in my study and bedroom with two tatami mats surrounded by books, and blissfully cultivated the noble spirit for a year. During the summer vacation of 1954, I was admitted to the Judiciary Section of the Law Department of National Taiwan University with the same qualifications.After a few months of happiness, I was admitted to the History Department of National Taiwan University.

The history department is a mysterious department, which can make the madman more mad, the donors more rampant, and the stupid ones even more stupid.Before I went in, I heard that this department was the best; after I went in, I found out why it was so good.It turns out that it is the most easily confused department among the many departments of National Taiwan University: students who attend class, copy notes, and memorize them are class-A students; If you don't go to class, don't copy notes, and don't want to memorize, it's not difficult to pass, even if you are a student of C and D, Li Ao and his like!

In the history department, I really settled down.Except for having to bite the bullet and perfunctory for a while at the end of each semester, at other times, I am happy to study freely by myself, or travel with some good friends, play in the water, drink, quarrel, sit on the campus grass in the middle of the night, and talk about dawn.Then all the heroes were sleepy one by one, and those who declared that they would not be able to pay came forward, took out the pancakes and fried dough sticks fund, and everyone joined in the grand event. After the final breakfast, they scattered like birds and beasts, and their dreams were all gone, or they were left to the subconscious to create Utopia type of social reform.

After graduating from the history department, I started serving as a reserve officer.A year and a half of military life has solidified my personal thinking and courage. I have suffered in the field troops, which is not easy for ordinary reserve officers, but I am very strong.When he was about to leave the army, Mr. Yao Congwu happened to be a research chair professor of the "National Long-term Development Science Committee". He asked me if I would like to be an assistant researcher for him. I was desperate at the time, so of course I would.On February 6, 1961, I boarded the return warship, and nine days later, I returned to National Taiwan University.

It was the season of warm spring and flowers blooming at National Taiwan University. When I walked back, I felt that things were right and wrong.Old friends and lovers from the past have gone far and wide.I wandered around for a while, and found a small room near the school, four tatami mats in size, too short to lift my hands up, and I named it "Four-seat House", which I enjoyed a lot.When I walked out of the research room at night, the whole building of the Faculty of Letters was pitch black. I thought of my life experience and aspirations, and couldn't help but sigh.Sometimes, the two lines of Chen Baochen's poem come out of my mouth, which are exactly:

It's hard to find a pure land after a lot of sloughing, The saddest thing is near tall buildings! My "Four-seat Hut" is located in an important place, and there are constant guests every day, at most there are fourteen guests a day, and the surrounding environment is too noisy, with a lot of old women, young wives, and children.Although I was in a back alley, I was "unbearable to be disturbed".After four months, I decided to go to the countryside.After choosing and choosing, I chose a small room in the new store, facing the mountains and facing the water, at two hundred yuan a month, so I filled a truckload of books and started to move.

Xindian country residence is the most indifferent and peaceful time in my 26 years. This life close to nature has given me the opportunity to think deeply. In the green mountains, by the green water, and on the suspension bridge, I have thought about my Which way to go, how to go this way. I grew up in Beiping. The ancient cultural city and my childhood environment made me intellectually precocious. I could memorize it at the age of six, read all the old novels at the age of ten, and read "Black Slave" at the age of eleven. "Soul" ("Black Slave Calls to Heaven") and other translated novels. When I was in the sixth grade of elementary school, I had a private physical and chemical laboratory and became the director of the school library.

I have developed the habit of paying attention to extracurricular books since I was a child, and I have also developed a habit of buying and collecting books.When I came to Taiwan in 1949, my entire property was a collection of more than 500 books, (there were many materials on the history and geography of Northeast China, because at that time I was overwhelmed and thought of a "Northeast History"! The collection of books There is also Mr. Li Xuanbo's "New Research on Ancient Chinese Society", which I bought when I was in the first grade of junior high school. I never thought that seven years later, I would use this book as a textbook in Mr. Li's class! There is also a volume Mr. Zheng Xuejia's "Industry in the Northeast" was bought when I was in the sixth grade of elementary school. I never expected that fourteen years later, I would be scolded by the author of this book until my "father's hall"! ) These precocious achievements made me very interested in things other than textbooks very early on, and made me feel lonely and angry about "the death of You Zong Zhou" very early on.

