Chapter 9 8. When a woman falls in love with a man

It was infuriating that he never hugged me again.Hey, Willie Roy, don't be sorry if you don't say yes when I want it.I say so.Under my persuasion, the second half of the man lying on the bed with a serious face and younger than me watched TV with a harmless smile, showing a look of unmoved.The genitals under the sheets are never lifted.Still wearing sunglasses at night, holding the remote control to switch TV channels, and dismissively said to me that the woman who sang with Robbie Neville has a really good figure.I lost face completely, like a cowherd determined to seduce a perfect woman, using "I'm going to sleep with you tonight" as a means of seduction.With an expression of "go aside", he lifted his glasses frame, looked at me intently from behind the lens, said "Go to work, I'm not interested in women who don't do things well", and refused coldly.I'm the bum!I bit my thumbnail, and the smell of paint spread into my mouth, making me sick of thinking about a bunch of things I had to do.

The role of a self-restrained urban artist should have nothing to do with a comedy that insists on a man younger than himself to sleep with him.I certainly don't have the elegance I did when I went to a dinner party, or the sex appeal of a seaside vacation.I was wearing a white t-shirt smeared with paint, and my uncombed hair was tied back.The appearance of wearing jeans with bare feet doesn't seem very attractive to attract men, although there is nothing under the T-shirt, he can reach in and touch it at any time.At first I seduced him with a half-joking tone, but gradually, I began to lose confidence in myself.Wide enough, Will Roy, you won't regret it later.I stood up, muttered "good night," and opened the door.Kiri Roy smiled quietly and said "Good night".I slam the door shut.Ever since this man came, I have been in a state of insanity, and my brain has been troubled.I put my hands in my trouser pockets and walked into the studio.The unfinished oil painting was laughing at me. I angrily sat on the chair next to the easel and lit a cigarette.Others call me an artist, longing for the body of the man in the bedroom.This fact dissipated my anger in no time.

To be honest, I was a little troubled when a young man I met on vacation in Miami came to visit me.My agent offered me a mountain of work, and I had no interest in the stupid dudes everywhere on the beach.Wasn't Willie Roy the type?He is a black man himself, there is no need to bask in the sun, but he just walks and chats by the sea.He interrupted my train of thought as I sipped gin and garham with my eyes closed in a waterfront bar.Since I had managed to finish a work and had just sold it for a satisfactory price, I allowed him to hang around me. He was wearing a white linen suit with no underwear, tennis shoes on his bare feet and a Panama hat.Although this kind of dress is chic, I am neither young enough to fall for this kind of person, nor too old to take care of men younger than me.Not bad, meeting such a person at a summer resort.I looked at the side face of the man smoking in front of me with such a calm mood.

He talked about himself bit by bit.The conversation turned out to be less obnoxious than expected, with a southern wit, so I bought him a drink.He smiled silently and stared at me.The eyes with the sunglasses off were very clear, and the diamond earring on one ear shone brightly in the naked sunlight.This kind of man is indeed beautiful, but he is only beautiful on the outside. "Do you want me?" coming!Think of me as a country bumpkin.I formed a social circle with a group of fat rich women in the city.I like country people, but I despise country folks who live in cities. "I have no interest."

After saying this, I once again focused on the things that made me happy.Sunshine for parasols, white sand, fine wine.I'll be wandering around with the pleasure of getting work done. Surprisingly, he laughed happily after hearing my cold answer. "I like you, maybe I will fall in love with you." I choked and stared at him. "Are you here with your lover?" "……No." "Then you still behave so elegantly, it shows that you are very good." I looked at him with wide eyes.He will not speak again in the future, but just looks at Bihai and smokes.After a while he stood up and shook my hand.

"Nice to meet you. Please give me your address." "do what?" "Maybe send you a Christmas card." So I gave him the address -- a little discouraged.He solemnly put the note with my New York apartment address in his wallet, and said goodbye to me.I watched the back of the handsome young man who spent only an hour together.He turned around as if he noticed my gaze. "By the way, my name is Willie Roy Wilson, don't forget." After speaking, he smiled, pretending to be unrepentant, and calmly left the bar; walked to the beach.Before I knew it, it was dusk.His linen suit was dyed orange. ?

Willie Roy left me with only a very dim impression, and I had little feeling for him as a person.So when he suddenly rang the doorbell of my apartment in New York, I thought it was my girlfriend Angela or something, and opened the door.For a moment, I couldn't recognize the man in front of me who was wearing a coat that wasn't enough to withstand the harsh winter of New York, and the collar was turned up, was the handsome man by the sea, so I stood blankly at the door.Seeing how he calmly took off his black glasses and the diamond earring on one ear, I finally remembered the incredible moments that happened during that vacation.

