Chapter 14 14. Maureen and Rex

After seeing the acting doctor, Maureen was even more discouraged.She thought with shame of Queenie Hennessy's visit to their home twenty years earlier, and she wished she had been a little more polite. Now that Harold was away, each day came to an end and another day came, and she watched the hours pass with indifference, not knowing how to fill them.So many ideas and things to say and no one listening.I just thought of cleaning the glass doors of the cupboards and giving them a good wipe, but I couldn't help asking myself why, since no one looked at them anyway.Wanting to change a sheet for the bed in the bedroom, then suddenly realizing what was the point, no one was looking at her anymore.She dropped the laundry basket with a smack, muttering grumblingly that she could do fine without anyone's help, thank you for your trouble.She opened the map on the dining table, but every time she tried to find Harold's route on it, the loneliness came more violently.There is a kind of emptiness spreading in the body, as if she no longer exists in this real world.

If only David had children, she could look after them.It's just her now. Maureen warmed up a can of soup and asked herself what had gone wrong in the past twenty years.Unlike Harold, she had a decent degree. She had taken a secretarial course and taught herself French at the Open University when David was in elementary school.There was a time when gardening was her passion and this little garden on the Kingsbridge Road used to be full of flowers and fruit.She cooks every day and enjoys discovering new flavors. "Today we're having Italian food," she would laugh, kicking open the dining room door to show David and Harold the asparagus risotto, "Buenappetito." Why not travel?To meet different people?Why not enjoy more tenderness in bed while you still can?She has scrubbed, sanitized, bleached, sterilized every moment of the past twenty years.Anything goes, just don't stand still like you are now.Anything but Harold.

Life without love is not life.She pushed the soup aside and buried her face deeply in her palms. It was David who suggested telling Rex the truth about Harold's hiking plans.He told Maureen one morning that he had thought about it for a while and thought it might be good for her to talk about it.She laughed, protesting to him that she barely knew the man.But David pointed out that Rex was their neighbor, and of course she knew him. "That doesn't mean we've talked," she said. "It's been six months since they moved here and his wife died. And I don't need to say anything to anyone. I've got you, darling."

David says it's true of course, but it's also good for her to tell the truth to Rex.She couldn't keep hiding the truth.She was about to tell David how much she missed him when he said she should clear things up with Rex right away. "Will you visit me often?" she asked.David promised she would.Maureen finds Rex in the garden.He was mowing the edge of the lawn with a half-moon weeder.Maureen was standing by the fence that separated the two gardens, and the fence was a little askew because of the terrain.She asked how he was doing in a brisk voice. "Going around. That's the best it can be. How's Harold?" "He's fine." Maureen felt her legs shaking and her fingers lighten.She took a deep breath, as if about to start a new tirade. "Actually, Rex, Harold isn't home. I've been lying, and I'm sorry." She pressed her fingers to her lips, trying not to say another word.She couldn't look directly at Rex.

In the silence she heard the sound of the weed mower being lowered on the grass.She felt Rex approaching her, and when she spoke, there was a burst of mint toothpaste: "Do you think I didn't find anything wrong?" Rex put a hand on her shoulder.After not being in contact with anyone for a long time, Maureen's shoulders loosened, and sadness suddenly trembled and spread throughout her body, tears streaming down her cheeks.She doesn't care about anything. "Why don't you come over and sit down, I'll make a pot of tea," he said. Maureen hadn't been in Rex's house since Elizabeth's funeral.For the past few months, she had imagined that there must be a thick layer of dust and chaos, because men have never been blind to domestic affairs, especially when they are sad.To her surprise, all the furniture here was shiny, and the potted cacti on the window sills were neatly arranged at exactly the same distance, as if they had been measured with a ruler.There were no piles of unopened letters, no muddy footprints on the carpet, and Rex had even bought a strip of plastic wrap to spread in through the front door, which she remembered Elizabeth didn't have when she was alive.Maureen groomed herself in the round mirror and blew her nose.She looked pale and tired, her nose glowing red like a police light.Don't know what his son will say when he hears her break down in front of a neighbor.She had been trying very hard not to cry when she was talking to David just now.

Rex told Maureen from the kitchen to wait in the living room. "Are you sure there's nothing I can do for you?" she asked.But he insisted that she should treat this place as her own home and not be restrained.The living room was as quiet as the corridor, too quiet.Maureen felt her presence was an intrusion.She went to the mantelpiece and gazed at Elizabeth's picture.Elizabeth was a tall woman with a protruding jaw, a husky laugh and a cocktail-party dazed look.Except for David, whom she never told, Elizabeth always gave her a kind of overwhelming pressure.Maureen wasn't even sure she liked herself.

There was a sound of clinking cups, and the door was gently pushed open.Maureen turned to see Rex standing in the doorway with a tray.He poured a cup of tea steadily without spilling a drop, and prepared a small jug of milk. After speaking, Maureen was surprised to find that she had so much to say about Harold's journey.She talked about Queenie's letter, and Harold's sudden decision.She told him about the process of seeing the surrogate doctor, and the humiliation in her heart. "I'm afraid he won't come back," she said at last. "Of course he will come back." When Rex spoke, the initials were soft, simple and neat, which made her feel at ease immediately.Of course Harold would be back.She suddenly felt a burst of relief and the urge to laugh.

