Chapter 12 Chapter Twelve
The revelry continued outside, and the people celebrating the grape harvest were unaware that the Count lay dying in his bed, and Philip lay in his bed under the influence of a sleeping potion prescribed by a doctor.Champier and I sat in the library and waited.The count was accompanied by two doctors, who told us to wait here, a seemingly endless wait.
It was not eleven o'clock, and it seemed a lifetime since I stood in the dungeon with the count, and then suddenly came face to face with death.
Strangely enough, Champier sat there, pale and puzzled, as if he didn't understand what he was doing there.
"How long they are!" I said.
"Don't worry, he won't die."
I shake my head.
"No," said Champier, almost in pain, "he won't die until he wants to, he doesn't always..." A smile appeared on his lips. "Sit down," he said, "it's no use walking up and down, I should have saved him a second earlier, and I let that take too long."
He had a new kind of authority, and he could be an earl sitting there.For the first time I noticed his castle features - at this time I cared about this irrelevant detail.
It was Champier who controlled the terrible scene, who ordered me to call for a doctor, who planned what we should do.
"We shouldn't say anything about what happened in the dungeon," he said cautiously, "because you can be sure the count wanted to tell the story his way, and I expect he'll say it was an accidental pistol, and he didn't want Fee Philip has been charged with attempted murder. We'd better be careful until we know what he wants."
I'm attached to this, and until we know, then we don't understand.He will open his eyes and come back to life. "If he lives..." I began.
"He will live," said Champier.
"If I could be sure..."
"He wants to live," he paused, then went on, "I saw you go away, what can I do? Mr. Phillips saw you...why, everyone must have seen it and figured out how I'll watch you, I'll follow you to the dungeon... as Philip did. But the count wants to live... if he wants to, he will."
"Then, Champier, you have saved his life."
He frowned, "I don't know why I did this," he said, "I could have Philip kill him, he's a top-notch shooter, the bullet would have gone through his heart long ago, that's when he aimed place, I know this...I said to myself: 'This is your end, Monsieur Earl.' And then...I did...I jumped at Philip, I grabbed his arm...just slow A little bit. Half a second, shall we say... If I was half a second earlier the bullet would have hit the roof... Half a second later the bullet would have been through his heart. But I can't get there sooner, I'm not close enough. I don't know Why did I do that, I just didn't think about anything."
"Champier," I repeated, "if he lives you will save his life."
"It's weird," he admitted.
It was quiet there.
I have to talk about something else, I can't bear to think about him lying there unconscious...his life is receding with all my hope and joy.
"You're looking for emeralds," I said.
"Yes, I intend to find them and take them, they have not been stolen, I have power over certain things... Now, of course, I have nothing, I will go to Monmos, and be his slave for life... If he still Live. And he will live because of what I did."
"We will never forget, Champier."
"Will you marry him?"
"yes."
"So I lost you too."
"You didn't want me, Champier, you just wanted what he wanted."
"It's weird... why he's always been there all my life, I hate him, you know, there were times when I could put a gun on him... and think... if he lives it's because I saved him Fate, I don't believe it myself."
"Nobody knows how we're going to act in a situation...until we face it. You did a great job tonight, Champier."
"That was crazy stuff, I couldn't believe it. I hated him, I tell you, I hated him my whole life, he had everything I wanted, he was who I wanted to be."
"Philippe thought too, he hates him as much as you do, it's jealousy, one of the seven sins. Champier, I believe it's the worst, but you've got over it, I'm so glad, Champier." Yeah, I'm so happy."
"But I tell you it wasn't intentional, maybe, maybe I never meant it when I wanted to kill him, but I'd steal the emerald if I had the chance."
"But you would never kill him, you know now. You may have married me. You may have tried to marry Genevieve..."
His face softened for a moment. "But maybe I would," he said, "and that would upset the noble count."
"What about Genevieve? You're going to use her for revenge?"
"She's a charming girl, young...wild...maybe like myself, unreliable. She's the earl's daughter, don't think I've had a personality change just because I did this crazy thing tonight. I don't Will promise about Genevieve."
"She's a young, sensitive girl."
"She likes me."
"She must not be hurt, life is not easy for her."
"Do you think I hurt her?"
"No, Champier, I don't think you are half as wicked as you think you are."
"You don't know much about me, Daras."
"I thought I knew a lot."
"You'd be surprised if you knew. I have my plans... If I could, I'd see my son become master of the castle."
"But how?"
"He had plans, you know, before he married you. He wasn't married anymore, so he decided to bring his mistress here to marry Philip, and he and her son would inherit the castle. However, it wouldn't be his son but mine."
"You...and Claude?"
He nodded triumphantly, "Why not? She was angry because he didn't pay attention to her, Philip is not a man, so... well, what do you think?"
As I listened to the doctor approach, I could only think about what had happened in the room above.
The doctor came into the room, the two of them came from the town, they will know a lot about us, one of them was there when Philip shot the count in the woods. I stood up and the two doctors looked directly at me. "He..." I said. "He's asleep now." I looked at them and silently begged them to give me some hope. "Come close," said one of them, almost tenderly, "just a few inches closer...he's lucky." "Will he recover?" My voice was loud and emotional. "He's not out of the woods yet, if he gets through tonight..." I fell into the chair again. "I plan to stay here until dawn," said one of the doctors. "Yes, please." "How did this happen?" asked the older of the two. "Monsieur Philippe's gun went off," said Champier. "Monsieur Comte will give an account of what happened . . . when he recovers." The doctor nodded.And I doubt whether they were both here the day Francise died; if so, they had waited for the earl's statement of the tragedy.I don't care about the time, all I have to ask is whether he will recover. "You're Miss Lawson, aren't you?" asked the younger doctor. I say I am. "Is your name Teras ... or something like that?" "yes." "I think he's trying to call you, maybe you want to sit by his bed, he won't talk to you. Just in case he wakes up, maybe he likes you there." I went into his bedroom and sat there all night watching over him praying that he would live.I said, "You must live...you can't die now and you can't leave me." Early in the morning he opened his eyes and looked at me, and I'm sure he was satisfied to find me there. He later said he heard me and for that reason he refused to die.
Within a week we knew recovery was just a matter of time, the doctor said he had a miraculous physique, miraculously survived, and now he is miraculously recovered. He gave an account of how it happened, and, as we might expect, he did not want it to be known that his cousin had attempted to murder him.Philip and Claudie went to Burgundy, and during a meeting between the two cousins Philip was told not to return to the castle. I'm glad I don't have to see Claude now, I know she wants to find the emerald, and when the writing came she became interested in the mural, and she probably guessed that I stumbled across the clue.Together with Philip, she spied on me, and when he stalked me in the vineyard, she searched my room.It must have been Philip following me that day in the bushes.He tried to shoot me as he tried to kill the Count?They were going to get rid of me, and had done their best to get me out by offering work elsewhere, after they believed the Earl had become too interested in me, because if he married, their plot would be ruined. Claude was a strange and complicated woman, and I believe she felt sorry for me at one point, and tried to save me from the Count solely for my own good.She did not believe that it was possible for a woman like me to arouse such a man to the last passion--because even a woman as attractive as herself could not.I imagined her working with her husband and Champier—going with Champier if he found the emerald, staying with Philippe if he found it. I'm also glad Champier got rid of her, because I've always loved him. The Earl said the Monmos Vineyard would be his. "It's a small reward," he said, "for saving my life." But I didn't tell him what I knew, and in fact I thought he might have known, since he didn't ask Champier what he was doing in the dungeon. Those were the days of hope and fear, when the doctor discussed his progress with me, and I saw that I had nursing potential, but perhaps it was my special interest in the patient that inspired that quality. We would sit in the garden and talk about the future, we would talk about Philippe and Champier.I guess Philip wanted me to stay in the castle at first because he thought I would never attract the count, and when he found out he was wrong he would try to drive me away.He must have discussed with Claudie that I should have a job restoring her father's drawings to get me out of Gaillard, and Claudie tempted me with a very tempting job, and then of course he planned to root me out in more nefarious forms . We came to the conclusion that the Secret Chest was built long ago by a poor prisoner digging the passage from secret dungeon to dungeon.The count thought he remembered his grandfather mentioning such an incident. The idea that the emerald was put into the vault and maybe I'd wear it someday seemed out of character for me. I want everything to have a happy ending, I have a passion for good and I long to fulfill it.Sometimes I sit in the golden garden and look up at the towers of the old castle and feel that I am living in a fairy tale.I am a disguised princess who rescued a prince who was under a spell. I removed the spell and he was happy again, happy forever.That's what I want to be sure of right now... In the summer of the pond garden, with the man I'm going to marry by my side, growing stronger and stronger day by day. But life is not a fairy tale. Champier had left for Monmos, and Gineviere was moping about his departure, her head full of crazy plans, a night of noble deeds that hadn't changed Champier's character. There is a shadow over my pleasure, and I doubt whether I shall ever forget the first countess. They know I'm going to marry the count, and I've seen their eyes... Madame Lattiere, Madame Busted... all the servants. It is a fairy tale, and a humble young woman comes to the old castle to marry the earl. The wise Guinevere did not beat around the bush after losing Champier. "You're brave, aren't you?" "Brave? What do you mean?" "If he murdered one wife, why not the other?" No, there can't be a happy ending there.
