Chapter 27 Section 25

My newspaper is delivered by a middle-aged Iranian who drives a Nissan Sunshine.There was one thing about this car that made me uneasy—the headlights were always on when the man dropped the newspaper on my front steps at dawn.I said to myself that I was old enough to feel unreliable threats at this age.The world is full of abandonment.I find unexpected meaning and tension in ordinary things. I sat behind my desk in my office, looking down at the white pills.Its shape is a bit like a flying saucer, a streamlined disc.It had a very small hole at one end, and after staring at it for a while, I found this hole.

The pill was not chalky like aspirin, nor quite round like a capsule.It feels strange in the hand, feels distinctly different, and at the same time gives the impression that it's synthetic, insoluble, and well-crafted. I went into a small domed building called the Observatory and handed the pills to a young neurochemical researcher named Winnie Richards who was said to be doing a fantastic job.She was a tall, shy, quiet woman who blushed when anyone said something funny.A few New York exiles liked to drop by her cubicle office and drop a quick quip or two, just to see her blush. She was sitting behind a messy desk, and I watched her pick up the pills with her thumb and forefinger and turn them slowly for two or three minutes.She licked the pill and shrugged.

"The taste is really not that good." "How long will it take for the assay to analyze its composition?" "I already have a dolphin brain in my inbox, but you can come and see me in forty-eight hours." Winnie was famous on the hill because she came and went unseen.No one knew how she did it, or why she felt compelled to.Perhaps she was shy about her awkward frame, her stretched neck, her strangely long stride.Perhaps she suffers from a fear of the open air, but the College grounds are mostly small and elegant.Perhaps, people and things in this world had hit her with the force of some rough nudity had hit her—made her blush, in fact—and she found it easier to avoid too much contact.Perhaps, she is tired of being called outstanding.Anyway, I had trouble finding her the rest of the week.No one saw her on the lawns or paths, and anytime I went to see her in her little office, she wasn't there.

At home, Denise thought that the topic of "Dai Leer" should not be brought up.She didn't want to pressure me, and even avoided eye contact, as if exchanging meaningful glances was more than we could secretly bear.As far as Babette is concerned, it seems impossible for her to give a meaningless look.She turns away in the middle of a conversation, gazing out at the snowfall, the setting sun, or a parked car, with an air of eternity carved out of stone.Her brooding was beginning to unsettle me.She has always been a woman who keeps her eyes on the outside world, relishes talking about the subtleties, and believes in tangible and real things.Her solitary gaze in this way is a form of alienation not only from those of us around her, but from the things she gazes at for so long.

We sat at the table after the older kids had left after breakfast. "Have you seen a new dog in the Stover family?" "No." I said. "They think it's from space. Except they're kidding. I was with them yesterday. The beast is just weird." "Is there something bothering you?" "I'm fine," she said. "I want you to tell me. We tell each other everything. We always do." "Jack, what can bother me?" "You're staring out the window. There's something different about you. You don't see things and react the way you used to."

"That's what their dog does. He stares out the windows. But not at any of the windows. He goes up to the attic, with his front paws on the ledge, and looks out of the tallest window." .They thought it was waiting for orders." "If Denise knows what I'm going to say now, she must kill me." "What's up?" "I found 'Dale'." "What 'Daile'?" "It's taped into the heating mantle." "Why would I stick something in a radiator mantle?" "That's exactly what Denise predicted you would say."

"She's generally right." "I have spoken to your doctor Hoxstraden." "I'm in really good shape, really." "That's what he said." "You know what these cold, gray, dreary days make me want to do?" "do what?" "Sex with a handsome man. I'll put Wilder in his play tunnel. You go shave and brush your teeth. I'll see you in the bedroom in ten minutes." That afternoon I saw Winnie Richards slip out of a side door of the Observatory, stride across a small meadow, and jog toward the new building.I hurried out of the office to catch up with her.She clings to the base of the wall and strides forward.I think I have observed a beast in danger, or some unusual humanoid like a yeti or a wild man.It was cold, and the atmosphere was still gloomy.I knew I couldn't catch up with her without jogging.She quickly turned around behind the teaching building, and I was worried that I would lose sight of her soon, so I quickened my pace.It was a strange feeling to run, and I hadn't run in years to recognize my body in this new state, the hard-surfaced, pop-up world beneath my feet.I turned a corner, realized my body was floating, and quickened my pace.Up, down, life, death.My robe flutters behind me.

