Chapter 21 Chapter 19 How to Speak in Public Relations

Speaking level, as the persuasiveness, attractiveness and appeal of a person's language, its role in communication is immeasurable.American entrepreneur Dale Carnegie said: "85% of a person's success depends on social interaction, and 15% depends on talent."It seems that interpersonal relationships are more dependent on the level of speaking. It is said that among Western businessmen, there has been a "golden rule" circulating for thousands of years.This law is so powerful that if you follow it, you will reach the peak of success, and if you violate it, you will fall into the trough of failure. Therefore, it is called "the great law of human behavior".The content of the law is what Confucius said: "Don't do to others what you don't want done to you." An American scholar also added a footnote to it: "If you sow melons, you will reap melons, and if you sow beans, you will reap beans."

This "great law of human behavior" is actually the "golden rule" of interpersonal communication. In addition, we should follow the following principles in interpersonal communication. An equal relationship should be maintained between people, and respect should be paid to others whether speaking to or listening to others.Respecting others is equal to respecting yourself, and only by respecting others can you gain the respect of others. Being sincere and keeping your word is the foundation of being a human being.Judging from the way the Chinese character "Xin" is made, it means "people's words are credible".Punctuality is also a manifestation of trustworthiness in dealing with people.

There is such a short story in "Zhuangzi Robber Zhi": "Weisheng and his daughter lived under the beam for five periods. The girl did not come, and the water never went away. He died hugging the beam and pillar." Although Weisheng is a bit roundabout, he sticks to his promise The spirit is still commendable.Later, Li Bai's "One of the Two Poems of Changgan Xing" also used the allusion of "Wei Sheng Baozhu", saying: "If you keep the faith of holding a pillar forever, how can you go to Wangfutai." When getting along with people, especially with strangers or new acquaintances, we must try our best to find the common ground and similarities between the two parties, and find a bridge that can communicate with each other.There is a proverb that says: "People who love to read the same books will make friends the fastest and have the strongest friendship." The reason why they make friends the fastest and have the strongest friendship is precisely because they have more similarities.

Learn from each other's strengths, that is, complement each other.Complementarity is the premise of synergy. Only through complementarity and synergy between things can the unity of the system as a whole be obtained, and can there be structural stability, process order, and function optimization.When people get along with each other, they can learn from each other's strengths and complement each other's weaknesses.When the needs and expectations of both parties are exactly complementary, there will be a strong attraction, which promotes good interpersonal relationships. George Bernard Shaw said it well: "You and I are friends, each exchange an apple with each other, and each still has an apple after the exchange; if you have an idea, I also have an idea, and friends exchange ideas, then each of us is There are two thoughts."

When people get along with each other, the most commendable thing is the spirit of self-disclosure.Psychologists have found through experiments that people prefer people who reveal their thoughts and personalities; but they don't like people who always talk about how great they are, people who hide and pretend to be themselves, people who are too introverted and have a closed personality.In interpersonal communication, individuals should have their own privacy, but on the other hand, they need the necessary self-disclosure.This is a need for interpersonal communication and a signal of trust in others.

Tolerance is a manifestation of the self-confidence of an individual or a certain group in their own strength, and it is a dissolving agent that can resolve conflicts, estrangement, resentment, and even hatred in interpersonal communication. Konosuke Matsushita, a famous Japanese entrepreneur and founder of Matsushita Electric Co., Ltd. said: "In society, it is undoubtedly a considerate heart that communicates the emotions between people. Even if it is a trivial thing, as long as there is a heart for each other A heart of mutual understanding is the sweet spring in the desert.” When we communicate with people, the content of what we say is important, but how others evaluate you and whether you give others a good or bad impression is largely determined by your language expression.

Therefore, it should be admitted that paying attention to one's own speaking method in social interaction is a crucial part of speaking. Sometimes, the point of the conversation will be clearly expressed in our relaxed speech; sometimes, we will leave a deep impression on others when we speak with a peaceful mind; Talking to people can also gain the favor of others; even sometimes we are absent-minded when talking to people, but we can still express what we want to say. Why is this?This is because using different speaking methods under different states of mind can determine whether we can fully express the emphasis that should be emphasized.

Of course, when a person talks to others, he always maintains a good mood, which will definitely deepen others' affection for him; on the contrary, a person who speaks in a pretentious manner, is pretentious, and has a strong sense of superiority will not be favored by others. Agreed, friends will be farther and farther away from him. Speech should be clear, because many aspects of your work ability, education level, knowledge level, hobbies, aesthetic pursuits, etc., are all expressed through your speech.A person who speaks ramblingly without hierarchy makes it difficult for people to understand what he really wants to say.

