Chapter 4 third chapter

I am ready to be trained.How many times have we sat here before?Neither we, me nor she, have calculated.I nearly died when I was born, and she almost died when she gave birth to me.After two days of fuss, I was eventually dragged out by the pliers, and we were both crying the whole time.The difficult labor took its toll on her body, meaning it was no longer possible for her to have children.Which in turn meant that she loved me not only because I was the youngest but also because she had lost her fertility for me.There was a strong emotional bond between us long before she saw something of herself in me.I asked her one time why I hadn't heard a lot of difficult babies die. "Because it is God's will. He has given you a sense of wonder and inspiration

Sex, you are doomed to survive no matter what. " "Alexandra, you should know that Dad has already started talking about your marriage." After hearing this, I felt my stomach twitching, "But, how can it be... I'm not popular yet." She frowned and said, "Are you sure?" "How can you not know? Maria inspects my clothes. I think it is not easy to keep a secret." "It's different from other things." Her voice was calm.I looked up, but there was no sign of her discussing this further. "You know I've protected you for a long time, Alexandra. I can't keep doing this forever."

Her voice was so serious that I was almost frightened.I looked at her, trying to find some hint of how to continue our conversation, but she didn't give it to me. "Okay," I said angrily, "for me, if you won't let me do a thing, you won't make it happen." "What else are we going to do?" she said softly, "keep you away from your books, take your pen? Punish you for that? You're spoiled, child. You should know it was bad for you. You've always been so stubborn, though. Maybe you should finally be sent to your brothers' teachers to keep you busy." But she must have realized then that the solution was as troublesome as the problem: "You want to go to them so badly .”

"But they don't welcome me at all." "It's because you haven't learned to be humble," she said more sternly this time. "Pride is not a good thing for a young girl. Maybe you should spend as much time praying as you studying." "Have you ever done that, mother?" She smiled briefly. "No, Alexandra. My family doesn't do things that don't help." She rarely mentioned her childhood, but we all know the stories: her father, fascinated by new knowledge, asked them to be educated together, regardless of gender; her eldest brother later became a great scholar and was the Medici's staff One, this makes some merchants willing to accept their unusual education and offer generous dowries to marry them. "When I was your age, it was even more unacceptable for girls to learn these things. If my brother's lucky star hadn't risen as high, I'm afraid I would have trouble finding a husband."

"But if my birth is God's will, you must marry papa." "Oh, Alexandra, why are you always like this?" "how is it?" "You always think where you shouldn't be." "But logically so." "No, boy. That's the problem. It has nothing to do with logic. What you're doing is disrespectful: driving things so deep into God's origin that human logic can't comprehend them." I didn't say anything more.Such a storm is not the first for me, and it would have come faster if I had disputed it. "I don't think your teacher taught you that," she sighed.I could feel that she was very annoyed with me, but not quite sure why. "You should know that Maria found some drawings in a box under your bed."

what!It turned out to be this!Needless to say, she happened upon it while searching for blood-stained rags.I put the box aside in my mind, trying to figure out where her anger would go. "She's sure you've sneaked out and wandered around town by yourself." "Ah! That's impossible! How is it possible? I've been under her watch." "She said there were some drafts of buildings in the box that she had never seen before, and there was an image of a lion devouring a boy in Town Hall Square." "So what? She and I went out that festival, you know. We all saw the lions. There was a trainer with them in the cage before they ate the calf, but they didn't touch him." ...then someone told us - maybe Elila - that a little boy was torn to death by a lion last year after everyone had gone home. Maria remembers that? She fainted when she heard it Understand."

"Perhaps so. But she knew you couldn't have been there to draw it." "Of course I didn't! I made some sketches afterwards, but they were terrible. Then I had to copy the lions in the Daily Book, though I knew their limbs were wrongly drawn." "Which class?" "what?" "Text? Which lesson is the "Daily Book" with the lion pictured?" "Hmm...Daniel?" I said vaguely. "You remember the shape, but not from the Daily Book. Oh, Alexandra." She shook her head. "And what about those buildings?" "I came up with them myself! How can I have time to paint them?" I said quietly. "I just put together what I remembered."

