Chapter 10 Chapter nine

Margaret had a sleepless night.The next day, she simply couldn't paint as calmly as usual.She tried to analyze everything that happened yesterday to herself with normal thinking.The telegram Susie had received must have been a plot by Haddow, so his sudden onset in the street was only a ploy to gain access to the studio.In the studio he used her sympathy to hypnotize her, so that what she saw was nothing but the creation of his obscene imagination.And yet, despite her constant telling herself that he was just shamelessly exploiting her sympathy, despicablely deceiving her, she couldn't hate him.Her fear and desperation consumed her contempt and loathing for him.He always appeared in her mind, lingering.What he said and what she saw that day was like a growing force, drawing her inexplicably.It was as if a weed had been planted in her heart, and the poisonous vine spread into every artery of her body, entangled every corner of her body, whether it was work or daily conversation, whether it was practice or art. She couldn't get rid of the figure that lingered in her mind.Oliver Hadow's huge and flamboyant figure stood in front of her, shutting her off from the whole world.She was more afraid of him than ever, but strangely, her body didn't repel him as instinctively as before.She kept telling herself that she never wanted to see him again, but at the same time it was hard to resist that overwhelming desire for him.She lost her will like a robot.She struggled hard, like a bird trapped in a cage, fluttering its wings in vain, but she faintly felt that deep down in her heart she did not want to resist this desire.The reason why he wrote down the address for her was because he expected she would need it.She didn't know why she wanted to go to him, she didn't want to say anything to him, she just knew she should go.Now she suddenly understood the torment suffered by the queen in Racine's "Phaedel" she just watched a few days ago. She struggled aimlessly like the queen who was in pain, trying in vain to get rid of God in her blood. The effect of the infused poison.She frantically asked herself if she had been cursed, because now she was more and more willing to believe that Hador's power was real and omnipotent.Margaret knew that if she surrendered to that terrible temptation, then only destruction awaited her.She should have asked Arthur or Susie for help, but an inexplicable force stopped her.Finally, in desperation, she thought of Dr. Bojoy, at least he could understand her pain.Without further ado, she immediately set off for the doctor's house, only to find that the doctor was not at home.Her heart sank, and her last hope was shattered.She was like a drowning person, who finally grabbed a rock, but the wave ruthlessly crashed into her, hitting her bloody hands, as vicious as human nature, and seemed to rush her away Asylum is willing to give up.

Instead of going to the six o'clock sketching class, Margaret went straight to the address Oliver Hadow had left her.She moved quietly through the bustling streets, fearing to be seen.She was distraught.She tried her best to stop herself, but she went anyway.She went up the stairs and knocked on the door.The second door on the left on the third floor.She remembers it very well.After a while, Oliver Hadow stood in front of her. He didn't seem at all surprised by her presence.At this time, it suddenly occurred to her that she had no reason to visit here.While she was distressed by this, he spoke.

"I'm waiting for you." His words saved her from all the embarrassment. Haddo led her into the drawing room.He lived in a furnished apartment with heavy draperies on the living room walls and solid furniture of the usual Parisian kind.No one could have imagined that his room was so ordinary, so ordinary that it seemed to be specially designed to highlight his uniqueness.The whole room was not at all comfortable, which also showed that he was not fussy about material things.The room was large, but cramped because it was so packed.It seems that Haddo lived in such an unsatisfactory house because he could not find another place to live.He walked carefully among the heavy furniture, which made his huge body stand out even more.There was a pungent smell in the house, and Margaret remembered that she had smelled the same smell a few days ago when she saw the eastern town in the studio.

He sat her down and chatted with her like a close old friend. "Why do you want me to come here?" She finally plucked up the courage and asked abruptly. "Because you recognized my incredible strength." He said with a smile. "You knew I'd come." "yes." "What did I do wrong, you want to make me so uncomfortable? Please stay away from me." "If you want to go, I will not stop you. The door is open, and you will not be blamed." Her heart beat violently.She was silent, knowing that she didn't want to leave.Something strange was drawing her to him, and she was gradually giving up resistance.A strange feeling took possession of her body, slinking through her limbs.She was terrified, but somehow excited.

