Chapter 30 Act 28 The Trial of Harding

The scene is the same as Act 1. God Li: (Stands up, knocks the gavel) Now announce the opening of the 28th Court of the "Last Judgment" (sit down).The defendant is Warren Gamaliel Harding, the 29th President of the United States. (Harding stands up.) God Lee: You are Harding, born in 1865, you wear size 14 shoes, you have a pair of big feet, and you are one size bigger than Washington's feet. Harding: From the very beginning, I knew God Lee knew me too well.What else do you know about me, God Lee? God Lee: I also know that it is said that you have black blood. Harding: (laughs) I knew I was going to say that.This is a rumour.I was called a "nigger" in school, but I came from a blue-eyed family in the best pioneer tradition.Nothing to be angry about.As for how the rumor of black ancestry came about, it must have been that not long after my great-great-grandfather settled in Ohio, a neighbor was caught stealing his corn.The neighbor created this rumor in order to retaliate.

God Lee: Is this corn-stealing story true? Harding: (laughs, winks) I'm not sure either.How would I know?One of may ancestors may have jumped the fence. One of my ancestors may have jumped the fence. (Laughter.) God Lee: You are the most honest and forthright American I have ever seen in court. Harding: Thank you. God Li: Your father-in-law scolded you before you got married, saying you were “You God damned nigger.” (You God damned nigger.), which shows that the legend of your blood is widely spread. Harding: (laughs) Fortunately, in my eyes, my wife has no children, so I can comfort my father-in-law.

God Lee: But you have another illegitimate daughter. Harding: It's true. God Lee: Your wife believes in astrology, and the first lady is crazy. Harding: Then President Reagan's wife did the same thing.These superstitious women are disgusting. God Lee: After your death, during the morgue, your wife spoke to your corpse for an hour.right? Harding: (laughs) Just an hour? (Laughter.) God Li: You have two mistresses, can you see that your "off the wall" skill is not inferior to your ancestors? Harding: Oh, God Lee knows everything. God Lee: One of your mistresses, in order to shut her up, you give her hush money every month until you die, right?

Harding: (embarrassed) That's right.Are these matters related to the court? God Lee: If you don't pay monthly, it's off. (Laughter.) God Lee: You kept secrets during your lifetime. Your love letter with your mistress Carrie Phillips was not revealed until 40 years after your death; and your relationship with another mistress Nan Britton (Nan Britton) About your illegitimate daughter Elizabeth Ann, your mistress did not write a book until 4 years after your death. Harding: (laughs) A woman who is president can't be as bad luck as President Clinton. (Laughter.) Harding: Also, the mistresses of our time were very tight-lipped, and modern women have changed, except that they still believe in astrology, and everything else is different.Anyway, alas, I'm unlucky.

God Lee: You are not unlucky at all. It was 40 years after your death. In 1963, a batch of love letters you gave to your mistress were exposed. How lucky. Only 40 years after your death, did the Americans know the aftertaste of their president’s love affairs. You are not Bad luck! Clinton: (suddenly screaming) I'm out of luck! God Lee: Who's screaming?Clinton? Clinton: (standing up) Is it me or who?Harding had nothing to do with cheating for 15 years, and it was only exposed 40 years after his death; I am unlucky, but it is the present world report!Not only Harding, Roosevelt, Kennedy, every president is cheating, but everyone is staring at me, so unlucky!Me, I didn't even steal it, legally, I'm not entering, I'm just entertaining.How unlucky! (sit down)!

(Laughter.) God Lee: Well, I will continue to try Harding.Harding, you had a daughter by another mistress who later wrote a book. HARDING: Guess Lee read that book, The President's Daughter? Clinton: Oh my God, he still has it. God Lee: (to Clinton) His ability is not in having many mistresses, but in keeping everything secret.To be exposed, all after death.This book was published in 1927, 4 years after his death.From the perspective of the times, this is a change in your American moral standards.Moral standards change, and so do mistresses. Clinton: I think the moral standard has changed because the mistress has changed.

