Chapter 32 Section five

Decker pulled his Jeep Cherokee into the garage behind his house and parked it.He jumped out of the car and was about to reach for the light so he could see the rear door locked, then changed his mind and leaned against the metal fence, looking up at the stars.The streets in this part of the city are unlit, and most people in the neighborhood go to bed early.With little distraction from the surrounding lights, he could gaze across the dwarf pine forest at the incomparably brilliant Milky Way.The first half of the full moon began to rise, and the air was fresh and cool.What a beautiful night, he thought.

The coyotes were howling in the hills, and it reminded him that he had mentioned them to Beth earlier, and he wished she was beside him now, listening to them howling with him.He could still feel her touch in his hand.They did not discuss the spoiler any further at that meal afterwards.During the short walk he walked her back to the Anasazi Hotel, Beth put on an air of amusement.At the hotel's entrance, they shake hands and say goodbye. At this moment, Decker was looking at the starry sky, and imagining what it would be like if he drove her back by himself.He imagined driving her back from the restaurant, passing the dark galleries of Grand Canyon Road and the garden houses on both sides of Sun Mountain Road, and finally turning on Lindo Road to the house next door to him.

He felt a hollowness in his chest.You must be in, he said to himself. Yeah, I haven't been in love for a long time.He searched his memory and realized to his surprise that the last time he fell in love was when he was less than 20 years old before joining the army.As he often told himself, neither the operations of the Special Forces nor his later career as a secret service allowed him to take a serious romantic interest.He's dated a few women since he's in Santa Fe, but he's by no means serious, just having a good night together now and then.He had sex with one of them, but their relationship didn't last.Although he liked that lady very much, he knew very well that he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with her.Apparently, both of them felt that way.The lady was an agent for another company, and she was befriending another guy right now.

But Decker's present emotion was so different from his feeling for the lady that it made him restless.He thought of the ancient philosophers he had read, in which love was a morbid expression, a disorder of mind and emotion.That must be the case, he thought.But how did this happen so quickly?I always thought that love at first sight is a fantasy.He recalled reading that both animals and humans released subtle chemical courtship signals called pheromones.This kind of thing cannot be smelled, and it is biological functions, not consciousness, that can perceive it.The pheromones released by the right person can drive another person into a frenzy.This is the right person, Decker thought, absolutely beautiful and sure to have my pheromones.

He asked himself, so what are you going to do?The problem is clearly there.She was recently widowed, and if you showed your love to her now, she would see you as a danger, would resent you as an attempt to make her cheat on her dead husband.That way, even if she lives next door to you, there's nothing to look forward to, and she'll treat you as if you lived in another state.He said to himself, don't act too hastily, you must be her friend sincerely, so as not to make a big mistake.