His voice was low again, exactly the same as the last time he cast the spell on her.This time, instead of talking about paintings or books, he talked about life.He described to her the mysterious East that only pagans have visited.His words were earnest and touching, burning her sensitive imagination.He talked about the desolate city sleeping under the shroud of dawn, the moonlit night in the desert, the magnificent sunset, and the crowded streets at noon.She listened quietly, and the unique beauty of the East appeared in front of her eyes.Then he spoke of richly colored fabrics and carpets of soft, smooth silk, of gleaming corrugated steel armor, and of priceless rough gemstones.The beauty of the East dazzled her.He also spoke of frankincense, myrrh, and aloe, the rich perfumes sold by the spice merchants, and the sleepy scents of Syrian gardens.She felt her nostrils filled with the fragrance of the Orient.Under the power of Hador's marvelous language, all this seemed so real that it became in her a new life, a life of infinite vitality and freedom, a life full of mystery. The passionate life of things.She seemed to have made a comparison in her mind about what she would do next—becoming Arthur's wife and living a life confined to a small space, or choosing this vivid and full existence.She trembled with weariness at the thought of the uninteresting houses and trifles in Harley Street, and it was not impossible for her to enjoy the wonders of the world.Her soul yearns for a beauty that ordinary people don't understand.Not only is Oliver's extremely deceptive rhetoric, but also the other she in the body hints, who stipulates that she must dedicate her incomparable beauty to the monotonous life of the same?She suddenly longed for a dangerous and exciting adventure.This flaming desire spread throughout her body, and she stood up abruptly, her chest heaving violently.Her twinkling eyes flowed with brightly colored images rendered by his magic.

Oliver Hadow also stood up, meeting her eyes.Suddenly, she understood the passion burning inside her.He stared at her with strange eyes than before, and then he hugged her into his arms.His kiss fell on her lips.She gave in and indulged in indulgence.Her body burned with ecstasy in his arms. "I think I love you," she said hoarsely. She looked at him without any shame. "You should go now," he said. He opened the door and she walked out without saying a word.She walked through the streets as if nothing had happened, feeling neither remorse nor disgust. Every day after that Margaret could not suppress her desire to run to him.She told herself not to compromise, but also knew it was just a fake, she didn't want anything to stop her from getting closer to him, and she could barely contain her anger whenever she felt that she might be held back.There was a strong longing in her soul for him, and the only happy hours for her were those in his company.She always felt a rush of ecstasy as she thought again and again of him pulling her into that wide embrace and kissing her with those thick lustful lips.But this ecstasy is mixed with disgust, and the physical attraction is also intertwined with physical repulsion and hatred.

But when he gazed at her with those pale blue eyes and spoke to her in that disturbing voice, she forgot everything.He spoke of those profane things.Sometimes it seemed as if he had lifted only a corner of the veil, and she had glimpsed the terrible secret.She understood why human beings are willing to exchange their souls for infinite knowledge.It was as if she stood on the top of a temple, and the kingdom of darkness and the county of the unknown lay before her eyes, beckoning her to perdition.But she knew very little about Hador.She doesn't know if he loves her or not.She didn't know if he had loved.He looked otherworldly.Margaret stumbles upon his mother alive, but he doesn't want to talk about her.