Therefore, if a person cannot master the correct method of speaking, cannot emphasize the key points, and speaks inappropriately, his social activities will definitely be fruitless, and there will be no good results. Professor Rob Green, who teaches at the Minnesota Institute of Education in the United States, once asked 75 participants in a seminar to write down the reasons for their anxiety. As a result, the main causes of anxiety are: "When I hadn't finished speaking, other people started to express their opinions, which made me interrupted." "Don't listen to what others say, just speak for yourself."

"At a discussion meeting, others just want to express their opinions and ignore their own speech." "I feel slighted when I speak." "In the middle of the conversation, I was suddenly interrupted." "I'm afraid I won't understand." "I'm afraid I didn't explain clearly." "Is the other party listening carefully?" "Speaking too one-sidedly." "I lost interest in the middle of the conversation." "The other party was silent for no reason." Then, in our interpersonal communication, have we also committed the above-mentioned problems, and have we unintentionally hurt others because of this?

Now, you might as well check yourself with the following questions. When you start a conversation with someone, do you want them to finish quickly? Do you feel like you don’t know what to say when talking to someone you don’t know well? Are there other things on your mind when you are talking to the other person? Are there times when you can’t find a topic? Don't like being introduced to strangers? Are there times when you can’t think of good words? Do you often want to interrupt the other party's conversation? Even when talking with relatives and friends, is there a time when there is nothing to talk about? Do you feel other people fidgeting when you speak? Does the other person often interrupt your conversation? When talking with people, do you have a lot of disputes? Do you find it difficult to talk to others in colloquial terms? Do you feel like you can't be humorous? During the meeting, do you think it would be better to end it early? Do you often ask the other party to explain the situation as soon as possible? Is it endless once you talk about it? Do you often want to teach others? Are you maintaining your image at all times? If you answered "yes" to more than 7 of these questions, then you need to pay attention to your speaking skills.Mastering the correct way of speaking can enable us to judge whether our thoughts are reasonable, and at the same time allow others to have a correct evaluation of us. Over time, we can naturally leave a good impression on people. Through the window of language, one can peek into people's inner world, and social interaction is just a language confrontation under the dominance of different ideas.Therefore, grasping the pulse of the other party's ideological activities through language is naturally the key to the success of interpersonal communication.Just as important as observing words is observing color, examining the behavior of the other party, and sometimes can capture subtle thoughts that are more real than words express.Because many changes in demeanor are subconscious.At a certain moment, they may be completely out of the control of subjective consciousness. Psychological research has proved that the stimulation of the human brain by external things often causes abnormalities in the functions of some corresponding tissues inside the human body in a short period of time.That is to say, people's emotions are expressed not only through spoken language, but also through human body in more cases. On the other hand, due to the differences in personality, the outpouring of each person's thoughts and feelings is mostly contained in a distinctive habitual action and demeanor.In the process of debate, if you are good at insight into the opponent from two aspects, then you will be half successful.Although psychology has revealed to us the general characteristics of human thought and emotional activities on the human body, it is obviously not enough to understand this point in order to accurately grasp each other in social interaction.It should be noted that human beings not only have natural attributes, but also have social attributes.One of its manifestations is that people have a kind of self-control ability, that is, the restriction and domination of speech and behavior. This ability is especially important for those politicians, diplomats and social personnel. Social activities are a battle of words and swords. Generally speaking, it is natural for both parties to have ups and downs in their emotions. However, for some experienced people, they may maintain a calm and gentle posture from beginning to end. Neither agitated nor aloof, but polite.You can't say he's not interested in your question or statement, but you can't see where his real interest lies.When you talk, he may look at you with a big smile and give you a good impression, but