Chapter 7 Chapter VII

Charlie didn't want to read Simon's article in Lydia's presence.After parting ways with Simon, he came to Café Dom.After ordering a cup of coffee, he read Simon's article intently.He was glad to read the reports on the murder and the trial, for Lydia's haphazard account made him a little confused about the whole thing.She talked here and there, and said what came to her mind, without any regard for the sequence of events.Simon's three long essays are coherent, and although some of the details that Charlie already learned from Lydia are not mentioned in the essays, he still manages to weave a vivid story that is easy to read and understand.His writing style is almost exactly the same as his speaking style, which is a smooth journalistic style, but he very effectively mobilizes the description of the background according to the sequence of events in the text.After reading his articles, you will feel that the world is full of evil, squalor and chaos. These gangsters, drug dealers, organizers and people who sell horse racing and betting are mixed in it, doing shady business and dangerous business.These scumbags living in big cities rely on their minds to survive.They are wary of each other and can betray their best friends at any time for profit.On the surface, they pay attention to brotherhood, live cynically and even happily.They seem to enjoy the way they live, despite its uncertainty and dangers.They feel that they are only qualified if they have experienced strong winds and waves, and they feel that they are still alive.They plot against each other, yet this life of sleeping with one eye open excites them.This is a world where men will shoot each other for a trivial matter, but they will also spend a lot of money at any time, bring flowers and fruit to the hospital to see an outsider who is sick and hospitalized.Simon deftly veiled the story in an atmosphere unfamiliar to Charlie, and made his heart throb.The world he knew was a seemingly peaceful and happy world.Like a beautiful lake, the blue lake water reflects the white clouds and the weeping willows on the shore. The carefree young men paddled canoes on the lake, and the girls in the boat inserted their fingers into the cool lake water, There were ripples on the surface of the lake.But if you think of, just below the boat, the dangerous aquatic plants in the lake are waving their tentacles, trying to entangle your boat and drag you into the bottomless lake; think of all kinds of weird and terrible things; think of poisonous Water snakes, fish with razor-sharp teeth, are lurking quietly, waiting to attack you, which is really chilling.Slowly, Charlie could see from the lines that Simon was able to see everything in the lake clearly through the deep water, and he was obsessed with it.Charley asked himself if his mere curiosity, or fascination with the horror itself, allowed him to describe these crooks and thugs in cynical terms, and adopted a tolerant attitude toward them. .

In such a world, Robert Berger found himself at home.He has a higher social level and higher education than most residents living in this "lake", so he enjoys a certain prestige here.His charm, his easy-going manner and his social status attract associates, but also make them wary.They knew he was a villain, but it was very strange.Because he was born in an excellent middle-class family with respectable parents, he shouldn't belong to their circle.He mainly acts alone, without accomplices, and makes his own decisions in everything.These people thought Robert looked down on them.But Robert went to the concert, and when he came back, he talked about the concert with great interest, and he was very knowledgeable about music.They didn't know much about music, but they were impressed.And Robert felt very comfortable when he mixed with them, which they couldn't understand.Back at his home, with his mother's friends, he felt lonely and depressed.He is extremely uncomfortable with the stereotyped decent life.After he was sentenced to probation for stealing a car, he spoke his mind to JoJo once in a while:

"Now I don't have to pretend to be decent anymore. I wish my dad was still alive so he'd throw me out of the house and I'd be free to live the life I really love. But now I can't get away My mother, I was all she had in life." "It's not easy to make money by doing illegal things." Qiao Qiao replied. "You seem to have made a lot of money doing illegal things." Robert laughed loudly. "I yearn for this kind of life style not for making money, but for the excitement and power of this kind of life. This kind of life is like Diving down from a very high place. So high above the surface, it looks very scary, but you jump with your eyes closed, and when you surface, the feeling of beauty is indescribable , only you can experience it yourself.”

