Chapter 45 Chapter Forty-Four

When I woke up, Ilila had left and the house was quiet.It should be already mid-afternoon and everyone is taking a nap.My belly began to churn again, as if someone had been poking around inside my womb with a brush. I climbed into bed, went to the door, and called Ilila.no answer.I grabbed a coat and walked slowly down the stairs.The kitchen and servants' quarters were deserted.The chef's eldest daughter, sitting on the floor with a handful of what looked like raisins in front of her, divided them into small piles and popped one into her mouth. "Tancia?" She was startled by me, and hurriedly covered the raisins with her skirt. "Tell me, is anyone else home?"

"Master says everyone should go out," she said aloud, "but I won't be allowed." "Has my servant gone too?" She looked at me blankly. "That dark-skinned woman," I said impatiently, "Elila. Did she go too?" "I have no idea." When she said this, the first wave of pain hit me, as if there was a steel wire wrapped around my lower abdomen, tightening so tightly that I felt like the inside of me was about to drop to the floor.Not now, my God, please not now.I'm not ready yet. She was looking at my stomach when I lifted my head to inhale. "The fetus is very large, ma'am."

"Yes, yes, Doncia, listen to me." I said clearly and slowly, "I need you to do something for me. I need you to go across the city and take me a message to the Plaza de la Patrona , to my mother’s house, do you understand?” She looked at me, then smiled. "I can't, ma'am. I don't know where that is. And the master says everyone else should go out and fight, but I have to stay here." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.Please, God, if I'm going into labor, at least give me Ilila.Don't leave me alone in a room with a semi-retarded girl.Don't live now, don't.It is too early.I was exhausted and terrified.I should go back to my room and sleep again.When I wake up, there must be someone in the house again, and then I will be fine.

I walked cautiously up the stairs.I had just climbed up to the second floor when I heard a sound of someone dropping a chair or slamming a window, it came from Cristoforo's gallery.With my belly in my hands, I walked slowly down the corridor and pushed the door open. "Good morning, ma'am." This time it was my turn to be surprised.I turned to find him sitting across the room with a book on his lap, the statue of Dionysus falling drunkenly from its pedestal behind him. "Christophero, you're freaking me out. What's going on? Where's the family?" "They went to witness history, as you have longed for. This morning the mob disrupted the Mass in the cathedral, and the Dominican friars fled back to the Convent of San Marco, which is now under siege."

"Dear God! Where is Savonarola?" "...inside. The city hall has guaranteed that he will be caught. It's only a matter of time." So, it's really over now.I feel sick again.It seems that this fetus also has a political mind.Of course, it could entirely be my husband's son. "Where's Ilila? Did she go too?" "Elila? Don't tell me that the Ilila you trusted has left you. I think she should always be with you—no matter where you go." He paused, and I still didn't realize the meaning of his words. meaning. "Did you sleep late, Alexandra? You must have been awake last night. Why didn't you sleep?"

"I... I'm tired, Cristoforo, and I think the baby may be here a little earlier than we thought." "Then you should go back to bed." Now I finally feel the indifference that cannot be concealed under his politeness.When did this start?He hadn't shown that attitude when he brought the news of the painter's release, had he?Had I been too relieved to notice the difference in his behavior despite Irilah's warning? He looked away from me to the sculptures. "You know, people say that great artists can only reveal the truth in their work. Do you agree, Alexandra?"

"I... I don't know. I suppose so, yes." "Babies are God's works of art, don't you think?" "……certainly." "Do you think it is possible to detect the lies in the baby?" I fell into an ice cave. "I do not know what you're talking about." "Don't know?" He paused, "Your brother is fine." "Ah! Thank God. How is he?" "He... he's changed. I think it's true to say that." "Did they..." "Is there anything? Is the truth wrung out of him? Tommaso is an elusive man. Sometimes his lies are more believable than his truths. That's the way of everything."

I stared at him and said, "I never lied to you, Cristoforo." "Really?" He met my gaze, "Am I the father of this fetus?" I took a deep breath and there was no way out now. "I have no idea." He looked at me for a while, put down his book, and stood up. "Very well, at least I should thank you for telling the truth." "Christopher... that's not what you think..." "I didn't think of anything," he said coldly. "Our deal was a child. I remember that the terms of the deal demanded caution, not fidelity. The marriage itself was wrong. I should have Learn from your mother's past."