I overtook her in an empty hallway of a one-story building.The house smelled of fragrant liquid.She was wearing a light green tight top and tennis shoes, and she was standing against a wall.I was so breathless that I raised my right arm and begged her to stop.Winnie took me to a little house filled with bottles of all kinds of brains.We stopped at a table covered with notebooks and laboratory equipment, and connected to a sink.I try not to associate the smell of tap water with the brains I see and the antiseptics and disinfectants I smell. "Have you been avoiding me?" I said. "I've left notes and phone messages."

"Not hiding from you, Jack, or anyone." "Then why is it so hard to find you?" "Isn't that the whole state of the twentieth century?" "what?" "People are hiding, even though no one is looking for them." "Do you really think that's the case?" "It's obvious," she said. "What about the pill?" "An interesting piece of technology. What's it called?" "Dairy." "Never heard of it," she said. "What can you tell me about it? Please don't show off your talents. I haven't had lunch yet."

I saw her blushing. "It's not a tablet in the old sense," she said. "It's a drug delivery system. It doesn't dissolve or release the ingredients right away. The drug in Delle is encased in a polymer film Medium. Moisture from the GI tract permeates the membrane at a tightly controlled rate." "What's the water for?" "It dissolves the drug in the membrane sleeve. Slowly, gradually, precisely. The drug flows out of the polymer disc through a single tiny hole, again at a tightly controlled rate." "It took me a little while to find the hole."

"Because it's a laser-drilled hole. Not only is it small, but it's surprisingly precise." "Lasers, polymers." "I'm no expert on these things, Jack, but I can tell you it's a terrific little system." "What is the purpose of doing it so precisely?" “Dosing, I think, is about eliminating the hit and miss effect of pills and capsules. The drug is released at a prescribed rate over a longer period of time. You avoid the usual underdosing and then overdosing. You don’t get a small dose and then suddenly come up with a big dose. There’s no stomach upset, nausea, vomiting, muscle paralysis, etc. The system works well.” "It impressed me, even dazzled me. But what happens to the empty disc of polymer after the drug is drawn out of it?" "It self-destructs. It explodes inwards with precision, relying on its own powerful suction. We enter the realm of physics. Once the plastic film is reduced to particles, it passes harmlessly out of the body in the ancient way." "It's amazing. Now tell me what the drug was designed to do? What is 'Dailor'? What are the chemicals in it?" "I don't know," she said. "Of course you do. You're brilliant, everyone says so." "What else can they say? I study neurochemistry. Nobody knows what that thing is." "There are always other scientists who have an idea of ​​this, and they sure do. But they say you're brilliant." "We're all brilliant. Don't people around here think that way? You say I'm brilliant, I say you're brilliant. It's a form of shared self." "No one said I was brilliant. They said I was smart. They said I'd hit something big. I filled a void that no one knew existed." "Vacancy also waits for talent. Now it's my turn, that's all. Besides, I look weird and walk in a strange way. If they can't say I'm brilliant, they'll have to say cruel things about me. That's right. Everyone is so embarrassed." She pressed some documentation material against her chest. "Jack, all I can tell you with certainty is that the substance contained in 'Dale' is a psychotropic drug. It may have been designed to interact with some remote part of the human cerebral cortex. Look around you. Everywhere It's the brain. The shark's, the whale's, the dolphin's, the gorilla's. None of them can match the complexity of the human brain. The human brain is not my field. I only have enough use for the human brain. knowledge, but it's enough to make me feel proud to be an American. Your brain has a trillion neurons, each with ten thousand little dendrites. The system of interconnections is awe-inspiring, It’s like a bunch of shiny things you can hold in the palm of your hand, only more complex and more mysterious.” "Why does it make you feel proud to be an American?" "Baby brains develop to respond to stimuli. We are world leaders in that." I took a sip of water. "I wish I knew better," she said, "but I don't understand the exact nature of the drug. I can tell you one thing, it's not available in the market." "But I found it in a regular prescription bottle." "I don't care where you find it. I'm pretty sure I can identify a known brain-receptor drug component. This one is unknown." Her eyes began to flick toward the door.Her eyes are bright and timid.I realized there was noise in the hallway.The sound of people talking, the sound of footsteps mopping the floor.I watched Winnie walk back toward a back door.I decided to watch her blush again.She put one arm behind her, unlocked the door, turned quickly, and ran into the gray of the afternoon.I tried to think of something funny to say.