Charlie pocketed these newspaper clippings, his brows were slightly frowned, trying to piece together the Robert Berger he knew now in his mind, trying to know exactly what kind of person he was .It would be easy to describe him as a scoundrel castaway from society, and he is.But such a classification is too simplistic and general to be satisfactory.It dawned on Charlie that maybe human beings were more complicated than he had imagined before, and that simply putting a person into one category or another would get your mind locked up.In addition, Robert loves music, especially Russian music.And that was what brought Lydia together with him, and it was so unfortunate for her.Charlie is also very fond of music.He knows the joy that music brings.When the beautiful tunes vibrate the eardrums, he will be intoxicated by it.This is partly from the understanding of music, and partly from the feeling of the body.He can now still feel the composer's thoughts through the subtleties of these music.Charlie reflects on how he feels when he listens to music in a way he may never have before.For him, listening to a great symphony is full of emotions.Feeling excited and peaceful at the same time; loving others and longing to do something for them; willing to do good and intoxicated with the joy of doing good; completely relaxed physically and mentally, entering a strange state Detached from the realm, as if he is detached from the world, and the world of mortals has nothing to do with him.Perhaps we should combine all these emotions into one concept and give it a name, and this name is happiness.But what did Robert Berger feel when he listened to music?It was obvious that he felt very differently from himself when listening to music.But isn't it unfair to dismiss the emotion that music brought him along with his despicable behavior?Perhaps the music would temporarily make him feel free from his demons?This devil is too powerful, he can't escape by himself, and of course he doesn't want to escape.The devil drives him to commit crimes, and his twisted psychology manifests itself through crimes.Through his challenge to law and order, he learns about his own personality.Maybe his mind got a moment of peace in the sound of music?God acquiesced that he was as calm as water at this time, as if he saw a ray of beauty and kindness through the gaps in the dark clouds?

Charlie knows what it's like to be human when you're in love.He knows that love makes you kind to all people.He knew that if you fell in love with a girl, you wished you could give her everything.You can't even conceive any thought of hurting her, and you care a lot about the image of you in her heart, because the image of her in your heart is undoubtedly perfect.If you're an honest person, you have to be honest with her that you can't shine a light on her life.If he felt that way, Charlie thought, everyone else must have felt the same way, and Robert Berger was no exception.He loved Lydia very much, there was no question about that.But if his heart is full of love, how can he go on with those dirty and terrible crimes?This is really confusing.Charley squirmed and almost flushed at the thought of the sacred word love.Robert must have been a double personality.Charlie was bewildered, which was no surprise.He was only a young man of twenty-three, and no one older and wiser could understand how it was possible for a villain to have as pure and unselfish a love as a saint.If he was such a good-for-nothing wretch, how could Lydia have now completely forgiven her husband and loved him with all her heart?

"Human nature is so incomprehensible," he murmured. Before he knew it, he was hitting the point. And it was this love that destroyed Lydia, this love that occupied the center of her whole life, this love that became the source of all her thoughts.This love is like the accompaniment of a symphony, adding depth and meaning to the main theme.And her main theme is the day-to-day life.When Charlie begins to contemplate this love, he recoils in awe and terror as he witnesses a burning forest or a flooded river.It was something he couldn't handle with his previous experience.Compared with this love, he knew that his little love affairs were nothing more than meaningless flirting, just emotions that brought joy and happiness from time to time to his somewhat monotonous life, just a Boy's sentimentality.It was incomprehensible that such a strong emotion could be contained in the body of this ordinary, lifeless little woman.You sense her passionate love not only from the stories she tells, but also intuitively from her detached attitude.This passion keeps her at a distance from you even though she appears very close to you.You see it in her deep, transparent eyes; you see it in her scornful lips when she doesn't know you're watching her; you see it in her singing voice This was also heard.Unlike any civilized affection with which Charlie was acquainted, their love had a more primitive and savage element.Although Lydia is wearing high heels, stockings, coats and skirts, she does not seem to belong to today's society, but a barbarian with primitive intuition; her heart is like the ancestors of human beings, still stuck in the extreme darkness of ancient times among.

