Chapter 36 Chapter Thirty-Five

Over the next few months, many things proved my husband right, especially the weather.In summer, the heat wave is churning, the air is hot and humid like a horse's breath, and the whole city emits a stench. As my husband had predicted, the Pope did order Savonarola to stop preaching.Savonarola took stock of the situation and retreated to his monastery to seek God's guidance.But whether he did this out of sincerity or expediency is hard to say. The weather and the power struggle were all mentioned by my husband one by one.Early summer is indeed a good season for conception. I lay in my dark room, vomiting the contents of my stomach into a basin next to the bed day and night.I have never been so sick in my life.Last menstruation, menstruation did not come, two weeks later, I became sick like this.I woke up one morning trying to get out of bed and when I moved my legs the contents of my stomach rose up my throat and spit on the floor.I couldn't even walk to the door.When Ilila found me later, I was foaming at the mouth because there was nothing left to spit out.

"congratulations." "I'm dying." "No, you won't die, you're pregnant." "How is it possible? It's not pregnant, it's sick." She laughed, "You should be happy. Your reaction is so strong, it means that the fetus has begun to grow. Those women who don't feel anything, usually have a miscarriage in the third month." "What about the lucky ones?" I gasped. "How long will it be painful?" She shook her head and wiped my face with a damp cloth. "Thank goodness you're fine," she said cheerfully. "You'll be fine."

Because of pregnancy, I lost weight.For days, I felt nauseous and could barely speak.There are benefits too.I stopped thinking about the painter, his paintbrush, how he felt on top of me; I stopped worrying about my husband and hating my brother.And, for the first time in my life, I no longer longed for freedom, this room was already a huge world to me. I started eating garlic, chewing young ginger, and drinking black tea.Ilila scoured the city for a doctor to prescribe me.Confused by this sudden event, my husband became concerned and called in a doctor.The doctor gave me medicine, but I vomited more violently.

My condition did not improve until mid-September, because I had been ill for so long that even Elila stopped making fun of me.I think she must have been worried that I was going to die. One night it was very hot and I was sweating profusely, and Ilila sat on the edge of the bed and fanned me.I asked, "Have you ever thought about this child..." "Thought what?" "Thinking if my illness is some kind of punishment. A sign that maybe this is a child of the devil." She smiled and said, "If it's the devil's child, where did you have time to make love to him that night?"

"I mean, Ilila, you..." "Look, do you know the worst thing you can do for yourself? It's when your life becomes flat and there's nothing worth thinking about. The changes in your life come and go like flies after a stray dog's dead body. If I hadn't Get it wrong and you'll always be like this. It's both your miracle and your tragedy. But speaking of the devil's children... listen to me, don't even think about it, if the devil wants to turn this city into hell, There are thousands more criminals than you waiting to be punished." My sister came to visit me that week, and the news of my illness must have been widely known.She became pregnant again, and the fetus in her belly began to conceive.She hugged me tightly to show her concern for me. "It's a pity," she said. "Don't worry, you'll soon be drinking rum and eating roast squab. Our cook has a recipe for the most delicious plum sauce."

I felt something come up in my throat again, and given how horrible I've been these days, I don't know if I'm going to vomit straight into her lap or just vomit on her shoe and let it go. "How's Inruminata?" I asked, trying not to think about such a feat. "Oh, she grows fast in the country." "Don't you miss her?" "I saw her at the villa in the country in August. But she lives better in the country. It is too hot in the city and there is dust everywhere. You don't know how many children have been killed by the weather. The streets and alleys are full of children. coffin."

"Have you seen our brother? Where's Tommaso?" "Ah! Tommaso! Haven't you heard?" I shrugged. "he is sick." "I hope he's not pregnant," I said happily. "Ah! Alexandra!" She laughed so much that the flesh on her cheeks quivered, and she sighed thoughtfully. "He's got a boil." "Oh, really?" "Ah, really. Oh, you should go and see him. They left him alone, well, he shut himself up in the house and refused to see people." I swear this is the first time in two months that I feel better. "Oh, I'm ashamed to say it. Let's just say that if a man is caught doing something like that, if he's found guilty, he'll have his nose cut off and the skin off his back. Can you believe a man would do something like that something?"

