Chapter 25 chapter Five

On the right side of the entrance of No. 3 cave, there is a tent that was not dismantled according to the regulations at dusk.Zhang Li stood in front of a small window in the tent all night, listening to the music and laughter from the cave, she felt that her life had completely entered darkness! During breakfast, Jiang Tao violently drove her away in front of Yin Guocai and others, Zhang Li felt extremely wronged.With tears welling up in her eye sockets, she ran back to her tent without saying a word.But not long after the incident, she forgave him with the tolerance and generosity unique to a woman in love: Who let him encounter such a thing in the morning?It's not surprising that someone with such a fiery temper and extremely proud personality would immediately act in denial upon hearing such news.Although she only had one day to come to Maoerling, she was more confident about her position in Jiang Tao's heart than ever before.Jiang Tao had lost his temper with her before, and he would come to her soon after, and reconcile with her as if nothing happened.At noon at the latest, Jiang Tao might walk into her tent and reconcile with her.The experience of getting along for half a year is: every time such a quarrel occurs between them, their relationship will be closer than before, and Jiang Tao's attachment to her will also be deeper.

All morning she waited restlessly for him.While Zhang Li was doing her own thing, she was ready for this moment with coquettish anger, tears and a tolerant smile. She finally saw him coming out of the command tent through the small window of the tent.It was later discovered that he was going to the intersection below the camp to meet two reporters from Beijing! At this moment, her heart was slightly flustered!The war is going to start tomorrow, and he's busy right now, but anyway, it's still not normal for him not to see her once for almost a morning! She never left that little window again.She wanted to watch Jiang Tao come back with her own eyes, but she saw him walking up to the camp with the two guests.Zhang Li suddenly caught sight of the female reporter, and her heart tightened suddenly!This woman from Beijing is graceful and graceful. She walked beside Jiang Tao, like a sun rising in this camp, radiant and resplendent, attracting everyone's attention.Zhang Li's chest seemed to be slammed by someone with a heavy object, and she immediately felt painful and out of breath!Such a woman is the queen of the women's world. Wherever she walks, the land, trees and grass will be covered with glory, and other women can only bow down on the ground.A woman's self-defense instinct made her take a quick and careful look at Jiang Tao, and the color on her face immediately changed: Jiang Tao really seemed to be illuminated by this round of female sun. He walked slowly beside the female reporter, his eyes Radiant, with red and purple cheeks, talking and laughing happily with the female reporter, obviously in an abnormally excited state of mind.Of course Zhang Li didn't want to believe that he fell in love with the female reporter so quickly, but at least she understood that he was already strongly attracted by the latter's beauty and demeanor!

Not from a certain part of the body, but from the depths of the whole life, Zhang Li suddenly shivered!After going to Maoerling for a day, his confidence in Jiang Tao suddenly became less reliable! Then she experienced another blow: Usually, if there were no accidents, Jiang Tao would always let her have dinner with the guests. This noon, he entertained the new guests in the reporters' cave, but he didn't send anyone to call her.Yin Guocai, Chief of Staff of Group A, who has always been taking good care of her, forgot to ask her to eat... She didn't eat at noon.Of course she could bring the dishes and chopsticks to cook in the cooking tent, but because there was another woman in the camp, she was unwilling to do that!

From a small window at the back of the tent, she could see the entrance of the cave where the reporters lived through two young pine trees with lush branches.Zhang Li stood in front of this small window all afternoon, waiting for Jiang Tao to come out of the cave, hoping that he would walk into her tent, and then the dark clouds in her heart would dissipate! After what seemed like a century, Jiang Tao finally walked out of the reporter's cave with a red face, but was immediately welcomed into the command tent by Chief of Staff Yin Guocai!She waited for another hour before she saw the curtain of the commanding tent was lifted. First a man as tall and thin as black charcoal walked out, followed by an angry Jiang Tao and a cautious Yin Guocai.Jiang Tao still didn't expect to see her once, but left Mao'erling by car!

