Chapter 34 Chapter Thirty-Three

I was scrubbing myself in the room, many things in my mind were tangled together like a mess. "……Where have you been?" I turned around and said, "Oh my God, Ilila, you scared the hell out of me." She stared at me with fire in her eyes: her hair was messed up, her face flushed.I adjusted my skirt and lowered my eyes. "I...uh...I managed to feed him and drink a little. He's asleep now." She grabbed my shoulders and shook me so hard that I screamed. I looked at her and she was meeting my gaze, seemingly in disbelief of what she was seeing. "Elila," I said, "I..."

"Don't lie to me." I was speechless halfway through. She shook me again, then suddenly let go. "Did you not listen to what I said to you at all? Do you think I did it for my own good?" She grabbed the flannel cloth I put in the basin, soaked it in the water, then took off my skirt, and wiped my breasts, my belly like a mother bathes a disobedient child. , scrubbing my legs and pussy, and even reaching inside me.I was hurt and scared and started to cry, but she ignored me. She finally wiped me down, threw the flannel in the basin, and threw me a dry towel.She watched as I dried myself morosely, choking and sobbing, trying to hide the shame inside.

"Your husband is back." "What? Oh my! When?" I asked in a panic. "Almost an hour ago. Didn't you hear the horse barking?" "No no." She snorted heavily and said, "But I heard it. He asked about you." "What did you tell him?" "I said you were tired and sleeping." "Did you tell him?" "Tell him what? No, I didn't say anything. But I'm sure his servant will sooner or later." "Okay," I said with a forced calm, "well, I'll explain it to him tomorrow." She stared at me for a moment, then shook her head angrily. "You don't understand, what do you understand? My God! Why didn't your mother and I teach you that women can't be as sensual as men are, you can't do this, it will destroy you."

I am very scared now, and suddenly feel that these things that have nothing to do with me are starting to make trouble. "He told me my life was mine," I said angrily. "It was part of the deal." "Oh, Alexandra, why are you so stupid? You don't have a life, you're not like him. He can have sex whenever and with whomever he likes, and no one will accuse him. People will accuse you." I looked up and said quietly, "It just happened by chance." "Just by chance? Ha..." she said, half angry, half sneering, "yes, it always happens."

She shook her head and sighed, exasperated, as if she were dealing with a child, telling her something that had been repeated hundreds of times.She paced nervously around the room and finally stopped and turned to me. "Did it come out?" "what?" "Did it come out?" she said, shaking her head. "Alexandra, if you were as smart as you were in school in dealing with everyday things, you'd be able to rule this city. He shot some fluid inside you." ?" "I... well, I don't know very well, maybe there is, I think." "When was the last time you had your period?"

"I don't remember. Ten days ago, maybe two weeks ago." "When was the last time your husband had sex with you?" I bowed my head and remained silent. "Alexandra," she used to rarely address me by my first name, but is now too excited, "I need to know." I looked up at her and started crying again. "Not since... not since the wedding night." "Ah! God. Well, he's got to do it again, fast. Can you do it?" "I guess so, we haven't talked about this in a long time." "Well, talk to him now, and do it to him. From now on, don't visit that painter in his room without someone with you. Did you hear me?"

I shrugged slightly and she looked at me worriedly again.After a while, she pulled me roughly into her arms and hugged me tightly, clucking and sighing in my ear like a hen.I know that if she gave me anything, it was courage. "Fool, silly girl." She murmured in my ear, then let go of her arm, stroked my cheek, brushed the hair from my face back, and studied me carefully. "You finally did it? How does it feel? Do you hear the sweetness of the quivering strings?" "I...not yet," I whisper, though I know I do feel something. "Let's just say it's because you do it more often. They learn slowly, men. But you have to find your own happiness first, can you?"

I laughed nervously, "I don't know, I... I guess so. But... I don't understand, Ilila. What are you talking to me about?" "I'm telling you, if you're going to be unruly, you've got to know how to make love better than the regular women. That's the only thing you can do better than them."