"What do you mean? My mother's past?" But he had already stood up and walked towards the door. "No, don't go, Cristoforo, please. That's not the truth." I stopped, what could I say to him?What words can express love and bitterness at the same time? "You must remember, we used to feel..." I felt the wire deep inside me begin to contract again, tighter this time.I had to fight the pain with all my strength. "Ah...the fetus is moving again...please, I beg you to stay...just wait until Ilila comes back. I can't be alone." He looked at me, and maybe all he saw was another lie.Or my body, which he disliked even when it was pure, now reminds him only of women's filth and blood.

"I'll send someone." He dropped the words, turned and walked out. The door closed behind him, and the pain spread, like a steel wire piercing into flesh and blood.I bent down in pain, so I had to hold on tightly leaning on the stone body of Bacchus until the convulsions subsided.This time it lasted longer and hurt more, I counted to twenty, then thirty, and at thirty-five it started to ease.If the fetus kept his promise to me, then Savonarola must have stepped down. Of course I've heard stories of childbirth.I know it started with bouts of increasingly severe, rhythmic pain as the os of the uterus was torn to allow the fetus to come out.If I could adjust my breathing and control my nervousness at that time, maybe I could have a way to get rid of the pain soon.Next, the baby's head would pop out, and all I could do was hold my breath to allow the baby to deliver and hope it didn't hurt.