"God! What was I thinking?" said Charlie. He began to think about Simon's article again.Simon obviously put his heart and soul into these few articles, which were far more elegant and fluid than his coverage of the trial.This is an attempt at writing with detachment and sarcasm.But through the surface detachment, you can sense the author's extreme curiosity about the man described in the article.The person has neither qualms of conscience nor fear of the consequences of his crime.The essays were in cleverly conceived prose, short in length, but so relentless that Charlie felt uncomfortable reading them.In trying to get the most out of his cleverly crafted themes, Simon even forgets that he's describing a human being with feelings.Even if you are amused by their witty language, reading his essays is accompanied by a sense of unease.It appears that Simon had been granted access to the Bergers' cottage in order to gain an impression of Berger's living environment.He described the vulgar, dull, pretentious decoration and furnishings of the house with poignancy and humor.There are two sets of sofas in the room, one from the Louis XV era and the other from the Napoleonic era.The Louis XV set is in finely carved and gilded wood covered in blue silk with pink flowers; the Napoleon set is upholstered in pale yellow satin.In the middle of the living room is an elaborately carved and gilded table with a marble top.Both sets of sofas had apparently come from a shop in the Rue Saint-Antoine, a wholesaler of antique furniture of all ages, which must have been auctioned off at a low price by the first owner.There were two sets of sofas and so many chairs that you had to move around carefully in the living room and there was certainly nowhere to sit comfortably.The walls of the living room were covered with oil paintings with thick gold borders.These oil paintings were also apparently purchased at auction, and were considered useless by others.

Prosecutors reconstructed the murder story in plausible ways.Jordan apparently had his eye on Robert Berger.He pays for Robert's meals, he intends to let him win when Robert bets on horses, and he lends to Robert when he is short of money.These are proofs.Finally Berger agreed to come to his place.Leaving the bar together would attract attention, so they agreed that one of them would go first, and the other would follow in a few minutes.They met outside Jordan's apartment as planned, and since the concierge was sure no one was looking for Jordan the night she was on duty, it was obvious that the two of them entered Jordan's room together.Jordan lives on the ground floor.While Jordan was busy pouring whiskey and soda and serving cakes from his tiny kitchen, Berger, still wearing his fancy new gloves, sat down and smoked a cigarette.Jordan is one of those guys who doesn't wear a suit when he comes home.He took off his coat and played a record on the gramophone.It was a cheap old-fashioned phonograph with no automatic turning mechanism.When Jordan put a new record on the gramophone, Berger walked up behind him, pretended to see what was on it, and then stabbed him in the back with a knife.The autopsy report mentioned that the stabbing force in the back of the deceased was considerable.So defense attorneys said it was impossible for Berger to have that much power.But this conclusion is absurd.Although he is thin, he is very strong.Those who knew him well during his tennis days testified that he was known for hitting his forehand with considerable power.He didn't become a first-class tennis player not because of physical reasons, but because of some mental illness that made him lack the will to win.

Simon accepted the above reasoning of the prosecutor.He believed the prosecution's account of the facts was fairly accurate, and that it was correct in its inferences about why Jordan wanted the young man to come to his apartment.But Berger vehemently denied that prosecutors believed he killed Jordan for the money he earned that day.But the glove purchase suggests he decided to commit the murder after knowing that Jordan would earn an unusually large amount of money that night.Although the money was never found, Simon believed Berger's claim that he took it.But he didn't think Berger killed for the money.The money was there, and he was just taking it by the hand.Police allege he stole between 50 and 60 cars, but he never tried to sell any of them.He sometimes throws away stolen cars after hours of use.Most of the time he just throws the car away in a few days.Sometimes he steals cars in order to use them, but more often he steals cars to exercise his courage and talent.He made a small profit by robbing women of property by a simple device of his own invention, but he did it really only for the thrill of it, to satisfy his mischievous sense of humor.Pulling off these heists required him to use his charisma to woo these women, which he never tired of doing.He couldn't help laughing at the thought of those women watching him go away in a daze.In short, he treats such things as entertainment.He was filled with satisfaction after a successful heist, the same satisfaction he felt when he hit a nice lob or smashed a point in tennis.Such things gave him self-confidence.And his motivation for participating in drug smuggling is not mainly money, but the risks to be taken in the process, the necessary calmness and the ability to make quick decisions.It's like rock climbing, every step you climb has to be firm and you have to keep a clear head.Calm, strength and intuition can make the difference between your life and death.But when you overcome all difficulties and successfully reach the top of the rock, the wonderful feeling of relaxation after extreme tension and reveling in success is really indescribable!For a man of his modest means, the rewards he received from the agent who hired him must have been high enough.But even so, the money is really meager.And he's taking Lydia to nightclubs and excursions to the country, or to JoJo's bar with friends.By and by he was running out of money, and the only way he could spend it was to rob his employer.The murder he orchestrated was so ingeniously conceived that he narrowly escaped justice.He seemed to be plotting the murder more for fun than money.He told his lawyer very candidly that Jordan was so confident in his own intelligence that he took him for a fool.