She stared at me for a while, and I didn't know what she was feeling.When I was very young, I didn't know what a pen meant, but she was the first one who asked me to pick up a pen.I learned to paint myself by copying the pictures at home dedicated to God; for a long time my interest in drawing was a secret from both of us, until I was grown up and had my own judgment.However, it was one thing for my father to spoil his precocious daughter who liked to draw sketches of the Virgin, but when the daughter grew up, because she liked to draw, she found capon bones in the kitchen and ground them for boxwood powder, or used goose feathers Making a dozen new quills is another story.Art may be a way of approaching God, but lack of time for recreation is the mark of a merchant, and of the young daughter of a good man.Recently Ilila has become my accomplice, and as to what my mother thinks, I no longer know.Two years ago, I had trouble learning the technique of a silver nib—the nib was so fine and hard that I had no room for error when drawing eyes or hands.My mother asked for my work, and after looking at it for a while, I returned it to me without saying anything.A week later, I found a copy of Ciannino Cenini's "Art Notes" in a box under the bed.Since then, I've gotten a lot more steady when I'm drawing, but neither of us has ever mentioned the gift again.

She sighed, "Very well. Let's not discuss this any more." After a pause, she said, "I have something to say. The artist asked for your portrait first." I felt a small flame inside me explode. "As I said, he has visited quite a few churches. As a result of his visits, he is now ready to paint us. Your father's portrait has been painted, and I am busy with Protila's marriage, and I have no time to be with him now; so he must first paint the child.He asked to draw you first, and I don't think you know why, do you? " I looked straight at her and shook my head.It might sound strange that I didn't lie to her, but it was a meaningful decision for me at the time.

"He made a makeshift studio in the chapel. He said he must see you near dusk, when the light is just right. He insists, and Ludovika and Maria will accompany you then." "but……" "Stop arguing, Alexandra. You have to take them both. Don't distract him there, and don't discuss with him the excellence of Plato's philosophy. I don't think I should argue on the subject anyway." Not sure." She speaks harshly, but has a soft voice, which again strikes me as easy going.Of course, it also made me miscalculate the possible adventures, but it came so suddenly, who could I talk to about it?

"You know, mother, I often have the same dream. I must have had it five or six times by now." "I want it to be a sacred thing." "Oh, of course, it was. I dreamed that...well, as odd as it sounds, I dreamed that I wasn't married after all. Instead, you and Dad decided to send me to a convent..." "Oh, Alexandra, don't be a fool. You don't fit the convent's requirements. Its rules will put you off straight away. Of course you know that." "No... oh, yes, but, but the convent in my dream is different. In this convent, the nuns can praise God in different ways, like..." "No, Alexandra Sage! I don't want to hear that. If you think your misbehavior will change our minds about finding you a husband, then you're dead wrong." She finally got angry, like hot springs erupting from the ground. "You're a wayward, sometimes rebellious kid who never cared what I said. If only I'd got you out of that habit sooner, because it's not doing us any good now." She sighed, "But We can find a way. I'm going to use the words we use so often - responsibility, it's your responsibility to your family. Your dad is now a rich man with a record of public service to his country. He has money to give you Prepare enough dowry, which is enough to bring more glory and prestige to our surname. When he finds the right person, you have to marry him. Do you understand? Caring for a husband and raising children is the greatest responsibility of a woman. You You'll learn it soon." She stood up. "Come on, boy. Let's not talk about this. I have a lot of things to do. Once we make a decision, your father will tell you. Nothing will happen during this time, I mean during this time " She repeated softly, "But you should know, I won't let him just talk forever, it will be decided sooner or later." I had to look her in the eye and say, "In that case, let him at least find someone reasonable." "Oh, Alexandra..." She shook her head, "I can't promise."