"Let's put it this way," I said, "there must be certain crimes that God forgives." "Our poor mother," she said, "can you imagine how ashamed she must have been? She had been away from home for months to take care of her husband, and had just come back from the country, only to find her son was..." I said softly, "When did you just say she came back?" That afternoon, I sent Ilila to ask my mother to take care of me.I don't have any grudges against her in my heart. Whether she knows it or not, I need her experience now. Irilah ushered her in, I stood up, and we looked at each other.Compared with the last time we met, she had aged a little in the past few months.Her straight back is showing signs of bending slightly. Although her beauty is still there, in my opinion, at least the light in her eyes has dimmed a bit.

"How long have you been pregnant?" she said.I could tell she was taken aback by my appearance. "The last time it was popular was in July." "Eleven weeks. Huh, have you ever tried a mandrake?" "Er, no. I think it's probably the only drug I haven't tried." "Tell Elina to go out and buy some. I'll make it for you myself. Why didn't you tell me earlier?" But I don't have the energy to argue with her right now. "I...I don't want you to worry..." She was braver than me and said, "No, that's not the reason. You still hate me. I didn't force you to marry him, you know."

I frowned. "No, make it clear. If you don't make it clear, there is no future between us. You tell me, even if I knew it then, would that be enough to stop you? You want so much to be free." I had never thought about it this way before, how would I have reacted if I had known then? "I don't know," I said, "you really don't?" "Oh my boy, of course I don't..." "...but you saw him at the court of the Medici. You reacted so strangely when I asked you that I..." "Alexandra," she interrupted me resolutely, "not everything is what it sounds like. I was young and knew nothing except what I read in books. and anything."

"So when did you find out?" I said quietly. "About your brother?" she sighed. "I suspected it a long time ago, but I didn't realize it. As for your husband, I only found out about it three days ago. Tommaso's condition is not that serious, but for a handsome man. , to be so ugly as to die. At the beginning of the week, he had a priest. Then the priest told me." "To whom did he confess?" I tensed, remembering the stories of the pastor's snitches that Irilah had told. "A friend of our family, we're safe, or as safe as everyone else right now." "How, my child? It has been a long time since we last saw each other. How is it?" "Between him and me? As you can see, we've kept the marriage alive." "Yes, I saw it. Before I saw you, he talked to me. He was..." She hesitated, "I don't know, he is..." "A nice guy," I said, "I know. Weird, isn't it?" For a long time, I have longed for the day when I can talk to my mother like this.Meeting as one woman and another, she was like someone walking the same path ahead of me, even though what she was going through wasn't exactly what I was going through. "And you, mother? What do you think?" She shook her head and said, "You know, Alexandra, these are tough trials. I think God sees everything we do. No. We are not judged by whether we struggle hard. Do you pray, as I told you? Do you go to church regularly?" "Only go if I'm sure I won't be thrown out," I said with a smile, "but yes, I pray." I did not lie.For the past few months, I would have given my life to beg God to keep my baby safe as I lay in bed with wrenching abdominal pain. "Then you'll live, my boy. Believe me, he hears everything people tell him, even if sometimes he doesn't seem to be listening." Her words were like a temporary antipyretic.If the God who now reigns in Florence will hang me and my children for the final time, the God I saw in my mother's eyes that afternoon at least has the ability to judge the seriousness of the crime. "Do you know anything about painters?" I asked after a while. "I know, Maria told me, and she said that you are the most responsible." I laughed, "Me? That was just her imagination. How is he now?" For the first time in months, I allowed myself to think about him. "Very well, although he is still reticent, he seems to have recovered from the illnesses that have plagued him." I shrugged. "It's not that serious. I think he's just too lonely, and he's overwhelmed by the stress of work." "And the chapel?" "The chapel? Oh, it's a miracle, a jewel in our darkness. The Ascension on the ceiling is jaw-dropping. Most amazing is the face of our Lady," she said after a pause." Especially for those who know our family well." I lowered my head so she wouldn't see the joy on my face. "Yes, luckily she is high off the ground. Aren't you offended?" "It's hard to be mad at beauty," she said succinctly. "She has an unexpected grace." "So is it done?" "Not yet, but he assured us that it will be finished before the first Mass."