Even so, if what happened at night hadn't happened, Zhang Li's confidence would not have completely collapsed!During the day, Jiang Tao might not be able to visit her because of something, but at night, he had time and thought to go to the cave where the reporters lived, but he didn't visit her. The confidence she had barely maintained all day had to collapse in the end! Since she has been standing at the small window facing No. 3 cave, she can clearly see the people coming and going in and out of the cave.Later, when Liu Erzhu and a young staff officer she didn't know were moving things into the cave where the reporters lived, she even asked through the tent:

"Er Zhu, what are you doing there?" Liu Erzhu froze for a moment, then stopped, recognized her voice, and answered honestly: "Doctor Zhang, what's the commander going to do in the cave to 'climb the ladder'!" She let Liu Erzhu go.She knew what "climbing the ladder" meant.Jiang Tao is going to hold a party in the reporter's cave tonight! She knows Jiang Tao!If a woman does not charm him, he has little respect for her.There is only one woman in the cave in front of him, but Jiang Tao wants to hold a party. If he is not fascinated by this woman, what kind of explanation can he give!

Since yesterday, she has been left by Jiang Tao on Maoer Ridge. Even though in the eyes of others, the reason for her job is not enough, but there is another reason for love that they may disapprove but cannot understand.Now that Jiang Tao is clearly infatuated with another woman, what reason does she have to stay! Come on, get out of here!You have become the laughing stock of others by staying on Maoer Ridge!You didn't decide to stay at the Command Post of Regiment A for this! ... Among the special group of people generally called "children of senior cadres", the experiences, thoughts, and feelings of men and women are also very different.For example, who would believe that a general's daughter lived a life that was never noticed and almost forgotten from birth to adulthood?The reason why Zhang Li was born as the eighth girl in her family was that the country had not implemented family planning back then, and her father still had the feudal dross of "there are three ways to be unfilial, and having no offspring is the greatest".Because his wife gave birth to another girl, Zhang Li was not loved by her father as soon as she landed, and her mother naturally didn't love her either. The sisters who were also unloved had only a competitive relationship with her in front of their parents, and no one would love her more. take care of her.The only advantage of this reality is that Zhang Li can always pass through the ignorant stage of life and enter the period of adolescence and youth without being restrained, free and helpless.At this time, the parents found that the youngest girl often played some outrageous tricks to scare the adults, and the motive was nothing more than hoping to win the attention of the parents.Corresponding to this, Zhang Li’s education from childhood to adulthood is also messy and unsystematic: she completed kindergarten and primary school second grade under the “old education line” before the “Cultural Revolution”, and was educated during the “Cultural Revolution”. Six years of education that "rebellion is justified" and "overthrow everything"; after graduating from junior high school, she asked to go to the countryside to join the queue and settle down for "re-education". Zhi's father was an army commander in the old army. He served as a soldier in the old army, and he was sent to the military medical university in the late 1970s, where he received four years of professional training.Zhang Li finally became such a woman: In her "knowledge base", all kinds of serious, orthodox, noble thoughts and a certain degree of laissez-faire spirit are mixed together, but what she deeply desires is still Attention and love from the outside world; due to the lack of strict discipline since she was a child, and the whole life experience did not give her too much frustration, her thinking and behavior habits still retain a considerable degree of innocence, passion and romance as before. and idealism.Such a woman therefore tends to impress anyone who sees her for the first time with an incomprehensible impression of simplicity, gullibility, and immaturity.

But after all, a life has reached the period when its flower buds bloom gorgeously in the spring sunshine. Due to the different growth environment and response to the climate, its pink and fat petals are still dotted with the moist soil of the wilderness. Contains the crystal dewdrops gifted by nature, and the overflowing floral fragrance is also full of wild freedom and joy.If such a beautiful flower is rooted in a garden with fresh air and plenty of sunshine and dew, the beauty and beauty of each petal, the fragrance of each burst of flowers, and the sparkle of each time the rising sun or setting sun shines on it The brilliance of life will make the surrounding world more beautiful; but if it is rooted in a world with a dark background and a small space, its excessive freshness and unrestrained enthusiasm for life will itself conflict with its own existence. There was a sharp conflict over the land.The intolerance of the background will either cause it to die suddenly in the midst of beauty and fragrance, or it will make it disappear so quickly that life becomes as gray and dull as the same kind around it.