I started to be haunted by Francise's ghost, how strange, I said I didn't believe the rumors I heard, I still didn't believe it, but they were haunted. He didn't kill her, I tell myself a dozen times a day. But why does he refuse to tell me the truth? "There can be no lies between us," he once said. For this reason he cannot tell me. Opportunities presented themselves and I found that I couldn't resist. This is how it happened.It was noon, and the castle was very quiet.I was afraid that Genevieve would come to Laneau's room. I wanted to talk to her about the girl, and I wanted to try to understand how deeply she felt about Champier's departure. I knocked on the door of Lano's sitting room, no answer so I went in and Lano was lying on the couch with a dark handkerchief over her eyes, I figured she must be suffering from a headache. "Rano." I said softly, but there was no response. My eyes moved from the sleeping woman to the cabinet where the small notebooks were kept, and I saw that Rano's key was on the door of the cabinet, usually it was on a chain around her waist, which was unusual, she didn't use it immediately. Put it back there. I bent over to look at her, she was breathing heavily, she was fast asleep.I took another look at the cabinet, and the temptation was hard to resist.I want to know!I rationalize myself, she showed you the others, so why can't you read this one?After all, Franks is dead, and if Rano can read this book, why can't you? It's important, I promise myself, it's the most important thing, I have to know what's in the last book. I quietly walked to the closet, I looked back at the sleeping woman, and opened the closet door.I saw the bottle, the little glass bottle, and I held it up and smelled it, and it contained the opium ointment that she had for her headache, the same opium ointment that had killed Franks. Rano took a dose because of a headache.I want to know!It's no use considering my scruples. I picked up the last notebook, knowing they were absolutely in order.I glanced inside and yes, this is the one I wanted. I go to the door.With Rano still undisturbed, I hurried back to my room and began to read with a beating heart. "So I'm going to have a baby, maybe a boy this time, and that'll make him happy. I can't tell anyone yet, Losell has to be the first to know. I'm going to say to him: 'Lossel, we're going to Are you happy to have a baby?' Of course I'm scared, how scared I am. But it's going to be worth it after all. What's dad going to say? He's going to be hurt... bored. If I go up to him and tell him I He'll be much happier going to a nunnery. Away from the evil of the world, from lust, from vanity, that's what he likes. And I'll go up to him and say, 'Papa, I'm going to have a baby.' But not yet, I'm going to pick the right time, which is why I can't say yet, just in case Dad finds out." "They say a woman changes when she has a baby, and I'm changed, and I'm happy, and I almost am. I dream about the baby, and he's a boy, because that's what we think. It's right that Count Terratel should have a son Yes, that's what they got married for. They'd be content with their mistress if they didn't have to, that's what they really cared about. But it's going to be different now, he'll look at me differently, I'm not just his kin I will be the mother of his son who is obliged to marry." "It's great, I should have known before, I shouldn't have listened to Dad. I didn't tell him when I went to Crawford yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to do it. And the reason I'm so happy is because that's what it is, and he would mess everything up. he would look at me with his cold stubborn eyes, he would see everything...everything that led to my pregnancy...not as it was...but as he believed it to be...terrible... ...sin...I want to scream at him: 'No, Dad, it's not like that, you're wrong, I never should have listened to you.' 'Oh, the room where we kneel together, you pray that I'm protected from the flesh Temptation! That's what made me run from him.' I keep thinking about the night before the wedding now, why did he agree? He regretted it almost immediately afterwards. I remember how after the wedding signing dinner we prayed together and he said, 'My I hope this never happens, boy.' I said, 'Why, Daddy, everyone congratulates me.' He replied, 'That's because marrying Teratell is considered a good marriage, but if I think of you I'd be happier if I could live a pure life.' I didn't understand at the time, I'd try to be a pure woman now, and he kept muttering about carnal desires. Then we prayed together the night before the church wedding, and I waited I was ignorant and didn't understand anything except that it was shameful and my father's remorse couldn't save me from shame, and then I went to my husband..." "But now it's different, and I know Dad was wrong. He shouldn't have married, he wanted to be a monk, and he almost did. Then he found out he wanted to marry, and he changed his mind and married my mother. But he hated I am weak, and his monk's robe is his greatest treasure. He was wrong, I know now. I might be happy, I might have learned how to make Loser love me, if Dad hadn't scared me, if he hadn't taught me husband and wife Relationships are shameful. I try not to blame him, all these years when my husband ignores me, when he spends nights with other women...maybe it doesn't have to happen. I'm starting to see that I'm shivering and recoiling with guilt He's to me. I'm going to Crawford tomorrow, I'm supposed to tell Dad I'm going to have a baby, I'm going to say, 'Dad, I'm not ashamed... just proud, it's different from now on.'” "I never went to Crawford as I promised, and my wisdom teeth started hurting again, and Lano said to me: 'Sometimes a woman has a baby and she loses a tooth. You don't, do you?' I blush, she knows How can I keep a secret from Rano? I said, 'Don't tell anyone yet, Rano, I haven't told him, he should know, shouldn't he? And I want to tell Papa, too.' Rano understood, She knows me so well. She knows how dad makes me pray when I go there, she knows how dad likes to see me in the convent, she knows how he sees marriage, she rubs scented flower oil on my gums and says it'll be good and I sat on the stool against her like I was used to when I was a kid. I told Lano, I told her how I felt, and I said, 'Daddy was wrong, Lano, he made me feel ashamed to be married because This... because I made my marriage unbearable, my husband turned to someone else.''You are not to blame,' she said, 'You didn't break any rules.' 'Daddy made me feel unclean.' I said , 'That's how it started, so my husband ignores me, and I can never explain it to him. He thinks I'm cold. You know, Lano, he's not a cold man, he needs a warm, intelligent woman, he's not Fair play.' Lano wouldn't think so, she said I did nothing wrong, I accused her of agreeing with Dad, and I said, 'I also believe you'd rather see me in a convent than in a marriage...' And she didn't Denying this, I said, 'You think marriage is shameful, too, Lano.' And she didn't deny it. My toothache didn't get better, so she put a few drops of opium cream in the water and made me lie on the couch in her bedroom. Then she locked the bottle in the cabinet and sat next to me, 'That'll make you sleepy,' she said, 'That's going to put you in a good night's sleep.' And it really did." "It's horrible, as long as I'm alive I'm sure I won't forget it, it keeps haunting me, maybe I'll write it down and it won't come back again and again. Dad was very ill and it started like this: I went to see him today, I decided to tell him about the baby. He was in his room when I arrived and I went straight to him and I went in and he was reading the bible on the table and he saw me and put the red silk bookmark there and closed the book 'Well, my baby.' he said, and I went over to kiss him, and he seemed to see the change in me right away, because he looked surprised and a little nervous. He asked about Genevieve and if he would bring her, I told him no. Poor kid asking her to pray for so long expecting too much from her and she getting fidgety and that pissed him off more than ever. I assured him she was a good kid and he said he thought she had a tendency to be stubborn , it has to be careful. Maybe because I'm going to be a mother again, I feel rebellious, and I don't want the time when Genevieve goes to her husband like I go to mine. I said sharply, I think she Normal, like a child, one should not expect a child to act like a saint. He looks terrible on his feet. 