After the second year of junior high school, I studied in Taichung No. 1 Middle School, and spent most of my time in the library of this middle school.This library has quite a rich collection of books. I spent four years in the library as a voluntary waiter, which gave me a lot of common sense about general books.What amazed the administrators the most was that I could even close my eyes and use my nose alone to identify which big bookstore in Shanghai printed a book. In the standard education, I grew up slowly, and I gradually became intolerable to the middle school education.As far as the objective environment is concerned, I always feel that the middle school education I experienced cannot keep up with my residual memories in Peking. In my residual memories, I think that the middle school students in Peking are not as dull, superficial, and lack of common sense and spirituality as in Taiwan; To put it bluntly, the more extracurricular books I read, the more I feel that middle school education is not suitable for the personality development of ordinary teenagers, let alone improving students with higher IQs.The education system, teaching methods, teachers, curriculum distribution, etc. of middle schools all have serious flaws and abuses. I wrote a 4,000-word article for the "Student" magazine ten years ago when I was a freshman in high school -- " Dewey's Educational Thoughts and Others", in that article, I had a very strong longing for Dewey's "Progressive education". This kind of longing made me very painful in the middle school with strong contrast. In the third year of high school, I couldn't bear it at all. I was determined not to get this high school diploma. As an "outsider", I began to yearn for National Taiwan University, yearning for a little compensation or comfort that university education would bring me. A year later, I walked into the gate of this school, breathing an air far freer than that of middle school, and I was once satisfied. However, soon, the life of the university gave me a deep understanding of the side of the so-called higher education, which is more disappointing than the secondary education, especially the grammar school I experienced, which is so ridiculous and pedantic. In such a state of appearance, six or seven freshman English teachers in the foreign language department of the university can't even figure out whether William Saroyan is accurate; and some teachers and students in the law department don't even know Hugo LaFayette Black! I live in the college, but I am very dissatisfied with the atmosphere of the college. What university education brings to people should not be to study hard, to study hard, or even to die hard. It should really cultivate some talents of wisdom and some useful Intellectuals with bones, judgment, extensive knowledge and influence at the same time.But, in fact, university education can be said to have failed in this respect.Today's college students rarely think independently, judge independently, and act independently.They just copy notes, memorize handouts, and then walk into church or dances. In church, they use their knees; Disappointed I walked out of college and into the military.The one-and-a-half-year career of serving as a soldier and throwing a pen has mixed a new enzyme in my life, which made me suddenly stay away from the academy, away from the books, and away from the group of people who were out of touch with the people.During my life in the army, I was exposed to the simplicity and innocence of the Chinese people, and these simplicity and innocence have long been textbook terms in the "institution of higher learning" where I was born.This experience made me more and more aware of the failure of university education. After returning from the army, I wrote: Education is like a refrigerator, the longer one is close to it, the colder one becomes.Most of the mind is just like the handleless knife described by Tagore. It may be practical and useful, but it is too unlovable! No matter how distressed I am, I am a person from an academy after all. The influence of the academy has left a huge imprint on me, preventing my career and direction from being revised in principle.So after a year and a half of folk life, I went back to the academy, opened the Tripitaka, spread out Song Huiyao, and found Acta Orientalia (ACTAORIENTALIA). The gentle way of the city buried my inner turmoil and loneliness. How many times, when the sun was setting, I sat beside Mr. Yao Congwu, looking at the wrinkles on his face and thinning white hair, and seeing the picture of the school book with the white head that he successfully wove, I couldn't help feeling I can't help but be at a loss spontaneously.In front of a hard-working teacher, it seems that I shouldn't follow him on the purely academic road, but whenever I lock the research room in the dark, watching his slow back disappear in the darkness, I actually I can't help asking myself: "Maybe there is something more suitable for me to do. It's too early for me to end my career, and it's not suitable for me to be lonely. I'm still young, so I should take a look!" So, in the cold night, I walked onto the bridge of Bitan, the sky was gloomy, there was no moonlight, and there was no light. Come to my head, on the wobbly suspension bridge, I am independent, fantasizing, and bring myself anxiety and doubts.However, a voice inspired me bravely. It was the stream under the bridge, which flowed continuously and steadily