"You'll see her someday," he said. "when?" "soon." Meanwhile, Margaret's life seemed pretty regular.She found it easy to deceive her friends, since no one would suspect that she had concocted an excuse for her absence.The lie that made her feel uncomfortable to tell can now be uttered from her mouth smoothly.But although her lies are natural, there is always a kind of panic in her heart, for fear of being exposed.Sometimes at night she would lie in bed reproaching herself, hating herself for taking advantage of Arthur, and feeling deeply ashamed.But now it was too late to repent, she could only keep going.She didn't know why her feelings for Arthur had changed overnight.Oliver Hadow, though he almost never talked about Arthur, eroded her psyche.In her mind, Oliver had surpassed Arthur.Arthur is dreary, and his attitude to life is so ordinary that it is not at all close to Hadow's charming bold self-confidence.She blamed Arthur in her heart, because he didn't understand her deep down.He narrowed her down.Gradually, she began to hate him because she owed him so much.Why do so much for her, it's not fair - he is using his good deeds to force her to marry him.On the surface, however, Margaret was still discussing their Harley Street house with Arthur.She wanted to furnish the studio in the style of Louis XV; together they traveled long distances to buy chairs and silk rags for their covers.Everything is perfect.The day of their wedding was fixed, and all the details were settled.Arthur was very happy, but Margaret was indifferent.She wasn't looking forward to a future with Arthur, she talked about it only to avoid suspicion.She was sure in her heart that she would not marry Arthur, but she didn't know how to cancel the engagement.She watched Susie and Arthur slyly.She did this just to cover up her own secret, but accidentally discovered another secret: Margaret suddenly realized that Susie was deeply in love with Arthur Burden.The discovery was so unexpected that at first she didn't believe it was real.

"Didn't you say you wanted to draw a caricature of Arthur for me? Why haven't you finished it?" she said suddenly. "I tried, but that face didn't seem too happy," said Susie, laughing. "I thought his long ugly nose and his skinny figure would inspire you." "I don't expect you to say so much about him! Somehow all I can see is his beautiful gentle eyes and soft lips. Someday I can write a parody of my favorite poem, I and draw caricatures of him." Margaret picked up Susie's portfolio.She saw panic flash across her friend's face, but Susie didn't have the courage to stop Margaret.She flipped through Susie's sketches casually, and there was several half-drawn portraits of Arthur on a piece of paper.She pretended not to see it and continued flipping through it.Susie breathed a sigh of relief as she closed the portfolio.

"You should work harder." Margaret put down Susie's sketch, "Why can't even draw a head, aren't you good at caricature?" "Honey, you shouldn't expect anyone to pay as much attention to Arthur as you do." Susie's answer confirmed Margaret's suspicions.She told herself angrily that Susie was as much a liar as she was.The next day, when Susie went out, Margaret looked through Susie's portfolio again, but found that the sketch of Arthur was missing.Suddenly a surge of anger welled up in her heart, because Susie dared to fall in love with the man who loved her so much.