But now, Simon went on to write, Robert Berger had run out of thrills and excitement from various less serious criminal activities.On one occasion he committed another crime, and while awaiting his trial in court, he was locked in a cell with a repeat offender.He listened with great interest to the habitual offender's bragging about his criminal past.The man was a burglar who used to sneak into houses from roofs, especially jewellery.He said that the first step is to step on the spot, and then patiently observe the family's work and rest habits and check the structure of the house.Not only do you have to scout out where the jewels are placed and how to get into the room, but you also have to determine in advance whether you can escape quickly if the situation changes.Once this is all in place, it is time to wait patiently for the right opportunity.It can be months of patient waiting between when you hit your target and when you finally commit the heist.The long wait discouraged Berger from the business.He had a lot of guts, he was nimble, and he had a cool head, but he didn't have the patience needed for this type of burglary.

Simon likened Robert Berger to a man who had hunted partridge and pheasant for years, and the familiar sport was no longer fun, and he longed for something a little more dangerous, something big.No one can say exactly when Berger became obsessed with the idea of ​​murder, but it can be assumed that the idea developed gradually.Just like an artist whose soul is deeply immersed in a certain artistic conception, he knows that only by completing this work can he let go of the burden in his heart.Berger believes that he can only obtain inner satisfaction by killing a person.He believes that only by killing a person can his personality be fully released; only by killing a person can he start an ordinary and decent life with Lydia; only by killing a person can his nature be satisfied .He knew killing was an unforgivable crime, and he knew he might lose his head.But it was this heinous crime that appealed to him, and it was the risk that he found worth trying. Seeing this, Charlie put down the article.He thought Simon's analysis was outrageous.He could only imagine that he might kill on impulse in a moment of rage, but he couldn't imagine that anyone's motive for killing had nothing to do with money, but an activity as Simon said.Some people kill because there is a desire to destroy in their hearts, and they want to prove their existence by killing.Does Simon really believe his theory?Or is he just grandstanding to impress?Charlie's handsome face creased slightly as he continued reading. Simon goes on to write that perhaps Robert Berger would have been content to ruminate on the idea if circumstances had not created him this doomed victim.He might just have to think about the possibility of killing him over drinks with one of his buddies, and then put the thought behind him.Either because it is too difficult to implement, or it is too easy to reveal.But when fate thrust Teddy Jordan before him, he must have felt that this was what he had been looking for.He is a foreigner with many acquaintances but no close friends, and lives alone in a dead-end street.He's not a nice guy either, involved in drug smuggling.If one day he was found dead in the house, the police might think it was the result of gangster infighting.Even if the police knew nothing about his sexual orientation during his lifetime, the police will definitely try to find out after his death, and it is very likely that he will be regarded as a rogue after he has negotiated a price and wants to ask for more money. killed.Due to the large number of gangsters