towards the front. I watched and watched without knowing where it was going.At some point, the stream that appeared in front of my eyes had turned into manuscript paper, so I pushed away "Stealing Anger Records", removed "Gui Qian Zhi", picked up a pen, and wrote the first text for "Wen Xing"— "The Old Man and the Stick". "The Old Man and the Stick" was published on November 1st last year, so it has been thirteen months.In the past thirteen months, I have written fifteen articles for "Wen Xing" and one article for "Biographical Literature". Destruction has been flying towards my head, it is likely to "destroy and kill slaves"! I am a jovial person by nature, and my jovial personality prevents me from being able to conduct myself and write articles in a straight-faced way.Cognitively, I have a fair amount of intellectual training, but that training doesn't quite handle my emotional freedom, where I'm a religious fanatic.I have two ways to express this kind of fanaticism: one is the heroism of the strong; the other is the cynic cynicism.Among the former, I like characters with a bit of chivalry, such as Tian Guang, Hou Ying, Zhu Jia, Guo Jie, and Wang Wu. Although they do not belong to this era, their Kataba Yoshimitsu is the best nutrition of our generation. ;in the latter, I like Diogenes, I like Voltaire, I like Swift, I like Bernard Shaw, I like their sharpness and the passion to express sharpness. This passion makes me impatient with traditional ethics education. Our tradition is "gentleman" type "Confucianism". Be careful in your actions, be cautious in your words, accept what comes and go, be content with your life, don't contend with the world, don't mind your own business, don't show your edge, don't make enemies, and don't break away from the classics.To respect the elderly... the personality casted by these standards is conceivable.So in Chinese society, we see the most three kinds of people, the first is Xiang Yuan, the second is Hao Hao Mr., and the third is peacemaker.As for the sly talkers, clever eunuchs, lackeys, slaves, police officers, villains, sycophants, and laughing tigers, I don't know how many there are.Frankly speaking, these people will definitely not be able to bring our country to modernization. If we really want to cheer up, we must first cultivate a cynicism!Cynicism is not a bad thing, especially in our lifeless and big nation, how can we deserve to say that cynicism is bad?The society's education for young people should not be to make them mature, obedient, and good people.We should let go of the fetters and let the young people run as fast as they can. Instead of being violent, they should not be trivial; Do people make hometown wishes?Don't let the vigorous young people rush, scold, curse, be fooled, wrestle, or fall... May I ask where do we find vitality?Young people are not allowed to make radical, straightforward, and drastic speeches and actions in society. May I ask which old man who keeps his profits and keeps his fortune still has such energy?If it can make the whole country young and lively, and there are some young people who say a few arrogant words, say a few strong words, and do some stupid things that don't know the heights of heaven and earth, what is it? Based on this understanding, I feel that those who are old and lack vigor should really have the generosity to encourage young people.When I say this, I am not suggesting that they go to the "Mountain of Abandonment" in Japanese legend and commit suicide to thank the people of the country.I just think that they don't need to make a fuss and be neurotic. No matter how arrogant the young Chinese sheep are, they can still make this generation of old and unsatisfactory people live for the rest of their lives!Those who are not up to date should really feel their backwardness and failure, and give up their sticks or put away their old tunes. At least they should stop trying to block the way and lecture others in a big way.What's more, under the current status quo, because there are too many people and too many monks, the opportunities for young people to display their ambitions are really limited. The young people in the 1900s, 1920s or later in the 1930s have a road ahead of them. Compared with the broader realm, it is not difficult for a person who has returned to his hometown after studying and has an aspiration for education to get a middle school principal to do it (my father is an example).Even as a middle school teacher, the affluence of life is far beyond what it is today. Qian Mu's salary when he was a middle school teacher is beyond the imagination of today's middle school teachers.In the hard work of struggling for food and clothing all day long, we can't ask why today's middle school teachers can't study and their level is low.What's more, it's not easy for a young person who graduated from university to find a middle school teacher (I personally was one of the ones who hit a wall), and if he was lucky or well-connected, he would dare to help implement the standard education under the "teaching schedule" ?Where else is academic research mentioned?Occasionally, there are people who strive for the top; those who can go abroad sell cheap labor for three meals a day, relying on foreigners to spend their miserable years; Be careful to be small scholars under the collective leadership of the seniors, and even participate in the "distribution of spoils in the academic circle", escaping from reality and waiting for