Chapter 7 Chapter VII

I went nearby to buy something for dinner, and as soon as I got home, the phone rang.I hurriedly took off my shoes, walked into the room, and the phone was automatically transferred to the message file. "Ah, you're not home?" It was my father's voice.I looked up at the calendar hanging on the wall, and I knew what my father was up to without thinking about it.I thought a week ago that my father is about to call, so I have been particularly sensitive to the ringing of the phone this week. "Then I'll call back." Just before my father hung up the phone, I grabbed the receiver.

"Hello, it's me. I just got home." "Ah." Dad replied.He asked me about my health, the balance in my bank card, and the weather in Tokyo.The words my father asked were meaningless, and I couldn't hear how interested he was, but I answered them one by one.When all the customary questions were over, the father was silent.I thought it was my turn to speak, but as soon as I opened my mouth, my father took it and asked: "You still can't come back this year?" What my father said didn't mean to force me, it just sounded so lonely, I looked up at the calendar on the wall again.My sister's death day is approaching.

"I'm sorry," I said, "it seems that I can't come back. The professor has a lot of work and needs me to help." Father seemed to want to say something, but he swallowed it back and remained silent.In the silence, I seemed to hear the sound of the waves rising and falling.I really want to go back, my heart aches. "It's our fault." Father finally said. "After Hemei died, my parents only thought about Hemei." "It's not your fault," I said, "she was nine when she died." "Hemei is like being killed by us, no, like being killed by me. It's not that parents don't love you, of course not, but you are a sensible child, so..."

I don't want to listen to him anymore. "Don't talk about it. You all care about me very much. Didn't you all attend the sports festivals and cultural festivals held by the school as parents? I don't think you did anything wrong at all." That's not what my father wanted to say, and I knew that.At home, when my mother looked at me, she always looked for the shadow of my younger sister in my eyes. When my father looked at me, he often showed a dumbfounded expression, for which they always felt sorry for me.But it was the mood of the two of them that made me unable to stay at home.

I sometimes think, how much fun would it be to just say all the words?I killed my sister, I killed my sister so that I could survive.But I know I can't say.At that time, I chose to go to Tokyo to go to university, maybe it was to leave my parents far away.By leaving them alone, you reduce the danger of suddenly falling into the urge to speak the truth one day.As long as I don't say it, I won't lose them, and they will always love me as a poor young lady.I know never to say.So I can never shake off that heavy load. "I said," my father's tone suddenly became lighter, "do you have a boyfriend?"

"Yes, of course." I said with a smile, "Who do you think I am?" "I really want to meet him." "Are you joking?" "Facing the boyfriend that my daughter brought home, putting on a serious face and constantly lecturing, for a father, that is really a longing moment." "I will never bring him home." I laughed, and my father laughed too. "That's it. Come back when you're free, anytime. Is there enough money?" "enough." "Really. Be careful not to catch a cold, eat more food." "understood."

"Okay, good night." "Good night." Father hung up the phone.The familiar signal tone kept coming out of the microphone, as if blaming me or laughing at me. "Sorry." I said to the signal tone in the microphone. "sorry Sorry sorry." I knelt on the ground, propping my forehead with the microphone.Their misfortunes are all caused by me. I simply ate some supper, read a book for a while, then took a shower and got under the covers by 12 o'clock.I closed my eyes, but sleepiness never came to visit me.As usual, with my eyes closed, I lay motionless in bed for hours, waiting to drift into a light sleep as dawn approached.It's like this every night.My hands and feet were cold, and it spread from my hands and feet until my whole body was soaked in the cold feeling, and I could only fall asleep for a short while.And it was only in this cold sleep that I finally enjoyed that deep peace.