'Normal,' he said, 'Why do you say that?' I replied, 'Because the child is a bit stubborn That's natural, as you've said from time to time. Genevieve is, and I won't punish her for it.' 'Saving the stick spoils the child.' He replied, 'If she's nasty she deserves to be spanked.' I Terrified, 'You're wrong Daddy,' I said, 'I disagree with you, Genevieve shouldn't be spanked, not any of my children.' He looked at me in surprise and I yelled, 'Yes, Dad, I'm going to have a baby, I hope it's a boy, I'm going to pray it's a boy...you gotta pray too.' His mouth twisted and he said, 'You're going to have a baby...' I Joy's answer: 'Yes, Dad, I'm happy...happy...happy...' 'You're hysterical.' He said, 'I feel crazy.' I held him to stop him from falling, I didn't understand he was out What is it. I know he is very ill, my name is Rabbis and Morik, they come in and put him on the bed, I passed out myself. They called my husband, and then I know my father is very ill , I believe he is dying." "That was two days ago, he asked me to go, he made me go all day, he liked me sitting next to him, the doctor thought it would be good for him and I should go. I'm still in Crawford, my husband is here, and I Already told him. I said to him, 'I told my dad that I was going to have a baby, and then he got very sick, and it was a shock, I believe.' My husband comforted me, and he said, 'He has been sick for a long time, this It's a stroke that can happen anytime.'' But,' I said 'he doesn't want me to have kids, he thinks it's a sin.' My husband said I mustn't worry, it's not good for kids. He's happy, I know he's happy , because I believe that more than anything else he wants a baby." "I was sitting with my dad today, we were alone, and he opened his eyes and saw me there, and he said, 'Onalen...is that you, Onalen?' I said, 'No, it's Franks.' But he kept saying, 'Onna Lun.' So I know he mistook me for my mother. I sat by his bed and thought about the old days when she was alive, I didn't see her every day, sometimes she wore bows and The lace afternoon dress was taken by Mrs. Rabbis to the drawing room. She sat in a chair and seldom spoke. I always thought: What a strange mother, she is like a doll I once had, her face is smooth and pink without wrinkles , her waist is very thin but full and curvy like a beauty in a picture. I sat next to him thinking about her, how I went in one day and found her laughing, that weird way of laughing like she couldn't stop, rabbi Mrs. Smith took her to the room where she seemed to have been for a long time. I knew her room because I had been there once. I had climbed the stairs to accompany her, and I found her sitting on a chair with her feet in lavender slippers. On a short bench. I remember the room was warm and it was snowing outside, with oil lamps high on the walls and a fire round the fire like my nursery, and I noticed the windows too, for there was only a small one with no curtains on it , just the planks across. I walked up to her and sat at her feet, and she didn't say anything to me but liked that I was there, because she was stroking my hair, messing with it, pulling it to loosen it, and suddenly she used that I started laughing in that weird way I've heard, and Mrs. Rabbits came in and found me there and told me to go at once, and she told Lano later that I was blamed for it and told never to set foot on the stairs again, so I had to wait until my mother arrived. I can only see her in the reception room. When he kept talking about Onalen, I remembered her, and he suddenly said: "I must go, Onalen, I must go. No, I can't stay." Then He prayed: 'O God, I am a cowardly and sinful man, this woman tempted me, for her I became a sinner, my punishment has come, you are testing me, Lord! Your poor servant has betrayed you... Betrayed you many times.' I said, 'Dad, it's okay, I'm not Onalen, it's me. Franks, your daughter, you're not guilty, you're a good man.' He replied, 'Eh? That's What!' I continued talking to him, trying to reassure him." "I learned a lot about my father that night, and the vision of me lying in bed became clear. He had longed to devote himself to God, he wanted to be a monk, but his inner sensual tendencies fought against piety. For a man like him, He endured torture - knew his tendencies and suppressed them. Then he met my mother, he wanted her, he went from wanting to go to a convent to marrying her. But even married he still wanted to suppress desires, and when he failed he Belittle yourself. My mother was beautiful, I knew that as a child, she was irresistible to him. I pictured him pacing up and down, strong himself to get away from her. He thought carnal love was a sin, and I couldn't resist. I can fathom the days and nights when he shut himself up in his modest room, lay on a straw bed, and whipped himself. He was waiting to be revenged, because he was a man who believed in revenge. Every little mistake by me or the servants Punishment, morning prayer. Again the theme of his daily sermon, 'God said I was revenge!' Poor Papa! He must be very unhappy. Poor Mama! What a marriage she has. Then I saw I lamented the tragedy of what he had done to me and my marriage, and then I said to myself, 'There's still time, I'm going to have a baby, so maybe it's not too late.' Yet I wondered how I could Help Dad, I don't see a way." "Lano came over this morning and opened the curtains. She looked at me uneasily. She said I looked distressed. I lost sleep all night. It was true. I lay awake for hours thinking about my dad and what he had done to me. What have I done with my life. Is it teeth? She asked. She thought I was still a child and wouldn't care about important issues. I let her think it was teeth because I knew it was impossible to talk to her and I didn't want to. 'You must take some opium cream tonight, my child,' she said, and I replied, 'Thank you, Lano.'" "When I went to Crifford, Morik told my dad was waiting for me, he kept guarding the door, he called my name every time someone went in, and everyone was relieved when I got there. So I went in and sat down. Beside, but his eyes were closed when I went in, and even after he opened, he didn't notice me much after a while. Then I noticed him talking to himself, and he kept saying: 'God's revenge...' once Once again, he was very anxious, I could see it, I bent over him and asked him softly, 'Dad, there's nothing to be afraid of, you did what you thought was right, could anyone possibly have done more than you?' 'I'm a sinner,' he said, 'I'm tempted by sin. It's not her fault she's beautiful...she loves carnal pleasures, she seduces me to follow. I've known since then that I can't resist her, that's sin, child , that's the greatest sin.' I said, 'Papa, you're asking for trouble, and lie still.' 'Is that Franks?' He asked, 'Is that my daughter?' I said yes , he said: 'Is there a child there?' 