The failure of the first marriage was the result of innocence and credulity. The other party was a staff officer under her father and a friend of so many of her brothers-in-law.When she was of marriageable age, they conspired to lure her and the man into one house dance after another.He was five years older than her, danced very well, and was gentle and tender to her. In less than half a month, he completely conquered her simple and clear heart, and "liberated" her from a girl to a woman.It was only after she got married that she was shocked to find that he was originally a little schemer who was keen on making money, and his love for her was directly related to whether his father was in power or not.As soon as her father retired, he stopped paying attention to her.Their marriage was dead by this time, although neither mentioned divorce.Driven by a hidden desire for revenge and an instinctive desire to demand attention from others, she accepted the temptation of an unattractive laboratory technician in the hospital under a situation that she did not quite understand.After the incident, she thought he would keep his mouth shut, but later she realized that she was too credulous to men again. Because she was afraid that she would be demobilized and dealt with back to the countryside, the analyst not only honestly explained how they "made mistakes", but also charged him with seduction. To her head, he became an innocent victim.

In the end, the hospital took care of the old army commander's face, transferred the laboratory technician away, and did not give Zhang Li disciplinary action.But the reputation of "broken shoes" spread throughout the division.Her husband came in time to complete the divorce procedures with her, giving her the feeling that he had been waiting on her for a long time, and now she finally got her wish.It turned out that the "well-behaved people" who were good with her kept her at a respectful distance, while those public and covert criminals moved closer to her.The two failures in love did not give her the "sighting eyes" to identify all bad guys, and her youthful body freed by marriage still longed for joy, so she was extraordinarily bold in the face of these "attacks".Soon she understood again: Men are either bad guys or cowards.She doesn't care about bad guys, cowards don't have the courage to accept her fearlessness, what she needs is another kind of man.

Jiang Tao was also regarded as a "bad guy" when he first appeared in front of her.He was different only in not being intimidated by her boldness.She had heard about Jiang Tao's background, his intelligence, his reputation in the army, and his unrestrained demeanor in handling marriage issues.In front of this man, Zhang Li instinctively felt a little inferior, but one day he really accepted her challenge and began to interact with her boldly, and she also felt his masculine heart and body in his abundant passion. The longing for feminine tenderness.Zhang Li doesn't believe that he will love her, and she doesn't want to believe that she will fall in love with this man. They just need each other, and they are taking risks in a game of courage, and get enough happiness from it.What surprised and delighted her about Jiang Tao was what happened later: It didn't take long for the whole teacher to spread the "love affair" between the two of them. got closer to her.Jiang Tao simply denied the rumors about the two of them in front of people, which protected her and himself most effectively, and at the same time maintained their relationship, showing a kind of independence and fearlessness that an ideal man would have. The elegant chivalry of a lover who is respectful and responsible.Zhang Li was at first exhilarated by his image, charm, passion, and demeanor, but now she fell in love with him deeply because she found him a brave man. For the first time in her life, a twenty-eight-year-old woman sprouted true love for the opposite sex, and at the same time finally realized that love is actually an absolutely exclusive, deep-rooted and involuntary feeling. Its only requirement is to be with the other party. The union of spirit and life, mind and body.If this requirement is not met, love is not a bowl of honeydew but a cup of bitter wine.Zhang Li's wonderful longing for a married life with Jiang Tao just rose in Zhang Li's heart, and the faint sense of inferiority that existed at the beginning of the relationship immediately swelled up again: Will Jiang Tao love her like she loves him?Now that he was standing in front of her to protect her reputation, would he agree to marry her?Behind Jiang Tao is the entire Beijing city. His future is division commander, army commander, and even higher military ranks and achievements. He is