Chapter 23 Chapter 23 Soon you will enjoy the joy of marriage, the premise is that I have to divorce you first

It's always easier to get started. We all know how to fall in love because our bodies naturally tell us how to respond.There are many pop songs, ballads, love poems, literary films and romance novels in the world extolling the beauty of love. However, it becomes difficult to reach the end. What happens when love no longer releases its magic?The time when two people were in love with each other has vanished, and there is only looking at each other, hating each other and saying bad words, how should we deal with ourselves at this time? "What if you crave passion, sex, friendship, and children, and you want to share everything with the same partner? Can miracles happen?" I asked the woman in the mirror whose bathrobe was stained by food, only to find That person is me!

When I think that my life has deviated too far from the originally arranged script, I will inevitably be shocked.Many things can make people sad, such as breaking up with a lover, a child's wings are stiff, or someone's balcony is added, but for me, the most worrying thing is waking up alone, watching Double bed, picture of Bianca's bikini thong stuck in my husband's teeth, then find myself surrounded by empty wine bottles and chocolate boxes, with "I'm Going To Live" on the TV.You may want to say, I watched the entertainers and celebrities on reality shows, desperately trying to survive in a place where chickens don’t lay eggs and birds don’t shit, and I can more or less comfort myself. There are people in this world who are more miserable than me. people.But life without Roy and two of the most maggie buddies, I was almost in the jungle, listening to the howling of the beast, watching the beast wandering around the embers of the campfire, staring at the tiger.

Now, my friendship with Hannah and Jess has been severed. We have opened up our hearts and talked a lot. Everything is so natural and unreserved.Every clip of a relaxed conversation about bootcut jeans and waxing made my heart ache.Sister Tao is a secret garden that can go deep into each other's hearts and share joys, sorrows, joys and dreams. One night, because I couldn't stand the empty upright hangers next to Roy's closet, I moved a bunch of my own things to fill his space, and came across a card that Jess had written me when we were in college of education. . Good friends, you and I...

You bring another friend and we become a threesome. We formed a small group by ourselves, with our small circle of friendship. Like a circle, a circle with no beginning and no end. Normally, I would have been sick enough to call the police, but this night, I found myself in tears. The next day, in the dentist's waiting room, I picked up a magazine and read an article about health.It said that the friendship between women can not only fill the gap in marriage life, but also effectively reduce the risk of hypotension, slow heart rate and low cholesterol. The counter staff was calling me, but I ignored it and continued to read.The article also said that not having close friends is harmful to women's health, just like smoking.

Well said!Since there is not much time left to live, why should I come to fill and clean my teeth?I stood up and left without even seeing the doctor. This is the first time, and even work can't save me, although I am still willing to cheer up my students.Luckily for me, London is suffering from the flu, and I'm mopping the floor after the kids are throwing up. I'm so busy! One afternoon, when I was putting on my coat and preparing to go home, I heard Shi Hao call for a temporary faculty meeting to announce that Padida had been promoted to vice principal, and I felt the corners of my mouth twitching.

I also wish I was actually smiling, but it's more like a creepy grin.Frankly, the smile resembled the feeling of an unknown multi-legged tropical insect crawling under my chin. When Padida heard the news of her promotion, she was so surprised and delighted that she almost forgot her acceptance speech. "Thank you for giving me this wonderful moment, Principal Shi Hao. I am looking forward to working with such an amiable and respectable principal as the new vice principal...don't feel uncomfortable!" Padida was elated Walking past me, her sweet voice almost caused my blood sugar to rise and I fell into a coma.

While the rest of the staff were envious of Padida's success in her promotion, I just wanted to slam her into a bathtub full of South American piranhas. I was called into Shi Hao's office again, as if I was a surly and rebellious troubled girl.He said that the board of directors has already seen the case where I received three warnings, and now my fate is in his hands, and now I have completely torn face with his vice principal. It is obviously the best way for the school to treat dismissal due to demerit as an opportunity to take a break. I looked at him blankly, he just had something to say, and suggested that I take the opportunity to leave.In fact, I think the same as him, but where should I go?At this time, emigrating to Mars should be pretty good.