'Yes, Daddy, your little granddaughter Genevieve.' His face wrinkled I was afraid, and he began to whisper: 'See the signs, father's sin ...oh! my god, the sin of the father...' I felt like I was going to comfort him, and I said, 'Dad, I think I understand, you love your wife, there's no sin in that, love is born, man and woman It's natural to have children, that's how the world goes on." He kept muttering to himself as I wondered if I should call Morik, and now and then a coherent sentence would come in. "I know... hysteria... that That's when we found her playing with fire, that's when we found her playing with fire in her bedroom piling firewood together...we found firewood falling together as if trying to start a fire...in the closet...under the bed...she would run out and collect firewood ...and then the doctor came.''Dad,' I said, 'you mean my mother is crazy?' He didn't answer, and went on as if I hadn't, 'I can send her away, I should. go...but i can't live without her...and i'm still going to her...even though i know. when the time comes the fruit of her madness will come, it's my sin, there will be revenge...i watch it...wait It.' I was afraid, I forgot that he was sick, and I knew that what he told me was what he saw. Now I know why my mother was locked up in the boarded-up room, and I know why my family is strange. My Mother is crazy, and my father doesn't want me to marry for that reason. 'Francos...Francos...my daughter?' 'Here I am, Daddy.' 'I watch Francise,' He said she was a good kid...quiet, shy, withdrawn...not like her mother, loud, bold...love of carnal sins. No, my daughter got away with it...but it says 'bring into the Third and fourth generations...' She was chosen to marry Teratell...I agree. That is the sin of my arrogance, and when the Count proposed to my son for his son I could not say, 'Her mother is mad.' 'So I said my daughter was going to marry, and I beat myself up for my pride and my desires, I felt guilty for my two great sins. But I didn't stop the marriage, so my daughter went into the castle. I triedI tried to reassure him, 'It's all good, Dad, there's nothing to be afraid of, it's over, everything is fine now. ''Brought into the third and fourth generation...' he said softly, 'the father's sin...''I have seen it in the child now, she is wild, she has the appearance of her grandmother.I know the signs, she'll be like her grandmother... irresistible to carnal pleasures... and the seeds of evil will be passed down through the next generation. ''Didn't you say that Genevieve was... my little girl. ' he whispered, 'that seed is at Genevieve's... I've seen it, and it'll grow until it destroys her.I should warn my daughter.She escaped, but not her children. 'I was terrified, I started seeing more than before, I now knew he would be overwhelmed with fear when I told him I had another baby, I sat on the edge of the bed numb with fear. " "I have no one to say, I've been sitting alone in a garden thinking about it for a long time since Crawford went back. Genevieve! My daughter! Some past events come to mind, it's like watching a scene drama, all vitally connected to a climax, I recall violent rage, her uncontrollable laughter, I heard echoes of the past mingled with her laughter. My mother... my daughter, they even seemed Much like... the more I try to recall my mother's face, the more she resembles Genevieve. I know now that I should observe her as my father observed me, every little crime of her childhood that I once considered a prank Both took on new importance, and the seed of evil was passed on from me to the next generation. I guess my monk father couldn't suppress his passion for his wife, even though he knew she was crazy, and I was born... and then it was my turn The horrific situation that makes me tremble with fear is not only because of poor Genevieve, but the unborn baby." "I didn't go to Crawford yesterday, I couldn't, I made the excuse that I had bad teeth. Lano was nervous about me, and she gave me four drops of her opium cream to put me to sleep, and I woke up feeling refreshed, but My anxiety was soon nagging inside me again. What would my longing child... be like? What would happen to my poor Genevieve? She came in this morning like the first thing she always did, and I heard She was outside the door with Lano, and Lano said, 'Your mother is not feeling well, she has a toothache and needs a rest.' 'But I always go in.' my daughter replied. 'Not today, my dear, let your mother rest.' ' But Genevieve lost her temper and she stomped and bit poor Rano's hand when Rano tried to pull her away. I lay there shivering, she was yours, the sudden urge was more than childish Lano can't control it...I can't either, I asked her to come in, and she came in with angry tears in her eyes and sullen lips. She jumped at me, and she hugged me wildly, so excited.'La No trying to separate us, I won't let her, I'm going to kill her.' That's the way she said it, rough, wild. I always say she didn't mean it, it's just her way! Onna Lun's way, my father Have noticed the seed on her body, I believe it is there... I understand it with fear." "Papa told me to go, so I went to Crifford. 'He's been waiting for you.' They told me, 'He looked at the door, and he called your mother.' They said, 'He probably thought you were your mother.' ' So I sat next to him, and he looked at me with furious eyes, and he said my name, sometimes my mother's, and he babbled about sin and vengeance, but not as coherently as he used to. I thought he was going to die, I You could tell he was trying to get himself excited, and I bent over to hear what he was saying. 'A baby?' he said, 'Another baby?' I thought he was thinking about what I told him until I understood him Going back to earlier times, 'A baby...Onna Lun is going to have a baby. How is this going to happen? Oh, but it's God's revenge, I know...Even if I knew...I went to her instead This is the vengeance of the Lord...Brought into the third and fourth generations and the seed...the evil seed...will live forever." "Daddy," I said, "that was a long time ago, when Onna Lun died and我很好，我没什么不对。'他狂乱难解的眼睛看着我，他喃喃，他们告诉我她有孩子了，我清楚的记得那天，'你要做父亲了。'他们说，'他们对我微笑……不知道我心中的害怕。它来了，报复来了，我罪不会随我而死，会存在第三代和第四代。那晚我去她房中……我站着看她，她正在睡觉，我手中拿着枕头，我可以把它压过她的脸……那会是结束……她和那孩子的了结。可是她很漂亮……她黑色的头发……她圆而孩子气的脸……然而我是个懦夫，于是我侧向她，拥抱她，而且我知道我永远不会杀她。''你自寻烦恼，爸爸。'我说，'过去了，没有任何事可以改变已做的事，我现在在这里……而且我很好，我向你保证。'他没有听我的，我想着吉娜薇薇以及那未出世的孩子。” “昨晚我不能入睡，我不断想到爸爸的悲伤，而且我无法忘记吉娜薇薇，我想到她的狂野，那吓到拉诺。我知道为什么，拉诺认识我的母亲，拉诺的害怕是我父亲的翻版。我曾看过拉诺观察我女儿，我打瞌睡且忍受着梦魇，在一个木板封窗的房间里有个人，我要杀死她，我站在那里手中拿着枕头，那是我母亲……可是她有吉娜薇薇的脸，手中抱着个孩子……还未出生的孩子，我让她躺下，我拿着枕头站着看她。我醒来哭着：'不！不！'我在发抖，那之后我无法休息，因为怕更多的梦魇，我不敢睡，于是我服了些拉诺给的鸦片膏，然后我陷入无梦的睡眠中。今早我醒来后心思很清醒，如果我的孩子是男生，他将传下泰拉泰尔这一系，我想到疯狂的罪恶种子将进入古堡像个鬼魂般在未来几世纪中出没，我应该已将这个带给他们了。吉娜薇薇？她有拉诺照顾，而且拉诺知道，拉诺会看着她，会看着她永不结婚。也许拉诺会说服她入修女院，正如爸爸曾说服我。但是这个孩子……如果是男孩……爸爸缺少勇气，他需要勇气，若是爸爸杀了我母亲我将永远不会出生，我将不会知道痛苦……什么都不知道，而那就是这个孩子会有的。” “昨晚一件怪事发生，我从梦魇中醒来，我忆起绿色波纹面小瓶子带给我的平静睡眠。拉诺告诉我，波纹是因为如果你在黑暗中拿起它你会知道这是毒药瓶。毒药！但是它提供如此甜蜜的错误睡眠及放松！我想到服下拉诺给我治牙痛剂量的两倍……三倍……有多容易，然后不再有害怕……不再有担忧。这孩子将什么也不知道，那孩子将由出世中救回，将继续看着邪恶种子的第一迹象。我拿到瓶子并想：'我不会像爸爸一样做个懦夫。'我想自己和他现在一样老……躺在我的灵床上，再近看自己给孩子带来的不愉快。我看着瓶子我害怕，我服了几滴睡着了，早晨时我告诉自己：'那不是办法。'” “又是晚上了，恐惧又伴着我，我睡不着不停的想着爸爸以及我母亲在那有木条的房间里，我清楚意识到我怀着的孩子。拉诺，请照顾吉娜薇薇，我留她给你照顾。我现在正想着我是否有爸爸缺少的勇气，我相信若是他成功了对我们这么多人都好，我的小吉娜薇薇就不会出生……拉诺会省去恐惧……我永远也不会出生。我相信我父亲是对的，我可以看到瓶子，绿色有波纹面，我将我的笔记本和其它的放在柜子中那么拉诺会发现。她爱读有关我小时候的日子，并且说我的书带时光回头。她会向他们解释原因……我怀疑我是否可以。我怀疑如果这是对的……现在我要试着去睡觉……若是我不能……早晨时我会写这是一个人在夜晚时的感受……在白日我好像不同。可是爸爸缺少勇气……我怀疑我是否有勇气，我怀疑……” 文字在此停住，不过我知道发生了什么事，她找到了她所谓的勇气并且因此她和她未出世的孩子在那晚死去。 随着法兰可丝的文字，我心中回忆起一幕幕图像。我如此清楚的看到：有残酷秘密的房子；有着木板窗、炉围的房间；高挂墙上的油灯；疯狂热情的女人；简朴却发现她无法抗拒的丈夫；他与感官的战争；他屈从激情以及他狂热的心看来如报复似的结果。法兰可丝的出生，监督的眼睛，孤独的养育过程……然后嫁给伯爵。我看到为何这婚姻一开始就失败，这无邪又无知的女孩被教导以恐惧看待婚姻，他们都幻灭了，她找到一位年轻阳刚的丈夫，他则是有个呆板的妻子。 古堡中的每一个人查觉出这婚姻先天上的不足，当法兰可丝由鸦片膏过量死亡时，他们问自己：她的丈夫是否涉足其中？ 