surrounded by many girls who are more beautiful, mainly with more background, knowledge and demeanor.Although she herself was born in a general family, her life circle is not the same as Jiang Tao's. Apart from being a surgeon, she has no special skills.Jiang Tao can flirt with her now, but when it comes to marriage, he will probably be as taboo as other men about the "love affair" he had.She thought so, but she was unwilling to give up her dream of marrying Jiang Tao.A woman's intuition told her that at least for now, Jiang Tao was fascinated by her, and would become more and more fascinated with time.What Jiang Tao likes are the unique things in her life, her enthusiasm, her bravery, her ability to make him relax and happy with just a smile and a kiss.In her eyes, what Jiang Tao, a heroic and powerful man, needs is a passionate and tender woman like her. From character to heart, they are the most compatible couple in the world.Jiang Tao doesn't want to talk about marriage, so she carefully avoids it. A woman who is the most scheming woman actually has a little trick at this time: at present, she is following him in everything, she will do whatever he wants, as long as he doesn't Drive her away, no matter what others say, she will not leave him, and finally make herself an indispensable person in his life, and let the people around get used to the fact that she is with him.Jiang Tao is a serious person, which she had already realized from his attitude when he was with her.When they were together they could hug, they could kiss, but that was always the end of it.At this time, Zhang Li would feel that he was mustering all the willpower in his life to fight against the rising desire in his body.Jiang Tao's self-restraint not only reassured her that the person she was dealing with was a very prudent and responsible person on marriage issues, but also made her understand that there was still a huge obstacle between him and her that had not been removed. Jiang Tao has been unable to make up his mind to combine with her.Zhang Li is not pessimistic, she believes in herself, and even more in time—as time goes by, she will enter his life more and more deeply.One day, Jiang Tao will understand that he cannot live without her, and that will be the festival of her life. Driven by this kind of mentality, yesterday morning, when Jiang Tao proposed to keep her in Maoerling, she boldly accepted in spite of the whispers of the director, military doctors and nurses with her.Jiang Tao had never publicly "exhibited" her special relationship with him in front of outsiders before, but today he did so, which exactly matched her prediction of his relationship with him: he finally felt that he could not live without She is gone!In the past, Zhang Li didn't like others to know the privacy between her and Jiang Tao, but now she is willing to let others know: Jiang Tao is a responsible man, since he dared to cause her an embarrassing situation, in the future, even out of self-esteem , and he would not deny her established place in his life.In other words: Jiang Tao must also pay the same price for her ruin.From that moment on, Zhang Li's heart was full of joy: Although Jiang Tao did not publicly admit his relationship with her, everyone in the command post of the A regiment already regarded her as Jiang Tao's future wife!However, at noon today, another woman came to the camp, and all her self-confidence suddenly collapsed! It's not just because female reporters seem to be superior to themselves in every aspect: appearance, conversation, knowledge, demeanor.She doesn't necessarily believe that Jiang Tao will have "that kind of thing" with a female reporter at once. The real reason for her confidence collapse is: female reporters belong to Beijing, a city that is both discouraging and enviable. One of the many young and beautiful women with knowledge and status in Jiang Tao's life circle in this city.Jiang Tao fell in love with her so easily today, but if he meets a better woman tomorrow, he will definitely fall in love with her very much!She suddenly thought: maybe this is the reason why Jiang Tao is not willing to fully accept his love! She couldn't compete with that kind of woman!Today, exactly today, under the light of the female reporter's life that is as bright as the sun, she painfully sees her own ordinaryness and sees the future of her relationship with Jiang Tao—as long as there is such a thing in the world... Such a woman, Jiang Tao would not marry her! But she loves Jiang Tao!Although the time of dating was not long, she was already used to associating her future with him!She can't imagine that after losing Jiang Tao, she can still live like before meeting him!Before she met Jiang Tao, she was still a muddleheaded