Chapter 60 Section 7

Countless crows were startled by the gunshots, and the sky instantly became dark... Han Guang opened his eyes all of a sudden, took a quick breath, and grasped the armrest of the reclining chair.In the darkness, the low and soothing music continued.Han Guang wiped his eyes, but found tears. He looked at the tears on his hands suspiciously.Zhao Baihe stood behind him, put his hands on his shoulders: "What did you see?" "Crow." Han Guang blurted out. "What happened to the crow?" "There are crows everywhere." Han Guang said hoarsely, "What's wrong with me? Did I fall asleep? Why did I cry?"

"You were dreaming, and you remembered things in your dreams that you didn't want to think of." Zhao Baihe said slowly, "You tried your best to forget them. You thought you had forgotten them, but they are still deep in your memory nerves. ...your memory has been awakened..." Han Guang let out a long breath: "I don't know what the crow means, I can't remember anything." Zhao Baihe sat down facing him and grabbed his hands: "Tell me, your childhood?" "My childhood was very happy." Han Guang said. "You are not happy." Zhao Baihe looked into his eyes and said, "You are lying to me."

Han Guang pushed her hand away: "This is beyond the scope of my psychological counseling as a sniper." "What are you running away from?" Zhao Baihe asked. "I didn't run away because I couldn't remember anything." Han Guang said seriously. "How can a person forget his childhood?" "I don't need to forget, I said that my childhood was very happy!" Han Guang let out a suppressed roar for the first time. "You are angry..." Zhao Baihe looked into his eyes. Han Guang was speechless. "I've read your profile. You are characterized by calmness, even indifference." Zhao Baihe said with piercing eyes, "But you got angry and mentioned your childhood..."

Han Guang avoided her eyes. "Tell me about your mother?" Zhao Baihe said, "Does she love you?" "Love." Han Guang nodded. "She's a doctor, right?" Zhao Baihe asked. "You have read my information, and it is written in the file." Han Guang said, "She is a doctor. When she went to the mountains and went to the countryside, she was a student in the health school, so she became a barefoot doctor. Later, she went to the city after entering the university. She is a student of workers, peasants and soldiers, but she is a very good doctor. She is now the chief physician and a supervisor of postgraduate students."

"I didn't ask about her medical level, why did you want to tell me this?" Zhao Baihe asked, "What do you want to prove? What are you trying to explain?" Han Guang looked at Zhao Baihe: "I want to explain that she is a very good doctor." "Is she a good mother?" Zhao Baihe asked. Han Guang looked at Zhao Baihe: "...Yes." "You are afraid of losing." Zhao Baihe said. Han Guang: "Afraid of losing?" "Yes, because you are afraid that others will look down on your mother as a barefoot doctor, a student of workers, peasants and soldiers, so you try your best to tell me about her excellence." Zhao Baihe said, "It shows that you are afraid of losing, and you are afraid of being looked down upon."

"Who would look down on me?" Han Guang's tone was very proud. "yourself." "Myself?" "Your self-inferiority." Zhao Baihe looked at Han Guang and said, "You are avoiding my eyes because you feel inferior. You are afraid of losing, you refuse to admit defeat, and you will always be number one-because, you self-abasement." "It's time for me to go back to training." Han Guang wanted to get up. "Wait!" Zhao Baihe stood up, "Tell me about your father?" "He passed away, I have nothing to say." Han Guang said, looking away from Zhao Baihe.

"Your father was a soldier, but he passed away without a trace." Zhao Baihe asked cautiously, "He was a company commander. Whether it was a death in the line of duty or an accident, there should always be a record. I didn't find any record about it—— tell me why?" Han Guang looked at her without speaking. Zhao Baihe sat down carefully and held Han Guang's hand: "Why are you crying?" Han Guang wondered: "Me? I cried?" He reached out to touch his face, but found tears. "Cry if you want to cry, don't suppress yourself." Zhao Baihe said, "You hide yourself too deep, too deep... Your pain is suppressed too deep, too deep..."

Han Guang closed his eyes, tears streaming silently. "Why do you feel inferior? Why are you afraid of losing?" Zhao Baihe asked, "Does it have something to do with your father?" Han Guang didn't speak, just wept. "Tell me—how did your father die?" Han Guang opened his eyes: "Why do you want to know so much?" "This is the shadow of your childhood, and you have grown up to the age of twenty-three with this shadow!" Zhao Baihe said, "You are an excellent sniper and the only 'assassin' in the Chinese Army. You are going to die, I can't let you continue to live with this shadow. You always have to be a sniper, and you have to face your future life, love..."

"I don't believe in love." Han Guang blurted out. "Why?" Zhao Baihe asked, "Because of your parents?" Han Guang was speechless. Zhao Baihe held Han Guang's hand tightly: "You can trust me, I am a doctor, not your instructor. I will not tell others anything you say. You need to vent, Han Guang, you suppressed yourself too long……" Han Guang looked at Zhao Baihe for a long time, and said hoarsely, "I am an illegitimate child."