and drug dealers who are extorting and defrauding the city, they may all be murder suspects.With such a huge crowd, it was difficult for the police to determine who the murderer was.Besides, he was an unwelcome foreigner and the police would probably think it was better if he was dead.They will investigate, but if there is no result in the short term, the police are likely to quietly put the case on the shelf.Berger thought Jordan had his eye on him, and he hooked Jordan as easily as a fisherman.He set a date with Jordan, then dropped out.He half-truthfully promised, but did not keep the promise.If Jordan thought he was being fooled and threatened to break up with him, he used his charm to tempt Jordan to be patient.Jordan thus believed that he was the pursuer, who was simply evading him.Berger was secretly amused.He was like a hunter stalking a timid and suspicious beast through the jungle, waiting patiently for his opportunity.He knew that, despite his natural caution, the beast would not escape him in the end.Because Berger had no hostility toward Jordan, neither liked nor disliked him, he was able to enjoy the hunt without psychological disturbance.When the game was finally over, with the little bookie dead at his feet, he felt neither fear nor remorse.All he felt was an uncontrollable intense pleasure. Charlie finished reading the articles.He couldn't help shivering.He did not know whether it was the horrified effect of Robert Berger's ruthlessness, or the shock of Simon's relish in describing the wickedness and twisted mind of the murderer.There was no doubt that Simon had invented these descriptions, but what horrified Charlie was that Simon was able to explore the depths of this evil mind and take pleasure in it.Simon leans down and peers into the depths of Berger's soul, like a man leaning his head over the edge of a steep cliff, and you get the feeling that what he sees gives him great satisfaction, and he is full of envy.Charlie felt that the author of the article was asking himself while writing: Simon Fenimore, do you have the courage and guts to do such a shocking, cruel and useless thing?Charlie didn't know how he had come to that impression, for the articles were carefully worded, witty and ironic, not to suggest it.Charlie sighed. "I've known Simon for almost fifteen years and thought I knew him perfectly. But now I'm starting to feel like I don't know anything about him." Then he smiled happily again.Because he had his father and mother, and Patsy.They were due to leave the Terry Masons and go home tomorrow.They must have been worn out from days of playing and laughing, and must be happy to be back in their bright, cozy, artsy home. "Thank God they're just normal good people. There's a sense of stability with them." He suddenly misses his family so much. It was getting dark, and Lydia might have returned.He didn't want her to wait alone.In the dirty room of the hotel, she would be lonely and miserable.He pocketed the article, along with the other clippings, and walked back to the hotel.He needn't have hurried back, because Lydia wasn't in the room.He picked up "Mansfield Park" and read it.Apart from Blake's collection of poems, he had only this book with him.The book is full of mild-mannered characters who seem to be alive in the crowd around you after more than a hundred years have passed.It was a joy to be in the company of these people.Their lifestyle feels orderly, relaxed, and gracious, and their troubles are never serious enough to disturb your soul.Cinderella is a very prim little thing, and Prince Charming is an eccentric nerd, there should be no doubt about that.Charlie also did imagine what it would be like