Chapter 8 Chapter 7 The Girl in the Summer Dress

Ismay was waiting in the hall of her house.She crossed her legs, one foot wrapping around the calf of the other.She had seen a news presenter sit that way once, and she was impressed.For a woman, it takes thin legs and flexible knees to do it.She wondered if the dress she had chosen for the day was too light.The material is silk, and summer is over. She looks at her phone.It's eleven o'clock in the morning, which means the wedding has begun.Perhaps she should go alone, without him? Because it was already late, she felt that it was meaningless to go alone.If she waited, she could still yell at him when he came back.She wants to have fun in time.

Daniel came in at eleven twenty-six. "I'm sorry," he said, "some of the kids in my class wanted to go for a drink. They come and go, you know how." "Yes," she said.She felt that she didn't want to shout, and silence was better. "I fell in the office and my back hurt like hell." He kissed her on the cheek. "You look amazing," he whispered. "Your legs are still great, Izzy." "Change," she said. "You smell like a liquor store. Did you drive yourself?" "I'm not drunk, I'm just kind of hungover. That's different, Ismay."

"It's amazing that you're still alive," she said. "Probably so," he said as he went upstairs. "Will you take off my shawl when you come down?" she said.But she wasn't sure if he heard it. This wedding, like a wedding should be, like a wedding will always be, thought Ismay. AJ looked scruffy in his blue muslin suit.Can't he rent a tuxedo?This is Alice Island, not the Jersey Shore.Where did Amelia get that ugly renaissance dress again?It was more yellow than white, and she looked a little hippie in it.She always wears old-fashioned clothes, but she doesn't really have the right body type for them.She had big gerberas in her hair, and who was she kidding—for God's sake, she wasn't twenty.When she smiled, all her gums showed.

When did I dislike everything so much?thought Ismay.Their happiness was not her misfortune; unless it was, that would make sense.What if, at any one point in time, there was always the same proportion of good and bad in the world?She should be nicer.Hatred is known to show on one's face once one turns forty.Plus, Amelia is pretty, even if she's not as pretty as Nicole.Look at how big Maya's smile is when she loses another tooth. AJ was so happy too.Look at that lucky guy, he's trying not to cry. Ismay was happy for AJ, whatever that meant, but the wedding itself was hard on her.The wedding made her sister seem to have died more completely, and it also made her want to think of all her frustrations when she didn't want to.She was forty-four years old and married a man who was so handsome that she no longer loved him.In the past twelve years, she has had seven miscarriages.According to her gynecologist, she was already experiencing premenopausal symptoms, so call it a day.

She looked at Maya on the other side of the wedding scene. She was really beautiful and smart.Ismay waved at her, but Maya, buried in a book, didn't seem to notice.The little girl and Ismay had never been particularly close, and everyone thought it was odd.Usually, Maya prefers the company of adults, while Ismay is good with children, and she has been teaching for twenty years.Twenty years, my God.Before she knew it, she had gone from being the bright new teacher (all the boys were staring at her legs) to the old Parrish lady in charge of the school's play rehearsals.They thought it silly for her to care so much about the drama that was going on.Of course, they overestimated her commitment.One mediocre drama after another, how many years can she be expected to persist?Different faces, but none of these little kids are going to be Meryl Streep.

Ismay wrapped her shawl tightly and decided to take a walk.She walked toward the pier, then took off her high heels and walked across the deserted beach.It's the end of September, and it feels like autumn has arrived.She tried to recall the name of a book in which a woman swam far out to sea and drowned. It would be easy, Ismay thought.You go out, swim for a while, swim too far, and if you don’t try to swim back, your lungs will be full of water, and it will be uncomfortable for a while, but then it’s over, there will be no pain anywhere, and your consciousness will go blank.You won't be left with a mess.Maybe one day your body will wash up, maybe not.Daniel wouldn't go to her at all.Maybe he will look for it, but he certainly won't try very hard to find it.

certainly!That book is by Kate Chopin.When she was seventeen, she really loved that novel (novella?). Maya's mother took her own life in the same way.It was not the first time that Ismay had wondered if Marianne Wallace had read it.She had thought of Marianne Wallace many times over the years. Ismay stepped into the water, which was colder than she had expected.I can do it, she thought.Just keep going. Maybe that's what I'm going to do. "Ismay!" Ismay turned involuntarily.It's Lambiase, AJ's nasty cop friend.He holds her shoes. "Is it cold to swim?"

"A little bit," she replied, "I just wanted to clear my head." Lambiase walked to her side, "Of course." Ismay's teeth were chattering, and Lambiase took off his suit jacket and draped it over her shoulders. "It must be hard," Lambiase said, "to see AJ marry someone who isn't your sister." "Yeah. But Amelia looks fine." Ismay began to cry, but the sun was almost down, and she wasn't sure Lambiase would see her cry. "The thing about weddings," he said, "is that they can feel lonely as hell." "right."

"I hope that's not too much, and I know we don't know each other that well. But, well, your husband is an idiot. If I had a beautiful professional wife like you..." "You speak too much." "I'm sorry," Lambiase said, "I was rude." Ismay nodded. "I wouldn't say you were being rude," she said. "You did lend me your coat. Thank you." "Autumn is coming fast on Alice Island," said Lambiase, "we'd better go indoors." Over the bar, Daniel talks loudly to Amelia's maid of honor, while overhead is the Pequod's whale, this time wrapped in appropriate Christmas lights.Yanina is a Hitchcockian blonde with glasses who, like Amelia, has worked her way through publishing.What Daniel didn't know was that Yanina had already taken the task to ensure that the great writer would not lose his sense of proportion.

