Chapter 27 Chapter Twenty Six

I stayed up late at night with my mother's crimes and the painter's crimes running over and over in my head.How could she betray me like this?What was his purpose in creating this painting?I was sitting at the window of my bedroom, and the city outside the window was even more out of reach for me now than when I was a virgin in my father's house; I wondered why my life journey went from full of hope to despair like this?As I sat there, a snowflake drifted into the window from the darkness.In this city, snow is a rare thing. I was fascinated and stood up and watched with ecstasy.In this way, I witnessed the coming of a big snowstorm.

It raged for two days and two nights, and the wind and snow were so heavy that even in the daytime, it was difficult for people to see the other side of the street.By the time the snow stops, the city has changed: the streets are more like fields, and many houses have been covered with snow to the second floor. It didn't take long for the weather to start affecting our lives.My husband's house is so drafty that being in it is almost like being on the street.But I know it's stupid to say that, because some people literally freeze to death at home, and we, at least, can have a fire in front of us and warm our legs despite the cold back.

After a week, the snowflakes began to turn into slippery and dangerous black ice, and no one would leave the house unless they had to.The darkness of winter is starting to seep into our souls, and the bad weather doesn't seem to be ending.The days were unbearably long, and the sky darkened; my husband grew impatient at being separated from my brother, and before long, his eagerness took the place of politeness, he turned away from me and stayed all night at in his study.I was so sad that he was not with me that I couldn't bear it.Finally, one morning, regardless of the weather, he ran away from home and did not return until night.

But since he can leave, so can I.The next day I left a note for Irilah and went to visit my sister myself. Protila was a little taken aback, but welcomed me warmly and placed me by the fire.She was delighted at my silly visit, but giggling, as a sign of intimacy.Her house is very different from mine, less stately and much later in age, so there are fewer cracks for cold air to blow in.But there was still a fire in her house.Her house seemed busy, just like my house when I was a child.Compared with my stinging nose and flushed cheeks, she looked warm and comfortable; but, although she had given birth, she was still as fat as she had been pregnant.

She asked me to pick up my little niece, and the curled up child was crying in my arms until the wet nurse took her away and stuffed the nipple in her mouth, and then she stopped crying.She sucked like a lamb, making greedy sucking and gulping noises.Protila had enough milk herself, but sat beside her in a peaceful and rich manner. "I know how women are made now," she sighed, "but if only Eve spared us some of the pain of childbirth. Maybe you won't believe it, but I think it's more painful than hanging. The Holy Mother is very merciful and relieves her of this special burden." She picked up another candy and put it in her mouth, "But look at her. Papa's milky white cloth swaddle is the most beautiful, isn't it Is it? Look, these are all you will come across. She is a great work, greater than all your paintings, is not it?"

I admit it is.But Protila held her only two or three times on the day of my visit; in a few days the babies will be taken to the country by the nurse, who has been busy packing their bags, and I don't think the birth of her daughter will give her What a difference it made in your life.As for Maurizio, let's just say that, judging from the few encounters he had, he was very tired of it.However, men have their own state affairs to deal with, which are much more important than babysitting.Besides, she's just a baby girl. "Mom said you are very good, but you are not as noble as before. I think you are indeed a bit simple."

"Very plain," I said, "but the world has become plain. I wonder why they didn't tell you." "Oh, I don't have to leave this house. Here, I can get what I want." "What about after she's gone? What will you do?" "I will rest well, and when I recover, we are going to have another one." She said with a shy smile on her face, "Maurizio hopes that we will have a large group of sons and become the leaders of the republic." "That's a good idea," I said. "If you give birth sooner, they might be God's new fighters in time."

"That's it. By the way, speaking of fighters, have you seen Luca lately?" I shake my head. "Well, let me tell you, he's changed. Two days ago he came to see Inruminata. Do you like the name? It's like a new light in the sky. He said the name and our time It's fitting, God bless the fruit of my stomach." She laughed, "Can you imagine our Luka saying something like that? Tell you, he looks terrible, his nose was frozen on patrol. purple. He shaved his hair off like a monk. But I hear there are some younger boys who look like angels." Thinking of the crowd in front of the church square that day, I think they behaved like devils.I glanced at the wet nurse, who was looking at Inruminatta, who was also looking at her intently.Is she also a follower of the new government?In those days one had to be careful in speaking.

