Chapter 5 chapter Five

Charlie didn't know how long he had been sitting by the window, staring absently at the dark courtyard, when Lydia's voice called him back from his chaotic and confused thoughts. "I think I fell asleep," she said. "Of course you were asleep." He turned on the light.Before, he was afraid of waking her up, so he had been sitting with the lamp in the dark.The fire in the grate was almost out, and he added another log. "After a long sleep, I really relieved my fatigue. I slept so soundly that I didn't even have a dream." "Do you often have nightmares?"

"I often have sad dreams." "When you get dressed, let's go out to eat." She smiled at him, although the smile was not lacking in kindness, there was a bit of irony in it. "I suppose you don't usually spend Christmas like that." "Do I have to answer that question?" He grinned. She went into the bathroom and he heard her taking a shower.She came out still in his dressing gown. "Go take a shower, I can change clothes." Charlie went into the bathroom.She slept on the bed next to him all night and shouldn't have minded changing clothes in front of him, but he still accepted her suggestion naturally.

Lydia took him to a restaurant on Avenue Du Maine.She was familiar with the restaurant and said the food was good.With frescoes on the walls, chintz curtains on the windows and pewter dishes on the tables, the restaurant feels a little old-world unwittingly.This is a cozy little place, except for two middle-aged women dressed solemnly and three sullen and quiet Indian boys eating, there is no one else in the restaurant.Those three lads looked like they were alone and lonely, eating here simply because they had nowhere else to go. Lydia and Charlie sat in a corner of the restaurant, their conversation inaudible.Lydia had a good appetite, and ate a good deal.When he handed her another plate of food, she pushed it away.

"My mother-in-law used to complain that I ate too much. She used to say that it was like I had never had enough food in my life. Of course, she was right." Charlie was taken aback by the words.It's an odd feeling to sit and eat with someone who can't get enough to eat all year round.He had preconceived that a man who had gone through the suffering she had endured could not be so devoured.But the situation in front of him was just the opposite, which surprised him a lot.Her tragic story seems a little grotesque.She is not a romantic figure, just a very ordinary young woman, and it is this that somehow makes her tragic story all the more terrifying.

"Do you get on well with your mother-in-law?" he asked. "Yes. We have a pretty good relationship. She's not a bad woman, although she's cold, calculating, practical, and mercenary. She's a good housekeeper, and she likes everything in the house to be in order. We Russians at home Very casual, my dirty habits often make her very angry. But she has a strong ability to control herself, never loses her temper, and never says bad words in her mouth. She is very emotional, second only to Robert. She Her father was a staff officer and her husband was a colonel doctor, which she was very proud of. They both received the French Legion of Honor. Her husband lost a leg in the Great War. She was very proud of her father and husband She is proud of her respected military career and greatly values ​​the social status they have brought her. I suppose you could say she is a snob, but she is not very snobby, and a little bit of that kind of behavior once in a while doesn't put you off. Feeling offended just makes you laugh. A foreigner will often think that her moral values ​​are unusual in France. For example, she can't tolerate a woman who is unfaithful to her husband, but she takes it for granted that a man cheats on his wife For another example, she will not accept any invitation unless she has the ability to repay the favor. Once, when she bought something, she bargained for a price, even if someone told her that the price was too high, she would not accept it. Ken changed the asking price. Although she valued every penny, she was very honest and loyal to her family. She had a strong sense of justice. She knew how to put me in the dark There was some immorality in marrying Robert, at least she should have told me all this and given me a chance to decide whether to say yes or not. Of course I would not have hesitated, but she didn't know this and she thought I had every reason to blame her. When I discovered what they were keeping from me, she could only reply that she would have sacrificed any one else if it had been Robert's concern. It was for this reason that she forced herself to suffer in me many of the habits which she disliked. She made up her mind to bring about this marriage of her son's. She used all her ingenuity and self-restraint. She felt that this was Robert's only chance to reform. Her mother's love was boundless, and she was ready to accept that her son married a wife who forgot. She is even prepared to lose the influence on him. I think this is the most important thing for a woman, whether it is for her son, husband, lover or anyone else, even more than whether she can get it. Their love. She said she wouldn't interfere in our lives and she really meant what she said. It was hard to see her except in the kitchen (we later fired the maid) and at meals. She didn't go out When she is in the garden, she will stay in the small pavilion at the other end of the garden all day. We are afraid that she will feel lonely, so sometimes we invite her to come and sit with us. She will use the excuse that she has work to do, a letter to write, or Declined our invitation with a book to read. She's a woman you can hardly love, but you can't disrespect."