这是如此残酷不公，而且拉诺该受责备。她读过我所读的，她知道我才发现的，而她竟然允许伯爵被怀疑谋杀了他妻子。为何她不出示将一切解释得如此明白的这本书？ 那么，现在真相该被知道了。 我看看别在我短衫上的表，伯爵该在花园。他会怀疑为何我不像往常他在那里时般的加入他，我们会坐着观看池塘，为我们的婚礼计划，那预料在他完全复原后立刻举行。 我下去加入他并发现他独自不耐的等着我，他立刻看出发生了一些事。 “戴拉丝。”他带着温柔语调叫我的名字，这永不会不令我感动，现在这让我生气，他，一个无辜的人，竟被如此不公的指控。 “我知道法兰可丝死亡的真相。”我叫出，“现在每个人都知道，全在这里……她自己写下的，这是个清楚的说明，她杀了自己。” 我看到那些话对他的影响，我胜利的往下说：“她记笔记……小日记，拉诺一直保有它们，拉诺知道……然而她什么也不说，她允许你被责骂，这很怪异，可是现在每个人都该知道了。” “戴拉丝，我亲爱的，你太激动。” “激动！我发现了这个秘密，我现在可以展示……这个自白……给全世界。没人敢说你杀了法兰可丝。” 他将手放在我手中，“告诉我你发现了什么。”他说。 “我决心去找答案出来，我知道笔记本，拉诺给我看了一些，所以我去她房里。她睡着了，她柜子开着……于是我拿了最后一本。我曾猜过这也许有些线索却没想到发现这答案如此明白……如此没有争议。” “你找到什么？” “因害怕疯狂她杀了自己。她母亲疯了，她父亲在中风后神思混乱时告诉她这个。他告诉她，他如何试着杀她母亲……如何失败……如果他杀了将会好多少。你没看到吗？她是如此的不食人间烟火。这些都在日记中，她会宿命的接受进入她心中的事物……不过在这里……如我们所愿般的明白，任何人不会再控诉你是谋杀者。” “我很高兴你发现这个，现在我们之间不必有秘密了。也许我早该告诉你，我想我迟早会的，但是我怕即使是你也许会由某个表情……某个姿势泄露了。” 我仔细地看着他：“当然我知道你没杀她，你不会有一刻以为我相信那些闲言闲语……” 他用手捧着我的脸，吻着我，“我喜欢去想，”他说，“你怀疑我但却同样爱我。” “也许那是真的。”我承认，“我不明白拉诺，她怎么可以知道又保持不语？” “为了和我相同的理由。” “和你……相同？” “我知道怎么回事，她留下纸条给我，解释。” “你知道她结束自己的生命，但是为什么你让他们……” “是的，我知道而且让他们去。” “但是为什么……为什么……这么不公平……这么残忍……” “我习惯了被说闲话……受诽谤，多数是我该得的，你知道我警告过你，你不会嫁给一个圣人。” “而是……谋杀者。” “这是你的秘密了，戴拉丝。” “我的。但是我要让这个被知道。” “不，有些事你忘了。” "what?" “吉娜薇薇。” 我了解的瞪着他。 “是的，吉娜薇薇。”他接下说，“你知道她的本性，是野性、激动的。多容易就送她走上她外祖母那条路。你来了后她变了一些，噢，不是很多，我们不期待……但是我想最容易送一个高度敏感的人步上疯狂就是不断监视并暗示她有一些因子会发展。我不想要她被那样看待，我要她有每一个正常成长的机会，法兰可丝为了即将出生的孩子结束自己的生命，我至少可以为了我们的女儿面对一些闲言闲语。你现在明白了，戴拉丝？” "Yes, I understand." “我很高兴现在我们之间没有秘密了。” 我穿过草地看着池塘，现在很热，但是下午已过傍晚正靠近，仅仅一年前我来到此地，我想这么多事在短短一年中发生。 “你很安详，”他说，“告诉我你在想什么。” “我正在想着我初抵此地后发生的一切，当我来到古堡……当我第一次看到你时……没有一件事是看起来的样子。我过去看你与你真的样子是如此不同……现在我发现你有能力处理这个……大秘密。” “我最爱的人，你太戏剧化了，这个……秘密没有要我付出什么，我怎么会在意怎么说我呢？你知道我骄傲的足以对世界一弹指说：'随你去想。'虽然我对世界一弹指，但是有一个人的好见解仍是对我最需要……这就是为何我坐在这里享受她的赞美，允许她将光环放在我头上。当然我知道她很快会发现是幻想……不过戴一会儿也很愉快。” “为什么你总想贬抑自己？” “因为在我的高傲下我害怕。” “怕，你怕什么？” “你会停止爱我。” “那么我怎么办？你不认为我有相同的恐惧？” “知道你有时也会愚笨令人舒服。” “我想，我说，这是我生命中最快乐的时刻。” 他将一只手臂环着我，我们紧紧坐在一起几分钟眺望平静的花园。 “让我们做最后一步。”他说。
他从我这里拿过笔记本，撕下封面，然后划一根火柴引燃册页。 我看着蓝色及黄色火焰缓缓烧过孩子似的字迹。 很快的法兰可丝的告白一字不留。 他说：“留着它是不智的，你可以向拉诺解释吗？” 我点头，捡起笔记封面将它放入口袋。 我们一起看着一片焦黑的纸片飞过草地，我想着未来——不时给我的耳语，吉娜薇薇的狂放，我无法选择爱上的男人的复杂天性。未来是个挑战，不过我永远是个接受挑战的人。 (End of the book)
The doctor came into the room, the two of them came from the town, they will know a lot about us, one of them was there when Philip shot the count in the woods. I stood up and the two doctors looked directly at me. "He..." I said. "He's asleep now." I looked at them and silently begged them to give me some hope. "Come close," said one of them, almost tenderly, "just a few inches closer...he's lucky." "Will he recover?" My voice was loud and emotional. "He's not out of the woods yet, if he gets through tonight..." I fell into the chair again. "I plan to stay here until dawn," said one of the doctors. "Yes, please." "How did this happen?" asked the older of the two. "Monsieur Philippe's gun went off," said Champier. "Monsieur Comte will give an account of what happened . . . when he recovers." The doctor nodded.And I doubt whether they were both here the day Francise died; if so, they had waited for the earl's statement of the tragedy.I don't care about the time, all I have to ask is whether he will recover. "You're Miss Lawson, aren't you?" asked the younger doctor. I say I am. "Is your name Teras ... or something like that?" "yes." "I think he's trying to call you, maybe you want to sit by his bed, he won't talk to you. Just in case he wakes up, maybe he likes you there." I went into his bedroom and sat there all night watching over him praying that he would live.I said, "You must live...you can't die now and you can't leave me." Early in the morning he opened his eyes and looked at me, and I'm sure he was satisfied to find me there. He later said he heard me and for that reason he refused to die.
Within a week we knew recovery was just a matter of time, the doctor said he had a miraculous physique, miraculously survived, and now he is miraculously recovered. He gave an account of how it happened, and, as we might expect, he did not want it to be known that his cousin had attempted to murder him.Philip and Claudie went to Burgundy, and during a meeting between the two cousins Philip was told not to return to the castle. I'm glad I don't have to see Claude now, I know she wants to find the emerald, and when the writing came she became interested in the mural, and she probably guessed that I stumbled across the clue.Together with Philip, she spied on me, and when he stalked me in the vineyard, she searched my room.It must have been Philip following me that day in the bushes.He tried to shoot me as he tried to kill the Count?They were going to get rid of me, and had done their best to get me out by offering work elsewhere, after they believed the Earl had become too interested in me, because if he married, their plot would be ruined. Claude was a strange and complicated woman, and I believe she felt sorry for me at one point, and tried to save me from the Count solely for my own good.She did not believe that it was possible for a woman like me to arouse such a man to the last passion--because even a woman as attractive as herself could not.I imagined her working with her husband and Champier—going with Champier if he found the emerald, staying with Philippe if he found it. I'm also glad Champier got rid of her, because I've always loved him. The Earl said the Monmos Vineyard would be his. "It's a small reward," he said, "for saving my life." But I didn't tell him what I knew, and in fact I thought he might have known, since he didn't ask Champier what he was doing in the dungeon. Those were the days of hope and fear, when the doctor discussed his progress with me, and I saw that I had nursing potential, but perhaps it was my special interest in the patient that inspired that quality. We would sit in the garden and talk about the future, we would talk about Philippe and Champier.I guess Philip wanted me to stay in the castle at first because he thought I would never attract the count, and when he found out he was wrong he would try to drive me away.He must have discussed with Claudie that I should have a job restoring her father's drawings to get me out of Gaillard, and Claudie tempted me with a very tempting job, and then of course he planned to root me out in more nefarious forms . We came to the conclusion that the Secret Chest was built long ago by a poor prisoner digging the passage from secret dungeon to dungeon.The count thought he remembered his grandfather mentioning such an incident. The idea that the emerald was put into the vault and maybe I'd wear it someday seemed out of character for me. I want everything to have a happy ending, I have a passion for good and I long to fulfill it.Sometimes I sit in the golden garden and look up at the towers of the old castle and feel that I am living in a fairy tale.I am a disguised princess who rescued a prince who was under a spell. I removed the spell and he was happy again, happy forever.That's what I want to be sure of right now... In the summer of the pond garden, with the man I'm going to marry by my side, growing stronger and stronger day by day. But life is not a fairy tale. Champier had left for Monmos, and Gineviere was moping about his departure, her head full of crazy plans, a night of noble deeds that hadn't changed Champier's character. There is a shadow over my pleasure, and I doubt whether I shall ever forget the first countess. They know I'm going to marry the count, and I've seen their eyes... Madame Lattiere, Madame Busted... all the servants. It is a fairy tale, and a humble young woman comes to the old castle to marry the earl. The wise Guinevere did not beat around the bush after losing Champier. "You're brave, aren't you?" "Brave? What do you mean?" "If he murdered one wife, why not the other?" No, there can't be a happy ending there.
