Chapter 105 Section VIII

"Nice stitches," said the red-haired doctor with bowed shoulders. "I'm relieved to hear that," Decker said.This doctor was one of his former clients, with whom he had occasional contacts. "Thank you for agreeing to see us without an appointment." The doctor shrugged. "I had two appointments this afternoon and they didn't show up." He went on to examine the wound on Beth's thigh. "I don't like the red skin around the stitches. What's the cause of the injury?" "The car was in an accident." Beth was about to answer when Decker rushed.

"You were with her? Did that hurt your face too?" "This holiday ended badly enough." "At least you won't need a few stitches." The doctor turned his attention to Beth again. "Redness means the wound is infected. Have you had an anti-tetanus shot?" "I wasn't lucid enough to remember." "The doctor must have forgotten," Decker said angrily. "Then it's still necessary." The doctor gave Beth an injection and bandaged the wound. "I'll write a prescription for some antibiotics. Would you like some painkillers?"

"yes." "Here, this should be useful." The doctor finished writing and handed her two pieces of paper. "You can shower, but I don't want you soaking the wound in the bathtub. If the muscle tissue gets too soft, the stitches can come out. Call me in three days and I want to make sure the infection hasn't grown." "Thank you." Beth slowly moved down from the examination table, pulled up her slacks, and buttoned them up.To avoid suspicion, they did not mention the wound that had left Beth in the fleshy shoulder from the bullet Friday night.There was no redness around that cut, but if an infection had started there, the antibiotics she had used to treat the wound on her thigh would do the trick.

"I'd be glad to be of help. Steve, I'm on the market for some more rental properties, do you have anything on hand that would interest me? I'm free Friday afternoon." "I might not be available. I'll get back to you." Decker opened the door to the exam room and let Beth walk out in front of him on crutches, toward Esperanza, who was waiting in the foyer."I'll be right out," Decker told them, then closed the door and turned to the doctor. "Uh, Jeff?" "What's the matter? Do you want me to examine the wound on your face?"

"That's not what I was thinking of." "So--" "I'm afraid this sounds a little too dramatic, but I wondered if you could keep our visit to you a secret." "why would--" "It's tricky, actually, embarrassing. My friend is going through a divorce, and if her husband knew she'd been seeing me, it would be troublesome. Someone might call or come here and say yes Her husband or private eye or something wants to know about your treatment of her. I'd hate for him to find out she's been here with me." "My practice is not in the habit of providing that kind of information," Jeff said gruffly.

"I don't think so, but my friend's husband is very persuasive." Decker picked up the bag with the money. "He certainly won't get any information from me." "Thanks, Jeff. I appreciate you for that," he said as he left the exam room, feeling the doctor's disapproval of the situation he professed to be in.He stopped in front of the reception desk. "I pay cash." "Patient's name?" "Brenda Scott." It was highly unlikely that Renata would check every doctor in Santa Fe to see if Beth was going to get the treatment she might need, but it had always been Decker's specialty to go into detail.He deliberately didn't take Beth to see his personal doctor, or the emergency ward at St. Vincent's Hospital, or the offices of Lovelace's Epidemic Prevention Agency.Those places were so conspicuous that Renata could easily find someone to keep an eye on, to see if Beth came back, and she would know if Decker was back in town.Decker's precautions may have been too much, but now old habits took hold of him again.

The prefab and the yucca-covered gravel floor in front of the house looked odd, unlike what Decker had seen a few days earlier.No, Decker told himself, a few nights ago.You saw it in the middle of the night, and of course it looked different.He parked his rented Buick on the side of the road and glanced at the narrow garden that surrounded the front wall, where dwarf marigolds grew. "Do you think it's safe for you to show up here?" Esperanza asked. "Renata or one of her friends may be watching where I live." "That's impossible," Decker said. "Renata didn't see you that night."