"How's she doing now?" Charlie asked. "The cost of Robert's lawsuit ruined her. Most of her little savings went to Robert's bail, and the rest went to a lawyer. She had to sell the house. And the house was her pride. Her main capital was her social status as the widow of an army officer. She also took out a loan using her pension as collateral. Her cooking skills have always been good, and now she lives in an working as a handyman in an apartment.” "Have you seen her since then?" "No. Why should I go to see her? We have nothing in common. When I am no longer of any use in keeping Robert in order, she is not interested in me."

Lydia went on to tell him about her married life.Having a house of her own and not having to go to work every morning gives her a real sense of satisfaction.She soon discovered that the family did not have much money, but compared to the life she was used to, the current financial conditions were much better.At least she felt safe.Robert was very considerate and easy to get along with her, but he often left her alone at home, but she loved him so much that it was a joy.His rudeness and optimistic cynicism often made her laugh out loud, and there was energy in her.He spends money never considering the financial situation of the family.He gave her a gold watch and a vanity case, which cost at least twenty or thirty thousand francs, and a handbag made of crocodile skin.She was surprised when she found a tram ticket in one of the inner pockets of the bag.She asked Robert what happened to the tram tickets, and he laughed.He said that the bag was actually bought from a girl.The girl was also betting on horse races, but her luck was terrible that day.Her lover had just given her the bag and she was about to dispose of it.He couldn't resist the temptation of such a low price.From time to time he would take Lydia to the theater, and after the play they would dance in Montmartre.She wondered where he got the money for such extravagance.He replied cheerfully that the world was full of fools, and that it would be absurd for a wise man not to be able to get a little good now and then.But all of their activities were hidden from Mrs. Berger.Lydia thought her love for Robert had reached its peak when she married, but her affection for him did not fade at all after marriage, but increased every day.He is not only a charming lover, but a delightful companion.

About four months after their marriage, Robert lost his job.This incident caused waves in the family that she could not understand.Although his salary was insignificant to the family, he and his mother spent long periods of time behind closed doors in the pavilion.When Lydia saw her mother-in-law again afterwards, it was obvious that she had just cried.She looked very haggard, and gave Lydia a sullen look, as if reproaching her for something.Lydia really didn't understand what was going on.Then the old friend of the family, Colonel Legrand, the military doctor, came, and the three of them locked themselves in Mrs. Berger's room for a secret talk.For two or three days Robert was silent, a little irritable for the first time since he had known Lydia.When she asked him what was the matter, he snapped back, "Never mind!" Then, perhaps because he felt he had to explain something anyway, he said that the whole trouble was caused by his mother's stinginess.Lydia knew that although her mother-in-law was stingy, she was never stingy when it came to her son, and it was worth spending any money on him.But seeing how bad-tempered Robert was at the moment, she thought it best for her not to say anything.For two or three days Madame Berger seemed to be in deep distress.But then, whatever the trouble was, it just passed.Instead she fired the maid.Having a maid at home is almost a matter of principle.Because even if there is only one maid, Mrs. Berger can regard herself as a lady of status.But now she told Lydia that it was useless and a waste of money to have a maid; There is nothing wrong with her, she likes to cook, so it will be more fulfilling.Lydia was also more than willing to do a little chore around the house.