I started to be haunted by Francise's ghost, how strange, I said I didn't believe the rumors I heard, I still didn't believe it, but they were haunted. He didn't kill her, I tell myself a dozen times a day. But why does he refuse to tell me the truth? "There can be no lies between us," he once said. For this reason he cannot tell me. Opportunities presented themselves and I found that I couldn't resist. This is how it happened.It was noon, and the castle was very quiet.I was afraid that Genevieve would come to Laneau's room. I wanted to talk to her about the girl, and I wanted to try to understand how deeply she felt about Champier's departure. I knocked on the door of Lano's sitting room, no answer so I went in and Lano was lying on the couch with a dark handkerchief over her eyes, I figured she must be suffering from a headache. "Rano." I said softly, but there was no response. My eyes moved from the sleeping woman to the cabinet where the small notebooks were kept, and I saw that Rano's key was on the door of the cabinet, usually it was on a chain around her waist, which was unusual, she didn't use it immediately. Put it back there. I bent over to look at her, she was breathing heavily, she was fast asleep.I took another look at the cabinet, and the temptation was hard to resist.I want to know!I rationalize myself, she showed you the others, so why can't you read this one?After all, Franks is dead, and if Rano can read this book, why can't you? It's important, I promise myself, it's the most important thing, I have to know what's in the last book. I quietly walked to the closet, I looked back at the sleeping woman, and opened the closet door.I saw the bottle, the little glass bottle, and I held it up and smelled it, and it contained the opium ointment that she had for her headache, the same opium ointment that had killed Franks. Rano took a dose because of a headache.I want to know!It's no use considering my scruples. I picked up the last notebook, knowing they were absolutely in order.I glanced inside and yes, this is the one I wanted. I go to the door.With Rano still undisturbed, I hurried back to my room and began to read with a beating heart. "So I'm going to have a baby, maybe a boy this time, and that'll make him happy. I can't tell anyone yet, Losell has to be the first to know. I'm going to say to him: 'Lossel, we're going to Are you happy to have a baby?' Of course I'm scared, how scared I am. But it's going to be worth it after all. What's dad going to say? He's going to be hurt... bored. If I go up to him and tell him I He'll be much happier going to a nunnery. Away from the evil of the world, from lust, from vanity, that's what he likes. And I'll go up to him and say, 'Papa, I'm going to have a baby.' But not yet, I'm going to pick the right time, which is why I can't say yet, just in case Dad finds out." "They say a woman changes when she has a baby, and I'm changed, and I'm happy, and I almost am. I dream about the baby, and he's a boy, because that's what we think. It's right that Count Terratel should have a son Yes, that's what they got married for. They'd be content with their mistress if they didn't have to, that's what they really cared about. But it's going to be different now, he'll look at me differently, I'm not just his kin I will be the mother of his son who is obliged to marry." "It's great, I should have known before, I shouldn't have listened to Dad. I didn't tell him when I went to Crawford yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to do it. And the reason I'm so happy is because that's what it is, and he would mess everything up. he would look at me with his cold stubborn eyes, he would see everything...everything that led to my pregnancy...not as it was...but as he believed it to be...terrible... ...sin...I want to scream at him: 'No, Dad, it's not like that, you're wrong, I never should have listened to you.' 'Oh, the room where we kneel together, you pray that I'm protected from the flesh Temptation! That's what made me run from him.' I keep thinking about the night before the wedding now, why did he agree? He regretted it almost immediately afterwards. I remember how after the wedding signing dinner we prayed together and he said, 'My I hope this never happens, boy.' I said, 'Why, Daddy, everyone congratulates me.' He replied, 'That's because marrying Teratell is considered a good marriage, but if I think of you I'd be happier if I could live a pure life.' I didn't understand at the time, I'd try to be a pure woman now, and he kept muttering about carnal desires. Then we prayed together the night before the church wedding, and I waited I was ignorant and didn't understand anything except that it was shameful and my father's remorse couldn't save me from shame, and then I went to my husband..." "But now it's different, and I know Dad was wrong. He shouldn't have married, he wanted to be a monk, and he almost did. Then he found out he wanted to marry, and he changed his mind and married my mother. But he hated I am weak, and his monk's robe is his greatest treasure. He was wrong, I know now. I might be happy, I might have learned how to make Loser love me, if Dad hadn't scared me, if he hadn't taught me husband and wife Relationships are shameful. I try not to blame him, all these years when my husband ignores me, when he spends nights with other women...maybe it doesn't have to happen. I'm starting to see that I'm shivering and recoiling with guilt He's to me. I'm going to Crawford tomorrow, I'm supposed to tell Dad I'm going to have a baby, I'm going to say, 'Dad, I'm not ashamed... just proud, it's different from now on.'” "I never went to Crawford as I promised, and my wisdom teeth started hurting again, and Lano said to me: 'Sometimes a woman has a baby and she loses a tooth. You don't, do you?' I blush, she knows How can I keep a secret from Rano? I said, 'Don't tell anyone yet, Rano, I haven't told him, he should know, shouldn't he? And I want to tell Papa, too.' Rano understood, She knows me so well. She knows how dad makes me pray when I go there, she knows how dad likes to see me in the convent, she knows how he sees marriage, she rubs scented flower oil on my gums and says it'll be good and I sat on the stool against her like I was used to when I was a kid. I told Lano, I told her how I felt, and I said, 'Daddy was wrong, Lano, he made me feel ashamed to be married because This... because I made my marriage unbearable, my husband turned to someone else.''You are not to blame,' she said, 'You didn't break any rules.' 'Daddy made me feel unclean.' I said , 'That's how it started, so my husband ignores me, and I can never explain it to him. He thinks I'm cold. You know, Lano, he's not a cold man, he needs a warm, intelligent woman, he's not Fair play.' Lano wouldn't think so, she said I did nothing wrong, I accused her of agreeing with Dad, and I said, 'I also believe you'd rather see me in a convent than in a marriage...' And she didn't Denying this, I said, 'You think marriage is shameful, too, Lano.' And she didn't deny it. My toothache didn't get better, so she put a few drops of opium cream in the water and made me lie on the couch in her bedroom. Then she locked the bottle in the cabinet and sat next to me, 'That'll make you sleepy,' she said, 'That's going to put you in a good night's sleep.' And it really did." "It's horrible, as long as I'm alive I'm sure I won't forget it, it keeps haunting me, maybe I'll write it down and it won't come back again and again. Dad was very ill and it started like this: I went to see him today, I decided to tell him about the baby. He was in his room when I arrived and I went straight to him and I went in and he was reading the bible on the table and he saw me and put the red silk bookmark there and closed the book 'Well, my baby.' he said, and I went over to kiss him, and he seemed to see the change in me right away, because he looked surprised and a little nervous. He asked about Genevieve and if he would bring her, I told him no. Poor kid asking her to pray for so long expecting too much from her and she getting fidgety and that pissed him off more than ever. I assured him she was a good kid and he said he thought she had a tendency to be stubborn , it has to be careful. Maybe because I'm going to be a mother again, I feel rebellious, and I don't want the time when Genevieve goes to her husband like I go to mine. I said sharply, I think she Normal, like a child, one should not expect a child to act like a saint. He looks terrible on his feet. 