Rex handed her a cup.It was a fine piece of china, on a matching saucer.She pictured Harold making coffee, pouring it so full that people couldn't take the first sip without spilling a little and burning their hands.The memory also made her want to laugh. She said: "At first I thought it was a mid-life crisis, but because he is Harold, he is always one step behind others." Rex smiled, a very polite smile, but Maureen felt that at least he broke the embarrassment deadlock.He handed her a plate of butter biscuits and a napkin, and she took one, realizing suddenly that she was starving.

"Are you sure Harold can do it?" he asked. "He's never done anything like this in his life. Last night he spent the night with a young Slovak woman. He doesn't even know her." "Jesus." Rex put his hand to his mouth and caught it. Wafer crumbs, "I hope he's doing well." "I think he's doing well." Both laughed, then fell silent again, and the distance reappeared.They all smiled at each other, and the atmosphere became more polite. "Maybe we should come over too," Rex said, "to see if he's all right. I still have gas in my Land Rover, so I can make some sandwiches and go right away."

"Maybe," Maureen bit her lip, considering.She missed Harold terribly, almost as much as she missed Davy.I would love to see him.But when she thought about her next step, after catching up with him?She struggled again.How would she feel if he didn't want her to come?What if he really planned to leave and never look back?She shook her head. "Actually we don't talk anymore. We don't talk seriously like we used to. I was still talking about white bread and jam the morning he left. Jam! Rex, no wonder He's leaving." She was sad again.She thought of their beds, which were placed in two rooms.Remembering that their conversations were all superficial, without any real meaning. "Our marriage has existed in name only for twenty years." Rex raised the glass to his lips in silence, and Maureen did the same.Then he asked, "Do you like Queenie Hennessy?"

Maureen didn't expect him to ask such a question. She swallowed her tea and flushed a small piece of ginger biscuit into her airway, coughing uncontrollably. "I only saw her once, but it was a long, long time ago." She rubbed her chest as if trying to crush the biscuit. "Queenie disappeared so suddenly, that's all I remember. One day Harold Came back from work and said there was a new accountant in the accounting department. It was a man, I think." "Why did Queenie suddenly disappear?" "I don't know. There were some rumors, but we were in another stage at that time, and he didn't say anything, and I didn't ask anything. Rex, that's who we are. Today Everyone wants to pour out their darkest secrets. I look at the gossip magazines in the waiting room and feel dizzy. But we are not like this. We also used to say everything, including things that should not be said. But Queenie disappeared, I don't want to know the reason." She hesitated for a moment, afraid that she had confessed too much, and didn't know how to proceed. "I heard that she did some things she shouldn't have done in the winery. Their boss is a very difficult person. He will not forget or forgive any mistakes. Maybe it is a good thing that she left." Maureen saw Queenie again Hennessy, she was the same as she was many years ago, standing at the gate of Forth Bridge Road, her eyes were red and swollen, and she handed over a bouquet of flowers.The living room of Rex's house suddenly became cold, and she touched her arms and put them around her chest. "I don't know how you are," he said finally. "I'd love a glass of sherry." Rex drove Maureen to the Beginning Cove Tavern on Slayton Beach.The originally cold alcohol made her mouth burn, and it burned all the way down her throat, relaxing her muscles.Maureen tells Rex that it's an amazing feeling to be back in the bar, since she's barely drank since Harold quit drinking.Both of them said that since they are not in the mood to cook, it is better to order a fast food here with a glass of red wine.After clinking glasses to Harold's journey, Maureen felt a lightness in her stomach that reminded her of falling in love for the first time when she was young. It was not too late, and they had enough food and drink, and walked along the seaside for a while.The two glasses of wine just now made Maureen feel warm in her body, and her steps were a little buoyant.A flock of seagulls flew by on the wind.There were songbirds here, Rex said, and crested ducks: "Elizabeth was never very interested in wild animals. She said they all looked alike." Sometimes Maureen listened to him, sometimes not .Her mind was thinking of Harold, and of their first meeting forty-seven years ago.It was strange, where did she put all the details of that night, and how could she forget it for so long? She noticed Harold immediately.It was impossible not to see him, this man was swaying in the center of the ballroom, his clothes spread out like wings, as if he wanted to jump out all the locked things in his body.She had never seen anyone like it before, and the young men her mother introduced were all dead in black ties.Perhaps feeling her gaze, he suddenly looked at her, his body continued to sway.She didn't move her eyes, as if glued, what attracted her was that raw energy, he was a whole person.He stopped again, looked at her, and finally meandered through the crowd to come to her.He stood so close, she could feel the heat radiating from him. Recalling this scene now, she seems to have seen it happen with her own eyes: he bent slightly, put his lips close to her ears, and stretched out his hand to brush a lock of her hair before speaking.This bold move made her feel a strong current running up her neck, and even thinking about it today, she can still feel that throbbing under her skin.What did he say?Whatever was said was bound to be extremely funny, as both were laughing hysterically and hiccupping embarrassingly.She remembered the way he turned to go to the bar to fetch water, and remembered how she stood there obediently waiting for him.It seemed then that the world was only lighted when Harold was around.Where are those two young men who danced and laughed so freely? Maureen realized that Rex had stopped talking.He looks at her. "What are you thinking?" She smiled and shook her head: "It's nothing." They stand together, looking out at the water.The west-slanting sun drew a red streak toward the horizon.I don't know where Harold is sleeping tonight, and I really want to say goodnight to him.Maureen pondered, turned her head, and looked for the first shining star of the night in the twilight.