for Cinderella to throw off her mind-shackles and marry a charming, quick-witted villain.But even so, Charlie agrees with Jane Austen's approach of making wise characters rewarded and reckless punished.Her works are full of gentle irony and biting humor, which makes people always immersed in joy when reading.Austen's book frees Charlie's mind from the stories of depravity and crime that lull him into a strange and bewildering state of mind.He forgot that he was staying in a dirty and deserted room, and imagined himself sitting happily on a lawn under a tall cedar tree in a summer evening, with waves of wind blowing from the field. Aroma of hay.At this moment he was beginning to feel hungry and raised his hand to check his watch.It is already half past eight.Lydia has not returned yet.Maybe she wasn't planning to come back?It would be nice if she just left him like this.But he left without saying hello, which made him a little angry.He shrugged helplessly. "If she doesn't want to come back, let her go." Charlie saw no reason to wait any longer, so he went out of the room to eat dinner.He left a note on the porter's desk stating where he had been.That way once she gets back, she can go there and find him.The restaurant staff was approachable and friendly to Charlie.They were convinced that Charlie was having an affair, and they were getting indirect satisfaction from it.Charlie didn't know whether to be amused, happy, or angry about it.The concierge smiled at him benevolently, and the young woman at the cash register looked excited and curious when she saw him.If they knew that their relationship with Lydia was so innocent, what would their surprised expressions look like?Thinking of this, Charlie couldn't help laughing.He finished his meal alone, and Lydia still did not come back.He went upstairs, went back to his room, and continued reading the book.But he was a little restless now, and it took a little effort to read it.He made up his mind that if she didn't come back at twelve o'clock, he would leave her alone and go out to hang out by himself.It was absurd to spend the better part of a week in Paris and not have any fun.But just after eleven o'clock Lydia opened the door and came in, carrying with her a very old suitcase. "Oh, I'm tired," she said, "I've got a few things back. I'll wash up and we'll go out to dinner." "You haven't eaten yet? I've already finished." "you're done eating?" She seemed taken aback. "It's past eleven o'clock now." she laughed. "What a typical Englishman you are! Do you have to always dine at the same time?" "I'm hungry," he replied a little stiffly. It seemed to him that she might say something apologetic for keeping him waiting so long.But obviously, she never thought about it that way. "Well, it's ok, I didn't want to eat either. The day sucked! Alexey was drunk. He had a fight with Paul this morning because Paul didn't come home last night and Paul knocked him down Evgenia cried, and she kept saying: 'This is God punishing our sins. God made me live to let me see how my son beat his father. How can we be so unfortunate? ’ Alexey also cried. He said: ‘It’s over, children don’t respect their parents anymore. Oh Russia, Russia!’” Charlie couldn't help laughing, but he saw Lydia was saying it very seriously. "Did you cry?" "Of course I did," she replied somewhat dryly. She had changed clothes and was now wearing a black silk coat.Clothes are average, but well tailored.The dress suited her perfectly, making her flawless skin even more delicate and her eyes bluer.She is wearing a black hat.It was a playful hat, with a feather in it, and it seemed to fit better than the old felt hat.She is graced by