Life is pretty much the same as ever.Robert soon regained his good humor, and he was as jovial, affectionate and agreeable as ever.He woke up late in the morning, went out to look for work, and often didn't return until late at night.Mrs. Berger always cooked good food for Robert, but when the two women were alone at home, they ate very sparingly: a thin bowl of soup, a salad, and a little cheese.Madame Berger was visibly tired.More than once Lydia had gone into the kitchen and found her standing there doing nothing, with a disturbed look on her face, as if she were being tormented by unbearable anxiety.But as soon as Lydia came in, she came back to herself and was busy with the task at hand.She still pays attention to appearance.When it came time to visit old friends, she would put on her best clothes, dab a little rouge on her cheeks, and head out the door.At times like this she would stand up straight, with a decent bourgeois air.After a period of time, although Robert still did not find a job, he seemed to be no less short of money than before.He told Lydia that he managed to sell a used car or two for a commission.Then he got acquainted with some people who organized the races in a bar, and got some leaks from them.Lydia didn't know why she had doubts about this statement.As much as she didn't want to think about it, she felt that something had happened that couldn't be put on the table.Once, an accident occurred that caused her great anxiety.One Sunday Robert told his mother that someone might offer him a job, and that he and Lydia would come to his house for lunch.His home was near Chartres Cathedral, and he was going to drive with her.But when they had walked the two blocks and got into a car, he told Lydia what he had just said was an excuse.He had had a little luck at the races last Thursday, and now he was taking her to lunch at Jouy's.The reason he didn't tell his mother the truth was that she would see eating out at restaurants as an unnecessary splurge.It was a sunny day.The place for lunch is in the garden of this restaurant, and there are many customers.They found two vacant seats at a table, but there were already four people at this table, and they were together.They were halfway through their meal when the group finished and left.

"Oh, look," said Robert, "a lady left her bag behind." He took the bag, and to Lydia's surprise he opened it.She saw money in the bag.He looked quickly left and right, and then gave her a stern, vicious, sly look.Her heart almost stopped beating.She was sure he was going to take the money out and put it in his pocket. She was out of breath with horror.But at this moment, a man who had eaten at this table returned, and he saw Robert holding the bag in his hand. "What are you doing with this bag?" he asked. Robert gave him a frank, charming smile. "This bag was left behind. I want to see whose it is."

The man stared at him with stern, suspicious eyes. "You just hand over the bag to the shopkeeper." "Do you think you can get the bag back in that case?" Robert handed him the bag while smiling. The man didn't say a word, took the bag, turned around and left. "It's a crime that women don't take care of their bags at all," said Robert. Lydia sighed with relief.Her suspicions were ridiculous.After all, there are people around, no one dares to openly steal money from the bag, and the risk is too great.But she understood every expression on Robert's face, and she was sure, unbelievable as it was, that he had intended to steal the money.He probably thought it was a good joke. She had completely forgotten about it.But on that dreadful morning, when she saw in the papers that the bookmaker Teddy Jordan had been murdered, she thought of it at once.She remembered the look in Robert's eyes.A terrible thought flashed through her mind, and she realized that Robert could do anything.She now knows what the stain on her pants is.is blood!She knew where the thousands of francs had come from.She also knew why Robert had been so sullen since he lost his job; why his mother was so distraught; why Colonel Legrand, the doctor, had been shut up with their mother and son in a violent quarrel for hours.It's because Robert stole the