Oliver Hadow weaves an intricate web for Margaret to entangle herself in.He took her personality into pieces and then used perfect technique to make himself work over her.There was a diabolical malice in his deliberations, but the fact that he could turn her obstinate hatred for him into a burning desire was incredible.Now Margaret can't do without him.Finally, he thought it was time to make the last move. "I thought you might like to know that I'm leaving Paris on Thursday," he said casually one afternoon. "then what do I do?" "Marry the excellent Mr. Borden." "You know I can't live without you, how can you be so cruel?" "Then accompany me." She felt that her blood was congealed, and her heart was as heavy as a discus. "What does it mean?" "Don't be disturbed. It is obvious that I am proposing to you, and this marriage is obviously the best for you." She slumped helplessly in a chair.She refused to think about the future, so it never occurred to her that one day she would have to leave Hador or entrust her fate to him.She suddenly woke up.She recalled Arthur's deep love for her and all he had done for her.She hates herself.She felt a strong sense of rejection.So Margaret understood that even though the man had a terrible attraction for her, she still loathed him and was afraid of him.In order to regain her freedom, Margaret made a desperate effort, just like a dying bird in a cage flapping its cage with its last strength.She stood up. "Get me out of here. I wish I never knew you. Don't know what you did to me." "If you want to go, of course you can," he replied. He opened the door, saying he hadn't forced her.He stood languidly in front of the fireplace with a hateful smile on his face.There was something terrible about his bulk.Rings of fat hung from his chin and covered his neck.His large cheeks, bared from the lack of a beard, looked very ugly.Margaret couldn't help but stop when she walked past him, she was extremely repulsed by him, but at the same time was strongly attracted by him.A strong desire surged in her heart, hoping that he could pull her into his arms again and seal her lips with that sultry kiss.Probably the devil of hell wanted to avenge her beauty, so she fell in love with such a terrible person.She shuddered with the intensity of desire.His eyes were cold and hard. "Let's go," he said. She walked out with her head down.On the way home, she tried to walk through the Luxembourg Gardens, but her feet wouldn't work, so she found a bench and sat down, almost collapsed.It was very sweltering and she tried to calm down.The place where she now sat was well known to Margaret, who had often come to admire the tree she was now looking at in those passionate days now far away.It is as delicate and delicate as a Japanese woodblock print.The leaves are long and slender, half green and half golden with the arrival of autumn, and look very fragile, making the pale black branches show a delicate posture against the sky, which no skilled painter can reproduce. Shaped more beautifully.But at the moment Margaret was in no mood to appreciate its beauty.She felt a heart-rending sadness at the thought that this thing, full of supreme art, no longer meant anything to her.She had seen Arthur the night before.In order to explain to him why she couldn't meet him before, she made up another lie, which made her feel very painful.Arthur suggests they go to Versailles together, but she tells him she won't be able to spend the weekend with him as usual because she's visiting a sick friend.Disappointed as he was, he believed her reasoning.If he doubted her and blamed her, she would not feel so uncomfortable, and her heart would become cold because of it, but he trusted her so much, which was really unbearable for her. "Oh, if only I could confess everything!" she cried. The evening bells sounded at the Abbey of Saint-Sulpice.Margaret walked slowly towards the church and sat on the chair specially prepared for the poor in the transept.She hoped that her restless soul would be at peace with the music, so that she could pray.Recently she has been afraid to pray.The church is dimly lit but comfortable, and the spacious and austere layout has a soothing power.She sat exhausted, watching the people coming and going.The priest stood behind her in the confessional.A young peasant girl came in.She was wearing a black Breton dress, perhaps recently arrived from the country to work in Paris.She went into the confessional and knelt down.Marguerite heard her confessing her sins in a low voice, and now and then the deep voice of the priest.Three minutes later she came out deftly and briskly, wearing only a plain black dress, looking innocent and radiant as if she had been reborn.Margaret could not help feeling jealous.The child had made only small mistakes that were trivial enough to bring a smile to the lips of the gentle priest, whose straightforward soul was as white as snow.Margaret is also willing to kneel in front of the calm priest at all costs, and pour out everything she has endured in his ear, but the priest's beliefs are different from hers, and they don't just say different things with their lips. Language, the soul also makes different sounds.He would never accept the harassment of a heathen. A long line of seminary