I hurried him in and poured him coffee while my mind was in a state of confusion. "Why did you come to me?" He comfortably added a lot of sugar and cream to the coffee in the room where the heater was fully turned on so that every corner was warm. "I'm here to send a Christmas card, although it's a bit late." I sat on the floor in a daze.It's a pity that I now lack the mood to enjoy this leisurely and warm space with a moment of happiness and isolation.I have a lot of work to do.For a person like me who makes a living with a freelance job that resembles a vagrant, the worst thing to fear is being abandoned by a broker or sponsor.

"Great painting. I didn't know you were a painter." "It's a long way from success. Do you understand? I don't know what you came to me for, but I don't have time to play." "I'm not here to play either. In four or five days, I have to go back to Florida. Please do what you should do. I will stay in another room obediently." "Another room? Are you going to live here? In case my boyfriend comes, how do I explain to him?" "The relationship that will break if you don't see each other for four or five days, it's better to let it break now! You just need to say that you are at work and don't see anyone, and that's it."

I was too scared to speak.But his statement does not seem to be unreasonable.So I told him that I wasn't going to babysit or sleep with him, and that if he interfered with my work I would immediately get rid of him.On this condition, I allowed him to live in my apartment for a few days. Really, what would my friends think if they heard about this?To actually let a strange man who only met once stay here.Still, as he hung his coat in the closet, I figured a sudden intruder might not be all bad.My work is a bit stuck, and I need to change my mood. Besides, he doesn't look like a robber or a murderer, and he looks so good-looking.