person, but now she is full of hopes and dreams in life. If she loses Jiang Tao, she loses everything, including the desire to live itself! But... Now she can't do it if she doesn't leave!In her painful feelings, maybe only a moment later, maybe a whole century later, Jiang Tao and the female reporter walked out of the No. 3 cave arm in arm, walking towards the back of the command tent like a pair of intimate lovers The dark woods.At this moment, what is she still unclear about, and what is there to miss! At this moment, Zhang Li's heart was in extreme pain.She felt like a prisoner who received a death sentence and was waiting for the execution of the sentence. ... She could imagine what was happening in the woods... Her heart gradually hardened: she must go, and she must leave here immediately, her self-esteem and pride would never allow herself to stay on Maoer Ridge ! She saw Jiang Tao was called out from the forest by Yin Guocai, and hurried into the No. 2 cave.Then, another ten minutes later, she saw that fairy-like reporter in a dark blue dress walking out of the woods, drifting across the camp like a beautiful shadow, and entering the cave where she lived... She didn't wait any longer.She must implement her plan immediately.She wants to find Jiang Tao, and take a short walk to test whether he still has feelings for her.If he didn't let her go, she was even willing to forgive him, after all, she didn't know what he did with the female reporter, or didn't do anything.She prefers to believe that they just took a walk together... She came out of the tent with a determined expression on her face.The moonlight was brighter than before, and it splashed generously on the top of the camp tent, on the leaves of the trees, and on the ground, all silvery white, giving her a sense of unreality like a dream.Her pain also seemed less real. "Is all this real?...Why isn't it a nightmare?" She asked herself, but she kept walking and stopped outside the No. 2 cave. ...her sense of reality returned.She can't go into the cave, she wants to say goodbye to Jiang Tao outside the cave alone! A person hurried out from the cave entrance, spilling the residual tea in the cup onto the ground.She recognized who he was. "Er Zhu, is that you?" "It's me." Liu Erzhu stopped when he saw her. "Ah, it's Doctor Zhang." "Er Zhu, please go in and call Commander Jiang, and tell him that I have something to see him!" Liu Erzhu's eyes flickered at her in the dark, and he hesitated for a moment.She thought he heard something in her voice, but said nothing, and went back into the cave. It seemed that after a long time, a person came out of the cave. Her heart beat even harder! Not Jiang Tao.It was Yin Guocai, chief of staff of the A regiment. "Chief of Staff Yin—" she called out. "Doctor Zhang, are you looking for the head of the regiment?" Yin Guocai asked, stopped and looked at her suspiciously, as if he didn't know anything, and he didn't hear anything unusual from her voice. "Yes," Zhang Li said, "I want to talk to Commander Jiang about something." Her voice was a little rough, and Yin Guocai must have heard it this time! "Head, um...the head is on the phone with the teacher, don't let anyone disturb you." Yin Guocai said calmly.Jiang Tao had given him this order just now, but the relationship between the person in front of him and the head of the group was extraordinary. Since the two reporters came to Maoerling, he had realized that some new tensions had occurred between the head of the group, the female reporter, and Zhang Li. The thing is that Zhang Li, who hasn't shown much for a day, appears at the entrance of this cave at this moment, which is unusual in itself. "...Ah, Doctor Zhang, how about this," he changed his words, "You wait here for a while, I'll go and talk to the head of the regiment!" "Thank you." Zhang Li said.Yin Guocai turned around and walked into the entrance of the cave, she found that she was shaking all over! Maybe it was only two minutes, and she even wondered if the Chief of Staff of Group A had really seen Jiang Tao, and he walked out of the cave again, and seemed to adjust his emotions immediately. "Doctor Zhang," Yin Guocai said in a relaxed tone—it was for me to see, she thought—"the head of the group said he is not free now. He asked what you can do with him!" Jiang Tao doesn't want to see her anymore!Jiang Tao didn't even want to come out of the cave and talk to her!she thinks.Tears welled up, and she stubbornly stuffed them back into her eyes.The strange thing is that the body doesn't shake anymore! "I want to leave here," she said, paying attention not to let her voice chatter. "There will be a war tomorrow, so I want to go back to the division's third forward bandaging station where I used