Chapter 10 chapter Ten

The atmosphere in the castle gradually became dignified and tense, and Genevieve was very gloomy. I wondered what was going on in her heart.As for Claude, she was angry and ashamed, and I felt her resentment towards me because the count refused to grant her wish.She read an important message in his support for me—and so did I. Philip was very disturbed, he came to me almost slyly when I was in the gallery, as if he didn't want to be found there, I imagine he was afraid of his wife and the count. "I hear you and my wife have had a... disagreement, and I'm sorry. Not that I want you to go, Miss Lawson, but in this house..." He raised his shoulders.

"I feel like I should finish what I started." "And how much...fast will you do it?" "Well, there's still a lot to do." "You can count on me to help you when you're done, if I can... but if you've decided to go before, I might have found something similar for you." "I will remember." He went away very sadly, and I thought: he was a peaceful man, he had no soul, maybe that's why he's here. But strangely enough, there was something of a resemblance between him and the count, his voice was like the count's, and so was his appearance.It's just that one is so masculine and the other is feminine.Philip must have lived in the shadow of his rich and powerful relatives a lot, and maybe that made him the kind of man he was - a cowardly seeker of peace.But he was kind to me from the beginning and now I believe he wants me to go because of a conflict between me and his wife.

Maybe he's right, maybe I should leave as soon as I finish the picture I'm working on, there's no use for me staying here.The affection the Count had aroused for me would only grow more devoted, and the scars the separation would inevitably cause would only deepen. I'll go, I promise myself.However, because my heart decided not to leave, I started looking for the mural I suspected was hidden under the lime paint on the wall.I can become engrossed in this work, forget about the conflicts that stir me up, and at the same time give myself an excuse to stay in the castle. The room of particular interest to me was a small room leading onto the gallery where I had excellent light from a north-west window from which I could look across the gentle slopes of the vineyards towards Paris.

I remember how excited my father was when he saw a wall that was very similar to this one, and he later told me how in many English mansions the frescoes were hidden under a lime paint exterior.They were covered, he told me, perhaps because of damage, or because the pictures had become unattractive. Scraping off the outer layers of lime—there may be several layers—is a delicate job, I have watched my father do it, and even helped him, I have a talent for this type of work.It's hard to say, but maybe it's an intuition—my dad had it, and I seem to have inherited it—but from the moment I saw that wall, I was thrilled with it, and I could almost swear that lime paint There is something hidden under it.

I used a palette knife as a tool, but I could not scrape off the outer layer, and of course I could only touch with the lightest force, a careless gesture could ruin a painting that proved to be valuable. I worked for an hour and a half, knowing that it would be unwise to work any longer, since it requires the utmost concentration, and during this time I have not found anything to confirm my suspicions. But I was lucky the next day, and I scraped off a little bit of lime paint—less than a sixteenth of an inch, it's true—and the next day I was sure there was a picture on the wall. It was really the smartest thing I could have done, because it took my mind off my growing emotional tension with the castle.I was working on the wall when Genevieve came into the gallery.

"Miss," she cried, "Miss, where are you?" "Here." I replied. As she ran up to me, I saw her distraught. "There's a message from Clifford, miss. My grandfather's worse. He's telling me to come, come with me." "Your father..." "He's out . . . riding with her. Please, miss, come, or I'll have to go with the groom." I got up and said I'd get dressed soon and meet her at the stables in ten minutes. "Not too long," she begged. She was silent as we rode together toward Crifford, and I knew she dreaded and yet was fascinated by such visits.When we arrived at the house, Mrs Rabbis was waiting for us in the hall.

"Oh, miss," she said, "I'm glad you're here." "Is he very ill?" I asked. "Another stroke. Morik found it when he brought breakfast in. The doctor came, and I called the lady after that." "You mean, he's... dying?" Genevieve asked in a hollow voice. "We can't say that, Miss Genevieve, he's alive, but he's very ill." "Can we go and see him?" "Please come here." "You stay," Genevieve told me. We walked into the house I had seen before, and the old man was lying on a straw mattress.Mrs. Rabbis had tried to make it comfortable by throwing a sheet over him and putting a small table and chairs in the room, and even a rug on the floor, but the bare walls were nothing but crucifixes and prayer chairs in the corner. The appearance of the monks' cell was preserved.

He lay on the pillow... a sentimental sight, his eyes sunken into black holes, the flesh missing from the wings of his long nose, he looked like a bird of prey. "It's Miss Genevieve, sir." Mrs. Rabbis murmured. A look flashes across his face so I guess he recognizes her, his lips move, his words are fast but slurred and muffled. "Grandfather..." "It's my granddaughter, and I'm here." He nodded and looked at me, I couldn't believe he could see with his left eye, it seemed dead, but his right eye was still alive. "Come closer," he said, and Genevieve moved closer to the bed, but he was looking at me.

"He meant you, miss," whispered Genevieve, so we switched seats and I sat down against his bed, which seemed to satisfy him. "Franks," he said.Then I realized that he was imagining me as Genevieve's mother. "It's okay, please don't worry." I said. "No..." he muttered, "be careful, be careful..." "Yes, yes." I said reassuringly. "Shouldn't marry...that man, knowing it's...wrong..." "It's okay." I reassured him. But his face is contorted. "You must...he must..." "Oh, ma'am," said Genevieve, "I can't bear it. I'll be back in a minute. He's distracted. He doesn't know I'm here. Must I stay?"

I shook my head as she went out and left me alone in this strange room with the dying man.I sensed that he noticed her disappearance and was relieved, like he was trying hard. "Franks... stay away from him, don't let him..." He did everything in his power to make me understand, and I did everything possible to try.Because he was thinking of the Count, and I felt that in this room I might discover the mystery of Francise's death, and I wanted more than anything in the world to prove that her husband hadn't been involved. "Why?" I said, "Why stay away from him?"