(Laughter.) God Li: This is mutual cause and effect, right?It seems that anything can be done. Clinton: I really envy Europe.The French Prime Minister died, and his wife and mistress attended the funeral together. God Li: You can also work hard in this direction, and convince your wife to agree. Clinton: (embarrassed) Me?It's a bit difficult.Maybe Hillary could promise a mistress to attend a funeral, but she wouldn't promise a mistress to line up. (Laughter.) Clinton: By the way, I have to add that President Eisenhower's mistress is a European woman. God Lee: Is that British?She also wrote the book after Eisenhower died.

Clinton: (Turning to Eisenhower) Really? Eisenhower: (embarrassed) Mr. Truman has already revealed to me about the so-called mistress, and there is no need for others to write a book. Truman: (angry) I've been hiding it for you long enough that I didn't even mention in my memoirs that you were molesting women in England. Eisenhower: But after the publication of your memoirs, you published another book, which was published in 1973, the first year after your death, and you still said it in detail. Truman: (angry) So what? Eisenhower: There is nothing wrong with saying it.I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife, I love my wife.

Truman: (angry) The devil will believe your story, you phony hypocrite. God Lee: I have read Truman's oral book, the title is "Plain Speaking: An Oral Biography of Harry S Truman", in which Truman said he would see and destroy Harry S Truman Correspondence between Eisenhower and General George C. Marshall states that Eisenhower stated in the letter that he intends to divorce his wife and marry a British woman.Marshall wrote back to scold Eisenhower, threatening that, as his superior, he would be kicked out of the army and he would end badly.Truman added that one of the last things he did as president was to destroy the two letters in the Eisenhower file at the Pentagon.

Eisenhower: Would anyone believe that Truman had such a good heart? Truman: Someone. Eisenhower: Anyone? Truman: (pointing to himself) I was the first. God Lee: Alright, alright, now I'm interrogating Harding, please calm down. (to Harding) How do you feel about your predecessor, President Wilson? Harding: (with a helpless glance at Wilson) I think he has something to eat.For example, when I took office, he didn't attend; when I died, he came instead.what does it mean? (Laughter.) God Lee: The predecessor of the United Nations was the League of Nations. Wilson launched it, but it was not approved by two-thirds of the Senate. Wilson appealed to public opinion and gave a speech along the city at the tail of the train. After 4 days in the White House, he had a stroke and he lost.You Harding easily defeated the Wilsonian Doctrine and became the new President.You say: the record proves our wisdom not to get involved in the old world, which is not detachment, not indifference, but security. In 1945, the United States launched and joined the United Nations, and Wilsonianism, which was involved in the old world, seemed to win in the end.The Senate voted 89 to 2 in favor.what do you say?