to be tonight!" It was Yin Guocai who was flustered right now.In the request made by the female military doctor who had a special relationship with the head of the regiment and he also had a certain affection for her after getting along for a while, he heard a painful groan from the heart! "How can you leave?... We also need a doctor here," he was a little incoherent, and for a moment he thought cleverly whether Zhang Li should stay because another woman came to Mao'erling. Decide. "Ah, how about it," he changed his words again, "I'll tell the head of the regiment and see what he means!" Yin Guocai hurried back to the cave.Zhang Li stood stiffly in the moonlight, feeling like a prisoner waiting for the final judgment again! Yin Guocai came out of the cave for the second time.She understood that Jiang Tao's death sentence for her had been confirmed again! "Doctor Zhang," Yin Guocai coughed lightly, and said, half a minute ago, Jiang Tao casually agreed to Zhang Li's request to return to the front dressing room of the teacher's hospital, but now he couldn't speak so easily. "...I told the head of your thoughts, and he said he respected your wishes." He quickly glanced at her face, and spoke again. "Doctor Zhang, the team leader and I certainly hope you can stay, but if you insist on leaving, just tell me when you leave, and I will send a car to take you off!" "I...I'm leaving now!" Zhang Li didn't give herself much time to think, she was afraid that she really believed Yin Guocai's words, thinking that Jiang Tao still meant to keep her!No, what Yin Guocai said was definitely not Jiang Tao's original words!Jiang Tao really agreed to let her go tonight, what else can she miss? ! "Well, go back and clean up first, and I'll call you a car right away!" Yin Guocai said, it was obvious that he really wanted to end this matter as soon as possible. Without another word, Zhang Li turned around and walked towards her tent.Yin Guocai did not leave immediately.He suddenly felt a little pity for Zhang Li's back that seemed to be suddenly thinned under the moonlight tonight.He still admires Jiang Tao, but he feels that he can't do what the latter has done to Zhang Li.He thinks this is probably a kind of general's demeanor: whether it's a woman or a war, you have to be able to afford it and let it go, don't have too much lingering like a middle school student! Zhang Li stopped in the dim tent, and the tears that were suffocated in her eye sockets flowed down at this moment!She didn't move, let the tears dry up in her eyes, and her heart gradually became tough: let's go, let's go! She groped in the dark, found the folding table in the center of the tent, and the candle on the table, lit it, and packed her luggage.She quickly carried a medicine chest and a stoutly strapped backpack out the door.But the jeep hadn't arrived yet. She gritted her teeth and looked coldly at the mountains and forests illuminated by the moonlight in the distance, not letting herself think about that person again.The jeep arrived, but it broke down again. The driver got under the car to fix it. Yin Guocai came over and advised her to go back to the tent and wait patiently.She left the medicine box and backpack outside the door, went back into the tent, sat down at the folding table, and waited.A dark and firm thing surged up from the bottom of my heart, and sank again.A bright yellow candle flickered in front of my eyes, and the surrounding area was empty, with a few reeds growing luxuriantly on the dark wetland in the corner.The night was exceptionally quiet.The silence led her hearing to the vast mountains outside the tent.The dark solid mass was swelling, rising, and sinking, and it alarmed her a little.She still hardened her heart, not allowing herself to think about that person, that lump, but she couldn't resist the sadness and loneliness that quietly invaded her life consciousness.The sadness and loneliness of losing Jiang Tao. "I can't think of him anymore," she said to herself, "he and I have nothing to do. He was a soldier in battle, and I was a soldier in battle." She thought, and her thoughts turned around Breaking through the fragile fence of will, she clearly recalled the sweet and happy moments with that man, and tears flowed down her cheeks.She still wanted to direct her attention elsewhere, to avoid the thing that was becoming more and more firm in her heart, but instead she thought of tomorrow's war, and thought of the battlefield scenes she had only seen in movies: artillery fire, fighting, Wounded, blood, corpses. "I have nothing left to miss in this world. Tomorrow I must go to the front. I am not someone's mistress, I am just a soldier who participated in the war." Suddenly she understood what kind of thing it was, "I