"Such a sin... such a sin..." he murmured. "You mustn't trouble yourself," I said. "Come back here...leave the old castle, for you there is only destruction and disaster." Weary from the energy required for such a long conversation, he closed his eyes.I felt scared and frustrated because I knew there was only so much he could tell me. He opened his eyes suddenly. "Onna Lun, you are so beautiful, our child... what will she become? Oh, sin... sin." Exhaustion overwhelmed him, I thought he was going to die, I went to the door and called Morik. "The dying is not too far away," Morik said. Rabbis looked at me and nodded. "Miss Janevieve should be here." "I'll go and bring her," I said, glad to escape the House of Death. As I walk down the hallway, I realize that the darkness is dark, that death is near, and I feel it, but it's more than that, it's like a house where all light is blocked, and laughter and joy are considered sins one's house.Could poor Franks have been happy in this house?How happy she was when she escaped to the old castle. I walked to a staircase and stood under the stairs looking up. "Genevieve," I whispered. There was no answer there, and there was a window on the landing whose light was all but shut out by heavy curtains.I imagined that this is how they always have been, and I approached them, looking out the window at the overgrown garden.I tried to open the window but couldn't. It must have been years since anyone had opened it. I expected to see Genevieve in the garden and signs that she had been there, but she wasn't there. I called her name again, still no answer, so I started walking up the stairs. The dead stillness of the house loomed over me, and I wondered if Genevieve was hiding in a room, away from the morbid room, because she hated the thought of death.Running away from something she finds unbearable is very much like her, and maybe that's the source of her troubles, and I've got to make her understand that if she's afraid of something it's better to face it directly. "Genevieve," I yelled, "where are you?" I opened a door, and it was a dark bedroom, the curtains half drawn like on the landing.I close the door and open another, and this part of the house is probably pretty much useless. There's another staircase there, which I guess leads to the nursery, because usually they're on the top floor. Besides what happened in the far room below, I was also thinking about Francise's childhood, which I read in the notebooks that Lano gave me one by one.It occurred to me that Genevieve might have heard stories of her mother's childhood in this house, and if she wanted to hide, was there a place she would love more than the nursery? I'm sure I'll find her up there. "Genevieve." My voice was louder than before, "Are you up there?" There was no answer, only my own voice came back vaguely like a ghostly echo, as if mocking me.If she's there, she's not going to let me know. I opened the door, and before me was a tall but modest room, with a straw bed on the floor, a table, a chair, a prayer chair at one end, and a cross on the wall.It is furnished just like the room where the old man is lying now, but this room is different, the only window in the room is high on the wall with wooden boards, this room is like a prison cell, I know intuitively It is a prison cell. I felt an urge to close the door and leave quickly, but my curiosity was too strong and I entered the room, what kind of house is this?I ask myself.The discipline here is like a monastery or a nun's house?I know that Genevieve's grandfather regrets not becoming a monk, and the "treasure" in the wooden cabinet shows this... A monk's robe is his most cherished asset, and I first knew this from Franks' notebook.And what about the whip?Does he whip himself? ...or his wife and daughter? But who lives here?In this room someone wakes up every day under the boarded window, the cold wall, the room is full of desolation.He... or she wants this?Or... I see the inscription on that crazy wall, and I look closer, "Onnalen," I read, "Prisoner." Then I was right, it was a prison.She is imprisoned here, like those who live in the dungeons of old castles.I heard slow, clumsy footsteps on the stairs, and I stood still, waiting, it wasn't Genevieve's footsteps.Someone was on the other side of the door, I heard breathing clearly, I quickly ran to the door and opened it. The woman looked at me with surprised eyes. "Miss!" she called. "I'm looking for Genevieve, Mrs. Rabbis," I told her. "I heard people coming up here and I was thinking... you want to come down, the deathbed is near." "And what about Genevieve?" "I believe she is hiding in the garden." "As you can imagine," I said, "young people don't want to see death, and I thought I might find her in the nursery, and I thought it was up there." "The nursery is on the lower floor." "And this..." I began. "This is Miss Genevieve's grandmother's room." I looked up at the paneled windows. "I took care of her until she died," said Mrs Rabbis. "Is she very ill?" Mrs. Rabbis nodded coldly, I'm so curious, she seemed to tell me so.She hadn't revealed secrets in the past because she had paid so much to keep them, and she didn't want to risk the future by revealing them now. "Of course Miss Genevieve is not here," she said, and she turned and walked out of the room, and I had no choice but to follow her. She was right, Genevieve was hiding in the garden, and she had only returned to the house after her grandfather died. The family came to Crifford for the funeral, which I've heard is usually spectacular in these circumstances.I didn't stay, and neither did Rano.She said she had a headache.When she was sick she was not fit to do anything but lie in bed.I guess the occasion would bring back too many painful flashbacks in her. Genevieve went in the carriage with her father, Philippe, and Claude, and when they were gone I went to see Lano alone. I found her not in bed as I expected and asked if I could stay and chat with her for a while. She replied that she would love my company, so I made coffee and sat down together. Crifford and the topic of the past fascinated and frightened her at the same time, half dodging and half longing. "I don't think Genevieve wants to go to the funeral," I said. She shook her head, "I hope she doesn't need to go." "But I expect that from her, she's grown up...not like a child, what do you think of her? Less tantrums? More calm?" "She's been calm enough..." Lano lied. I looked at her sadly, she looked back sadly, I wanted to tell her we shouldn't pretend. "The last time I was in that house, I saw her grandmother's room and it was weird, it was like a prison and she felt the same way." "How do you know?" she demanded. "Because she said so." Her eyes