Chapter 101 fourth quarter

As the jet leveled off at 32,000 feet, Decker was surprised how difficult it was for him to make small talk with Beth.This is the first time they have been together.He'd love to talk to her about the substantive issues, but he can't because he doesn't want to risk being overheard by the passengers around them.Their conversation sounded hollow compared to those questions.He breathed a sigh of relief when the stewardess brought the breakfast.Breakfast was an omelet with cheese and mushrooms, which he devoured.This was because he was so hungry that his appetite had returned, but also because he wanted to use eating as an excuse to avoid continuing the conversation.After dinner, he didn't ask for coffee.He said he was tired and apologized to Beth.

"Don't think you have to please me," said Beth. "You need rest. Go to sleep. Actually, I think I'll sleep too." She reclined the seat a little with him and rested her head on his shoulder. Decker folded his arms and closed his eyes.But he didn't fall asleep quickly.His feelings still haunt him.The prolonged tense torment he endured left him restless.His body was terribly tired, but his nerves were tense, like the symptoms of a large dose of adrenaline dependence after stopping the drug.The feeling reminded him of what he felt after completing his mission in the Army and the Intelligence Service.Action can be addictive.In his youth, he craved action.The euphoria of surviving a mission makes everyday life seem unacceptable, making one eager to get back into action, to conquer fear so that one can once again enjoy the extraordinarily euphoric feeling of surviving.Eventually, he recognized the self-destructive effects of this dependence.After he settled in Santa Fe, he came to believe that peace was all he needed.

Therefore, he was surprised that he couldn't wait to fight Renata.It must be admitted that, on the one hand, it was pointless to wait so long and nervously for her to come and attack him.If he can control the situation where Renata is chasing him, he can go after her in the same way.The sooner he confronts her head-on, the better.But on the other hand, his eagerness unsettled him, made him worry that he was becoming the same person again.