he has another problem on his mind. In social situations, you can't easily think that a person with a gentle expression is a good person, but you should see another side of him.You can't easily assume that a person with a hard expression has bad intentions, but you should see that he probably has a good heart.Generally speaking, a person's speech and appearance or appearance and inner feelings may be unified or contradictory.We cannot underestimate this point. As far as the general situation is concerned, both social parties always try their best to restrain and cover up their emotional exposure. The more mysterious and unpredictable the impression they give the other party, the greater the possibility of success. In fact, it is impossible for anyone to speak without flaws, and it is impossible to be absolutely invulnerable.Some people will take advantage of the opponent's psychology and adopt the method of hiding the truth to fight an active defensive war.Aren't you capturing the change in his expression?He simply sailed against the current, presenting those expressions that should be concealed according to common sense, in front of you, pushing you into a state of surprise, confusion, and hesitation, making you unable to believe that all this is actually true. That's true. People's words and expressions are sometimes simple and exposed, and it is easy to experience them; sometimes they are complex and hidden, and it is more difficult to experience them.Generally speaking, the following points should be noted: First of all, character orientation and language orientation.Observing words and expressions in social interaction, in the final analysis, is to capture and judge the subtle changes in the other party's speech, manners, expressions and their meanings. It is a process of "from the outside to the inside". Personality orientation and language orientation are the first steps in this process. Personality orientation is to grasp its personality type through observation and analysis of its expressions, speech, and manners.You can throw out one or two questions that the other person is very sensitive to, and wait and see how and how much he responds.It is worth noting that this kind of observation must be meticulous. Don’t conclude that the other party is a fool just because he seems to have no reaction. Just like watching a tragedy, some people cry, and some people are numb. You can’t say that those who are numb don’t be touched.After understanding the other party's personality type, we must try to capture the typical actions and typical parts that best reflect his ideological activities, that is, "the positioning of the language point".Eyes, hands, legs, feet, and muscles in every part of the body may be where the "language points" are located. The meaning of some phenomena is very clear to people.For example, the slight trembling of the legs is mostly a manifestation of a leisurely mood; the upturned eyebrows and wide-open eyes are the characteristics of anger; while the slight frowning and biting of the lips are the meaning of thinking.In addition, special attention should be paid to the hands of the opponent. Although many people can subtly conceal many things, there are still some general movements.For example, when you are angry, you clenched your fists tightly, or crushed cigarettes, pencils, etc., and your hands may even tremble; Rhythmic taps on desktops, sofa arms, thighs, etc.; and so on. Second, seize the "decisive moment".It is impossible for any one person to cover up his expression to be absolutely watertight.The key question is whether you can accurately determine which change is decisive among the intricate changes in the other party's expression.For a witty person, his ability to make up for mistakes is also extremely superb, and it is impossible for him to let you see his flaws for a long time. Therefore, timing is very precious to you.As for what is the specific manifestation of this "decisive moment" and how to identify and grasp it, it can only be determined by analyzing the specific situation and relying on your experience and feeling, and there is no fixed pattern to follow. Finally, be proactive.Watching words and watching colors cannot be understood as passive watching with cold eyes. In fact, taking the initiative to attack and using certain methods and methods to stimulate the opponent's emotions is the best way to quickly and accurately grasp the opponent's thoughts.Here are the following points: One is chatting to the bottom.That is, before touching the topic, talk about something irrelevant to the topic. The purpose is to observe the other party's interests, hobbies, habits and knowledge. If the other party is bored, your ramblings can also play a role in disturbing their mood. The second is to cast bait.You can use some attractive topics to the other party to judge the other party's inner thoughts, find out the general characteristics and language points of the other party's expression changes and mental