But now I can't think about this.First I should go back to my room.Halfway through, another burst of pain hit.This time I prepared myself, grasping the stone railing with both hands, counting my steps, trying to distract myself; I breathed heavily and let out low moans.The pain got worse and worse, reached a peak, lasted for a while, and then started to subside. Just as I was trying to keep myself on my feet, I suddenly had a strong, urge to defecate.I tightened my anus in desperation, but the pressure was growing.I heard a ripping sound—like a whip on a wall, and something ripped open inside me, and suddenly the stone floor beneath me was covered in blood.The blood loss was profuse, spurting from my body, cascading down my thighs and down the landing into the yard below.Tang Xiya screamed and fled without a trace. As for how I got back to the room myself, I have completely forgotten now.The second wave of pain pierced my heart and lungs, and my tears welled up.I bent my knees and propped my legs up, grabbing the edge of the bed with both hands.Pain everywhere in my body, my waist, back and even my head.Pain and I became one, entangled, so painful that my mind went blank, so painful that I felt nothing else.The excruciating pain lasted for a long time.I tried to breathe, but I was panting; I heard myself cry out in terror as the wires in my body began to loosen. When another wave of pain hit, I had to close my eyes and imagine myself being lifted up by the wave and rising and falling with it... "Alexandra!" An unusually ethereal sound came from somewhere.But I can't bother with it now, or I'll be swallowed by the waves. "Hang on, kid. Limbs flat." The voice was closer and louder now, and it ordered me, "Lie down, it'll be better." I risked it.My hands were flat on the ground and I felt her palms press hard against my belly.Pain peaked. "Breathe," said the voice, "breathe. In...breathe out...that's it, good girl. Go on. In...breath out..." I looked up at her and saw the tension and pride in her eyes, and I knew everything was going to be okay for me.My mother is here. I leaned on her, "I..." "Don't waste energy. How long between contractions?" I shook my head, "Maybe four or five minutes, but it's getting faster now." She hugged me tightly and pulled the pillows from the bed, laying them on the floor so I could lean against them. "Listen," she said quietly, "Elila's gone to the midwife, but she's out in the street with the rest of the town. They'll be here soon, but you've got to hold on this time. Is there anyone else?" "Tangcia, the chef's daughter." "I'll go get her." "Don't! Don't leave me!" But she was gone, screaming on the landing as loud and anxious as a church bell.While the girl might have ignored me, she hadn't been ignored.The labor pains started again when she came in.This time she was by my side at the beginning, pushing and holding on my tailbone with both hands, pulling away the wire that was tightly wrapped around me. I finally collapsed on the pillow and saw Doncia standing in the doorway, her eyes wide open with terror.My annoyance suddenly overwhelmed the pain as my mother called her out, seemingly inexplicably possessed, and then I heard my own voice begin to curse loudly.They both stopped and looked at me.I thought that if my mother hadn't closed the door first, Tang Xiya would have run away again. "I don't know, I don't know," I screamed. "What's going to happen next? What should I do?" I was panicking, but she surprised me with a smile on my face. "You're about to have a baby. Your body will tell you what to do, and you just follow what your body tells you. God and nature will do the rest." And that's when suddenly everything changed.My tired body suddenly had a strong desire to excrete, wanting to expel it from my body.I tried pulling it out myself, but to no avail. "Ah! It's coming out, I feel it." She took me in her arms, "Get up, it will hurt worse on the ground. Come here, little girl, get your wife up. Put your arms under her armpit. Come on. That's it. Hold her Back. Come on, push her, hold her. Lift her up, quick." Although she is stupid, she is very strong.I was picked up by her, my whole body was shaking non-stop, the skirt was lifted and placed on my shoulders; my legs were spread wide, my belly was huge, and my mother crouched at my feet.The desire to defecate came again, I pulled hard until I couldn't breathe, until I felt my face turn blue and tears flowed out.My anus and vagina seemed to be torn apart. "Again! Push hard. The head is coming out, I can see it, it's almost born." But I can't.In an instant, that desire left me, and I slumped back limply, trembling in her arms, like a woman let down from a gallows, her limbs trembling like water waves because of pain and fear with.I could feel the tears running down my face and the snot running down my nose; and I was so scared I didn't even have the energy to cry.If the pain came again, I would have no strength to deal with it; and before I could recover from it, the terrible desire to pull the baby down came back.There is no other way.Every time I push, I feel like I'm going to explode.Something was wrong, it was horrible.The baby's head is abnormal, so large that it never seems to come out.The sins committed while conceiving it finally paid off when it was born.We could go on pulling like this forever, it and I, and it became an endless torment: it was trying to tear a hole in my body to get out. "I can't do it...I can't do it." I could hear the panic in my voice, "This is God's punishment for my crime." My mother's voice was firm, "What? You think God still has time to deal with your crimes? Savonarola has been tortured until now as a heretic and a traitor. How can your mistakes compare to his? Hold your breath , for your baby. It's coming out soon. Hard, hard. Come on." I push again. "Yes, yes, again. It's there. It's coming out." I felt my pelvis tear apart, but it still wasn't born. "I can't," I gasped and cried, "I'm scared, I'm scared." This time she didn't yell at me, but stood up, cupped my face in her hands, and wiped away the tears.Her palm was soft, but her voice was anxious: "Listen to me, Alexandra. I have never seen a soul as great as yours in any other girl. You will not die on the floor of your own bedroom. Just use it again." One push, one more push and it will come out. I'll help you. You just listen to me and do what I tell you to do. It's coming again? Is it? Take a deep breath now, take a deep breath Take a breath. Yes, that's it. Good. Now hold your breath. Hard, hard. Hold on, hard. Go again. Hard!" "Ah!!!" My screams echoed in the room, and I heard another sound—a rip was torn open in my body, and my head was squeezed out. It's out.I felt a rush of great strength glide through me, followed by a feeling of relief like never before. "Ah, it's out, out. Ah, ah, look at it, look at it." The moment Tancia and I fell to the floor, I saw a gleaming elf, covered in blood and liquid, crouching at my feet. "Ah! It's a girl!" my mother whispered. "A beautiful, beautiful little girl." She picked up the slimy body, pulled her feet with both hands, and lifted them upside down; she coughed, as if liquid filled her lungs and nose, she patted her buttocks, and the little guy yelled angrily Weeping, protesting for the first time that she had come into this deranged and mad world. Without scissors or a knife, she went to the umbilical cord with her teeth to fix it.Then she put her on my belly.I was shaking so badly that I couldn't hold her steady. She fell to the floor, and Tangia hugged her tightly.Then Mom massaged my belly and pushed the placenta out of my stomach; I hugged the warm, tiny, wrinkled little thing tightly. This is how my daughter came into this world.They washed her and wrapped her tightly in swaddling clothes.Since there was no nurse to feed her, they had to carry her to me again.We watched in awe as she wriggled on my chest like an invisible animal; her mouth snapped at my nipple, making me cry out in pain; her tiny mouth Sucking, sucking, until I felt a sweet pain: the milk began to flow. When her request was satisfied, she was willing to leave my breast, like a louse that sucked blood, and fell asleep.Only by watching her fall asleep can I fall asleep with her.