Esperanza was also staring at the prefab, as if there was something odd about it that wasn't the same as before.What makes him nervous?Decker wondered.Did he really think Renata was in the area?Either because of— Decker remembered the fight Esperanza had mentioned between him and his wife.Maybe Esperanza didn't feel comfortable going back to her. "You've risked all kinds of things with me, and I owe you a lot." Decker held out his hand. "Yes." Beth got up and leaned forward. "You saved my life and I will never be able to repay you. Saying 'thank you' is never enough to express my gratitude."

Esperanza was still staring at the trailer. "I should have said 'thank you'." Decker frowned. "I don't understand you." "You asked me why I wanted to go with you." Esperanza turned and looked him straight. "I told you back then that I needed to get away from my wife for a while. I told you I was someone who was obsessed with helping people out of their troubles." "I remember," Decker said. "I also told you that I've never met anyone like you before, and hanging around with you is an education." "I remember that too."

"People's ways of doing things will gradually become static." Esperanza hesitated. "I've felt like a dead person inside for a long time." Decker was stunned. "Hanging out with those hooligans, I knew there must be something more rewarding than running around aimlessly, but I couldn't think of what. Then that cop I told you about changed the way I saw things way. I became a policeman, like him, so I could change and do something good.” Esperanza’s voice choked with excitement. "But sometimes, no matter how much good you do, all the nasty stuff you see in the world can overwhelm you, especially the unnecessary pain that people inflict on each other."