widened with fear, "She... told you...how..." I shook my head, "She didn't come back from the dead, if that's what you think. She wrote on the wall that she was a prisoner. I saw, 'Onna Lun, prisoner.' Is she a prisoner? You know, you're there .” "She is sick, and she will stay in the room." "What a strange sick room... directly above the house, must have been tiring for the servants... to carry her things." "You are very practical, miss, when you think of such things." "I think the servant thought about it too, but why does she consider herself a prisoner? Is she not allowed to go out?" "She's sick." "Patients are not prisoners, Lano, tell me about this, I think this may... be important to Genevieve." "How come? What are you thinking, miss." "They say 'know yourself, know your enemy', I want to help Genevieve, I want her to be happy, she had an unusual upbringing. The place where her mother lived, and then this old castle...everything that happened , you must have seen all the possible effects on the child ... an impressionable, highly sensitive child, and I want you to help me to help her." "I'd do anything in the world to help her." "Please tell me everything you know, Rano." "But I know nothing... ignorant...." "But Franks wrote in her notes, didn't she? You didn't show me them all." "She didn't intend for anyone to see it." "Rano... there are others, not that there are... more revelations..." She sighed, picked up the key chain around her waist, and opened the wooden cabinet. She chose a notebook to show me, and I noticed where she took it, and there were others—the last one lined up—and I wished she had given me that one too, but she didn't. "Take it and read it," she said, "and bring it back straight to me, and promise me you won't show it to anyone else, just bring it back to me." I agreed. This one is different, this is the woman in great fear.She was afraid of her husband, and as I read I couldn't help feeling that I was looking into the mind and feelings of a dead woman.But he has something to do with it, what would he think of me if he knew what I was doing? But I must read on, as each day I spend at the castle, it becomes more and more important to me to know the truth. "Last night I was lying in bed praying that he wouldn't come for me. At one point I thought I heard his footsteps, but of course it was Rano. She knew how scared I was, and she was beside me... praying with me, I I know. I'm afraid of him, he knows, he can't understand the reason, how many other women like him, only I'm afraid of him." "I saw my dad today, and he looked at me like he always does, like he can see into my heart, like he's trying to find every moment of my life... most of the time, 'how is your husband?' he said to me Said. I stuttered and blushed because I knew what he was thinking, and he said, 'There are other women, I've heard.' I didn't answer, he seemed happy to have those women.' Satan will take care of him because God won't ’ he said, and he seemed happy to have other women, and I know why, anything is more tainted than me.” "Lano walks back and forth, she's terrified. I'm so afraid of the night, I find it hard to fall asleep, and then I wake up imagining someone has entered the room. It's an unnatural marriage, and I wish I could go back to my little one. Played in the nursery as a girl. Best moments were before Dad showed me the treasures in the trunk...before Mum died. I'd rather not grow up, but then I wouldn't have Genevieve." "Genevieve was very emotional today, because Lano said she must stay indoors, she had a little cold, and Lano was a little worried. She locked Lano in the room, and the poor thing waited patiently there until I found her, she didn't want to expose Genevieve. We were scared after we scolded Genevieve, she was so...wild and naughty, I said she reminded me of her grandma and Lano was so naughty And depressed." "Lano said: 'Don't say that again, Franks darling, don't, don't.' I understood she was referring to me saying that Genevieve was like her grandmother." "Last night I woke up in fear, I thought Loser came into the room. I saw Dad during the day, maybe he made me more scared than usual. It was a dream, not Loser. Why did he come He knows I hate him for coming, he doesn't try to tell me to see life from his point of view, I know it's because he doesn't care about me, he's happy to run away. I'm not sure about this, but I dream he's here, It was a horrible nightmare because I believed he would be cruel to me. But it was just a dream, and Rano came in. She lay there and listened. I said, 'I can't sleep, Rano, I'm afraid.' So she Give me some opium cream, she uses it for her headaches, she says it takes away her pain and puts her to sleep. So I take it and fall asleep. In the morning it all seems like a nightmare... nothing else, He doesn't push himself against me now, he doesn't care very much, there are other people there." "I told Lano I had a terrible toothache and she gave me opium cream, it was so comforting and when I couldn't sleep I knew it was in the bottle waiting to help me." "A sudden thought came to my mind today, it can't be true, but it could be, I doubt it, I'm afraid it might be... but on the other hand I'm not afraid, I won't tell anyone, but... ...and of course dad. He'd be shocked, he wouldn't like anyone doing it, although he's my dad, which is weird, so it's not always been like that. I won't tell Loser...until necessary, I can't even Tell Lano it's not the right time anyway, but she'll find out sooner or later, well, I'll wait and see, maybe I'm imagining." "Genevieve came in a little late today, she overslept and I was afraid something would happen to her, when she came in she just ran towards me and we hugged each other she was crying and I couldn't calm her down. Dear Ji Na Weiwei, I should be happy to tell her, but not yet... oh no, not yet." That's the end, I didn't find what I wanted to know, but I found one thing - the most important note is the last one, I saw it in Rano's cupboard, why didn't she give me that one? I went back to her room and she was lying on the couch with her eyes closed. "Rano," I said, "what is it...the secret? What does it mean? What is she afraid of?" "I was in so much pain, you don't know how these headaches affect me," she said. "I'm sad, is there anything I can do?" "No... nothing to do, but please be quiet." "And the last one," I said, "the one she wrote before she died, and maybe the answer lies in that one..." "Nothing," she said. "Can you lower the curtains? The light hurts me." I put the notebook on the table next to her recliner, lowered the curtains and went out. But I must read the last book, I believe it will give me some clues about what really happened in the days before Franks died.