money.Madame Berger dismissed the maids and frugal because she had to save a sum of money.If the money is not provided, her son will go to jail, and it is difficult for her to provide such a large amount of money due to her financial ability. Lydia read the report of the crime again. Teddy Jordan lives alone in a flat on the first floor of an apartment building, and the porter cleans the room for him.He ate lunch outside, and the concierge brought him coffee and pastries every morning and evening.That's how she found him dead in the house.He was lying on the floor in a long-sleeved shirt and had been stabbed in the back.The body was located very close to the gramophone, and a broken record was still pressed under him. It seemed that he should have been stabbed while changing the record.A small, empty notebook stood on the mantelpiece.There was a half-glass of whiskey and soda on a table beside an armchair; another, empty, unused glass lay on a plate with a whiskey decanter, a straw, and an uncut cake.Apparently there was a visitor, but the guest did not drink.Death happened hours earlier.The reporter apparently conducted a small investigation into the case.But it's hard to tell how much of his storyline is fact and how much is fiction.The reporter once interviewed the concierge, and learned from her that, as far as she knew, no women had entered the apartment until the time of the crime, but some men had, mainly young people. From this, she drew her own conclusion.She said Teddy Jordan was a good tenant, never caused trouble, and was generous with his money.Based on the depth of the incision in the victim's back, police are convinced the killer must have been a strong man, according to the article.There was no sign of clutter in the room, suggesting that Jordan was attacked suddenly and had no chance to defend himself.The knife was not found at the scene, but blood stains on the curtain indicated that the murderer had wiped the knife with the curtain.The report also said that although the police conducted a careful investigation, no fingerprints left by the killer were found.From this he concluded that the murderer had either wiped off all fingerprints, or was wearing gloves while committing the crime.The first scenario indicates that the murderer was very calm, while the second indicates that the murder was premeditated. The reporter then visited Jojo Bar.This is a small bar in a side street behind the Avenue de la Madeleine.The regular patrons are jockeys, bookmakers and gamblers.It sells simple fare, with bacon and eggs, sausages and ribs, and Jordan eats here regularly.Most of his business is also conducted here.The reporter learned that Jordan is quite popular among the regulars of this bar.His business has its ups and downs, but as long as he makes a fortune, he is very generous on this day.He was always willing to buy someone a drink and was very gracious and friendly to everyone.Still, he has acquired a reputation for cunning.Sometimes he spent big, and sometimes he ran up huge bills, but he always paid them off in the end.The reporter mentioned in the report that the concierge suspected that Jojo, the owner of the bar, was suspected of committing the crime, but he was convinced that these suspicions were unfounded.He concluded the graphic report by saying that the police are actively investigating and expect to catch the murder suspect within 24 hours. Lydia was terrified.She had no doubt that Robert was the murderer in this case, she was as sure of it as if she had seen him kill. "How can he kill? How can he kill?" she cried. But she was startled by her own voice.Although no one else was in the kitchen, she must not let her thoughts show.Her first and only thought was the dire danger he must escape from.She loved him no matter what he did, and nothing could make her love less.If they caught him and took him away from her, she would scream in pain.Even at that moment, when she thought of his soft lips pressed against hers, and the feeling of his slender body, still a child's body in her arms, she was extremely excited.They said the depth of the stab showed strength and that they were looking for a tall, strong man.Although Robert was tall