"I still don't—" "I don't think I'll ever get excited about anything again. But I've been trying to keep up with you these past few days...well, something's going on...I feel energized. Oh, what we did made me Scared out of my wits. Some were downright irrational and suicidal. But at the time—” "Seems like the right thing to do." "That's right." Esperanza smiled. "Seems like the right thing to do. Maybe I'm like you. Maybe I'm recovering." He stared at the trailer again, serious. "I think it's about time." He opened the passenger door, his cowboy boots on the gravel. Watching the tall, lanky detective with long hair gloomily make his way up the three steps to the trailer home, Decker suddenly realized part of why the trailer looked different.There was a motorcycle and a pickup truck in the driveway that night.Now only the motorcycles are still there. After Esperanza disappeared through the door, Decker turned to Beth. "It's going to be a rough night. We've got to put you in a hotel somewhere outside the city." Beth sat up alertly, albeit uncomfortable. "No, I will not separate from you." "why?" Beth didn't answer, she was very uncomfortable. "You mean you don't feel safe without me?" Decker shook his head. "You probably thought so when you lived next door to me, but you have to give it up. Now, it would be wiser for you to stay as far away from me as possible." "That's not what I thought," said Beth. "Then what are you thinking?" "You wouldn't be involved in this if it weren't for me. I wouldn't leave you alone trying to get out of it." "There's going to be a shootout." "I know how to shoot a gun." "You said so." Decker remembered that Beth had killed her husband and taken everything in his wall safe.He glanced at the $1 million bag next to him.Is this money what she wants?Is this her motivation for staying by her side? "Why are you mad at me?" Beth asked. Decker was unprepared for the question. "Angry? What makes you think I—" "If you were even a little cold to me, I'd be frostbitten." Decker looked from Esperanza's trailer home to his hands to Beth. "You shouldn't have lied to me." "Lying to you about my protection under the Witness Protection Act? I was ordered never to tell you." "McKittrick's order?" "Look, after I was shot, after I got out of the hospital, when you and I were talking in my yard, I tried to tell you as much as I could. I beg you to get out of here with me and hide, but You insisted that I go alone." "I think that's the safest thing for you, in case another group of killers come after me," Decker said, "If I knew you were protected under the Witness Protection Act, I would handle it in a different way." It's over." "Another way? How to deal with it?" "I'll go with you," Decker said, "to help protect you. Then I'll run into McKittrick, and I'll realize what happened, and I can bring you and I'm spared this nightmare we've been through." "Then it's still my fault? Is that what you mean?" "I don't think I said the word 'wrong', I—" "What about the lies you told me about what you did before you came to Santa Fe, how did you get those gunshot scars? It seems to me that we both told a lot of lies." "I can't just go around and tell anybody I worked in the CIA." "I'm not just anybody," said Beth, "don't you trust me?" "this……" "Don't you love me enough to trust me?" "It's a carryover from the past. I've always been loath to trust people. Trust can kill you. But your argument applies to both of us. Clearly you don't love me enough to trust me enough to put your Told me all the past." Beth sounded frustrated. "Maybe you're right, maybe I really don't love enough." She leaned back wearily. "What was I expecting then? We've been seeing each other for two months. During that time, we were lovers for only eight days—" She shuddered. "People's lives don't change in 8 days." "It can change. My life changed in minutes when I decided to move to Santa Fe." "But your life hasn't changed." "what are you talking about?" "You said it yourself, you're back where you started, the same you again." Tears rolled down Beth's cheeks. "It's because of me." Decker couldn't help himself.He wanted to lean over from his seat and take Beth's hand, wanted to lean forward and hug her. But before he could help raising his hand, she spoke again: "If you want to end our relationship, just tell me." "End?" Now that the question was finally asked, Decker wasn't ready. "I don't know... I'm not—" "Because I can't stand you saying I took advantage of you. I lied to you about my background because I was ordered to keep absolute secrecy. I wanted to tell you even then, but I worried about you When you know the truth, you will leave me." "I will never leave." "That depends on the future. But there are only so many explanations you can get from me. Take my explanation or forget it. One thing's for sure—I don't want to be in some hotel room and let the You faced Renata alone. You risked your life for me. If I had to prove myself in the same way, that's what I would do." Decker felt overwhelmed. "What the hell?" Beth asked. "Will you forgive me for lying to you? I'm ready to forgive you. Do you want to start over?" "If possible." Emotion tormented Decker. "Anything is possible if you just try to do it." "As long as we both try to do it." Decker's voice changed. "yes." Esperanza's front door opened, and Decker's attention was immediately drawn to it.Esperanza came out.The tall, lanky officer put on clean jeans, a denim shirt, and a Stetson.A semi-automatic pistol slung over his right hip.But something in his expression suggested that more than his appearance had changed since he entered the house. Esperanza, his boots crunching on the gravel, walked up to the Buick. "Are you okay?" Decker asked. "Your eyes look—" "She's not here." "Your wife? You mean she went to work or—" "gone." "what?" "She's gone. The prefab is empty. Furniture, pots, dishes, her clothes, all gone, and the cactus I had on the kitchen counter. She took everything but mine Jeans and a few shirts." "My God," Decker said. "I got out a little late because I had to call everywhere to see where she was. She lives with her sister in Albuquerque." "I'm really upset." Esperanza didn't seem to hear him. "She doesn't want to see me, she doesn't want to talk to me." "Just because you didn't want to give up your job as a police officer?" "She always said I was married to my job. Sure, we were in some trouble, but she didn't have to leave and we could work our way out of trouble." Esperanza seemed just now fully aware of Decker and Beth.He looked in the backseat and noticed the strained expression on Beth's face. "Looks like I'm not the only one trying to figure things out." "We're playing a game," said Beth, "Quiz." "Oh, that's the name of a nice town in New Mexico. All right," Esperanza got into the car, "let's do it." "What...?" Decker asked in bewilderment. "Go and end the fight between us and Renata." "But it's not your fight anymore, stay here and try to work things out between you and your wife." "I never walk away from my friends." friend?Decker felt a pang of grief as he thought of the price Hal and Ben had paid to be his friends.He talked Esperanza out again. "No. Where you work? Where everyone knows you? You're crazy. If something happens, we can't cover it up like we do in New York and New Jersey. There will be rumors, at least, you will out of work." "Maybe that's what I want in the end. Come on, Decker, drive. Renata's waiting."