promotion, but when can they wait?Under the tireless "care" of the old man, they have nothing to do! The examples mentioned above are only those young people who are intellectually and intelligently superior, and their future is so stalemate and so bleak, let alone the hesitation and depression of other larger groups of people! Since I came to Taiwan at the age of fourteen, I have personally grown up in this kind of world style, style of study and style of writing, and I have seen with my own eyes how children, teenagers and young people of this generation grow up, in the perverted primary education, in the In the model middle school education, in the soulless university education, and in the swarm of study abroad exams, I vaguely see that this is the starting point of a tragedy, the sowing of a bad result.Perhaps this tragedy and evil consequences can only be clearly seen when this generation is "in charge".Our previous generation suffered the consequences of the tragedies left to them by our ancestors, and now we have to bear the consequences of the previous generation, waiting helplessly for their direction and hard work.For thirteen years, I have tasted what the previous generation did, and I have to say, I am terribly disappointed! In "The Old Man and the Stick", I broke out my patience, and raised three doubts about the previous generation: First, from a feeling point of view, are the elderly willing to pay the price? Second, from a technical point of view, will the elderly pay this stick? Third, in terms of the stick itself, what kind of stick did the old man hand over?What I worry about is that not only will the old people refuse to throw out the stick, but they may hit the young people with a stick on the head! For me, these doubts are not only completely fulfilled, but also more "intimacy"-when I continue to write articles, sticks of various numbers hit me on the head one after another! The first stick was called by the dean of the Faculty of Arts of a certain national university, who said: "Li Ao scolded us for not handing over the stick! In fact, what does Li Ao have? We want to hand it over, but we won't give it to Li Ao!" This was relayed by a friend to I, I heard it, and I couldn't help laughing, I said: "Handing over the stick means that the previous generation abdicates, and this generation rises up. Is it in a narrow sense to give me Li Ao a piece of cake? I, Li Ao, may have nothing as he said. If so, Then my only thing is to prove that their things are not things! Maybe I can scold myself with the line I am nothing if not critical in Shakespeare Othello!" Three months later, a passage of mine can best express my slightest intention. I never dared to say that my articles were "academic", and I never dared to say that what I said was "the standard vocabulary of Chinese and foreign gentlemen".One of the purposes of my writing is to tell people: Those well-known figures "between academics and politics" and their big articles with tens of thousands of words in one sentence, seem to be non-academic and gentlemanly.They just make some ordinary people think that their "words" are "academics" and their "words" are "gentlemen".As a result, the corpse lives in the teaching chair of a college, holds the gentleman's standard, and pretends to teach young people. I have seen this kind of hypocrisy too much, and I really can't bear it.Therefore, I want to write some articles to tear their ugly faces, and tell them that Li Ao is not like a "scholar" or a "gentleman", and you are not like a "gentleman" or a "scholar". Please come down from the stage and give academic throne, gentleman Leave a piece of pure land in the shrine! Although this passage seems not very refined, it is true.I hate putting on airs the most. If I had to choose between "hypocrite" and "true villain", I would choose the latter without hesitation.This kind of personality makes me "be the first" in many things - to be the "bad guy" first.The most notable example was the death of my father when I was twenty.After my father died, according to the tradition, we had to burn paper, chant scriptures, and bend down with a mourning stick to pretend to be a filial son, but I refused to be a "hypocrite" for "the joy of the hanger". I was scolded in front of the scene, but I didn't care--I was "a real villain"! However, in our hypocritical society, it is not easy to be a "true villain".In the eyes of "hypocrites", it is impossible for a "true villain" to exist. They feel that this "true villain" is not small, and there must be a big boss behind him.So, they started guessing. At first I guessed that it was Hu Shi, but later I thought it was not Hu Shi, but Hu Shi’s second generation, Hu Shi’s student Yao Congwu; later it was not Yao Congwu, but Yao Congwu’s student Yin Haiguang, and Yin Haiguang was the author of the "Free China" magazine. Rebels!Later, I felt that Yin Haiguang was wrong; so he pulled out another Wu Xiangxiang. In the end, Wu Xiangxiang was hit by a stray bullet and lay on the ground and became a "social sage". They seemed a little sorry; Tao Xisheng! Tao Xisheng is the "current" mastermind behind the scenes, watch it!Soon he will be dismissed by them, and he will be replaced by another boss! I have so many bosses, I'm really "shaking"! This is the shameful way that the gentlemen of the previous generation treated me.This kind of method, whether it is "traditional", "transcendental", or even "Trotskyist", is a chorus of similar approaches but