well-proportioned attire, in which she looks elegant and confident.She no longer looked like a shop girl, but like a young woman of some status.She was much prettier now than when Charlie had seen her before, but she was less impressive when she spoke.If she had left people with the impression of a capable working woman who knew how to take care of herself, now she gave people the impression of a fashionable young woman who could attract the attention of boys in suits and ties. "You changed into a dress," said Charlie, slowly getting better. "Yes, I've got a better dress like that. I'll disgrace you if I dress too poorly when I'm with you. A brightly dressed handsome boy like you goes to a restaurant with a woman." , at least no one should say: How can he hang out with a slut in clothes he picked out of a dumpster? I should at least give you some face." Charlie smiled.There was still something lovable about her. "Okay, let's go for a walk and get you something to eat. I'll stay with you. I know your appetite. You could eat almost a horse." They are both in a better mood now.Lydia ordered a dozen oysters, a steak and some fried potatoes, and Charlie ordered a whiskey and soda.She told him a great deal about the Russian family with which she lived.She was very sympathetic to their situation.Apart from the meager income of the children at home, they have no other source of income.Paul's youth and good looks are disappearing day by day, and one day he will no longer be able to do his current job.In the glamorous nightlife of Paris, with a little luck, he might end up working as a waiter in a notorious hotel.Aleksey's alcoholism was getting worse, and even if he occasionally found a job, he couldn't do it for long.Evgenia's will to overcome difficulties was completely broken, and she was completely discouraged.There was no hope for their family. "You don't know, it's been twenty years since they left Russia. For a long time they thought they might have a chance to go back to Russia, but now they know there's no such chance. The revolution comes to people like them It's too cruel to say. They are now hopeless, and the only way to wait for them is death." But it seemed to Lydia that it was impossible for Charlie to be interested in someone he hadn't even met.She didn't know that, as she spoke of what had happened to her friends, he reminded himself uneasily that, if he guessed right, what Simon had in mind was to combine him with his parents, his sister, and his family. Friends throw themselves into such a fate.Lydia changed the subject. "What did you do this afternoon? Did you go to the art exhibition?" "No, I went to see Simon." Lydia had been watching him with great interest, but she frowned when he finished answering her question. "I don't like Simon," she said. "What do you think of him?" "We've known each other since we were kids. We were together from primary school to Cambridge. He's always been a friend of mine. Why don't you like him?" "I don't like his coldness, shrewdness and inhumanity." "If that's the case, I think you're wrong. No one knows him better than I do, and he's a man who can have deep affection. He's a withdrawn man. I think he craves love from others, but it's always elusive. " There was a look of sarcasm in Lydia's eyes, but, as always, marked with melancholy. "You are such a sentimental man. How can he expect others to love him when he has no intention of loving anyone? Although you have known him for so many years, I think you may not know him as well as I do. He often comes to Sultan's palace, but generally not with girls. He went there not for lust, but for curiosity. Madame welcomed him there, partly because he was a reporter and she wanted to curry favor with the press; Partly because he sometimes takes foreigners there and they can drink a lot of champagne. He likes to chat with us and he never minded if we hated him." "Even if he knows you hate him, he won't be offended. He's just curious to know why. He's a man without vanity." Lydia went on as if Charlie hadn't said anything. “他几乎没有把我们当做人类来看。