Just when Shi Hao said that I was not, I looked out the window at the congested road in the drizzle, and I was fed up with the harsh accusations and the orange plastic carpet in the school.The dejected orchid in the principal's office is covered with dust and dying - I can understand its mood very well. Looking out of the rain-drenched window, the day was about to fade away, and I felt as if I was being squeezed out of shape under heavy pressure—like the hatch of a submarine, which must resist strong water pressure to close.Maybe I should teach in the philosophy department. As an elementary school teacher, I already miss my job!

"What are grades? What is life, I should say? Is it damn worth living?" I couldn't stand it any longer, and a sudden, unbearable cry poured out.I stood up, rushed out of the office without thinking about the image, walked through the corridor, out of the school gate, and walked into the breathless world. The most invincible and refreshing feeling in the universe must be meeting the woman who abducted your husband by chance in the bikini changing room.You're fully dressed, and she's not only naked and unshaven, but she's gained eight pounds.But save it!Such a good thing will never, ever happen.

I raced desperately toward Canton Township.Who should I turn to let me vent my curse?Roy and Bianca, of course.It would be an understatement to say that the current me is called "not showing my best side".I couldn't breathe, my nose was running, and my eyes were so swollen from crying that only a thin slit could be seen. I stood there, the rain was dripping all the time, but the two of them shared a small umbrella of love, enjoying the peaceful and gentle world of the two of them like no one else.I was about to smile and say "Hello," but that would just hurt my facial nerves.