Harding: It seems to have won, but it was 1945, but what about 60 years later?Seeing that the U.S. has nothing to do with the United Nations today, it doesn’t even owe membership dues again and again, and even the Human Rights Commission has kicked the U.S. out in disguise. It seems that who won, isn’t it clear?The United States is not isolationist, but it doesn't have to be high-profile, right?Wilson's tone is too high, but what he did is a gangster and a prostitute, isn't it disgusting? God Lee: Do you mean that the United States should just be an ordinary imperialist? Harding: Don't you?The United States is definitely not an isolationist, as its active activities in the Western Hemisphere and the Pacific Ocean can fully demonstrate.President Van Buren sent a naval expedition to the Pacific from 1838 to 1842, President Taylor intervened in Hawaii's independence in 1841, President Grant turned Hawaii into a protectorate of the United States, and Presidents Taylor, Buchanan, and Johnson in 1844, 1855 and In 1868, China was forced to sign an unequal treaty, President Fillmore and Pierce Brigadier General Piperry forced Japan to trade, President Cleveland accepted Samoa as a colony... and so on, all of which prove that the United States is not isolationist. It is imperialism.Let's be honest about imperialism and stop playing tricks. God Li: You have been running a newspaper for 35 years. You understand the habits of journalists. When you hold press conferences, you can answer questions immediately on the spot, right? Harding: That's one of the hallmarks of my presidency. God Lee: But something went wrong. You asked and answered impromptu, and you couldn’t figure out whether Japan is an island in the Pacific Ocean or a peninsula in the Asian continent.It's hilarious to show how much you Americans know about Asia.The American people may not know, but the President of the United States must not know. Harding: (embarrassed) Oh.It may be the tragedy of us Americans that we know so little about the East. God Lee: Sorrow is not American, but Oriental and Chinese.You know so little about us and tell us so much.Even after betraying us, he still entangled us in English.After signing an agreement to sell China to the Japanese, President Wilson told the Chinese ambassador to the United States, Gu Weijun, that special interests are just proverbs, so there are no privileges or benefits in words!What kind of English is this? Harding: Some Americans are so patriotic that they must sell other people's countries. God Lee: Who encouraged you to do this in the United States? I'm afraid you, President Harding, have a share?Do you want me to recite a passage in English? In the great fulfillment we must have a citizenship less concerned about what the government can do for it and more anxious about what it can do for the nation. , and be more concerned with what you can do for your country.) Kennedy: (raises hand in seat) That's my famous quote. God Lee: You copied Harding's famous quote, did you forget? Kennedy: (embarrassed) Damn ghost pens, they wrote my speeches for me, and they copied whoever was wrong, but they copied Harding's.I heard that his English is very good. Harding: You copy the public!What qualifications do you have to say that my English is not good?Do you think that if I don't know Japanese, I don't know English? God Lee: Let me judge. Your name is Warren Gamaliel Harding. Menken used the middle letter of your name in "The American Language" and said that your English is "Gamaliel Harding". "(Gamaliel) English is "The worst English" (The worst English) he has seen in his life, saying that you have received higher education and worked as a newspaper editor, but your grammar is full of mistakes, and intransitive verbs often have direct objects, Transitive verbs lack direct objects instead.Say you like to use clumsy vulgar words of your own making, especially alliteration.This strange style of writing is really in its own right, what do you think? Harding: (embarrassed, laughing) I died, and my wife burned all the letters I wrote to her, probably protecting my strange English, right? God Lee: Mrs. Washington did the same thing, probably in desperation, and had to set herself on fire. Harding: Washington had only formal education in public elementary schools (common schools).I'm a college student at Ohio Central College. God Lee: College students are useless, right?When it comes to good or bad English, I think of Debz who was pardoned by you, he said: While there is a lower class I am in it. While there is a criminal element I am of it. While there is a soul in prison I am not free. As long as there is an underclass, I am a fellow; As long as there is a criminal element, I am in the same stream; As long as there are wandering souls at the bottom of the prison, I will not be free. Debz is a train driver, and his education is not very good, but he can speak a few words of English really well.However, such righteous people are buried in your United States. Harding: In the presidential election, Debz was in jail and got a million votes. God Lee: But still a loser. Harding: But he won mentally. God Lee: This man ran for the President of the United States, from 1900 to 1920, five times before and after. Not all Americans are obliterated. Harding: I also admire him. He was sentenced to 10 years. Wilson was stingy and refused to give him an amnesty. After he sat for 3 years, I gave him an amnesty. According to the law, he should be released from prison on December 31, 1921. I Let him be released from prison on the 24th in advance, so as to celebrate Christmas, and later I invited him to the White House as a guest. God Lee: You rank among the "failures" (failures) and the bottom one in the ranking of the US presidents, but you are full of interest in the matter of Debz. Harding: Thank God Lee for being fair. God Lee: You had a saying that I'll always remember, you said, "I'm sure the main worry of the American people is that they've come too far from Almighty God." You're really self-aware for you Americans. Harding: I can't see what happened to the Americans. God Lee: According to Gaston Means' The Strange Death of President Harding, you were poisoned by your wife, of course you can't see it.Ordinarily, your wife might not be able to poison you to death, but after your death, the doctors asked for an autopsy, but your wife refused.And all your private and confidential documents were burned by your wife. That kind of situation seems weird. Hoover: (interrupting) President Harding was a tragic figure betrayed by a friend. God Lee: It is difficult to destroy the President of the United States as the enemy of the President of the United States. It is difficult to name the friends of the President of the United States. As for the wife, it is even more difficult to say. (Laughter.) God Li: Alright, leave the court (with a blow of the gavel, stand up). (The curtain falls.)