'Normal,' he said, 'Why do you say that?' I replied, 'Because the child is a bit stubborn That's natural, as you've said from time to time. Genevieve is, and I won't punish her for it.' 'Saving the stick spoils the child.' He replied, 'If she's nasty she deserves to be spanked.' I Terrified, 'You're wrong Daddy,' I said, 'I disagree with you, Genevieve shouldn't be spanked, not any of my children.' He looked at me in surprise and I yelled, 'Yes, Dad, I'm going to have a baby, I hope it's a boy, I'm going to pray it's a boy...you gotta pray too.' His mouth twisted and he said, 'You're going to have a baby...' I Joy's answer: 'Yes, Dad, I'm happy...happy...happy...' 'You're hysterical.' He said, 'I feel crazy.' I held him to stop him from falling, I didn't understand he was out What is it. I know he is very ill, my name is Rabbis and Morik, they come in and put him on the bed, I passed out myself. They called my husband, and then I know my father is very ill , I believe he is dying." "That was two days ago, he asked me to go, he made me go all day, he liked me sitting next to him, the doctor thought it would be good for him and I should go. I'm still in Crawford, my husband is here, and I Already told him. I said to him, 'I told my dad that I was going to have a baby, and then he got very sick, and it was a shock, I believe.' My husband comforted me, and he said, 'He has been sick for a long time, this It's a stroke that can happen anytime.'' But,' I said 'he doesn't want me to have kids, he thinks it's a sin.' My husband said I mustn't worry, it's not good for kids. He's happy, I know he's happy , because I believe that more than anything else he wants a baby." "I was sitting with my dad today, we were alone, and he opened his eyes and saw me there, and he said, 'Onalen...is that you, Onalen?' I said, 'No, it's Franks.' But he kept saying, 'Onna Lun.' So I know he mistook me for my mother. I sat by his bed and thought about the old days when she was alive, I didn't see her every day, sometimes she wore bows and The lace afternoon dress was taken by Mrs. Rabbis to the drawing room. She sat in a chair and seldom spoke. I always thought: What a strange mother, she is like a doll I once had, her face is smooth and pink without wrinkles , her waist is very thin but full and curvy like a beauty in a picture. I sat next to him thinking about her, how I went in one day and found her laughing, that weird way of laughing like she couldn't stop, rabbi Mrs. Smith took her to the room where she seemed to have been for a long time. I knew her room because I had been there once. I had climbed the stairs to accompany her, and I found her sitting on a chair with her feet in lavender slippers. On a short bench. I remember the room was warm and it was snowing outside, with oil lamps high on the walls and a fire round the fire like my nursery, and I noticed the windows too, for there was only a small one with no curtains on it , just the planks across. I walked up to her and sat at her feet, and she didn't say anything to me but liked that I was there, because she was stroking my hair, messing with it, pulling it to loosen it, and suddenly she used that I started laughing in that weird way I've heard, and Mrs. Rabbits came in and found me there and told me to go at once, and she told Lano later that I was blamed for it and told never to set foot on the stairs again, so I had to wait until my mother arrived. I can only see her in the reception room. When he kept talking about Onalen, I remembered her, and he suddenly said: "I must go, Onalen, I must go. No, I can't stay." Then He prayed: 'O God, I am a cowardly and sinful man, this woman tempted me, for her I became a sinner, my punishment has come, you are testing me, Lord! Your poor servant has betrayed you... Betrayed you many times.' I said, 'Dad, it's okay, I'm not Onalen, it's me. Franks, your daughter, you're not guilty, you're a good man.' He replied, 'Eh? That's What!' I continued talking to him, trying to reassure him." "I learned a lot about my father that night, and the vision of me lying in bed became clear. He had longed to devote himself to God, he wanted to be a monk, but his inner sensual tendencies fought against piety. For a man like him, He endured torture - knew his tendencies and suppressed them. Then he met my mother, he wanted her, he went from wanting to go to a convent to marrying her. But even married he still wanted to suppress desires, and when he failed he Belittle yourself. My mother was beautiful, I knew that as a child, she was irresistible to him. I pictured him pacing up and down, strong himself to get away from her. He thought carnal love was a sin, and I couldn't resist. I can fathom the days and nights when he shut himself up in his modest room, lay on a straw bed, and whipped himself. He was waiting to be revenged, because he was a man who believed in revenge. Every little mistake by me or the servants Punishment, morning prayer. Again the theme of his daily sermon, 'God said I was revenge!' Poor Papa! He must be very unhappy. Poor Mama! What a marriage she has. Then I saw I lamented the tragedy of what he had done to me and my marriage, and then I said to myself, 'There's still time, I'm going to have a baby, so maybe it's not too late.' Yet I wondered how I could Help Dad, I don't see a way." "Lano came over this morning and opened the curtains. She looked at me uneasily. She said I looked distressed. I lost sleep all night. It was true. I lay awake for hours thinking about my dad and what he had done to me. What have I done with my life. Is it teeth? She asked. She thought I was still a child and wouldn't care about important issues. I let her think it was teeth because I knew it was impossible to talk to her and I didn't want to. 'You must take some opium cream tonight, my child,' she said, and I replied, 'Thank you, Lano.'" "When I went to Crifford, Morik told my dad was waiting for me, he kept guarding the door, he called my name every time someone went in, and everyone was relieved when I got there. So I went in and sat down. Beside, but his eyes were closed when I went in, and even after he opened, he didn't notice me much after a while. Then I noticed him talking to himself, and he kept saying: 'God's revenge...' once Once again, he was very anxious, I could see it, I bent over him and asked him softly, 'Dad, there's nothing to be afraid of, you did what you thought was right, could anyone possibly have done more than you?' 'I'm a sinner,' he said, 'I'm tempted by sin. It's not her fault she's beautiful...she loves carnal pleasures, she seduces me to follow. I've known since then that I can't resist her, that's sin, child , that's the greatest sin.' I said, 'Papa, you're asking for trouble, and lie still.' 'Is that Franks?' He asked, 'Is that my daughter?' I said yes , he said: 'Is there a child there?' 'Yes, Daddy, your little granddaughter Genevieve.' His face wrinkled I was afraid, and he began to whisper: 'See the signs, father's sin ...oh! my god, the sin of the father...' I felt like I was going to comfort him, and I said, 'Dad, I think I understand, you love your wife, there's no sin in that, love is born, man and woman It's natural to have children, that's how the world goes on." He kept muttering to himself as I wondered if I should call Morik, and now and then a coherent sentence would come in. "I know... hysteria... that That's when we found her playing with fire, that's when we found her playing with fire in her bedroom piling firewood together...we found firewood falling together as if trying to start a fire...in the closet...under the bed...she would run out and collect firewood ...and then the doctor came.''Dad,' I said, 'you mean my mother is crazy?' He didn't answer, and went on as if I hadn't, 'I can send her away, I should. go...but i can't live without her...and i'm still going to her...even though i know. when the time comes the fruit of her madness will come, it's my sin, there will be revenge...i watch it...wait It.' I was afraid, I forgot that he was sick, and I knew that what he told me was what he saw. Now I know why my mother was locked up in the boarded-up room, and I know why my family is strange. My Mother is crazy, and my father doesn't want me to marry for that reason. 