and wiry, he was neither tall nor strong.Then there was the concierge's suspicions.Police will search nightclubs and cafes, as well as places frequented by gays in the Montmartre district and Rue Rapp.Robert had never been to a place like this, and no one knew better than she how much he hated gays.He does frequent JoJo's Bar, but so do many others.He was there to get tips from the jockeys, to get better odds from the bookmakers than the brokers.These are all fair and square matters.There's no reason for doubts to finally rest on his head.The pair of trousers had been burned, and who would have thought that Mrs. Berger would be so frugal to persuade Robert to buy a second pair of trousers?If the police found out that Robert knew Jordan (Jordan knew a lot of people), and searched the house (which is unlikely, but the police might ask everyone who had a good relationship with the bookie), they would find nothing.But those thousand franc notes?Thinking of this, Lydia panicked.The poverty of their family was easy to ascertain.Robert and she had always believed that his mother had a small savings stashed away in the pavilion where she lived, but that money must have been spent after Robert lost his job.How would she explain the thousands of francs to the police once they suspected him and would undoubtedly be able to ascertain the financial situation of the family?Lydia didn't know how much money was in that pocket at the time.Maybe seven or eight thousand yuan.That's a lot of money for the poor.Although Mrs. Berger knew how Robert got the money, she didn't have the courage to give up the money.She would trust her own cleverness to think that she could hide the money in a place no one else thought of.Lydia knew it was useless to consult her.She can't listen to reason in this situation.The only thing to do is to find the money yourself and burn it.Only in this way can she feel a little peace.Then even if the police came to search, it would be impossible for them to find evidence.She was anxiously considering where Madame Berger was most likely to hide the money.She didn't go often to the pavilion where Madame Berger lived, but everything about that room was in her head.She went through every piece of furniture in the room and every possible place to hide money in her mind.She decided to conduct a search at the first opportunity. The opportunity came earlier than she expected.That very afternoon, after the two women ate their meager lunch in silence, Lydia sat in the drawing room, sewing.She couldn't read, but she had to do something to calm the fear that gnawed at her heart.She heard Madame Berger enter the house and thought she was going to the kitchen, but the drawing-room door was thrown open. "If Robert comes back, tell him I'll be home after five." To Lydia's great surprise she saw her mother-in-law in her best clothes.She was wearing the black printed silk dress, the black satin bonnet, and the silver fox scarf around her neck. "Are you going out?" Lydia couldn't help shouting. "Yes, today is the last day of the general's hunting season. If I don't come to cheer, the general's wife will think I am very rude. She and the general are very fond of my poor husband." Lydia understood.She saw it, and in view of the possibility of the unexpected, Madame Berger made up her mind that on this day she must behave as naturally as usual.Her uncharacteristic refusal to attend such social events might have been interpreted by others as a fear of her son's involvement in the horse dealer's murder.On the other hand, participating in this kind of activity can prove that she never thought about this possibility.She is a woman of boundless courage.Compared with her, Lydia could only feel weak and effeminate. As soon as she was out, Lydia bolted the gate to the yard, so that anyone could get in only by ringing the bell.Then she began to search the little garden.In the middle of the garden is a weedy field surrounded by a gravel path. In the middle of the grass is a flower bed with chrysanthemums planted in it. These chrysanthemums will bloom in autumn.She was convinced that her mother-in-law would have hidden the money in the pavilion where she lived, not in the garden.The