equally satisfactory results! What a chorus!I think Hu Qiuyuan and Xu Fuguan scolded each other back then, but now they are flirting again!Zheng Xuejia and Ren Zhuoxuan bickered, and now they are flirting again!These people who share the same bed with different dreams are now holding back their temper and holding the "United Front".I saw them bring a batch of instigations to write articles in a swarm, eat out in a swarm, and enter the judicial building in a swarm, I couldn't help snickering!It suddenly dawned on me that I had lived for twenty-six years, and only now did I know what "suspiciousness" is!They are besieged with sticks like this, and slandered with evil words, I just feel sorry for them.In my letter to Mr. Wu Xinliu, I criticized them in this way: It is these people who actually played a role in China in the 1930s, and they are still playing their part until the 1960s.How pitiful this is!How sad! They represent the most courageous and ruthless group in the previous generation, and they are also unscrupulous and neurotic.With their tragic life experiences and experiences, they can no longer understand what an independent personality is, let alone imagine what a real man looks like.They always think that when a young man in the 1960s writes an article, he must have the backing of the backstage boss. They are used to relying on big trees, and they feel awkward when they see others acting alone! From some perspectives, these literary and ink-loving people of the previous generation are still smart, because they are not stubborn compared with the other group of old and stubborn.Another group of old diehards is the Boxer-style quintessence of China. The pedantry and sourness of this group of people is simply unbearable; and these old diehards are matched by a group of new diehards. Under the weaving of the new diehards, Taiwan has become a complete "Cultural desert", stale public opinion in newspapers, stereotyped literature in the literary world, bad anecdotes in magazines, superficial teachers in schools...everywhere they are disturbed by them! The young people who grew up under this kind of world style, style of study and style of writing are pitiful!They lack nutrition and lack courage.But this cannot be blamed on them, it is the environment and education that should be blamed.The previous generation full of failures has no reason to blame this generation, as Mr. Zheng Xuejia said: Young people of the same age in Taiwan today cannot imagine what that generation [with the "prodigal" temperament] did.The youth of a country, riding bicycles and galloping in Ximending and Hengyang Street with the attitude of Taibao Taimei, is not what this country needs! ("Wen Xing" No. 38, "The Mirror of Modern Chinese Intellectuals") Yes, even if the "big sister of Taibao" in this generation "can't imagine what the people of that generation did", but we know that "the needs of the country" do not seem to be the reckless actions of "people of that generation". Generations of heroes once sowed seeds for the country indiscriminately, but now they appear as "prodigal sons" on the surface, and warn this generation: "I'm not allowed to study the past! Research is to help the enemy and destroy unity. I will sue you for slander!" But the young people of this generation don't care.These, they know, they are innocent, they have done nothing wrong for the country!Their lack of nutrition and courage today is the inevitable result of war and displacement. This responsibility must be borne by the previous generation! What kind of environment and education will produce what kind of talents: Among the intellectuals in the 1930s, we can no longer find a typical figure like Cai Yuanpei in the 1900s. If one Cai Yuanpei dies, we will not find a second one. One person can replace him; among the intellectuals in the 1940s, we can no longer find a typical figure like Fu Sinian in the 1920s. After one Fu Sinian dies, we cannot find another person who can replace him; In the current environment and education, we cannot be too demanding why this generation of young people are so lacking in nutrition and courage, and there are so many "taibaotaimei"!We have to ask: "This water is self-clear, who disturbed it?" When the previous generation asked themselves, they couldn't imagine that there would be cacti growing in the "cultural desert" they created.But what surprised them was that even in this climate, some cactuses were able to struggle out, mocking and protesting at them.Emotionally, they deliberately want to suppress and eradicate these strange flowers and weeds, and even "catch the generals"!But intellectually, they have to wonder, wondering, thinking, "This is a miracle!" It is also the young people of this generation who feel miraculous.They did not expect that they would be smart in the muddled environment; they would wake up in the hypnotic education, they got the powder from the heavy makeup of the previous generation, but they did not learn beauty from the old monsters, they knew how to dress themselves, How to lighten eyebrows! Of course they are very vigilant, they know that now is an era of flying hats!They know that the literati in the 1930s were unscrupulous in framing dissidents—this kind of people most like to put the hats they have worn on the opponents' heads.The young people of this generation are not interested in hanging out with the bubbles of those times, because they don't want to do that!They have their real vision and