'Francos...Francos...my daughter?' 'Here I am, Daddy.' 'I watch Francise,' He said she was a good kid...quiet, shy, withdrawn...not like her mother, loud, bold...love of carnal sins. No, my daughter got away with it...but it says 'bring into the Third and fourth generations...' She was chosen to marry Teratell...I agree. That is the sin of my arrogance, and when the Count proposed to my son for his son I could not say, 'Her mother is mad.' 'So I said my daughter was going to marry, and I beat myself up for my pride and my desires, I felt guilty for my two great sins. But I didn't stop the marriage, so my daughter went into the castle. I triedI tried to reassure him, 'It's all good, Dad, there's nothing to be afraid of, it's over, everything is fine now. ''Brought into the third and fourth generation...' he said softly, 'the father's sin...''I have seen it in the child now, she is wild, she has the appearance of her grandmother.I know the signs, she'll be like her grandmother... irresistible to carnal pleasures... and the seeds of evil will be passed down through the next generation. ''Didn't you say that Genevieve was... my little girl. ' he whispered, 'that seed is at Genevieve's... I've seen it, and it'll grow until it destroys her.I should warn my daughter.She escaped, but not her children. 'I was terrified, I started seeing more than before, I now knew he would be overwhelmed with fear when I told him I had another baby, I sat on the edge of the bed numb with fear. " "I have no one to say, I've been sitting alone in a garden thinking about it for a long time since Crawford went back. Genevieve! My daughter! Some past events come to mind, it's like watching a scene drama, all vitally connected to a climax, I recall violent rage, her uncontrollable laughter, I heard echoes of the past mingled with her laughter. My mother... my daughter, they even seemed Much like... the more I try to recall my mother's face, the more she resembles Genevieve. I know now that I should observe her as my father observed me, every little crime of her childhood that I once considered a prank Both took on new importance, and the seed of evil was passed on from me to the next generation. I guess my monk father couldn't suppress his passion for his wife, even though he knew she was crazy, and I was born... and then it was my turn The horrific situation that makes me tremble with fear is not only because of poor Genevieve, but the unborn baby." "I didn't go to Crawford yesterday, I couldn't, I made the excuse that I had bad teeth. Lano was nervous about me, and she gave me four drops of her opium cream to put me to sleep, and I woke up feeling refreshed, but My anxiety was soon nagging inside me again. What would my longing child... be like? What would happen to my poor Genevieve? She came in this morning like the first thing she always did, and I heard She was outside the door with Lano, and Lano said, 'Your mother is not feeling well, she has a toothache and needs a rest.' 'But I always go in.' my daughter replied. 'Not today, my dear, let your mother rest.' ' But Genevieve lost her temper and she stomped and bit poor Rano's hand when Rano tried to pull her away. I lay there shivering, she was yours, the sudden urge was more than childish Lano can't control it...I can't either, I asked her to come in, and she came in with angry tears in her eyes and sullen lips. She jumped at me, and she hugged me wildly, so excited.'La No trying to separate us, I won't let her, I'm going to kill her.' That's the way she said it, rough, wild. I always say she didn't mean it, it's just her way! Onna Lun's way, my father Have noticed the seed on her body, I believe it is there... I understand it with fear." "Papa told me to go, so I went to Crifford. 'He's been waiting for you.' They told me, 'He looked at the door, and he called your mother.' They said, 'He probably thought you were your mother.' ' So I sat next to him, and he looked at me with furious eyes, and he said my name, sometimes my mother's, and he babbled about sin and vengeance, but not as coherently as he used to. I thought he was going to die, I You could tell he was trying to get himself excited, and I bent over to hear what he was saying. 'A baby?' he said, 'Another baby?' I thought he was thinking about what I told him until I understood him Going back to earlier times, 'A baby...Onna Lun is going to have a baby. How is this going to happen? Oh, but it's God's revenge, I know...Even if I knew...I went to her instead This is the vengeance of the Lord...Brought into the third and fourth generations and the seed...the evil seed...will live forever." "Daddy," I said, "that was a long time ago, when Onna Lun died and我很好，我没什么不对。'他狂乱难解的眼睛看着我，他喃喃，他们告诉我她有孩子了，我清楚的记得那天，'你要做父亲了。'他们说，'他们对我微笑……不知道我心中的害怕。它来了，报复来了，我罪不会随我而死，会存在第三代和第四代。那晚我去她房中……我站着看她，她正在睡觉，我手中拿着枕头，我可以把它压过她的脸……那会是结束……她和那孩子的了结。可是她很漂亮……她黑色的头发……她圆而孩子气的脸……然而我是个懦夫，于是我侧向她，拥抱她，而且我知道我永远不会杀她。''你自寻烦恼，爸爸。'我说，'过去了，没有任何事可以改变已做的事，我现在在这里……而且我很好，我向你保证。'他没有听我的，我想着吉娜薇薇以及那未出世的孩子。” “昨晚我不能入睡，我不断想到爸爸的悲伤，而且我无法忘记吉娜薇薇，我想到她的狂野，那吓到拉诺。我知道为什么，拉诺认识我的母亲，拉诺的害怕是我父亲的翻版。我曾看过拉诺观察我女儿，我打瞌睡且忍受着梦魇，在一个木板封窗的房间里有个人，我要杀死她，我站在那里手中拿着枕头，那是我母亲……可是她有吉娜薇薇的脸，手中抱着个孩子……还未出生的孩子，我让她躺下，我拿着枕头站着看她。我醒来哭着：'不！不！'我在发抖，那之后我无法休息，因为怕更多的梦魇，我不敢睡，于是我服了些拉诺给的鸦片膏，然后我陷入无梦的睡眠中。今早我醒来后心思很清醒，如果我的孩子是男生，他将传下泰拉泰尔这一系，我想到疯狂的罪恶种子将进入古堡像个鬼魂般在未来几世纪中出没，我应该已将这个带给他们了。吉娜薇薇？她有拉诺照顾，而且拉诺知道，拉诺会看着她，会看着她永不结婚。也许拉诺会说服她入修女院，正如爸爸曾说服我。但是这个孩子……如果是男孩……爸爸缺少勇气，他需要勇气，若是爸爸杀了我母亲我将永远不会出生，我将不会知道痛苦……什么都不知道，而那就是这个孩子会有的。” “昨晚一件怪事发生，我从梦魇中醒来，我忆起绿色波纹面小瓶子带给我的平静睡眠。拉诺告诉我，波纹是因为如果你在黑暗中拿起它你会知道这是毒药瓶。毒药！但是它提供如此甜蜜的错误睡眠及放松！我想到服下拉诺给我治牙痛剂量的两倍……三倍……有多容易，然后不再有害怕……不再有担忧。这孩子将什么也不知道，那孩子将由出世中救回，将继续看着邪恶种子的第一迹象。我拿到瓶子并想：'我不会像爸爸一样做个懦夫。'我想自己和他现在一样老……躺在我的灵床上，再近看自己给孩子带来的不愉快。我看着瓶子我害怕，我服了几滴睡着了，早晨时我告诉自己：'那不是办法。'” “又是晚上了，恐惧又伴着我，我睡不着不停的想着爸爸以及我母亲在那有木条的房间里，我清楚意识到我怀着的孩子。拉诺，请照顾吉娜薇薇，我留她给你照顾。我现在正想着我是否有爸爸缺少的勇气，我相信若是他成功了对我们这么多人都好，我的小吉娜薇薇就不会出生……拉诺会省去恐惧……我永远也不会出生。我相信我父亲是对的，我可以看到瓶子，绿色有波纹面，我将我的笔记本和其它的放在柜子中那么拉诺会发现。她爱读有关我小时候的日子，并且说我的书带时光回头。她会向他们解释原因……我怀疑我是否可以。我怀疑如果这是对的……现在我要试着去睡觉……若是我不能……早晨时我会写这是一个人在夜晚时的感受……在白日我好像不同。可是爸爸缺少勇气……我怀疑我是否有勇气，我怀疑……” 文字在此停住，不过我知道发生了什么事，她找到了她所谓的勇气并且因此她和她未出世的孩子在那晚死去。 随着法兰可丝的文字，我心中回忆起一幕幕图像。我如此清楚的看到：有残酷秘密的房子；有着木板窗、炉围的房间；高挂墙上的油灯；疯狂热情的女人；简朴却发现她无法抗拒的丈夫；他与感官的战争；他屈从激情以及他狂热的心看来如报复似的结果。法兰可丝的出生，监督的眼睛，孤独的养育过程……然后嫁给伯爵。我看到为何这婚姻一开始就失败，这无邪又无知的女孩被教导以恐惧看待婚姻，他们都幻灭了，她找到一位年轻阳刚的丈夫，他则是有个呆板的妻子。 古堡中的每一个人查觉出这婚姻先天上的不足，当法兰可丝由鸦片膏过量死亡时，他们问自己：她的丈夫是否涉足其中？ 这是如此残酷不公，而且拉诺该受责备。她读过我所读的，她知道我才发现的，而她竟然允许伯爵被怀疑谋杀了他妻子。为何她不出示将一切解释得如此明白的这本书？ 那么，现在真相该被知道了。 我看看别在我短衫上的表，伯爵该在花园。他会怀疑为何我不像往常他在那里时般的加入他，我们会坐着观看池塘，为我们的婚礼计划，那预料在他完全复原后立刻举行。 我下去加入他并发现他独自不耐的等着我，他立刻看出发生了一些事。 “戴拉丝。”他带着温柔语调叫我的名字，这永不会不令我感动，现在这让我生气，他，一个无辜的人，竟被如此不公的指控。 “我知道法兰可丝死亡的真相。”我叫出，“现在每个人都知道，全在这里……她自己写下的，这是个清楚的说明，她杀了自己。” 我看到那些话对他的影响，我胜利的往下说：“她记笔记……小日记，拉诺一直保有它们，拉诺知道……然而她什么也不说，她允许你被责骂，这很怪异，可是现在每个人都该知道了。” “戴拉丝，我亲爱的，你太激动。” “激动！我发现了这个秘密，我现在可以展示……这个自白……给全世界。没人敢说你杀了法兰可丝。” 他将手放在我手中，“告诉我你发现了什么。”他说。 “我决心去找答案出来，我知道笔记本，拉诺给我看了一些，所以我去她房里。她睡着了，她柜子开着……于是我拿了最后一本。我曾猜过这也许有些线索却没想到发现这答案如此明白……如此没有争议。” “你找到什么？” “因害怕疯狂她杀了自己。她母亲疯了，她父亲在中风后神思混乱时告诉她这个。他告诉她，他如何试着杀她母亲……如何失败……如果他杀了将会好多少。你没看到吗？她是如此的不食人间烟火。这些都在日记中，她会宿命的接受进入她心中的事物……不过在这里……如我们所愿般的明白，任何人不会再控诉你是谋杀者。” “我很高兴你发现这个，现在我们之间不必有秘密了。也许我早该告诉你，我想我迟早会的，但是我怕即使是你也许会由某个表情……某个姿势泄露了。” 我仔细地看着他：“当然我知道你没杀她，你不会有一刻以为我相信那些闲言闲语……” 他用手捧着我的脸，吻着我，“我喜欢去想，”他说，“你怀疑我但却同样爱我。” “也许那是真的。”我承认，“我不明白拉诺，她怎么可以知道又保持不语？” “为了和我相同的理由。” “和你……相同？” “我知道怎么回事，她留下纸条给我，解释。” “你知道她结束自己的生命，但是为什么你让他们……” “是的，我知道而且让他们去。” “但是为什么……为什么……这么不公平……这么残忍……” “我习惯了被说闲话……受诽谤，多数是我该得的，你知道我警告过你，你不会嫁给一个圣人。” “而是……谋杀者。” “这是你的秘密了，戴拉丝。” “我的。但是我要让这个被知道。” “不，有些事你忘了。” "what?" “吉娜薇薇。” 我了解的瞪着他。 “是的，吉娜薇薇。”他接下说，“你知道她的本性，是野性、激动的。多容易就送她走上她外祖母那条路。你来了后她变了一些，噢，不是很多，我们不期待……但是我想最容易送一个高度敏感的人步上疯狂就是不断监视并暗示她有一些因子会发展。我不想要她被那样看待，我要她有每一个正常成长的机会，法兰可丝为了即将出生的孩子结束自己的生命，我至少可以为了我们的女儿面对一些闲言闲语。你现在明白了，戴拉丝？” "Yes, I understand." “我很高兴现在我们之间没有秘密了。” 我穿过草地看着池塘，现在很热，但是下午已过傍晚正靠近，仅仅一年前我来到此地，我想这么多事在短短一年中发生。 “你很安详，”他说，“告诉我你在想什么。” “我正在想着我初抵此地后发生的一切，当我来到古堡……当我第一次看到你时……没有一件事是看起来的样子。我过去看你与你真的样子是如此不同……现在我发现你有能力处理这个……大秘密。” “我最爱的人，你太戏剧化了，这个……秘密没有要我付出什么，我怎么会在意怎么说我呢？你知道我骄傲的足以对世界一弹指说：'随你去想。'虽然我对世界一弹指，但是有一个人的好见解仍是对我最需要……这就是为何我坐在这里享受她的赞美，允许她将光环放在我头上。当然我知道她很快会发现是幻想……不过戴一会儿也很愉快。” “为什么你总想贬抑自己？” “因为在我的高傲下我害怕。” “怕，你怕什么？” “你会停止爱我。” “那么我怎么办？你不认为我有相同的恐惧？” “知道你有时也会愚笨令人舒服。” “我想，我说，这是我生命中最快乐的时刻。” 他将一只手臂环着我，我们紧紧坐在一起几分钟眺望平静的花园。 “让我们做最后一步。”他说。
他从我这里拿过笔记本，撕下封面，然后划一根火柴引燃册页。 我看着蓝色及黄色火焰缓缓烧过孩子似的字迹。 很快的法兰可丝的告白一字不留。 他说：“留着它是不智的，你可以向拉诺解释吗？” 我点头，捡起笔记封面将它放入口袋。 我们一起看着一片焦黑的纸片飞过草地，我想着未来——不时给我的耳语，吉娜薇薇的狂放，我无法选择爱上的男人的复杂天性。未来是个挑战，不过我永远是个接受挑战的人。 (End of the book)