pavilion house has one larger room and an adjoining toilet, which Madame Berger converted into her dressing room.The larger room contains a bedroom set of intricately carved mahogany, with a sofa, an armchair and a rosewood desk.On the four walls were enlarged photographs of herself and her late husband, and a photograph of her husband's grave, with his various medals and Legion of Honor hung below, as were photographs of Robert at various ages.Lydia wondered where this type of woman likes to hide things.Lydia suspects it's a place she uses a lot, since for years she's had to hide money where Robert can't find it.She was too shrewd to hide money in the bed, in the dark drawer of the desk, or in the crevice of the armchair and the sofa, where anyone could find it.This room has no fireplace, but a gas stove with iron pipes.Lydia examined the stove.She didn't see any place to hide anything in this stove; besides, the stove was used in winter.Lydia thought her mother-in-law was the sort of woman who wouldn't change places once she found a safe place to hide her money, so stashing money in a stove was out of the question.She looked around, confused.Since she couldn't think of what to do, she lifted the coverlet and pulled the pillow out of its case.She examined the pillow carefully and ran her hands over it.The mattress wrapping was so strong, she was sure Mrs. Berger couldn't cut strips and sew them back on.If she's been stashing money in the same place for a long time, it should be easy to reach; if she withdraws it, it should erase the traces quickly.For the sake of detail, Lydia inspected the chest of drawers and the desk.The drawers are not locked, and everything is neatly organized.She opened the wardrobe again.Her mind was running at high speed non-stop.She had heard countless stories of how Russians hid their money and jewels from the Bolsheviks.She'd also heard stories of ingenious and ingenious hoards, some that didn't work, and others that eluded searches.She recalled the story of a woman who had been searched on a train from Moscow to Leningrad.She was searched from head to toe, but she had sewn a diamond necklace into the folds of a fur coat, and although the coat was also searched, the diamond necklace was not found.Madame Berger also had a fur coat.She had had this old lambskin coat many years ago and it was hanging in the closet.Lydia took out the coat and made a thorough search, but she neither saw nor touched anything.No signs of recent stitching.She hung up her coat and took out three or four of Madame Berger's clothes one by one.It is impossible to sew money into any piece of clothing.Her heart sank.She was worried that her mother-in-law hid the money so hidden that she would never find it.She suddenly had a new idea.It is often said that the most dangerous places are also the safest places, and no one would think to check there.For example, the most conspicuous and least suspicious place was the grocery basket, such as Madame Berger's, which stood on a small table next to the armchair.She looked at her watch a little dejectedly, the time was short and she couldn't stay for too long, so she poured out all the things in the basket.There was a stocking which Madame Berger was mending, and scissors, needles, odds and ends, and spools of cotton and silk.There was also a half-knit black wool shawl which Madame Berger intended to wear on her walk from the pavilion to the house.Among the black and white cotton spools, Lydia was surprised to find a yellow spool.I don't know what her mother-in-law wants to do with the yellow thread.Her heart skipped a beat when her eyes fell on the curtains.The only light in the room came from the glass door, where one pair of curtains hung;Mrs. Berger was very proud of the curtains.They had belonged to her father, a colonel, and she remembered them from childhood.These curtains were very expensive and heavy, with a fringed and floral casement.The material used to make the curtains is yellow brocade.Lydia checked the window pair first, and the curtain linings.The curtains were long, made for a higher room than the present room, and because Madame Berger could not bear to cut them short, she folded them at