activities. The third is the aggressive method.You can use a series of irritating questions to attack the other party, make them excited, and then lose control of your emotions; you can also make some arrogant and contemptuous gestures to pose a threat to his self-esteem and arouse his emotions. The fourth is to be resigned.When you don’t have a thorough understanding of the other party’s temper, as long as you don’t violate the general principle, you might as well accept it first, wait for the other party to reveal more information, and then prescribe the right medicine, and the other party will naturally accept you wholeheartedly. Self-justification is often required in communication, and self-justification can be expressed in multiple languages. The purpose of self-justification is to express self-respect through communicative actions, and also to show respect for others.Therefore, using appropriate methods to justify yourself in communication is one of the ways to establish good interpersonal relationships.Here are some language skills that will help you speak more assertively and crisply.When speaking to others, use direct forms such as "I think...", "I think...", "I feel...", "I have..." to tell others about your feelings, needs and wishes.Show that your words come from personal experience, so that others will be easy to accept, and your words will be more convincing. When expressing opinions to the other party, you can use "Do you think...", "Do you want to...", "If this doesn't work, look at...", "Otherwise we can...".If the situation of the other person can be considered in the conversation, then what we say will not appear false.And the kind of remarks that belittle the other party and intimidate the other party are not advisable in self-justification in communication. You should be as frank as possible when you speak, and don't beat around the bush.Talking frankly with the other party means to tell the person directly if you have something to say, not to say it behind your back without saying it in person, and not to say something in your heart without saying it.Likewise, if you want someone to do something, you should tell them directly, not around the corner, let alone complaining about others behind their backs.The self-justification of complaining and criticizing is never acceptable. Calmly and clearly repeating your point of view shows that you have the confidence to justify yourself.Because sometimes you briefly mention your point and people don't get it right away, it's worth repeating to make it clearer. One of the problems that self-justification often encounters in communication is embarrassment to refuse the request of others.It is important to remember the role of the word "no" in self-justification. The wording of self-justification is important, however, silence can sometimes have the effect of self-justification.When others try to instruct you to do something you don't want to do, you keep silent, only then can you reflect that "silence is golden".Self-explanation in interpersonal communication is to express one's own emotions, beliefs, and wishes sincerely and frankly, while allowing others to express his emotions, beliefs, and wishes.Only in this way can we achieve the effect of justification and get the highest degree of recognition from others. A young mother once told a heart-wrenching story of how she often blamed her children for doing things they did.But one day, the child did nothing wrong.At night, she put the child on the bed and covered the quilt, only to see the child was burying his head on the pillow, sobbing and asking, "Didn't I be a good child today?" "This question touched my whole body like electricity," said the young mother. "When the child did something wrong, I always corrected her, but when she tried to do something good, I didn't notice it." When I put her on the bed, I didn't even have a word of praise and encouragement." Remember, never forget to praise others, and do it more than once. A linguist once said: "When the same tone or sentence appears repeatedly, it often has the power to influence people. For example, Lincoln's famous saying 'government of the people, by the people, and for the people', if he just put forward a political opinion, Just say 'democratic government'. However, he emphasized the word 'people' three times, which produced a more profound and moving effect." Indeed, when everyone hears this sonorous and powerful words, they can't help but deepen their feelings about it. yearning for an ideal government.And when everyone hears such a compliment repeatedly, they will also be moved. After a girl who knew she was mediocre fell in love, her lover repeatedly whispered in her ear: "Your deep eyes, shining like a dream, are so charming." She will definitely be radiant , confident that she has a pair of bright eyes that can fascinate all living beings, and beauty will of course favor her. Praise sometimes does not need to be deliberately modified, as long as it comes from life, from the