I made a big discovery the next day, and I almost forgot my desire to see that notebook.I worked patiently on what appeared to be a mural, carefully scraping off flakes of lime paint with a fine ivory paper knife, and as I peeled off the outer layer...paint!My heart began to beat violently, my fingers trembled, I had to resist the urge to work in a high mood, I dare not do it, I was too excited, I couldn't trust myself.If this is true, and I am about to discover the fresco - and I believe it will be - my hand must be absolutely steady, and I must restrain my ecstasy. I stood back a few steps, my eyes fixed on what I thought was a magical little painting, and there was a layer on top of it that might be harder to remove, so it wasn't easy to speculate about the color, but it was there... I'm sure of that. I don't want to say anything until I'm sure what I'm going to find is of value. I worked almost furtively the next day, but as I restored bit by bit, I became more and more certain that the painting I was about to find had some value. I decided that the first person to hear about it was the Earl, and halfway through the morning I left the tools in the gallery and went straight to the library hoping to find him.He was not there, as I had done before, and I rang the bell, and when the servant appeared, I asked to be informed that I wished to speak to him in the library as soon as possible. I was told he was heading to the stables in a few minutes. "Please go and tell him I want to see him right away, it's very important." When I was alone I wondered if I had been too impulsive, after all he might have thought such news could wait for a more opportune time.He might not share my excitement either, but he will, I tell myself.After all, the drawings were found in his home. I heard his voice in the hall, the door of the library was pushed open, and he stood there looking at me with some surprise.He was dressed in riding clothes and had clearly come straight from the stables. "What's going on?" he asked, and in that moment I knew he was expecting to hear something about what happened to Genevieve. "An important discovery, can you come and see it now? Anyway, there is a painting under the lime paint, and I think it is undoubtedly a valuable painting." "Oh," he said, and then his lips showed some interest, "of course I'll go." "What did I interrupt..." "My dear Miss Lawson, a discovery of this magnitude must be dealt with before any other, I am sure." "Please come and see." I lead the way to the small room that leads to the gallery, and there it is - only a fraction of it is present, but there is no doubt that it is a hand on velvet with jewels on the fingers and wrist. "It's kind of gloomy at the moment, but you can tell it needs cleaning. It's a portrait, and you can tell by the way it's been painted and the creases in the velvet...a master has worked on it." "You mean, Miss Lawson, you can fix it." "Isn't it great?" I said to him. He looked into my face and smiled and said, "Great!" I feel confirmed.I'm sure there's something under the lime paint, hours of work were not in vain. "So far only a little..." he went on. "Oh, but it's there, and now I've got to make sure I'm not getting too excited which means I'm impatient, I'm eager to find out what else, but I've got to work very carefully, and I've got to make sure I don't damage it anyway." He put his hand on my shoulder, "Thank you very much." "Perhaps you will not now regret your decision to entrust your painting to a woman." "I soon learned that you are a very trustworthy woman." The pressure of his hand on my shoulder, the gleam in his lidded eyes, and reveling in the joy of discovery, I thought recklessly, "This is the happiest time of my life." "Loselle!" It was Claudia standing there frowning at us. "What the hell happened? You were there...and then you suddenly