students came out of the university next to the church, two by two, wearing black priest's robes and white smocks.Many of them have shaved their heads, some are still very young.Margaret looked at their faces and wondered if they would suffer endlessly like herself, but they had a strong belief that would sustain them, they would not be as helpless as she was, and even if they were narrow and narrow Stupid, but at least there is an iron discipline to restrain them and prevent them from going astray.One or two students showed the pale ascetic face, like those saints who hide in the monastery and imagine the suffering of the world.Behind the students came priests in ornate robes, and after the priests came the priests. The music of the church was very beautiful, revealing a kind of calm and compassionate solemnity.Margaret thought, this kind of music must be used in worshiping God!However, she was unmoved by it.She could not understand the chant of the priests, nor their gestures, gestures, and back and forth movements.This solemn ceremony meant nothing to her.Her heart cried out in pain: God has abandoned her.She stands alone in a strange land, surrounded by demons.She found no solace in those rituals at all.If God ignored her, what else could she expect?In order not to let everyone see her tears, Margaret walked towards the door of the church with her head down.She was at a loss.She walked home along the endless streets, her whole body shaking with sobs. "God forsaken me," she kept saying, "God forsaken me." The next day, she came to Hador's door with red eyes and a heavy body.He opened the door and she walked in without a word.She sat down and he watched her in silence. "I'd like to marry you anytime," she finally said. "I'm ready for everything." "You mentioned your mother, can you take me to her right away?" A faint smile appeared on the corner of his mouth. "If you wish." Hadow told her they could go to the consulate to get married on Thursday morning and catch a train to England. "I'm very unhappy," she said numbly, giving herself completely to him. Oliver put his hands on her shoulders and looked into her eyes. "You'll forget your tears when you get home. I command you to be happy." The life-and-death struggle between good and evil in Margaret's body ended, and the devil finally won.Suddenly, strangely, she was no longer troubled by having cheated her faithful friend.She sneered at the thought of how easy it was to deceive them. Wednesday happened to be Arthur's birthday, so he invited Margaret to dinner alone. "We're going to have a good time, no matter how much it costs," he said. They were going to a very fine restaurant across the Seine.He came to pick her up just after seven o'clock.Margaret had made up her clothes carefully. She stood in the middle of the room, waiting for Arthur, and examining her appearance in the mirror.In Susie's opinion, she was absolutely beautiful. "You're more pleasing to the eye than ever before," she said. "I don't know what has influenced you lately, but there's a whole new depth to your eyes, and there's a strange mystery to it that's sensual." Knowing about Susie's love for Arthur, Margaret wonders if the plain-looking Susie will be heartbroken when she faces the dazzling beauty standing in front of her.At this time Arthur came, but Margaret did not go forward to greet him.He stood at the door and looked at her, meeting her eyes.His heart was pounding, and he felt a sense of awe.When he thought that such a priceless beauty should be his own, he felt terrified that he could not bear such favors from heaven.She was like a Greek goddess, and he was willing to kneel and worship her.He also felt a change in the look in her eyes. There was more passion in it that disturbed him and fascinated him. It seemed that the lovely girl had transformed into a charming lady.A mysterious smile played on the corner of her mouth. "Are you happy?" she asked. Arthur came in, and Margaret put her hands on his shoulders. "You're wearing perfume," he said. He was surprised because she never used perfume.It was a smell that he had never smelled before. It was mild and spicy, and it reminded him of the smell of the East where he lived when he was a child.This vague taste was strange, and gave Marguerite a new and unsettling charm.Usually, there's an aloofness to her Greek-sculptural beauty, and this scent magically adds a touch of sensuality to her.Arthur's lips twitched, his thin face pale with excitement.His emotion was so strong it was almost a pain.He was confused because there was something in her eyes that he had never seen before. "Why don't you kiss me?" she said. She didn't look at Susie, but she knew a look of pain flitted across her friend's face.Margaret pulled Arthur towards her.His hands trembled.He never dared to express the passion that burned inside him, and every time he kissed her, he was very restrained, just like kissing his sister.At this moment, their lips met.He forgot about Susie's existence, and held Margaret tightly in his arms.She had never kissed him like this before, and the ecstasy was unbearable.Her lips were like a burning flame.He kissed so passionately that he forgot everything, all his fortitude and self-control, and he was willing to die for this