the bottom.Lydia checked the hem of the curtain; the curtain had been sewn by a professional seamstress, and the seams were faded.Then she checked the curtains that hung on either side of the door.She took a deep breath.In the corner closest to the wall, and therefore in the darkest place, there was a freshly stitched spot about four inches long, with fresh stitches.Lydia took out a pair of scissors from the grocery basket and quickly cut the suture. She reached into the suture and took out the banknote.She pocketed the bills and within minutes used a needle and yellow thread to re-sew the seams so no one could tell the stitches had been tampered with.She looked around to see if there was anything she had messed up.As soon as she got back to the house, she went upstairs and went into the bathroom, tore the banknotes into small pieces, threw them into the toilet, and flushed them away.She ran downstairs again, and unlatched the yard door, before she sat down to her sewing.Her heart was pounding so hard it was almost jumping out of her throat.But she was very relieved.Now even if the police come, they can't find anything. Mrs. Berger is back.She walked into the living room and sat down heavily on the sofa.In order to appear nonchalant outside, she exerted all her energy, and now she is extremely tired.The muscles of her face drooped like an old woman's.Lydia glanced at her, but said nothing.After a few minutes, she sighed wearily, got up and walked back to her room.When she came back to the living room she had taken off her bright dress and put on felt slippers and a shabby black dress.Despite the trendy hairstyle, lipstick on her lips, and rouge on her face, she looks like an aging maid. "I'll see what we can make for dinner," she said. "Shall I help you?" Lydia asked. "No, I want to do it myself." Lydia went on with her needlework.It was quiet in this small house, and there seemed to be an ominous feeling.The silence was eerie.After a while Robert came back, and the sound of him inserting the key into the latch and opening the door was like a deafening roar.Lydia clenched her hands tightly to keep herself from crying.He whistled softly as he entered the house, and Lydia calmed down and went out into the corridor.He held two or three newspapers in his hand. "I've brought you the evening paper," he cried cheerfully. "It's full of the murder." Knowing his mother would be in the kitchen, he went in and threw the newspaper on the table.Lydia followed in.Madame Berger looked at them without a word, picked up a newspaper, and began to read.It was the front page news, with a huge headline. "I went to JoJo's. Everyone was talking about the murder there. Jordan was a regular client there, everyone knew him. I spoke to him the night he was killed. He was lucky at the races that day. Yes, another small fortune. He pays for everybody." His tone of voice was so easy and natural that you'd think he had nothing to do with it.His eyes sparkled, and there was a little blush on his normally pale cheeks.He was excited, but not nervous.He tried to make his tone as indifferent as his expression.Lydia asked: "Who do they think the murderer is?" "They suspect a sailor did it. The concierge said she saw Jordan come back to the apartment with a sailor about a week ago. Of course it could have been done by someone pretending to be a sailor. They were in the notorious There was a manhunt among the bar regulars. Judging by the condition of the skin around the wound, the stab had been strong. They were looking for a tall, well built man. Naturally, one or two boxers had a bad reputation. " Madame Berger put down the newspaper and said nothing. "Supper will be ready soon," she said. "Is the tablecloth ready, Lydia?" "I'm going to shop right now." When Robert was home, both meals were eaten in the dining room.Of course, there are other uses for this restaurant.But Mrs. Berger said: "We can't live like savages. Robert was brought up in a good upbringing. He's used to everything being in order." Robert went upstairs to change his coat and slippers.Robert had to change out of his best clothes when he got home, or Madame Berger would be unhappy.Lydia started to set the table.Suddenly, a