"Don't worry," Protila whispered, seeing my apprehension, "she's not Florentine, and hardly knows what we're talking about." But I saw a gleam of light in her downcast eyes, and it made me wary. "Guess what he brought her as a birth present? A book for Savonarola's sermons. It's absurd, straight from the printing house, and there's some more in print, you know," he said Over the past few months there have been several new printing houses opened on Bookstore Avenue, all of which are printing this book. Do you remember what Mama said? It's vulgar to buy those printed books. The beauty of words..." She I can't remember a bit, and said in a stuttering manner.

"...Half of it is reflected in the calligraphy of the scribes." I interjected, "because the scribes poured their heart and soul into the books." "Oh, you have a great memory! That's all and nothing else. Even educated people buy printed books these days. I hear it's all the rage. Come to think of it, he just preached and he said His books were printed and sent to us. In this way, even those who cannot read will know what is written in the book. No wonder he has so many devout followers. " While she may be fascinated by flashy fashion, she's not stupid; and I'm sure my sister, after hearing his impassioned sermons at church recently, felt as strange and terrified as I did.But the joy of marriage and motherhood clouded her mind. "You're right," I said quietly. "Anyway, I'll send you some manuscripts before you teach Inruminatta how to read."

I noticed a slight twinkle in the wet nurse's eyes as she lifted the baby from the nipple, interrupting our conversation with a disgruntled cry.From then on until I left, I never brought up this topic again. I didn't get home until a few days later, and the snow and ice started to melt. The snowdrift on the street corner in front of our house had begun to thaw, revealing a frozen dog.Its internal organs have been cut open, and its black tail is almost the same as when it was alive. Corpse maggots are already active on it.Tommaso's horse and Cristoforo's mount are tied side by side.The sweat on their bodies glistened, and the grooms helped them scrub their bodies.Now I have a strange hunch that he must have served these two beasts in this way many times before. Before I got back to my room, I bumped into Ilila.I thought she would blame me for leaving without saying goodbye, but instead, she seemed very happy, even a little exaggerated. "Your brother Tommaso is here." I don't know if it's my fantasy, but I think she looks at me very keenly. "Really?" I said casually. "When did he come?" "...the day after you left," she said like me, pretending to be indifferent.Does she know it too?Or did she already know?Does everyone else know it except me? "Where are they now?" "They've just come back on horseback. I... I think they're in the drawing room." "Maybe you can go and tell them I'm back. No...no, better go and tell them yourself." I sidled past her and hurried up the stairs so she wouldn't see my gaffe.My husband is open about his desires, and I am ashamed of him as well as of myself. I opened the door quietly, and they looked very casual, standing in front of the open fireplace, warming, very close, although not touching each other.People who didn't know thought they were a pair of good friends who were keeping warm, but in my opinion, they were like two burning logs, crackling and emitting ambiguous flames. Tommaso apparently took notice of the new law and was less flashy than before.He is not yet 20 years old, so he cannot be regarded as an adult, but at this age, he is legally enough to bear a more serious punishment.Like yesterday, Protila told me about Venice, where young men who committed sodomy were tattooed.This is a measure to punish prostitutes, which not only conforms to their identity of turning yang into yin, but also makes them no longer vain.In all the years that Tommaso and I have argued, I have never had such a cruel thought about him, and now the thought scares me. "Hello, sister," he said, his triumphant tone tinged with fear. "Hello, Tommaso." I knew I must sound weird because I almost didn't want to say his name. My husband turned immediately, walked away from his lover, and walked tactfully towards me. "My dear, you are back. How is your sister?" "Very fat, very fat." Thankfully, I still remember this line. Next, we each sat down in the room, and the situation was a little weird.Cristoforo sat in one armchair, I sat in another, Tommaso sat on the couch: husband, wife and brother-in-law, they were