He hugged the magazine and disappeared into the bedroom without saying a word when I picked up my brushes and palette.Isn't he very knowledgeable?I finally had a slight liking for him, and then I concentrated on painting. After two or three hours, I took a break, and looking at the table as I uncorked the bottle, I saw a white envelope on the table.He did bring a Christmas card, weird boy.When I opened it, there were common Christmas and New Year greetings printed on it.I saw the handwritten line on the back and couldn't help but curse: "What the hell is this?" because "I love you" was added there. At that moment, there was a knock on the door, and before I could answer, the owner of the card poked his head in. "I took a shower and wonder if I can wear this bathrobe?" He was wearing the blue bathrobe of my longtime lover Mike.I threw the card at his feet. "What the hell do you want? I can't make you love me!" He picked up the card he wrote indifferently and looked at it with satisfaction. "Isn't the handwriting beautiful? I don't know how to write very well, because I am very nervous when writing."? "You didn't write what you loved or not." "Of course I have." After he finished speaking calmly, he picked up the newly opened bottle of wine, poured it into a glass, and watched me while drinking. "Didn't I tell you? I might fall in love with you." I didn't know what to say, so I was very unhappy and kept silent. "Please don't take this matter to heart and continue with your work. I will never quarrel with you." I also forgot that I was about to take a break and pick up my palette.Why is this man's baseless rhetoric so persuasive?I squeeze out the paint. "I like your paintings." "Do you know how to draw?" "I don't know. But this blue reminds me of you in Miami, and the color of the sea." "This is not a landscape. This is an abstract painting. You can't understand it. I am painting people." "Well, is that me?" I stared back at Willie Roy.He opened the front of his bathrobe and smiled with a clear obedience.I felt that something touched my heart, so I hurriedly faced the canvas again.Then, I forgot about him for a while. While painting, I sighed at my lack of confidence in my talents.Confidence and disillusionment are always at war within me.When I finished a piece of work and bathed in people's praise, I gradually developed confidence in myself.However, when holding a paintbrush in solitude, I often feel uneasy.It made me stop writing many times and squat on the ground.However, I couldn't help but ask for help.Who can I turn to for help?When I paint, I think God exists.Usually I don't believe in God, but when anxiety spreads all over my body, I can't help but want to rely on the Lord with absolute authority.Jean-Michel Basquiat, a painter and friend whom I respect, is usually as lively as a "child" on the street, but he said that he also had to welcome this moment.I don't want to be called an artist, and there are often times like this. "Can't you draw?" At some point, Willie Roy was sitting next to me.I didn't even have the energy to force a smile, so I just nodded.And he brushed my hair hanging on my forehead. I didn't expect this to be the prelude to a hug.He brought the glass to my mouth, the wine was so mellow, it slid down my throat gently.However, I grieve like a lost child.What a pity!Willie Roy said with a sigh. "Why can't I go on painting? I love you so much." He continued to comfort me.I suddenly found that those words were what I had been looking forward to.No one has ever comforted me with such gentle words.I've only heard from other people that I'm a talented painter or something.I was intoxicated with praise, and I was too poor to face up to my loneliness. When I came to my senses, I had been gently pushed down, lying under Willy Roy's body.He took off my night clothes and talked sweetly while kissing my whole body.And the content of those words is completely different from the beautiful lies that men often tell when they fall in love with women. He talked incessantly about the cotton fields in his native North Carolina, how his mother hugged him when he was scolded as a child...and so on.Why does he keep talking like this?I asked him with a sigh. Because we don't know each other at all?After he finished speaking, he explained to me how attractive the woman was in that seaside bar, drinking gin at dusk. I was amazed that he did remember the details of the time.He remembers how my silk apron flapped in the wind, how my bright lipstick was stained with gin, how I squeezed my fingers with Lyme and gave away my lust. We cuddled and rolled on the floor, the colors from the palette staining our bodies as we made love without rushing.I gasped for breath, but never cried out.He occasionally pressed my hands, not without violence.He babbles, and I need that too.I gasped and told him how lonely, restless and anxious I was when I was creating.Talking about myself to others like this is something I could never have imagined before.But that's what I do now.Tasting the man's skin, at the same time making a confession that self-esteem would not allow. The floor must have been painted a picture by our bodies.Maybe, maybe even more beautiful than on that canvas.Because Willy Roy has brought me great happiness.My body, caressed by his words, forms a painting.The overturned wine was a deep red, and the fluids from his beautiful flesh were pure white, blending with my sigh to form a bright rose red.I opened my eyes a little and he was smiling with his eyes closed.I wanted to go on talking, but my eyes were dimmed with tender pleasure.You must be able to draw it.I didn't answer because there was only a diamond in my eye. Willie Roy got up, kissed me on the lips, crossed himself to wish me good work, and when I got back to my bedroom I lay there smoking a cigarette. I don't know how to explain what just happened to me, but anyway, he hugged me.Immediately afterwards, the way he loved me came alive vividly in my memory.He knew my body thoroughly, and I couldn't help but blush at the thought.Even Mike can't grasp every part of my body, how can he search it out so naturally?For the first time, I tasted the concrete joy of being loved during sex with a man, and I couldn't help but be stunned.And his words that have amply cured my spiritual ailments.He told me repeatedly that he loved me.And put all words and deeds out of a very natural attitude.I have never met such a garrulous man, and he used the most natural words in his pillow talk.In the process of making love, I learned about his life, hobbies, family and friends.He even knew the name of the high school he graduated from. I probably also said a lot to him.Maybe I just complained about my distress when painting and the passion I wanted to convey to him, so I jumped up. I mean, what satisfaction his flesh gave me.Can he sense my feelings from my sighs?Can you see how selflessly I love his body from the nails on his back? I want to tell him all this.I must be grateful, I can't be wrong.I started hoping to please him.Maybe that's how love begins.Thinking of this, I couldn't help but blush.In the past, painting was the only thing I was happy about. In order not to be disturbed, I only chose considerate and mature men as objects.They let me do my own thing, so I like them.However, as one of the love skills, the method of making men happy, I can neither figure it out by myself, nor can I find a partner to