aspirations, and their blueprint for modernizing China.They are only willing to jump over the bubbles of these times, hoping that these old men will not come to stumble, if the old men are stubborn, sometimes they have to pat them on the top of the head, so as to teach them to be sober and get out of the way ! In the broad and vast future, the old and old-fashioned old generations are not the "enemies" of the intellectuals in the new era, because they should have been the fallen flowers and catkins of the old era, should have withered and sold. His voice is suppressed, and he should have been lying on the bed, reciting a bad poem one by one: "Look at the tiger's death!" The young people of the lost generation will surely return to the angry generation. Among them, those who are confused will eventually be wise; those who are sleeping will eventually wake up;These transformational enzymes do not wait for outsiders, they must rely on themselves! As a small role of intellectuals in the modern era, I know that I am just an enthusiastic little person, a little star in the sky.The arrangement of ability and chance may only make me a little soldier who is noisy and fights the vanguard. Among the angry young people, I firmly believe that there will be a large number of masters coming.If I were a little self-aware, I'd know I'm not a "warrior".How many times, in the middle of the night, have I smiled and said to myself, "I'm not a warrior! From some point of view, maybe I'm a coward. If I'm not a coward, I shouldn't be wasting my energy on the scum of my time!" In the era of deep water and wide waves, how small I am! How powerless! How short-lived! I can only beat the hunchback of old stubborn people with my bare hands as far as the environment allows, make them frown their white brows, raise their blood pressure, probably This is the best I can do! What else can I do?" This low-key is really my basic attitude.The formation of this basic attitude came as a matter of course for me.I grew up in adversity, and mentally, I have experienced the pain that "taibaotaimei" can't experience.Personal rational training and religious fanaticism have been condensed or transformed by me into mostly negativity and anger under the environment I have experienced, with some cynicism and disrespect mixed in to some extent.On the other hand, the oppression of life forced me to go through distressing side jobs one after another - from writing wax boards to delivering newspapers, from entering pawnshops to working as a copywriter... These unfinished life has invisibly strengthened, and I am mentally and energetically. Although the minimum tenacity prevents me from falling down, it is not easy for me to stand up. This is probably one of the sources of my low profile.Probably based on my abilities and circumstances, I will never call out the high-profile words of "coming from behind" or "surpassing and advancing" in my life. This is very hopeless! But my low-key is also beneficial, which is to satisfy the self-noise of a small person.A low-key person often manifests passive non-cooperation, boycotting, musk-like self-destruction, preferring to pieces, intransigence, and Tao Yuanming.In troubled times, this kind of low-key and strong attitude is not only a way to survive and be a man, sometimes in my opinion, this is even the only way!It's a pity that among today's intellectuals who are clean and self-respecting, even Tao Yuanming's "pastoral" of "general chaos" who can maintain integrity is not available! Although they are poor, they have to be poor and tough. People of the older generation should also think that among the young people of the new generation, there will also be tough guys who are "poor and lowly" and "bone-boned". Care for people!As long as people of the older generation don't die of old eyesight, they will always see the personality and demeanor of this generation of outstanding intellectuals.These are not the result of their teaching, this is their good fortune! In the past thirteen years, I have changed from a child to a teenager, and from a teenager to a young man. The troubles and sufferings have not made me ignore the appearance of all beings in the past 13 years, nor have my low-key outlook on life become a little bit more high-profile.My negativity is: if I don’t make my hometown wish, China will have one less hometown wish; my "positive" is: knock down a few "hypocrites" and declare a few "hypocrites" as hometown wishes.that is it.The philosophy of life I firmly believe in is simple: If you can be less of a coward, you will be more of a warrior; if you can express your true self, you will wear a mask less; Bad guy"; if you are at the bottom of the pot, I hope that I will not be a meat, but a living wandering soul! From thirteen years of contemplation to thirteen months of literary battles, I have already been attacked and slandered, no matter how many stray bullets and clubs there are, I still have to go forward.The words of two retranslated young poets of Gujarati in India often ring in my ears, which are one by one You have taken a lot of bitter medicine. Please be brave enough to drink this poisoned drink!Like a wandering pharmacist, I came into this society, the cross streets were so dark, I opened my backpack, and swallowed a lot of bitter medicine in public.The audience said: "I'm afraid the medicine is too bitter!" I said: "What are you afraid of? I'll show you. I still have a glass of poisoned wine!" December 17, 1962