For the wedding, Janina wore a yellow gingham dress that Amelia had chosen for her and paid for. "I know you'll never wear this again," Amelia said at the time. "It's a hard color to wear," Daniel said, "but you look great. Janine, don't you?" She nodded. "Janina, the bridesmaid. Should I ask what you do?" Daniel said, "or is that just boring party talk?" "I'm an editor," Janine said. "Sexy and smart. What books have you edited?" "A few years ago, a picture book I edited about Harriet Tubman won a Caldecott Honor."

"It's not easy," Daniel said, despite the fact that he was disappointed.He is looking for a new publishing house for himself.The sales of his works are not as good as before, and he thinks that the original publishing house is not doing enough for him.He wanted to abandon them before being abandoned. "That's the jackpot, right?" "There is no first prize, but an honorable mention." "I bet you're a good editor," he said. "On what grounds?" "Well, your book didn't win the first prize, and you didn't make me think it did." Janine looked at her watch. "Janina is looking at her watch," Daniel said. "She's bored with the old writer." Janine smiled. "Delete the second sentence. The reader will know. Show it, don't tell it." "If you say that, I'll have a drink." Daniel motioned to the bartender. "Vodka, Gray Goose Vodka, if you have it. Mix it with Seltzer." He turned to Janina. "And you?" "A glass of rosé." "'Show it, don't tell it' is utter nonsense, Bridesmaid Janina," Daniel taught her, "that line comes from Syd Field's book on screenwriting, but has nothing to do with long-form writing. Long novels It's all to be told, at least the best ones are. A novel doesn't imitate a script." "I read your book when I was in junior high," said Janina. "Oh, don't tell me that. Makes me feel like I'm in my 70s." "My mother likes that book best." Daniel does a mime of being shot in the heart.Ismay patted him lightly on the shoulder. "I'm going home." She whispered in his ear. Daniel followed her out toward the car. "Ismay, wait a minute." Ismay drives because Daniel is too drunk to drive.They live in Cleveland, the most expensive part of Alice Island.Every house has a view to see, the road leading there is an uphill road, twists and turns, there are many blind spots, poor lighting, and there are yellow warning signs on the side of the road to remind people to drive carefully. "You took that corner too sharply, dear," Daniel said. She thought about taking the car off the road and into the ocean, and the thought made her happier than if she had killed herself alone.At that moment, she realized that she didn't want to die, she just wanted Daniel dead, or at least gone.Yes, disappear.She can accept disappearing. "I don't love you anymore." "Ismay, you're messing around. You always do that at weddings." "You're not a nice person," Ismay said. "I'm complicated, maybe I'm bad, but I'm certainly not the worst. There's no reason to end a perfectly normal marriage," Daniel said. "You are a grasshopper and I am an ant. I am tired of being an ant." "It's a very childish analogy. I'm sure you can make a better analogy." Ismay pulled over to the side of the road, his hands shaking. "You're bad, and what's worse, you've made me bad," she said. "I don't know what you're talking about." A car whizzed past them, so close that it almost brushed against the door of the off-road vehicle. "Ismay, it's too dangerous to park here. If you want to quarrel, drive home and quarrel." "Every time I see her with AJ and Amelia, I don't feel comfortable. She should be ours." "what?" "Maya," Ismay said, "if you do the right thing, she's ours. But you, you'll never do anything tricky. I'm still used to you." She stared at Daniel , "I know Marianne Wallace is your girlfriend." "no." "Don't lie! I know she's here to kill herself in your front yard. I know she left Maya to you, but you're either too lazy or too cowardly to recognize her." "If you feel like that, why don't you do something about it?" Daniel asked. "Because that's not my job! I was pregnant at the time, you cheated, and it's not my duty to wipe your ass!" Another car sped by and almost ran into them. "But if you'd be brave enough to tell me about it, I'd adopt her, Daniel. I'd forgive you and take her in. I waited for you to tell me, but you never did. I waited days, days Weeks, and then years." "Ismay, you can believe what you want, but Marianne Wallace is not my girlfriend. She is just a fan of my books and came to the reading." "You think I'm that stupid?" Daniel shook his head. "She's just a girl who came to a recital. I slept with her once. How can I be sure that baby is mine?" Daniel tried to grab Ismay's hand, but she pulled away. "Funny," said Ismay, "I've lost the last ounce of love I have for you." "I still love you," Daniel said.Suddenly, headlights appeared in the rearview mirror. The car hit from behind, knocked the car into the middle of the road, and ended up lying across the road, taking up the road in both directions. "I think I'm fine," Daniel said, "Are you okay?" "My leg," she said, "is probably broken." Saw the headlights again, this time coming from the other side of the road. "Ismay, you have to move." He turned around just in time to see the truck.A reversal, he thought. In the first chapter of Daniel's famous debut novel, the main character is involved in a disastrous car accident.That part was tough for Daniel because he thought that all he knew about the horrific car accident came from the books he'd read and the movies he'd seen.He must have written that description fifty times before finalizing it, and he still feels dissatisfied.It was a series of fragments in the style of modernist poets.Maybe like Apollinaire or Breton, but not good enough at all: The light, bright enough to dilate her pupils. Horn, not loud enough and too late. Metal crumpled like tissue paper. There is no pain in the body, just because the body is gone and it is already in a different place. Yes, after impact, before death, Daniel thought, that's it.That episode wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.