heart, and the true feelings are revealed, the effect of praise will be received.But in order to better play the effect of praise, you also need to pay attention to the following points: A teacher praised the students: "You are all good children, lively, cute, and serious in your studies. I am very happy to be your teacher." These words are very measured, so that the students can study hard without being proud.But if the teacher said: "You are all smart, you will have great promise in the future, and you are much better than the students in other classes." The effect will be quite different. It is often said that "don't fight an unprepared battle". When a person needs to ask a stranger to do something, it is like fighting a battle. Only by making full preparations in advance can it be possible to win the battle.So, how to prepare?On the one hand, you can learn about the other party’s background, experience, personality, and preferences through various channels; Prepare.Then, in the communication, aim at the characteristics of the other party and do what they like.It made him feel like "seeing each other late", thus successfully winning the trust of the other party. Sheng Xuanhuai was a minister in the late Qing Dynasty. When he met with an unfamiliar superior, he paid great attention to understanding the relevant situation of the other party.Once, under the recommendation of Li Lianying, Prince Chun specially met Sheng Xuanhuai at his mansion in Taiping Lake in Xuanwumen, and asked him about telegrams.Sheng Xuanhuai had never met Prince Chun before, but he had a close relationship with Prince Chun's guest "Master Zhang". From him, he learned two things: 1. Prince Chun is different from Prince Gong. Second, although Prince Chun is good at martial arts, he thinks he has read a lot and is quite literary.After Sheng Xuanhuai learned about the situation, he went to Weng Tong, Minister of the Ministry of Industry, who was the emperor's teacher, to copy some manuscripts of Prince Chun's poems, and recited several poems by heart, in case of "contingencies". In addition, Sheng Xuanhuai also realized some of Prince Chun's thoughts from Prince Chun's poems, after all, "writing is like a person".With a plan in mind, Sheng Xuanhuai came to meet Prince Chun. When they talked about the term telegram, Prince Chun asked, "What is the telegram?" Sheng Xuanhuai replied: "Returning to the words of the prince. The telegram itself is nothing special, it all depends on its flexible use. The so-called 'the magic of using it lies in one's heart', that's all." Hearing that he could quote Yue Wumu's words, Prince Jin couldn't help but look at him differently, and asked, "Have you also read military books?" "In front of the prince, how dare you say that you have read military books?" The country is concerned about the people, and it is actually his death. If the prince hadn't been so powerful and captured the three culprits, the overall situation would have been unimaginable." Sheng Xuanhuai paused for a moment and said: "At that time, no one with flesh and blood wanted to wash away the national humiliation. It was at that time that Xuanhuai read one or two military books." Sheng Xuanhuai is really inseparable from Prince Chun's "professional practice". Prince Jin is Sheng Xuanhuai's superior, and his interview is related to Sheng Xuanhuai's future and destiny. Therefore, Sheng Xuanhuai spent a lot of time inquiring about Prince Jin's situation. less confidence.During the visit, Sheng Xuanhuai said a word to Prince Jin's heart, which made him feel that this person was very suitable for him, so he quickly entrusted him with important tasks, and Sheng Xuanhuai's precautions helped him. In the process of contacting strangers, we can also praise each other or introduce ourselves sincerely and humbly, so as to move each other with sincerity and shorten the emotional and spiritual distance as much as possible. The other party will naturally be willing to work for you or help you facilitate something. Some people exaggerately describe the social field as a "battlefield", which means a battle of tongues.If you want to win the battle successfully, you must know yourself and your enemy. That is to understand some of the other person's experiences and living conditions.In entertainment, people have different ways of thinking. He has his life aspirations, and you have your own views on life. Whether you can have a harmonious conversation depends on your choice of topics.If you don't understand his difficulties in life, and you are there to boast about the joys of playing golf or traveling around the world, he will definitely not be interested in talking to you, but if you tell him a way to get rich quickly, you don't need to talk about it , he'll ask questions too, because that's what he cares about. In conversation, experience counts.For entertainment topics and scenes, you should have certain experience, otherwise you will be in a disadvantageous situation; you should have specialized