"Oh...I've always wanted to call you..." Roy stammered, with a hint of sadness from the heart in his tone. "Oh, it's not bad. I'm very busy, Asda supermarket sale, changing the dishwasher filter, very busy!" I wanted to cling to Roy like Robinson clung to the lifeboat. Roy's eyes lit up, and he swallowed hard several times.His throat constricts and constricts, making me think he's resisting some kind of emotion that he doesn't want to be seen by others. Bianca gave me a sneer, "Cessandra, I bet only Romanian bums would love that coat of yours. But, frankly, on a second look, I don't think even Romanian Even tramps don't even bother to wear them!" She giggled, thinking she was being funny. of course!Bianca wore a cashmere wool coat, which looked very elegant and tall, "Yo, your coat looks beautiful." I said and thought: I don't know if Roy bought it for her of? "Oh, but you also know that beauty is a burden, especially when you want people to take you seriously. I've been meaning to say that if I had a crooked nose, or more scars, or something, there might be more People noticed my brilliant side." "Really? That's good! Do you want me to disfigure you now?" I'm very happy. Roy couldn't help laughing.And Bianca looked frightened, and she was a little frightened by me. But she immediately sighed proudly, "You will only make the facts more and more obvious. Now you know why your husband is leaving you? Roy, let's go." A change of mood flashed across Roy's face, like a change in the weather.He hesitated, but the leash around his neck was pulled. "Kathy, I'm taking the kids to a movie tonight and they're going to have a sleepover. You remember that?" Seriously, I had long since forgotten.With no job, friends, and husband, my mother was so angry that she set fire to my dad's studio, and now I can't even have my children by my side. Bundle. "Yeah! I have to go too," I said. "I'm really busy. I have to go home and clean the empty ketchup bottles." Stepping on high heels, I walked in the opposite direction chicly, I bent slightly, lowered my head to face the rain, and the headlights whistling by beside me shone on me, I must look like a big black question mark, And the question I'm asking with this big question mark is - what the hell is going on with my life? I kept walking and walking, and the empty bags of snacks floating in the ditch on the side of the road flowed backward.It was five o'clock in the afternoon, it was getting dark, and I was supposed to go back to school to get my books, but I just kept walking aimlessly, and I didn't care if I got lost.What I need is a map of the mind and a compass to guide the direction of life. London's architectural style is full of nostalgic grandeur, reminiscent of the fur coats that old ladies have kept since their thirties.I turned and walked past the row of houses on Rose Hill into Regent's Park, where the trees were swaying in the wind.I walked toward Euston, a street full of dilapidated skyscrapers as if they had been hit by a blitzkrieg. I still keep walking and walking. London in winter is no different from a gray parking lot. The black and white tones just reflect my state of mind.The smell after the rain is cool and the air is bitter. When approaching the city center, high-rise buildings piercing the sky like needle barrels.The lighthouse at Canary Quays is like a toilet flush button, just press it, and all the stench and history of chaos and corruption that belong to London will be washed away without a trace. The traffic on the road was noisy, but the river between Blackfriars Bridge and the Tower of London was dark and desolate.I stood by the Thames and watched the wind blow over the crest of the waves in a laughing arc. I don't know how long I stood on the embankment, but I only heard the heavy chime of the Dapeng bell chiming the hour.The tide was changing, with ripples of gray and white, turning to a dull tweed tone.The atmosphere surrounding me is like being surrounded by a coffin, and it feels like the lid of the coffin is about to approach me and close it. Many long-standing unpleasant facts suddenly surfaced one by one. It was my fault that I pushed the marriage to a dead end!It was my fault!From the magnifying glass of marriage counseling, every injury, every ridicule, every dilemma, every emotional touch and outburst is all examined clearly, and even the problems are all over-magnified.it's all my fault!it's all my fault!Yes, I've always been unhappy, but I've never been this unhappy! It doesn't matter anymore!I climbed the quay railing of the walkway east of the Thames and stood teetering above the rushing water.I've been overwhelmed by the desire to be reborn -- to drop my clothes on the floor, fake suicide, and reappear as a restaurant heiress, or a gorgeous redheaded sex therapist. You can make up the driving test if you haven't passed it, so why not let the failed life start over again?For a moment, I really wanted to kill myself, just like a certain character in a soap opera is becoming more and more stereotyped, but there is an unexpected reaction. I'm amazed that I even thought of it, there's no family history of insanity in my family—except that my dad quit his job as a musician to become an accountant. But what suddenly made me change my mind was the impulse of "it's better to settle it once and for all". It was too late to say it, and I lost my balance and swayed violently.Time seemed to stand still, and between the time I was about to stumble and realize that I was going to fall into the water and die, unexpected thoughts came flooding in, and the most important of them was that I didn't want to get stuck in the deep water again, and I didn't want to fall into the terrible situation again. Reincarnation in the low tide of life, unable to extricate itself. I didn't expect that the feeling of "letting go" after enlightenment was so comfortable. This is the first time in the past few months that I no longer feel that I am living in a crisis.It was my love for my children that held me tight, and negative emotions could no longer drag me overboard. But, of course, the damned river might push me into the sea! A scream was released from my throat. I resisted the cold with such a strong force, but after all, I couldn't resist the wind and rain.I slapped like hell, waiting for the surging river to push me up from the bottom; I fumbled around, only to end up with a puddle of icy... unknown goo.In the dark, I didn't notice how far the tide had receded, I just knew that I fell into the disgusting mud, and I laughed hoarsely. Once I start I can't stop.The laughter and the relentless river waves were far behind me, and the seagulls flying overhead, gossiping leisurely, pulled me back to reality. The end of a relationship doesn't necessarily mean failure. The real failure is a marriage that has broken down and dragged on in boredom and pain.Like two astronauts stuffed into a space capsule, the two without love are flying together in the vast space, and each other suffers from lack of oxygen. That's what it is, sitting on the mudflats by the Thames on a bitterly cold December night with a bruised and sore buttocks, I finally figured out that I don't need a husband! Seriously, I've always been the one to support this family, and like most wives, I'm a married single mom.The kids have really freaked out and become much more obedient since we separated.Their love for me has made them a lot better, and they know how to think about some things.As for the days without Roy... Uh... In fact, it feels like taking care of one child less! When looking at an entire painting, occasionally you have to step outside the frame. I climbed the railing and returned to the road, my hands were numb from the cold, my lips were numb, and my coat was covered in icy sand.I hailed a taxi to go home. I have always been a good person, the kind of person who will think twice before putting on a bad face. Obviously, the purpose of my existence is to play the role of admonishing others.I can't blame Jess, she pointed out the unequal footing of my marriage, which is also true.I am angry that I have been swallowing my anger to get to the point where I am self-destructive today.My friends, my family, my colleagues at school, my husband... They all treat me like a servant, I just peel grapes for them and fan them with a lotus leaf fan. I've had enough of my old life, I'm born again, and as soon as I get home, I'm going to completely change my life.I'll take Jess, Hannah, and Roy off my friends and family list and show them the proof! Then I will get a dog.At least, in this regard, Roy is right, dogs are loyal animals, and they are always happy to see you wagging their tails, and they are unlikely to be stolen by other women. Excited by my newfound hope, I couldn't believe I'd been standing on the precipice of nowhere before.This principle of survival from a desperate situation is like being knocked down by a big wave, sometimes you have to sink to the bottom before you know where to go.

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