disappeared." He dropped his hand and turned to her. "I have a message," he said, "an urgent message. Miss Lawson has made a miraculous discovery." "What?" She walked towards us, seeing me from him. "A most miraculous discovery," he repeated, looking at me. "How is this going?" "Look!" said the Count, "she has found a picture... evidently a valuable one." "It looks like oil paint smudges." "You say that, Claude, because you're not looking at it from an artist's point of view, and now Miss Lawson tells me it's part of a portrait done by a talented painter, inferred from the way he painted it." "You forget we're riding this morning." "Such a discovery excuses my forgetfulness, don't you agree, Miss Lawson?" "Such discoveries are rare," I replied. "We're late," Claude said, not looking at me. "You must tell me some other day, Miss Lawson," said the Earl to me, as he followed her to the door.But when he got to the door, he turned around and smiled at me.Claudie saw the look between us, and I knew how deep her dislike was.She couldn't drive me away, which in itself was a blow to her pride, for she had been so sure of her power that she would hate me for it.Why is she so worried about me leaving?Could it be that she is actually jealous of me? The thought intoxicates me more than almost anything that has happened.
I worked furiously over the next few days, I knew it might be harmful, but at the end of the three days I hadn't reproduced any more images, and with every inch I dug, I became more and more sure of the painting's worth The idea is right. I was shocked one morning when I was working on a lime paint job and I reproduced something I didn't understand.A letter appeared.Writing on the wall, something to date the painting?My hands are shaking, maybe I should stop working until I feel calmer, but it took too long, I reproduce the letters BLI, I work carefully around them, I have the word Oubliez, I can't give up, morning Before the end, I worked very carefully to get these words Nem'oubliez pas, forget-me-nots, which I am sure were painted a little later than the half-revealed portrait now. It was something to show the Count, and he came into the room and we examined it together, and he shared my excitement or made a good disguise to show it. The door behind me opened and I smiled as I carefully pressed the edge of the knife against the lime paint edge, he was getting as excited about the discovery as I was and finding it hard to let go, I thought. The house was eerily quiet, and the smile must have quickly faded from my face when I turned around, for it was not the Count standing there but Claude.She gave me a little smile to cover her confusion, I don't understand this new mood. "I heard you reproduced some words," she said, "Can I see it?" She went up to the wall to look at it and murmured, "Ne m'oubilezpas" and then she turned to me with puzzled eyes, "You How do you know it's here?" "Maybe it's a gut feeling." "Miss Lawson..." she hesitated, as if she found it difficult to say what was on her mind, "I'm afraid I was too impatient, that day...you know, I was worried about Genevieve." "Yes, I understand." "And I thought... I thought the best thing would be..." "Do you want me to go?" "It's not just for Genevieve." I back off, is she going to confess to me?Is she going to tell me that she is jealous that the Earl values ​​me?impossible! "You may not believe me, but I'm thinking of you too. My husband talked to me about you, and we both felt..." She frowned and looked at me helplessly, "We thought you might want to leave." "why?" "There are some reasons, I just want you to know that I've heard that it's possible...a really exciting possibility. Between us, my husband and I may arrange a brilliant opportunity for you, I know how much you love old houses Interested, I daresay you would welcome the opportunity