knowledge about the topics involved. When you talk about something with the other party, you must If you really know something, otherwise it will be unattractive, you won't be able to interest the other party, and you won't be able to talk with others.In interpersonal communication, even though there are many things in different ways, the truth will never change. This kind of eternal truth should always be kept in your heart; you must cultivate your patience and avoid being petty in everything. Experience has proved that "stinginess" often makes a person suffer; one must always remain neutral and objective. According to experience, a person with a neutral attitude can often win more friends.Even your "best friend", you don't have to keep saying it to him, as long as you are actually a "best friend".Have a measure of the various values ​​of things, and do not insist too much on one opinion; if it is necessary to keep things secret, and one cannot keep secrets, and there will be many faults in any matter, do not talk too much , Find a way to let others talk more.If you want to be kind and caring, you should try to understand the background and motivation of others.If during the conversation, regardless of the psychological changes of the other party, and blindly bring out all the ideas, then you will not get his approval.Wishful thinking often makes the other person disgusted.If you speak when you should not speak, you are guilty of impatience; if you do not speak when you should speak, you will lose the opportunity to speak; In the process of conversation, the psychological activities of both parties are in a gradual state, which requires us to take into account the psychological activities of the other party when talking with others, so that the content of the conversation and the change of the listener's mood can be adapted and synchronized, so that the conversation can be smooth and smooth. The intention is to clarify and resonate. The identity and character traits of the other party should be clear.Extroverts tend to be "joyful" and can talk freely with him; most introverts are "reticent", so you should pay attention to euphemism and persuasion with him.If you don't put yourself in other people's shoes and think about it, but only talk about it blindly, the result will inevitably be to lose batch after batch of conversation partners.Therefore, treating communication opponents differently in conversation is the key to success in interpersonal communication. A literary editor once told a story.He invited a well-known writer to write a manuscript, and the writer was very difficult to cooperate with, and the editors of various newspapers were very troubled by him.Therefore, this editor was also quite nervous before the meeting. At first, as expected, they couldn't agree on anything.The writer kept saying: "Is that so..." "Maybe it is." "I really don't know about that." This caused the editor a headache, so he had to make up his mind to come back another day, so he started chatting. He brought up a report about the writer's recent work that he had read in a magazine a few days ago, and said, "Your masterpiece will soon be translated into English and published in the United States?" Listen with interest.The editor said again: "Can your writing style be expressed in English?" The writer said: "That's what worries me..." They continued talking in this harmonious atmosphere.The editor, who had already given up hope, regained his confidence at this time, and obtained the writer's promise to write the manuscript. No one likes a person who talks about himself and doesn't care about the other person.People are only willing to interact with those who have common topics with them. William Leah Wheelups, a professor of literature at Yale University, described it in the paper "Human Nature": When I was 6 years old, I went to Aunt Storado's house for a weekend on a Saturday.I remember that in the evening, a middle-aged man came.He chatted with his aunt for a while, and then he came up to me and talked to me.At that time, I was obsessed with boats and played with them all day long.I thought he was just chatting with me casually, but all he said to me was about the boat.After he left, I still couldn't forget it, and said to my aunt, "That gentleman is really great. He knows a lot about boats. Few people like boats so much." My aunt laughed and told me that the guest was a lawyer in New York who hadn't studied boats at all.I was puzzled and asked: "Why does everything he talks about boats?" "That's because he is a polite gentleman and he wants to be friends with you. I know you like boats, so I specifically picked topics that you like Tell you." My aunt smiled and told me the truth. In daily life, on weekends, we often see many young men and women standing on the street, and many of them are waiting for lovers to meet.At this time, there were two shoe shine boys, shouting loudly to attract customers. One of them said: "Please sit down, let me shine your leather shoes, so