practice. I was helpless and secretly watched the scene in the bedroom.Willie Roy fell asleep hugging the pillow, his expression was so innocent.The paint on my shoulders made me feel pity.I stroked his cheek with the back of my hand, and he opened his eyes a little.looking at me and laughing. "Go to work, I'll wait for you here." For some reason, I left the bedroom feeling like crying.As I started tidying up a messy studio floor, I suddenly told myself, no, I can't love. I will be miserable in the future.I worked.And when I couldn't restrain myself from thinking about him, and sneaked into the bedroom, he asked me, is the work over?I shake my head.He said to me as if he was older than me: "Go to work." I was never rejected by the man I wanted to sleep with, so I had to go back to the studio at a loss, facing the canvas.After a while I went into the bedroom desperate for his flesh and he asked the same question and because I gave the same answer he read the newspaper, flipped through the magazines, turned on the TV, but just wouldn't hug me .As a result, I had to give up the idea of ​​being with him that day and work until dawn in front of the canvas. In the morning, Willie Roy got up at some time and made breakfast, and brought it to me who was as tired as a puppy.Then, the two watched the part I drew and ate breakfast at the same time.Even if it is breakfast, he will also be concerned that I will go to bed soon, so he will prepare a drink for me before going to bed. The morning sun filled my soul with peace, and I didn't care if I could make love to Willy Roy or not.He hated the glare of the sun, so he put on black glasses and put salt on my boiled eggs.I was drowsy drinking wine, and he spread butter on toast for me and tore tomato sauce on top of the potato chips.Then he told me to eat my whole breakfast without saying anything, while he smoked contentedly and played music, which he played Percy Shrecy for his age, and at the same time Isn't life like "when a woman falls in love with a man"?Thinking of this, the hearty drunkenness has spread to the whole body, and I can no longer open my eyes.Noticing my appearance, he took my hand into the bedroom, undressed me, and let me lie down.A sense of being cheated suddenly flashed in the corner of my mind, and I fell asleep at the same time. Once, on the way to work, I threatened Willy Roy that if he didn't make love to me, I wouldn't draw anymore.And he ignored my existence at all and continued to read books on his own, which seriously hurt my self-esteem.I snatched the book he was reading and threw it far away, then unbuttoned his shirt.He looked puzzled, but when I started stroking his bare chest, he pushed my hand away and said: "If this goes on, I can't stand it!" Annoyance was evident in his tone.When it was my turn, my heart fluttered and I stared at him not knowing what to do.I think he wants to hug me too, I know that very well.How did I know about it?When I touched him, I could see the change between his legs. He told me, who was about to cry, to lean over.I slipped beside him and remained motionless.He stroked my hair calmly and said: "If you always just want to make love to me, then it's game over between us." He held my hand and looked at me with a smile: "When your hands are painted, they look better than mine." "I don't understand your flesh at all, I can't bear it. Why did you make love to me at that time." "Because I think love needs a fuse." Reluctantly, I climbed out of bed and went back to the studio.He put the word "love" on his lips too easily, thinking, I clenched my lower lip. A few days passed.One afternoon, Willie Roy and I were lying in bed with nothing to do, when suddenly Mike opened the door.He stared blankly at the two of us half naked, watching TV and drinking lactic acid drinks. I half-lyed looking at him in embarrassment and bewilderment.Unflinchingly, Willie Roy introduced himself to the standing Mike and held out his right hand.Macbeth completely ignored his movements and sat down on the untidy bed. "Can you please tell me what happened?" He was clearly restraining his anger.Since he saw that Willie Roy he thought was much younger than he was, he looked at me calmly with an air of great coolness. "You said you were busy with work and couldn't meet me, but you brought such a young man in?" "We didn't make love. Yes, we did once, that's all." "No!" As I said that, tears welled up in my eyes.Mike stared at me in surprise. "If you want, you might as well lie down together, I promise nothing will happen." Willie Roy's words surprised Mike, and the cigarette between his fingers dropped. "Are you... are you gay?" "Wrong, I'm only interested in women, that's why I told you, nothing will happen." "In that case, why did you only make love to him once? She likes 'that' very much, could it be that you are suddenly incompetent?" "There, I'm gaining momentum." "You are very smart?!" "I also like to have sex, but I prefer not to have sex." Mike Sheen was dazed.He couldn't seem to think of a way to get Willy Roy out of the way.And I don't know what to do.What Willie Roy said was too far removed from what Mike and I were thinking. "I'm sorry, but I've been with her for a long time and know her very well. We both need each other." "Of course I don't want to destroy your relationship. I just love her enough." "Love her?!" Sweat broke out on Mike's forehead.With a mixture of wanting to laugh and feeling uneasy, I silently watched the unstable air floating between these two men.The first to break the air was Willie Roy. "Actually, intercourse and love are two different things. We hug women for fun and we hug women for money. So you don't have to worry about me sleeping with her. It's worth it Pay attention to the situation where you don’t go to bed, but you are all together.” Mike suddenly stood up, opened the door loudly, shouted angrily: "As you like!" and walked out.Willie Roy and I lay stunned for a moment, then suddenly we all laughed.After laughing out loud, he said to me regretfully: "He's angry." "It's okay, we've known each other for more than a day or two." I wiped my tears from laughing and looked at him.He happily kissed me on the cheek.After that, he said: "I really like you. I don't have to worry about finding a woman to sleep with me, but love is not that simple." One day some premonition woke me up.Willie Roy was packing his bags.I jumped up in fright.He had combed his hair and put on his cashmere coat.I sadly tried to keep him. "Are you leaving?" He smiled and sat beside me. "Don't make that look. We'll see each other one day. I was just sending a Christmas card. I didn't expect to live here for so long." Not knowing what to wrap my arms around him or something, I followed him blankly to the door.The idea that it would be a pity to lose him like this, the feeling that I have never met a man so disappointing, and the certainty that I will meet again in the future are three kinds of reactions that circled in my mind. Willie Roy blew a kiss to me with a complicated expression, then stretched out his index finger through the crack of the door, pointed to my face and said: "The next time we meet, I hope to have crazy sex, baby." Immediately afterwards, he left a penetrating smile and closed the door in front of me. Sadly looking forward to sleeping with him again, I went into the studio.There are oil paintings completed without knowing it, which make me smile uncontrollably.