the most cultured elites in Florence, how charming A family group. How wise Savonarola is when he speaks of women!Besides obedience, the best quality in a wife is silence.But to be a real wife, you have to have a real husband. "Plautila misses you very much," I said to Tommaso. "She said you were the only one who didn't visit her." He lowered his eyes and said, "I know, I'm too busy." Of course you're busy with your clothes, I suppose.That's when I noticed the silver belt around his waist that had been given as a wedding present, and I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. "But I'm surprised. Why are you not at home? I thought the city wasn't attractive to you these days." "Let's put it this way..." He said with a quick glance at Cristoforo. So it fell into silence again.I looked at my husband and he looked at me; I smiled at him but he didn't smile back. "Tomaso just said that they were clearing the monasteries," he said mildly. "They removed works of art that he considered insignificant, and all kinds of superfluous decorations and vestments." "Where's the Medici art collection?" I said. "He won't destroy even that?" "No, he seems more willing to auction them off." "And put everyone on the list," I said sharply. "You have to hold yourself back and don't try to get any more treasures, Cristoforo, or we'll be targeted." He nodded slightly, agreeing with my clever deduction.I glanced triumphantly at Tommaso. I continued, "I've heard that Luca has joined the ranks of God's fighters. Hope you and him don't become enemies." "Luka? No, he just likes to fight. That's what makes him happy." "Well, we've got our place." I paused and said, "Mom said you weren't home." I paused longer this time and asked, "She knows what you're doing, doesn't she?" He raised his head vigilantly, "No. Why do you say that?" "Because she makes me feel that way. Maybe Luca will feel compelled to tell you about your behavior." "I tell you, he won't betray me," he said emotionally. "Besides, he doesn't know much." But I'll betray you, I think.The anger between us is growing, I can even feel it rushing out of my throat.I saw across the room my husband (our husband) getting agitated.Tommaso glanced at him again, this time his eyes were lazy, revealing understanding, sweetness and desire.While I was coaxing my sister's baby and swaddling her, they were hugging each other, and my absence gave them something to celebrate.Now, this may be my family, but at this moment I feel like a third person.It made me feel like a knife. "So it is. You were born with a pure soul, ready to go to God; and then your wretched sister came into the world, to shame you, because you could never learn anything like her; and you turned to hate all women. So she put You're on the road to becoming a sodomite." "Alexandra." Christopher Flo was behind me, his voice so thin I could barely hear what he was saying. "I tell you, she's talking nonsense," Tommaso said bitterly. "She never forgives mistakes." I shake my head. "Oh, I think you're more narrow-minded than I am, sir." I said bitterly, more and more uncontrollably, "you know how we, Christopher and I, talked about you? Didn't he tell You? We actually talk about you a lot, about your handsomeness and your stupidity." My husband got up from his chair. "Alexandra," he said, harsher this time. But I couldn't stop, and I turned to him and said, "Of course, we don't have to be so blunt, do we, Cristoforo? But whenever I make you laugh, with some wise words, or A unique observation of a work of art, not a silly tease or eye discharge...everytime I see your eyes light up from our conversations and you stop thinking about his body...I think I win Victory was won, if not for God, then for man." They looked at me with pity and contempt, and suddenly my recklessness, my courage, my monstrous self-confidence were all gone;How could their shame become mine? I stood up from my chair trembling.My husband's eyes were cold, and it dawned on me that he looked much older, or maybe it was just compared to Tommaso's precocity. "I'm sorry, husband." I looked at him and said, "I seem to have forgotten our deal. Forgive me, I'm going back to my room. Welcome, brother. I really hope you're happy together. " Cristoforo watched me turn and walk to the door.He didn't follow me, maybe he should have said something, but he didn't.When I closed the door, I imagined the scene inside: they reunited after a long absence, entangled like Dante's thief and viper, until I could no longer tell which was my husband and which was my brother.