to examine in detail some of our old churches and monasteries, and of course the galleries." "Of course I would, but..." "Well, we saw a little project where a woman would plan a tour of French national treasures and they needed a guide - someone who was knowledgeable about what they were going to see. Of course they didn't want a man with them, so they thought Is there a lady who can guide them and explain to them... this is a unique opportunity, it pays well and I guarantee you will get excellent opportunities for it. It will increase your reputation and I know can give you access to many ancient A family start. You’re going to get a lot of requests because the women who want to make this trip are art buffs and have collections of their own. It looks like a great opportunity.” I was surprised, of course she was eager to drive me away.Yes, she must really be jealous of me. "It sounds like a glamorous plan," I said, "but this job..." I shook my hand at the wall. "You're going to finish it soon, think about the plan, I really think you should." She's like a different person, she has a new gentleness, I almost believe she really cares about me.I thought of doing a small inspection of French national treasures and discussing it with people who were as interested as I was, and she couldn't have offered a more dazzling bait than this. "I can find more opportunities for you," she said eagerly. "Would you consider it, Miss Lawson?" She hesitated again, as if she had more to say, and decided to veto it and leave me. I was puzzled, she didn't look like a jealous woman who was going to give me a word to drive me away, nor did she look like someone who was inciting me to fight the count.She might be hinting: Watch out for how he uses women, myself... Marrying Philip for his benefit, Gabriel for Jacques.What would happen to you if you stayed here and let him rule your life just to make him happy for a while? But in my affections, I believe she suspected the Earl of valuing me, and wanted to drive me out.It's a welcome thought...but...how long?Then I thought about the offer she had made in front of me, something an ambitious woman trying to get ahead in her career wouldn't be foolish to say no to.This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. When I think about this—and the possible future I might face while staying in the castle, I mix doubt, fear, and wild hope with pain.My good instincts told me: hopeless, impossible. When I visited Gabriela, it was obvious she was pregnant, but she seemed happy.We talked about the upcoming baby and she showed me her baby stuff. I asked her behind Jake's back, and she talked to me more frankly than usual. "Having a baby changes you, the things that used to be important to you don't matter so much anymore. The baby is the most important thing, and I don't understand why I'm so scared (now). If I'd told Jake earlier, we could have arranged it. But I was so terrified...seemed stupid now." "How does Jack feel?" "He scolded me for being so stupid. But I'm scared because we've wanted to get married for a long time, and we knew it wouldn't work because we had to support his mother. We just couldn't get our lives settled... the three of us." How stupid I am!How could she be so blissful if she suspected that the earl was the father of her child. "But about the count..." I said. "Oh, but about the count!" She smiled calmly. "It's weird to me that you can't tell Jake and you tell him." Smiling again, "Oh, he won't understand, I know. Besides he's someone who can help...and he did, and Jake and I are forever grateful to him." The meeting with Gabriela had some clearing effect on what Claudie had offered me that made me hesitate, and no matter how dizzying the vistas were now before me, I would not leave the castle unless absolutely necessary.