they are shiny and shiny." Another said, "Before the date, please shine your shoes." As a result, there were very few customers in front of the shoe shine boy's booth, but the shout of the shoe shine boy in the back had an unexpected effect, and young men and women asked him to shine their shoes one after another.What is the reason? We heard the words of the first shoe-shine boy. Although his words were polite, enthusiastic, and accompanied by a guarantee of quality, they were far from the psychology of young men and women at the moment.Because it is obviously not necessary to spend money to "buy" a "light and bright" at dusk.The impression people hear here is that it means "shoes for shoeshine".And the words of the second shoe shine boy are very consistent with the psychology of the young men and women at the moment. "The head of the willow on the moon, after the evening when people make appointments", at this moment full of warmth, who would not want to appear in front of their beloved with a refreshing and generous image?The sentence "Before a date, please shine your leather shoes first!" really touched the hearts of young men and women.It can be seen that this smart shoe shine boy is conveying the warmth and love of "shoe shine for a date".The phrase "shoe shine for a date" caught the hearts of customers at once and became a great success. Confucius said: "Isn't it a pleasure to have friends come from afar?" Hospitality is a pleasant thing. For visiting guests, you must first speak a good meeting language.When you see a familiar guest, you should first say: "Welcome, please come in." "Rare guest, rare guest, which gust of wind brought you here?"If the other party is a woman, let the other party reach out first.After entering the door, the guest should be introduced to other people in the same room, and then let the guest sit down. The host should not sit down before the guest to show respect for the guest.If it is a strange guest, you can use the suggestive language "Excuse me, are you..." to ask, let the guest introduce himself, and then welcome.After the guest is seated, don't rush to ask the purpose of the guest's visit, but wait for the guest to take the initiative to speak.After the guests sit down, they should offer tea, cigarettes or other food to them. When serving tea, two hands are generally used, one hand holds the handle of the cup, and the other holds the bottom of the cup.It is neither hygienic nor polite to offer tea to guests by pinching the rim of the cup with your fingers. When talking with guests, if it is inconvenient for family members to participate, they should avoid as much as possible. If there is no condition to avoid, do not interrupt casually.When talking, you should concentrate on it, don't look around, be absent-minded, or look at your watch frequently, let alone leave the guests aside, just watch TV or do housework by yourself.When a guest comes to visit, if you have something urgent to do, if the time is not long, you may wish to explain the situation to the guest, ask the guest to wait a while, and entrust other people at home to accompany you, or take out some newspapers and magazines for the guest to browse.If you have no time to receive or go out, you can apologize to the guests and make another appointment. Sometimes guests bring gifts to give, and the host should respond, such as expressing gratitude, or declining the gift, and can also give some gifts back accordingly. When the guests want to leave, the host should wait for the guests to get up before seeing them off.For elderly guests, rare guests, etc., the host should send them to the gate, then shake hands and say goodbye, and watch the guests leave.If it is sent to the elevator, you have to wait for the guests to enter the elevator, and then leave after the elevator closes. During the Yongle period of the Ming Dynasty, a scholar explained many principles of receiving guests and friends in his "Book Records".One point deserves special attention.He said: "If you accept people with an open mind, you will not be disobedient; but if you are complacent, it will be the opposite." This is the fundamental attitude of treating humility as making friends and treating guests. It really hits the mark and grasps the key. We often encounter situations like this in life, the same thing and people of the same status, when A asks someone to handle it, it goes smoothly and the matter is done properly, but when B asks someone to handle it, it is very difficult and the matter is messed up .Why?Some people say it's a human factor; some say it's a matter of handling skills.In fact, neither of these two factors can be ruled out. Asking people to do things is a very important part of socializing. It combines a person's overall quality and includes many arts of being a person and doing things, and there are many exquisite things in it. When talking with people, finding a topic is like writing an article. If you have a good topic, you will often have a lot of ideas and