I am not afraid of bullets, I am not afraid of death, I can become a hero, and wipe out all the rumors about me and Jiang Tao in the past..." She thought of Jiang Tao again, and the strange thing is that she still can't really hate him now. "If I become a hero on the battlefield, it will help him objectively. Others will not damage his reputation with style issues." "But will I really die?" A thought popped up and cut it off roughly Her stream of consciousness made her shiver and panic, "No, how could I die? I am still so young, and I have just learned about life and love. It is said that there are very few female soldiers who died on the battlefield. The experience of most female soldiers in the war is the plot of a romance novel, with no danger. ... I will not die, but I will have an adventure." She thought. But the thought of death had disturbed her deeply.To die was a strange thing; to live, to love and be loved, was something she was familiar with and longed for.But where there is war, there is death. "...you might die, because war is just as uncontrollable as whether that man loves you or not." Her heart was pounding, but the light of the candle was dimming. "Your life is like this fire, once it goes out, it will never light up again." "But are you really afraid of death?" That dark, firm thing surged up again, making her less afraid, "Lose After Jiang Tao, do you still think that someone will love you again? Can you really wash away everything you have had with him?" She thought about it quietly, realizing that the tears had dried up in her eyes again. "Without Jiang Tao, I will never fall in love with anyone again. There will be no one better than Jiang Tao, and even if there is, I will not marry me, and I will not fall in love with anyone worse than Jiang Tao..." She didn't think about it any further, but her heart was completely hardened by these thoughts. "I still have some regrets in my life. I didn't get more love from my parents and brothers and sisters when I was young, and I didn't find my own home after leaving my parents' home. ... But the real regret is that I didn't get married with Jiang Tao. ... "On the neatly tidied folding table, there is a stack of official papers, a bottle of glue and several official envelopes.She took out her pen and subconsciously drew on the official paper. "Jiang Tao, I love you and I want to marry you," she wrote. "My life belongs to you. I don't love anyone but you, including the whole world....You are my whole world." "Am I writing a suicide note?" A thought popped into my mind. "Yes, the war will start in a few hours. I may die on the battlefield. Before I leave, I should leave a letter for Jiang Tao....I want to tell him that I love him. If this love requires me to die , I don’t value my own life at all.” “I really want to marry you,” she continued to write down her own thoughts, “even if it’s a real married life for a day. I don’t want to just be your lover .” The candle stub was getting smaller and smaller, and she wanted to write a few more sentences, but her thoughts seemed to be exhausted.The candlelight quickly dimmed, and she only had time to put the scribbled letter into an envelope at hand, sealed it with glue, and left it in the tent when she was about to leave. "Head of the A regiment, Jiang." She wrote on the envelope. "Mr. Zhang Li from the hospital." The jeep had already started outside the tent, and the candles were completely extinguished at this time.The tent was immediately dark, and her state of mind changed in an instant. "No, it doesn't make any sense to leave this letter. Does Jiang Tao care if I leave him this letter? After losing Jiang Tao, do I really care whether I leave him a letter?..." This last The idea made her change her mind, put the letter into the jacket pocket, and walked out of the tent. ...During the next four hours, the jeep dispatched by the Command Post of Regiment A kept bumping through the Dashan Gorge on the north side of Maoerling.On the last night before the war, the third dressing room of the Division Hospital was already at the edge of a Yao village in the northern valley of the 631 highland at the eastern end of Qipanling.Zhang Li silently sat on the driver's right seat, staring ahead.Along the way, the lights of the cars from time to time showed the mountains, rocks and trees on both sides in strange shapes in front of her eyes, leaving her with many horrifying impressions.Zhang Li didn't think about Jiang Tao anymore, but a feeling related to that heavy and dark thing became very real in her heart: this long journey in the mountains and forests late at night, together with the terrifying scenes like countless dreams The appearance and disappearance of her will be the last time in her life.