Now I have two mixed interests: to recreate what was under the lime paint and to debunk the real character of the man who began to mean a lot to my life—even too much. The word "forget-me-not" had aroused curiosity, and I wish I could reproduce it more, but I didn't.What I reproduced was a dog's face, which appeared to be crouching at the feet of a woman, confirmed by her to be a portrait.当我在这个部分工作时，我发现了我认为是后来添加的油彩。我受到一阵惊吓，因为我知道这是个习惯，用一层石灰盖住旧画，然后在新的表层上再画。在那种状况下我也许毁掉一幅画在我正着手进行的画作上的作品。 我只能继续我已着手的工作，基于兴趣，在一个小时内我重现了一幅像是在原始画作上加了某种东西的画——虽然是后来加入的。 它异乎寻常，而且变得愈来愈是。因为重现的狗放在一个棺材状的盒子里，在下面是那些字：“勿忘我”。 我放下刀，看着它，这只狗是西班牙猎犬，就像伯爵在圣诞节送我的小画像中的那只。我确信这是同一个女人的肖像——我清理的第一幅画的主角、小画像的，以及现在的壁画。 我想将这个展示给伯爵，于是我到图书室去。克劳蒂在那里，她看见我时，满怀希望的瞧着我，她以为我是来接受她的提议。 “我来找伯爵。”我说。 她的脸部僵硬，原先的不悦清楚可见，“你提议吩咐他过来？” “我想他会有兴趣看看那面墙。” “我看到他时，我会告诉他你吩咐他过去。” 我假装没看出那嘲讽。 “谢谢。”我说，然后回去工作。 但是伯爵没有来。
吉娜薇薇的生日在六月，古堡里以晚餐派对庆祝。虽然吉娜薇薇邀请我，我却没有参加。我找了藉口，因为克劳蒂毕竟是女主人，她不愿我出席。 吉娜薇薇本身不在意我是否去了，令我懊恼的是伯爵好像也不在意。这是件非常冷淡的事，吉娜薇薇几乎为此愠怒。 我送给她一对灰色手套，那是她在一间小镇商店橱窗外赞赏过的，而且她说她很高兴得到它们。不过她正处于晦暗情绪中，我觉得不在这种情况下庆生较好。 那天过后我们一起骑马，我问她如何欢度生日。 “我没有，”她宣称，“它令人怨恨，没邀客人的派对有什么意思？我想要有个真正的派对……也许有个蛋糕，里面有王冠……” “那不是生日的习俗。” “有什么关系？无论如何那里一定有生日习俗，我希望尚皮耶会知道，我会问他。” “你知道你克劳蒂婶婶对你和巴士泰德家友谊的感受。” 狂怒在她脸上爆发，“我告诉你我会自己选朋友，我现在已经长大了，你们要明白这个，我十五了……” “这不是个真的很大的年纪。” “你就像其它人一样坏。” 在她疾驰而去之前，我看着她狂暴的侧面，几分钟我试着去追她，但是她下定决心让我不能。 一会儿之后我独自骑回古堡，对吉娜薇薇我感到非常不安。 七月的炽热天气对我像是一场梦似的过去了，八月来了，葡萄在太阳下成熟。当我路过葡萄园时其中一个工人通常会评论它们，“今年收成好，小姐。” 在我不时去喝杯咖啡、吃片美味奶油蛋糕的糕饼店里，拉地儿太太对我谈论葡萄的大小，在今年的阳光下它们会变甜。 收成即将来临，好像所有的心思都为此占据，它像是一种高潮。我仍有壁画的工作要做，还有些画需要清理，我却不能地位不明的待在古堡中，我拒绝克劳蒂的提议是否太傻了？ 在我拒绝去想离开古堡之前，我已经住在里面十个月。但是我却觉得在我来之前我从未真正活过，离开这里的生活是不可能、模糊，算不上是生活，如果我走了，无论它如何有趣，没有东西可以补偿我。 我常回想起发生在我们之间的对话，并自问我是否曾读出某些不存在的东西。我不确定伯爵是否嘲讽过我，而真意是叫我管自己的事就好，或是他是否间接告诉我他重视我。我将自己投入古堡生活中，当我听到一年一度的克麦斯活动，我想扮演我的角色。 这是吉娜薇薇告诉我的。 “你该有一个摊子，小姐，你要卖什么呢？你以前从没有度过克麦斯，对吗？” 我告诉她这定期在我们的村镇举行，我为我们的教堂义卖会做过各种东西。而想像克麦斯和这些没什么大不同。 她想听这个，当我告诉她时她很愉快，并同意我非常熟悉克麦斯是怎么回事。 我有个在杯子、碟子及烟灰缸上画花草的点子。当我完成一些拿给吉娜薇薇看时，她很高兴，“哇，小姐，那太妙了，克麦斯从未有过像这样的东西。”我热心的画着——不仅画花还有动物在马克杯上——小象、鬼子、和猫，然后我有了在马克杯上画名字的想法，吉娜薇薇坐在我身旁告诉我该写谁的名字，当然我写了伊凡和玛歌，她又说出肯定会到克麦斯的其它孩子的名字。 “这一定畅销，”她大叫，“他们无法拒绝买下写有自己名字的马克杯，我可以在你的摊位吗？交易会进行得飞快，你需要助手。” 我很高兴见到她如此热心。 “今年克麦斯爸爸会在这儿，”她告诉我，“我不记得他以前在这里参加过一次。” “为什么他不在这里？” “噢，他总是在巴黎……或别的地方，他在这里留得比以前久，我听到仆人在谈论，这是他意外以后的事。” “噢？”我说，试图表现出不关心。 也许，我小心的提醒自己，这是因为克劳蒂在这里。 我谈着克麦斯，我想着克麦斯。我很高兴因为吉娜薇薇分享了我的兴奋并记起以前的那些克麦斯。 “这个，”我说，“一定是其中最成功的。” “它会的，小姐，我们以前从没有写着孩子名字的马克杯，我们赚的钱捐到修女院，我会告诉圣母，她会感激你，小姐。” “我们别先打如意算盘。”我提醒她，然后用英文强调一遍。 她对我笑着，我知道她在想无论哪种场合我总扮演家庭教师的角色。 一天下午我们骑马回来时，我有个利用壕沟的点子。我从来没有探查过那里，所以我们一同下去，草很青翠，我建议把摊子设在这里一定很有创意。 吉娜薇薇认为那是个绝妙的点子。“这一次每件事都该不同，小姐。我们以前没有用过旧壕沟，但是它一定理想，在下面多温暖啊！” “它挡住所有的微风，”我说，“你能想像所有的摊子都靠着灰墙吗？” “我相信这会很好玩，我们就摆在这里。你会觉得在下面有些幽闭吗？小姐。” 我看出她指的是什么，它是那么的安静，古堡高大的灰墙这么靠近有压迫感。 我们绕着古堡散步，我在想我建议在这干涸濠沟的不平地面上设摊是否太草率了，并考虑在平整的草地上会舒适多了，这时我看到一个十字架。它被钉在靠近古堡花岗岩墙的地面上，我指给吉娜薇薇看。 她用手和膝盖去检视它，我也加入。 “上面写了东西。”她说。 我们弯腰去查看。 我念出：“费代尔，一七四七，它是个坟墓，”我加一句，“一只狗的坟墓。” 吉娜薇薇抬眼看我：“这么多年以前，神奇！” “我相信他是我那小画像中的狗。” “噢，是啊，爸爸在圣诞节时给你的那个。费代尔！真是个好名字。” “它的女主人一定很爱它所以像这样埋葬它……有十字架，还有名字以及日期。” 吉娜薇薇点点头。 “我不认为我们想在可怜的费代尔埋葬的地方举办克麦斯。” 我同意，“而且我们也会深受痛苦，在这个长草中有许多令人不悦的昆虫。” 我们走进古堡的一扇门，当这些冷漠的厚墙包围我们时，她说：“不过我很高兴我们发现了可怜的费代尔的墓，小姐。” “是啊，”我说，“我也是。”
克麦斯那天炎热晴朗。马奎士在一块草地上布置好。一大早摊主就来陈列物品。吉娜薇薇和我一起制造欢乐，她在台面上铺上一块白桌布，用叶子很有品味的装饰它，在上面我们陈设我们的彩绘陶器。这看起来很迷人，我几乎要同意吉娜薇薇，我们是所有摊子中最出色的。糕饼店的拉比斯太太在帐蓬中提供茶点，女红是最大宗的货品，那儿还有来自古堡花园的花、蛋糕、蔬菜、装饰品及珠宝首饰。吉娜薇薇告诉我克劳蒂会和我们竞争，因为她将卖掉一些衣服，她有满满一衣橱的服装，当然每个人都想穿她的衣服，他们知道那来自巴黎。 由阿蒙·巴士泰德和他的小提琴领导的地方音乐家整个下午都将陆续演奏，而在黄昏时，舞蹈将开始。 我当然为我的马克杯感到骄傲，第一批买主是巴士泰德家的孩子，当他们发现他们的名字时，高兴的尖叫，好像它们是意外出现在那里。因为我提供素面马克杯画上那些不在陈列之列的名字，我不停的忙着。 克麦斯是由伯爵创始的——这让它成为一个特殊场合——因为在前半个钟头中有人告诉我这是他多年来参加的第一次克麦斯活动。“自伯爵夫人死后就不来了。这个很重要，”有人这么说，“它意味着伯爵决定古堡中的生活要更正常些。” 拉诺来了，并坚持我将她的名字画在一个马克杯上。我在一片盖着我摊子的蓝色遮阳蓬下工作，我感觉到骄阳、花香，巨大的声音和不断的笑声，我在蓝色遮阳蓬下非常快乐。 伯爵过来，站着看我工作。 吉娜薇薇说：“噢，爸爸，她是不是很在行？她身手利落，你一定要有一个上面有你名字的。” “是，我当然一定要。”他同意。 “你的名字不在这里，你没有写一个洛塞尔的，小姐？” “没有，我没想到我们需要一个。” “那么你错了，劳森小姐。” “是啊！”吉娜薇薇高兴的同意，好像她和她父亲一样高兴看到我犯了一个错误。“你在这件事上错了。” “如果这件任务是认真的，这个错误很快就会修正。”我反驳。 “这是非常认真的。” 当我选出一个素面马克杯时，他倚靠着柜台。 “你对色彩有何偏好？” “请为我选择，我确信你品味绝佳。” 我肯定的看着他，“紫色我想，紫色和金色。” “皇家色彩？”