他看不起我们，但却要找我们陪伴。他与我们在一起时感到身心放松。我想他觉得我们的身份过于低贱，在我们面前他可以不用掩饰自己。而在外面的世界中，他必须经常戴上一副假面具。他完全不在意我们如何评价他。他认为可以对我们随心所欲。他提出的问题使我们感到羞辱，且他对我们受到的伤害视而不见。” 查利沉默了。他非常了解西蒙，他的好奇心永不满足。他的问题会使别人感到尴尬而自己却浑然不知。当他发现别人对他的问题感到愤怒时，他的反应是惊讶和蔑视。他愿意赤裸裸地展示自己的灵魂，根本就没有考虑过别人是否也愿意这样做。他认为别人掩饰内心世界的做法很愚蠢。 莉迪娅继续说道： “可是，他会做出你永远也想象不到的事来。与我一起的一个女孩突然病倒了。医生建议她马上进行手术。西蒙将她带到一家护理所，这样她就无需去医院，并为她支付了手术费。当她的身体状况有所好转的时候，他又出钱将她送到一家疗养院。而他从来都没与她上过床。” “对此我一点儿也不惊讶。他把金钱看得很淡。不管怎么说，这件事说明他可以干出一些无私的事来。” “他这样做难道是想体验一下善良究竟是什么样的感觉吗？” 查利笑了。 “显然你没有过多地利用可怜的西蒙。” “我们在一起闲扯的时间可不短。他想要从我这里了解俄国的革命。他要我带他去拜访阿列克谢和伊芙吉尼娅，他要问问他们。他写了罗伯特审判过程的报道文章，这你知道。他变着法子向我打听他感兴趣的事情。他和我上床是因为他认为这样我就可以向他透露更多的信息。他写了一篇与我在一起的报道文章。我感受到的痛苦、震惊和羞辱对他来说完全无所谓，抵不上他用一串轻浮的字符巧妙地拼接成的一篇文章。他递给我看这篇文章，想要看看我的反应。我永远也不会原谅他，永远也不会。” 查利叹了口气。他了解西蒙，他对他人的感觉从来都是无动于衷的。他让她看那篇残忍的文章，并非有意要伤害她，而完全是发自内心地想要看看她看到这篇文章后的反应如何，想要看看她的深入了解能在多大程度验证他的怪异理论。 “他的性格有些古怪，”查利说，“我敢说他有很多缺点，但他身上也有很多优点。不管怎么说，还是可以给他下这样一个定论：他严以待人，但也严于律己。我有两年时间没有见到他了，这段时间他变化很大。我感到他的个性越来越强了。” “他的个性我觉得应该用可怕二字来形容。” 查利在舒适的坐椅上却有点儿坐不安生了，使他感到不安的是他也有这种感觉。 “他与常人的生活不同。他每天工作十六个小时。他的生活环境既邋遢又难受，简直难以形容。他锻炼自己每天只吃一餐饭。” “他这么做的目的是什么？” “他希望借此锻炼意志与品格。他想使自己能忍受任何艰苦的环境。他想要做好准备，好随时可以扮演起他一直期盼扮演的角色。” “他有没有告诉你，他想成为一个什么样的角色？” “他没有明确地说过。” “你听说过捷尔任斯基这个人吗？” "No." “西蒙跟我说了很多关于这个人的事。阿列克谢在俄国是一名律师，是一个思想自由的聪明人，在捷尔任斯基某次被捕受审时做过他的辩护律师。尽管如此，捷尔任斯基依然以反革命罪将阿列克谢逮捕，将他送往西伯利亚服刑三年。这也是西蒙要我多次带他去拜访阿列克谢的原因。有时我不愿意带他去，因为我无法忍受他要看那个可怜的人沉沦得有多深的想法，他就告诉我许多问题，要我代他去提问。” “但谁是捷尔任斯基呢？”查利问道。 “他是契卡的头头，俄罗斯的真正主人。他握有对所有俄罗斯人生杀予夺的大权。他极度残忍，被他监禁、拷打和杀害的人成千上万。起初我觉得奇怪，西蒙怎么会对这个杀人恶魔这么感兴趣，他似乎对他着迷了。后来我猜到了原因。一旦他从事的革命爆发，他就想要成为这样一个角色。他知道，谁控制了警察力量，谁就掌握了这个国家。” 查利眨了眨眼睛。 “亲爱的，你让我感到毛骨悚然了。但是你知道吗，英国不同于俄罗斯。我想，西蒙要想成为英国的独裁者大概要等上无比漫长的岁月。” 但在这个问题上莉迪娅容不得一点轻率。她生气地瞪了查利一眼。 “他做好了等待的准备。列宁没有等待过吗？你是否仍然认为英国人与其他地方的人不同，是由不同的材料构成的？你难道认为越来越意识到自身权利的无产阶级，会让你所属的这个阶级继续无限期地占有特权吗？如果发生一场战争，无论英国是胜利还是失败，难道不会导致巨大的社会动荡吗？” 查利对政治不感兴趣。不过，像他父亲一样，他持有一种自由派的观点，在审慎的范围内，还有点儿温和的社会主义思想。虽然他对社会主义并没有深刻的认识，但只要他的收入不下降，他们舒适的生活不受干扰，他很乐意把国家大事让给那些热心于此的人去劳神。但面对莉迪娅咄咄逼人的问题，他无法不表达自己的看法。 “按你的说法就好像我们对工人阶级毫不关心似的。你可能不知道，在过去的五十年里，工人们的生活状况已经获得了彻底的改变。他们的工作时间缩短了，薪水提高了。他们的住房状况也大大改善了。比如说我们的房地产公司就正在将成片的贫民窟消灭掉，当然这也需要经济上的可行性。他们现在已经可以享有养老金了，而工人们失去工作后还可以领到足以糊口的失业救济。他们的孩子可以免费上学，他们病了可以免费就医，他们现在还开始享有带薪假期了。我真的认为英国的工人阶级现在应该感到满足了。” “你必须记住，施舍者与受益者对于施舍善行本身的评价有所不同。难道你真的认为，工人阶级会为你们被迫让出利益的行动而感恩戴德吗？难道你认为他们不知道，你们让出利益是出于恐惧，而绝非出于慷慨吗？” 查利一般不愿卷入政治辩论之中，但现在有一个问题憋在他心里，他必须一吐为快。 “我想你和你的俄罗斯朋友们现在的生活如此凄惨，你们应该痛恨暴民统治才符合情理。” “这就是我们的悲剧之中最痛苦的部分。不管我们口头如何否认这一点，我们的内心非常清楚，我们这类人是咎由自取。” 莉迪娅说这话时语气之凄惨令查利感到有点儿不安。她是一个难以理解的女人，她对什么都看得很严重。她是那种把请你将盐罐递给她这样的事都看得很严肃的女人。查利叹了口气。他觉得自己应该宽宏大量一些，因为她是一个受到了不公平待遇的可怜人。但前景真的是如此黑暗吗？ “跟我谈谈捷尔任斯基吧。”他结结巴巴地拼出了这个难读的名字。 “我只能告诉你阿列克谢曾对我说过的事。他说，捷尔任斯基最不同寻常的地方是他的眼神。他能够盯着你很长时间而不眨一下眼睛，而且目光尖锐。他那对大大的瞳孔能使人不寒而栗。他曾在监狱中患过肺结核，因而骨瘦如柴。但他身材高挑，长相俊朗。他绝对忠诚，因而得到了巨大的权力。他喜怒不形于色，总是一副冷冰冰的面孔。他可能从来也没有让身心轻松下来过，从来也没有体验过身心愉悦是什么感觉。他唯一关心的是他的工作，他夜以继日地工作。在他事业的顶峰时期，他住在一间小屋里，室内除了一张办公桌和一张屏风以及屏风后的小铁床外就一无所有了。他们说，在饥荒年间，当别人给他送来点儿好吃的而不是马肉时，他就会又送出去。他坚持与契卡的其他工作人员领同样的食物配给量，不肯多吃多占分毫。他全部身心都奉献给了契卡。他的内心没有人性，没有怜悯，也不懂得什么是爱，只有狂热和仇恨。他的无情令人恐惧。” 查利的身体有点儿战栗。他明白为什么莉迪娅要告诉他这个令人恐惧的人。事实上莉迪娅所描述的这个阴险之人，与他惊讶地发现西蒙将要蜕变成的人有着惊人的相似之处。他们都过着苦行生活，对生活的快乐同样不屑一顾；他们同样埋头于工作，也许还有同样冷酷的心肠。想到这里，查利温厚地一笑。 “我敢说西蒙如同其他人一样也有缺点。旁人应该容忍他的这些缺点，因为他的生活一直都很不顺，缺少幸福的体验。我想也许他渴望获得他人的爱，而他的性格又使他难以获得他人的爱。他非常敏感，一般人毫无感觉的事情却会让他感到受到了极大的伤害。但我觉得他的内心还是仁慈和善良的。” “你看错他了。你觉得他同你一样有一颗善良和无私的心，但我要告诉你，他很危险。捷尔任斯基是一个狭隘的理想主义者，他为了自己的理想可以毫不迟疑地毁灭他的国家。而西蒙有过之而无不及。他冷酷无情，没有良心，也没有良心上的不安。一旦时机出现，即使你是他最亲近的朋友，他也会毫不犹豫地毁灭你。”