thoughts.When asking someone to do something, because the purpose is too strong, there will often be embarrassing scenes without words.At this time, if you can quickly find a topic that can communicate well with the other party, you will undoubtedly have a successful start.So, how to find a topic that can make two or more parties talk smoothly?May wish to start from the following aspects: There are many ways to raise topics, such as the method of "creating questions by borrowing facts", "creating questions on the spot" method, and "entering questions from emotion" and so on.It can skillfully engage in something, a certain scene, a certain emotion, and spark a discussion.Provoking topics, similar to "drawing the thread" and "inserting road signs", the focus is on leading, and the purpose is to elicit the other party's stubble. Through the attitude and posture shown by the opponent, understand his psychology, effectively capture the various information he sends, analyze and study, and then prescribe the right medicine, which can achieve twice the result with half the effort. For example, if the other party hugs their arms, it means that they are thinking about a problem; if they hold their heads, they are unable to do anything; A handkerchief means that she has something in her heart, but she doesn't know where to start; a truly confident and powerful person will lean forward and listen to others' speech humbly; It may be a sign of a relaxed mood. 当然，对请托对象的了解，不能停留在静观默察上，还应主动侦察，采用一定的侦察对策，去激发对方的情绪，才能够迅速准确地把握对方的思想脉络和动态，从而顺其思路进行引导。 针对不同的办事对象谈话或请托应考虑以下几个方面： 年龄差异。对年轻人宜采用鼓动性的语言；对中年人应讲明利害，供他们斟酌；对老年人应以商量的口吻，尽量表示尊重的态度。 性别差异。男性需要采取较强有力的劝说语言；女性则可以温和一些。 地域差异。生活在不同地域的人，所采用的劝说方式也应有所差别。如对我国北方人，可采用粗犷的态度；对南方人，则应细腻一些。 性格差异。若对方性格豪爽，便可单刀直入；若对方性格优柔，则要“慢工出细活”；若对方生性多疑，切忌处处表白，应不动声色，使其疑惑自消等等。 职业差异。要运用与对方所掌握的专业知识关联较紧密的语言与之交谈，对方对你的信任感就会大大增强。 文化差异。一般来说，对文化程度低的人所采用的方法应简单明确，多使用一些具体数字和例子；对于文化程度高的人，则可采用抽象说理方法。 兴趣差异。凡是有兴趣爱好的人，当你谈起有关他的爱好这方面的事情时，对方都会兴致盎然。同时，对你无形中也会产生好感，为你办事成功打下良好的基础。 有些人脸皮太薄，自尊心太强，经不住人家首次拒绝的打击。只要前进一受阻，他们就脸红，感到羞辱气恼，要么与人争吵闹崩，要么拂袖而去，再不回头。 看起来这种人很有几分“骨气”，其实这是过分脆弱的自尊，导致他们只顾面子而不想千方百计达到目的，这样于事业无益。 因此，我们在求人时，既要有自尊，又不要过分自尊。为了达到交际目的，有时脸皮不妨厚一点，碰个钉子，脸不红，心不跳，不气不恼，照样微笑与人周旋，只要还有一丝希望就要全力争取，“软磨硬泡”。 “软磨硬泡”是一种特殊的求人术。它能以消极的形式争取积极的效果，可以表现自己不达目的不罢休的决心和毅力，给对方施加压力，也可以增加接触机会，更充分地表明自己的态度、思想和感情，以影响对方的态度，实现求人的成功。这种战术看似简单，里面的学问却不小，主要表现在以下几个方面： （1）“软磨硬泡”消耗的是时间，而时间恰恰是一种武器。时间对谁都是宝贵的，人们最耗不起的是时间。所以，如果你以足够的耐心，摆出一副“打持久战”的架势与对方对垒时，便会对对方的心理产生震慑。以“泡”对“拖”，足以促其改变初衷，加快办事速度。所以，你要沉住气，耐心地牺牲一点时间，反而可以争取到更多的时间。 （2）“软磨硬泡”不仅要能“泡”，还要会“泡”。换言之，“泡”，不是消极地耗时间，也不是硬和人家耍无赖，而是要善于采取积极的行动影响对方、感化对方，促进事态向好的方向转化。 俗话说：“人心都是肉长的。”不管双方认识上的差距有多大，只要你善于用行动证明你的诚意，就会促使对方去思索，进而理解你的苦心，从固执的框子里跳出来，那时你就将“泡”出希望。 （3）“软磨硬泡”中要适时巧言攻心。有时候你去求人，对方推着不办，并不是不想办，而是有实际困难，或心有所疑。这时，你若仅仅靠行动去“泡”，很难奏效，甚至会把对方“泡”火了，缠烦了，更不利于办事。 如遇这种情形，嘴巴上的功夫就显得十分重要了。要善解人意，抓住问题的症结，巧用语言攻心。 话是开心的钥匙。当你把话说到点子上时，就会敲开对方心灵的大门。那么你的“软磨硬泡”也就真正起到作用了。 他们在人际交往中，非常希望他人对自己的评价是好的，比如胖人希望看起来瘦一些，老人愿意显得年轻些，急欲提拔的人期待实现的一天。 （1）选择让对方家人高兴的礼物。俗话说：“射将先射马”，馈赠礼物时，与其选择对方喜欢的礼物。倒不如选择其家人喜欢的礼物。哪怕是一件小小的礼物给对方的妻子，她对你的态度就会改变，而收到礼物的孩子们更会把你当成亲密的朋友，你将得到全家人对你的欢迎。 （2）直呼对方的名字。我们都习惯在比较亲密的人之间才直呼名字，连名带姓地呼叫对方，表示不想与他人太过亲密的心理，所以，直呼对方的名字，可以缩短心理距离，获得意想不到的效果。 革命家黄兴，一生为了革命辛苦奔波，历经无数次风险，但每次在危难之中都能化险为夷，虎口脱险。这其中，当然有革命群众的舍生相救，但更多的是黄兴凭借自己的智慧，得以安然脱险。 一次，黄兴回到湖南长沙发动群众起义。不料，就在起义前夕，消息泄露，湖南巡抚率兵镇压。由于黄兴是首要分子，巡抚下令，全城戒严，务必将其捉拿，胆敢藏匿者与黄兴同罪。 一场全城大搜捕的行动开始了，黄兴无处藏身，形势万分危急。猛然，黄兴看见一间出租花轿仪仗的商店，他灵机一动，知道自己这次又可平安脱险了。 他直接来到这家商店，指名要见店主，小二不敢怠慢，连忙引见。一见面，黄兴直接表明身份，说明来意，请店主帮自己一把。黄兴原本想说出自己是革命者，应该会得到群众的热心帮助。 哪知，这位店主生就胆小怕事。一听说是黄兴，吓得不住哆嗦，不仅拒绝了黄兴，还一个劲地催促他赶快离开，以免惹火上身。 黄兴一看不行，便换了一种严厉的口气，大喝一声： “今天巡抚下令全城戒严抓捕我，抓不到我，他们不会罢休，你可知隐匿者与我同罪，现在我就待在这儿不走了，等他们找到我，我就说你是同党。” 掌柜一听，吓得要给黄兴下跪，不住求饶。 黄兴接着说： “为今之计只有一个。你用花轿抬着我，配上仪仗和鼓手，送我出城，只要出了城，我立刻就走，你也就不用担心了。而且，我加倍付你工钱。” 店主一听，也只好这么做了。就这样黄兴又一次化险为夷。 “强取豪夺”意即给对方以泰山压顶的气势，表明你的用心、决心和信心。使对方在你的强硬气势下，知晓你的实力和果敢以及雷厉风行的办事风格，从而与你达成某种共识。这种办事方法，最好在双方利益均衡的情况下施行。否则，运用不好，便会弄巧成拙。 生活中常常见到有的明明是主动找上门来求人，但为了顾全自己的脸面和维护个人的声誉，在介绍情况时，故意把大事化小，难题化易。有的还加上几句“像这样的问题我本来是完全可能解决的，只是由于种种客观原因，所以只好求你帮忙”之类的冤冕堂皇的话，这样求人帮助是没有好结果的。应如实讲明目前所处的困难和自己无力解决的实际情况，恳切地提出要帮助的请求。 你喜欢和人争辩，是否以为你可以用议论压倒对方，就会得到很大的益处呢？其实，你不必压倒对方。即使对方表面屈服了，心里也必悻悻然，你一点好处也得不到。好争辩会损害别人的自尊心，因而对方会对你产生反感，因此失掉一些朋友。好胜是大多数人的特点，没有人肯自认失败的，所以一切争辩都是不必的。如果能够常常尊重别人的意见，你的意见也必被人尊重。如此，你所主张的，就会很容易得人拥护。你可以实现你的主张，你可左右别人的计划，但不是用争辩的方法来获取。 用质问式的语气来谈话，是最易伤感情的。许多夫妻不睦，兄弟失和，同事交恶，都是由于一方喜欢以质问式的态度来与对方谈话所致。除遇到辩论的场面，质问是大可不必的。如果你觉得对方的意见不对，你不妨立刻把你的意见说出，何必一定要先来个质问，使对方难堪呢？有些人爱用质问的语气来纠正别人的错误，这足以破坏双方的情感。被质问的人往往会被弄得不知所措，自尊心受到大大的打击。尊重别人，是谈话艺术必须的条件，把对方为难一下，图一时之快，于人于己皆无好处。你不想别人损害你的尊严，你也不可损伤别人的自尊心。 千万不要故意地与人为难，有的人专门喜欢表示自己与别人意见不同。这种处处故意表示自己与别人看法不同的人，和处处随声附和的人一样，都是不老实的。口才是帮助你待人处世的一种方法，没有人愿意做一个口才很好却到处不受欢迎的人。不要为了要表现你的口才，而到处逞能，惹人憎厌，口才一定要正确而灵活地表现。 对于你不知道的事情，不要冒充内行。不懂装懂是一种不老实的自欺欺人的行为，你知道多少，就说多少，没有人要求你作一个百科全书。即使一个很有学问的人，也必有所不知。所以，坦白地承认你对于某些事情的无知，这绝不是一种耻辱，相反的，别人会认为你的谈话有值得考虑的价值，因为你不虚伪，没有吹牛。 对方谈话中不妥当的部分，固然需要加以指正，但妥当的部分也须加以显著的赞扬，对方因你的公平而易于心悦诚服。改变对方的主张时，最好能设法把自己的意思暗暗移植给对方，使他觉得是他自己修正，而不是由于你的批评。对于那些无可挽救的过失，站在朋友的立场，你应当给予恳切的指正，而不是严厉的责问，使他知过而改。纠正对方时，最好用请教式的语气，用命令的口吻则效果不好。要注意保存或激励对方的自尊心。 别对陌生人夸耀你的个人生活，例如你个人的成就，你的富有，或是你的儿子怎么了不起。不要在公共场合把朋友的缺点和失败当做谈话的资料。不要老是重复同样的话题，不要到处诉苦和发牢骚，诉苦和发牢骚并不是一种良好的争取同情的手段。