他问。 “最适合不过。”我回敬。 一小群人聚拢来看我替伯爵画马克杯，旁观者间有一点耳语。 我觉得那蓝色遮阳伞将我与一切不愉快隔离，是的，在那个中午，我是绝对快乐的。 他的名字在皇家紫中出现……一个金色圆点出现在塞字上，名字后的句点也是金色的。 旁观的人发出赞叹声，有点疯狂的我画了一个鸢尾花徽章在名字下。 “这个，”我说，“合适吗？” “你一定要出钱买，爸爸。” “如果劳森小姐说出价钱来。” “贵一点，我想。是不是，小姐。因为毕竟这是比较特别的一个。” “我想要贵很多。” “我任你宰割。” 当伯爵将货款丢入碗中时，传来一阵惊叹。吉娜薇薇将之放在柜台，我知道这意味着我们将有最大笔捐款给孤儿院。 吉娜薇薇脸色粉红愉快，我相信她差不多和我一样快乐。 伯爵走了后我看到尚皮耶在我旁边，“我要一个马克杯，”他说，“也要鸢尾花徽章。” “请替他画一个，小姐。”吉娜薇薇带着胜利的请求。 于是我画着，吉娜薇薇愉快中变得脸更红，这时尚皮耶站着对我们微笑。 这是个胜利，我的马克杯比任何其它摊子赚的钱更多，每个人都在谈论。 黄昏时音乐家开始演奏，草地上有舞蹈，那些喜欢大厅的人则在那里跳。 这就是它一向的样子，吉娜薇薇告诉我，不过以前从来没有克麦斯像这个样子。 伯爵不见了，他的职责并未延伸到出席克麦斯之外，克劳蒂和菲利浦也走了。我发现自己渴望的等着伯爵，希望他回来找我出去。 尚皮耶在我身旁，“嗯，你对我们乡村娱乐的看法如何？” “它们和我一生中所知的乡村娱乐很相像。” “我很高兴是这样，你可以和我跳舞吗？” “我很乐意。” “我们可以到草地吗？这里好热，在星光下跳舞愉快多了。” 他牵起我的手，领我加入音乐家们才奏起的华尔兹中。 “这里的生活引你入胜。”他说，他的唇如此靠近我的耳好像在耳语，“但是你不能永远留下来，你有自己的家……” “我没有家，只有珍表姊活着。” “我不认为你喜欢珍表姊。” “为何不？” “因为你不喜欢，我从你的声音中听出来。” “我如此容易泄露感情吗？” “我了解你一点，我希望多了解你一些，因为我们是好朋友，不是吗？” "I hope so." “我们一直很快乐……我的家人和我……你该视我们如朋友。请告诉我，古堡中的工作结束后，你会怎么办？” “我会离开这里，当然，不过它还没完成。” “而他们很满意你……在古堡中。那很明显，伯爵先生今天中午看起来好像他很……赞同你。” “是的，我想他很满意，我自我吹捧在他的画作上作了不错的工作。” 他点头，“你不可以离开我们，戴拉丝。”他说，“你一定要留下陪我们，如果你走了，我们不会快乐……没有一个会，特别是我自己。” “你真好心……” “在我们的余生……我会永远对你好，如果你走了，我永远不会再快乐了，我要求你永远和我留在这里。” “尚皮耶！” “我要你嫁给我，我要你向我保证你永不离开我……永不离开我们，这是属于你的地方，你不知道吗，戴拉丝？” 我停一下，他将他的手臂穿过我的，把我拉到一棵树的树荫下。 “这是不可能的。”我说。 “为何不？告诉我为何不。” “我喜欢你……我永远也不会忘记我刚来此地时你对我的仁慈。” “但是你正告诉我，你不爱我？” “虽然我喜欢你，却告诉你这样，我不认为我会成为你的好妻子。” “但是你确实喜欢我，戴拉丝？” "certainly." “我知道了，我不会要求你现在说好或不好，因为也许你还没准备好。” “尚皮耶，你一定要了解，我……” “我明白，我最亲爱的……” “我不认为你真的明白。” “我不会对此施压，但是你不会离开我们。而且你会留下当我的妻子……因为你无法忍受离开我们……而随着时光，随着时光，我的戴拉丝……你会知道的。” 他牵起我的手，很快的吻它。 “别反抗，”他说，“你属于我们，而除了我之外没有别人适合你。” 吉娜薇薇的声音打断了我纷杂的思路。 “噢，你在这里，小姐，我在找你。噢，尚皮耶，你一定要和我跳舞，你答应过的。”他对我微笑，我看到举起的眉毛——就像调皮似的表情。 当我看到他和吉娜薇薇跳过后，我有一种模糊的不安。今生第一次我受到了求婚，我很困惑，我绝不会嫁给尚皮耶，我怎么能当……。 这是不用考虑的，特别是我有一种感觉他在准备好这么做之前就说出口了，也就是他还未真心的向我求婚。那么为什么？是因为我流露了感情？会是中午他站在我摊子时，伯爵泄露了他的心意？ 这天的欢乐都消失了。当舞会结束时，我很高兴。马赛曲奏起，狂欢者回家，我也回到古堡房间，想着过去，并盲目的向未来探索。
第二天我发现很难工作，如果再继续这么失神的话，我怕我会伤害到壁画，所以那个早上我没完成什么心思却很忙。这似乎很不可思议，自从和查尔斯的恋情无疾而终后不曾有过爱人的我，竟吸引了两个恋人，而其中一人已实际向我求婚。不过，是伯爵的企图占据了我的思绪，他昨天站在我摊子旁显得较年轻、快乐，而我相信这是我造成的。这是什么推测？最多这只能被视为他不时会陷入的小爱情绯闻。不，我确定那不是真的。 我在家中吃完早餐后，吉娜薇薇闯进来，她看来至少大了四岁，因为她把长发用发针盘成一个髻高高梳在头顶，这让她看起来高些而且高雅。 “吉娜薇薇，你做了什么？”我大叫。 她突然高声笑着，“你喜欢吗？” “你看来……比较大。” “这就是我要的，我厌烦被当小孩子看。” “谁像这样看你？” “每个人，你，拉诺，爸爸……菲利浦叔叔还有他可恨的克劳蒂……就是每一个人。你还没说喜不喜欢。” “我不认为……合适。” 那让她笑，“嗯，我认为是，小姐，这就是我以后的穿着。我不再是孩子了，我外祖母比我现在大一岁就结婚了。” 我惊异的看着她，她的眼中闪着兴奋，她看来很疯狂，而我觉得很不安。不过我看得出来，和她谈可能是没用的。
我去找拉诺问候她的头疼，她说过去几天它们很少来找麻烦。 “我有些担心吉娜薇薇。”我告诉她，惊讶的表情出现在她眼中。“她挽起头发，不再像过去那样像个孩子。” “她长大了，她母亲是这么不同……那么温柔，甚至在吉娜薇薇出生后还像个孩子。” “她说她外祖母在十六岁时结婚……几乎像是她正计划这么做。” “这是她的行事风格。”拉诺说。 然后我明白我对一个完全正常的举动过于紧张了，太多的十五岁女孩厌倦被视为孩子了，其中多数人把头发梳高，那通常是女孩十七岁生日后做的事。 不过两天后我就没那么确定了，因为拉诺有些烦恼的来告诉我吉娜薇薇下午时独自骑马外出还未回来，这时已经五点了。 我说：“不过当然有一个马夫跟着她，她从未独自骑马。” “她今天就自己去了。” “你看到她？” “是的，从我的窗子，我看出来她正处于某种情绪，所以我看着她。她疾驰过草坪没人跟着她。” “但是她知道她不许……” 我无助的看着拉诺。 “她从克麦斯后就一直处于这种心情，”拉诺叹口气，“我是那么高兴看到她多有兴致，然后……她好像变了。” “噢，我希望她会很快回来，我相信她只是想向我们证明她已经长大了。” 我离开她，我们各自在房间等着吉娜薇薇，我猜拉诺就像我一样正在想着如果这女孩在一小时内未回来，下一步我们该怎么做。 我们放心了，我离开拉诺后一个半小时左右，我从我的窗子看到吉娜薇薇进了古堡。 我到教室去，她要经过那里才能回卧室，我进去时拉诺从她房间出来了。 “她回来了。”我说。 拉诺点头，“我看到她了。” 不久之后吉娜薇薇上来了。 她脸色通红加上闪亮的深色眼睛好像很漂亮，她看到我们正在等她时，她顽皮的笑着，脱下刚硬的骑士帽将它扔在教室桌上。 拉诺打着颤，我说：“我们很忧虑，你知道你不容单独骑马。” “是真的，小姐，那是以前的事，我现在已过了那个时期。” “我不知道这件事。” “你什么都不知道……虽然你自以为知道。” 我深深的泄气，因为站在我们面前反抗我们嘲笑我们的这个女孩和我初来时对我那么粗鲁的女孩没什么不同。我以为我们有些进步，不过我明白这里并无奇迹。她是同样的情绪产物，她虽然偶尔变得有兴趣又令人喜爱，但是当欲望控制她时，她还是像以往一样的疯狂。 “我相信你父亲会非常不高兴。” 她愤怒的转向我，“那么告诉他、告诉他，你和他是这么的友好。” 我生气的说：“你很不可理喻，你独自骑马是不智的。” 她静立不动，神秘的笑着。而我猜想那段时间她是否真是一个人，这个想法让我更紧张。 突然她转身面对我们，“听好，”她说，“你们两个，我做我爱做的，没有人……就是没有人……可以来拦我。” 然后她从桌上捡起帽子，走进房门，门砰一声在背后关上。 那是难过的日子，我不想去巴士泰德家因为我怕遇见尚皮耶，我觉得我一向喜爱的愉快友谊将毁了。伯爵在克麦斯后几天到巴黎去了，吉娜薇薇避着我。我试着将自己更全心投入工作，现在更多的壁画浮现，那有助于我混乱的心。 一天早上我在工作时，突然抬头一看，发现我不是独自一个人。这是克劳蒂令人不喜欢的习惯，她会无声无息的进入房间，而发现她的人被她吓一跳。 那天早上她看来很漂亮，身着蓝色家常服，系着酒红色蝴蝶结，我闻到她使用的淡淡麝香玫瑰香味。 “我希望没吓到你，劳森小姐。”她愉快的说。 "of course not." “我觉得我该告诉你，我为吉娜薇薇愈来愈不安，她变成无法可管，今天早上她对我及我先生很无礼，近来她的态度好像变坏了。” “她是个有情绪的孩子，不过她也能变得迷人。” “我发现她态度奇差又粗鲁，如果她举止如此我很难想出哪个学校会收她。我注意到在克麦斯时她与制酒人间的举止，如果她太固执以她现在的心情也许会出现麻烦，她不能再被称为孩子了，我怕她会形成危险