moment.But the pleasure was so intense that he almost cried out in pain.Finally, Susie's voice brought him back to his senses. "You'd better go to dinner quickly, and don't be here like a couple of fools." Susie tried to sound as light as her words, but there was a great pain in her voice.Margaret smiled slightly, and left Arthur's arms, looking at her friend contemptuously.Seeing Margaret's eyes, Susie could no longer maintain that forced smile because there was a vicious hatred in those eyes.It happened so suddenly that Susie couldn't help being frightened.Did she do something wrong?She was very worried that Margaret had discovered her secret.Arthur stood aside, as if his soul had been pulled out of his body, his body trembling uncontrollably, still intoxicated by the extreme passion just now. "Susie said we had to go," said Margaret, smiling. He was speechless and unable to say goodbye to Susie politely as usual.His face was pale, as if he had suddenly woken up from a dream, and he walked out of the studio together with Margaret.They walked down the hallway of the apartment.Although the studio door was closed long ago and they were out of earshot, Margaret seemed to hear Susie's heartbroken sobs, which gave her great pleasure. The hotel they went to was located on the Boulevard d'Italie, which was the restaurant most frequented by the upper class in Paris at that time.There were a lot of people, but Arthur had already reserved a seat in the middle.Her radiant beauty caught all eyes as Margaret made her way to their seats.Sensing their attention, she deliberately acted more gracefully.She felt very proud, because although there were all kinds of well-dressed women sitting around, no one was more eye-catching than her.The festive atmosphere of the restaurant is very charming, and the warm lights shine through the lampshade, making people feel cozy and comfortable.Flowers are placed everywhere in the restaurant, and various high-society women are reflected in countless mirrors.They are dressed in fabulous long dresses, some are well-known actresses, some are fashionable high-end call girls.The restaurant was very noisy, there was a Hungarian band playing in the corner, and the music was drowned out by the excited conversation of the men and the cheerful laughter of the women.Obviously, people come here to splurge.Everyone let go of their worries and sorrows, and the elated people completely indulged in this short-lived happiness. Margaret's spirits were at an all-time high.The champagne kicked in quickly, and she was a little drunk, talking all kinds of funny nonsense.Arthur was fascinated by her, and he was very proud and very happy.They talked about what they were going to do when they got married, where they were going, and about their house and all the things in it.Margaret was very excited.All these, the bright lights, the delicious food, the delicious wine, and the beautiful Margaret made Arthur feel very happy.Her laughter was as sweet as gurgling water.At this moment, life was wonderful, he felt extremely happy, changed his usual silent attitude, and became talkative. "Cheers to our happy life in the future," he said. They clinked glasses with each other.He couldn't take his eyes off her. "You are very beautiful tonight," he said. "It's such good luck that it frightens me." "Afraid of what?" she said aloud. "I really wish I could lose something that I cherish and go to worship the three goddesses of destiny. I am so happy, everything is so smooth." She smiled softly and put her hands on the table.No other sculptor could have created such exquisite elegance.She wore only one ring, which was studded with emeralds.It was given to her by Arthur on his engagement.He couldn't help holding her hand. "Where else do you want to go?" he asked.They had finished their dinner and were drinking coffee. "Just sit here for a while. I have to go to bed early today, and I'll be busy tomorrow." "What are you doing tomorrow?" he asked. "It's all trivial." She smiled. After a while, the guests left one after another, and at Marguerite's suggestion, they strolled to the Madeleine Church together.The night was beautiful but very cold and the wide avenue was very crowded.Margaret watched the crowd, and the scene was as funny as a play.After a while, they called a cab and drove to the Montparnasse district.The street was quiet at this time.They sat quietly.Margaret snuggled up to Arthur.Arthur wrapped his arms around her waist.In the closed carriage, the faint, oriental smell of Margaret's body penetrated into his nostrils again, and he felt dizzy, just like before dinner. "Margaret, I am happy because of you." He whispered in her ear, "I don't think no matter how long I live, I will never be happier than this moment." "Do you love me? Very much?" she said easily. Instead of answering, he cupped her face and kissed her with all his strength.Margaret's house arrived, and she skipped to the door.She smiled and held out her hand to him. "Good night." "The thought of having to spend the next dozen or so hours alone is frustrating. When can I come tomorrow?" "Don't come in the morning, because I'm busy. Come back at twelve." She remembered that her train was leaving just then.She opened the door, waved to him, and disappeared.