thought came to her suddenly, as if she had been hit in the head, she staggered a bit, holding on to the back of the chair so as not to fall down.It had been two nights since Teddy Jordan had been murdered, and it had been two nights before Robert had woken her up, made her cook dinner, and hurried her to bed.It turned out that he came back to sleep with her directly after killing someone.It turned out that his passion, his insatiable desire, his lovemaking frenzy were fueled by the blood of a man. "What if I got pregnant that night?" Robert went downstairs in his slippers. "I'm done changing, Mom," he yelled. "I am coming." He walked into the restaurant and sat in his usual place.He picked up a napkin from the plate, then reached for a piece of bread from Lydia's plate. "How's the old lady cooking for us tonight? I'm starving right now. I just had a sandwich at JoJo's for lunch." Madame Berger brought out the soup bowls, took her place at the end of the table, and gave them each two or three spoonfuls of soup.Robert was in high spirits.He talked cheerfully, but neither woman spoke much.They finished their soup. "What's the next dish?" he asked. "Cottage pie." "Not my favorite dish." "You should be thankful for something to eat," his mother replied sharply. He shrugged and gave Lydia a pleasant wink.伯杰夫人走进厨房，去取农家馅饼。 “老太太似乎心情不大好。她今天都干了些什么？” “今天是将军狩猎季的最后一天。她去捧场了。” “那个烦人的老家伙！谁到那儿去都得一肚子火。” 伯杰夫人将盘子端上来，将馅饼分给大家。罗伯特自己倒了些加水的果酒。他用一贯的挖苦和逗乐的方式，滔滔不绝地讲了一件又一件事，但最后他对这两人的沉默不语再也忍不住了。 “你们俩今晚怎么回事？”他愤怒地止住了自己的话头，“你们闷闷不乐地坐在那里，就像两个参加葬礼的哑巴。” 他母亲坐在桌旁，眼睛一直盯着自己的盘子，强迫自己往下咽食物。听到这句话，她抬起头来，直视着他，一言不发。 “哎，你看什么呢？”他毫无礼貌地喊道。 她没有回答，而是继续盯着他。莉迪娅看了她一眼。她那双黑黑的眼睛像罗伯特的一样能说话。现在这双眼睛中流露出的是责备、恐惧和愤怒，也流露出痛苦，难以忍受的痛苦，令人望之心碎。 罗伯特无法承受这种痛苦的目光，低下头去。他们沉默地吃完了饭。罗伯特点燃了一支香烟，也递给莉迪娅一支。她走进厨房取咖啡。他们沉默地喝完了咖啡。 有人在按门铃。伯杰夫人轻声叫了起来。他们坐在那里一动不动，仿佛凝固了一般。铃声又一次响了起来。 “是谁？”伯杰夫人低声说道。 “我去看看。”罗伯特说。然后，他脸色很难看地说：“振作起来，妈妈。没有什么可担心的。” 他走到门口。她俩听到了陌生人说话的声音，但他出去后随手关上了客厅的门，她俩听不清外面在说些什么。一两分钟后他回来了。两个男人跟着他走进了房间。 “你俩到厨房待一会儿好吗？”他说，“这两位先生想和我说几句话。” “他们想要干什么？” “他们正要跟我说。”罗伯特冷冷地回答道。 两个女人站起来走了出去。莉迪娅偷偷看了他一眼。他似乎非常镇定。他不可能猜不到这两个陌生人是警探。伯杰夫人没有关厨房门，希望能听到他们说些什么。但隔着走廊，门又紧闭着，所以什么也听不见。谈话持续了近一个小时，然后门打开了。 “莉迪娅，你去把我的外衣跟鞋拿下来。”罗伯特喊道，“这两位先生要我陪他们走一趟。” 他说话的声音同平时一样轻松快活，仿佛充满了自信。但莉迪娅的心沉了下去。她走上楼去把衣服跟鞋给他拿下来。伯杰夫人一句话也没有说。罗伯特换了衣服，穿上鞋。 “我大概一两个小时后回来，”他说，“但不要等我了。” “你要上哪儿去？”他母亲问道。 “他们要我跟他们到警察局去一趟。警长认为我也许可以为特迪·约旦被谋杀的案件提供点儿线索。” “这件事跟你有什么关系？” “像许多人一样，我认识他，仅此而已。” 罗伯特同两个警探一道走了。 “你最好收拾完桌子后帮我一道把餐具洗干净。”伯杰夫人说道。 她们洗完了餐具，把一切都归拢整齐。然后，她俩就分坐在餐桌两头等着。她俩没有说话，也避开对方的注视。她们就这样不知坐了多长时间。房间内有一种不祥的寂静，唯一能听到的声音是走廊的那座布谷鸟挂钟发出的嘀嗒声。钟鸣三次后伯杰夫人站了起来。 “他今晚不会回来了。我们最好去睡觉。” “我无法入睡。我宁愿待在这儿。” “待在这里又有什么用？只是费电而已。你不是有安眠药吗？吃两片。” 莉迪娅叹了口气，站起身来。伯杰夫人皱着眉头看了她一眼，勃然大怒道： “不要摆出一副世界末日即将来临的样子。你不用把脸拉得那么长，罗伯特没干过什么会惹麻烦的事。我不知道你怀疑些什么。” 莉迪娅没有回答，但看了她一眼，那痛苦的眼神使伯杰夫人不忍对视。 “上床睡觉去！去睡觉去！”她气愤地喊道。 莉迪娅转身上楼去了。她一夜没睡，等着罗伯特，但他没有回来。第二天早晨她下楼时，伯杰夫人已经出门买回了报纸。约旦的谋杀案仍是头版新闻，但没有提及有被捕的嫌疑人；警察局仍在继续进行侦查。伯杰夫人一喝完咖啡马上又出去了。直到十一点多她才回来。看到她一脸的憔悴，莉迪娅的心提了起来。 "How's it going?" “他们什么也不告诉我。我请了律师，他到警察局去了。” 她们刚吃完可怜的一点儿午餐，门铃就响了。莉迪娅打开大门，是罗格朗上校和一个她从未见过的男人。在他们身后是另外两名男子和一个女人，她立即认出两个男人是头一天晚上来过的警官，那个女人表情冷酷。罗格朗上校要伯杰夫人出来。莉迪娅不安地走到厨房门口，前排的那名男子从她身边挤过去。 “你是莱昂蒂娜·伯杰夫人吗？” "yes." “我叫卢卡斯，巴黎警察局的。我奉命搜查这所房子。”他掏出了一份文件，“你儿子罗伯特·伯杰指定罗格朗上校代表他参加这次搜查。” “你凭什么要来搜查我的房子？” “我相信你不会妨碍我执行公务。” 她轻蔑又愤怒地瞥了这个警察一眼。 “如果你有搜查证，我当然没有权利阻止你了。” 在上校和两名警探的陪同下，那个警察走上楼，而同来的那个女人则与伯杰夫人和莉迪娅一起待在厨房。二层有两个房间，较大的房间是罗伯特夫妇的卧室，较小的房间是罗伯特单身时的卧室。此外还有一间带有煤气热水器的浴室。他们在楼上待了近两个小时，当他们走下楼梯时，那个警察手里拿着莉迪娅的小手提包。 “这个包是从哪儿来的？”他问道。 “我丈夫送给我的。” “他从哪里得到的这个包？” “他从一个穷困潦倒的女人手中买来的。”那个警察仔细地看了看她。他的目光落在了她戴的手表上。他指着手表问道： “这也是你丈夫送给你的？” "yes." 他再没有说话。他把手提包放下，走进这个分隔成两间的房间——其中一个做餐厅，一个做客厅——加入同伴的行列。但一两分钟后莉迪娅听见前门砰的一声关上了。她从窗户向外望去，看到一名警察走出门，开着一辆停在路边的汽车走了。她看着这个漂亮的手提包，突然产生了恐惧。现在，为了搜查厨房，伯杰夫人和莉迪娅被请到了客厅。客厅里一片狼藉。很明显，这里被彻底地搜查了。窗帘被摘下来扔在地板上。伯杰夫人看到地上的窗帘马上把眼光避开，她张开嘴想说点儿什么，但费了很大力气把话咽了回去。但是，当这些人搜查完厨房，跨过小小的花园向亭屋走去的时候，她身不由己地走到窗前看着他们。莉迪娅看到她浑身颤抖，生怕与她们在一起的那个女人也看出来。但她在懒洋洋地看着一份汽车杂志。莉迪娅走到窗前，握着她婆婆的手。她甚至不敢悄声告诉她，不会有危险的。当伯杰夫人看到黄色织锦窗帘被取下来的时候，她紧紧地抓住了莉迪娅的手，莉迪娅能做的就是用力握了握作为回应，试图告诉她不必害怕。 这些人在亭屋里的时间几乎与他们在楼上的时间一样长。 当他们还在亭屋的时候，那个走了的警察又回来了。过了一会儿，他又出去了，从停在外面的车上取回两把铲子。在罗格朗上校的监督下，这两个警察开始翻挖花坛。警官走进了客厅。 “由这位女士对你们进行搜身，你们有什么反对意见吗？”他问道。“没有。”她俩回答道。 他转身对莉迪娅说： “那么请您随这位女士回到自己的卧室。” 当莉迪娅走到楼上后，她明白他们为什么要待这么久了。房间看起来像是遭到了强盗的洗劫。床上凌乱地扔着罗伯特的衣服，她猜测这些衣服都受到过非常仔细的搜查。搜查的痛苦过程结束了，警官盘问了莉迪娅她丈夫衣服方面的问题。这很好回答，因为他的衣服不多：两条网球运动裤；除了身上穿的他还有两套西服；一件晚礼服，几条灯笼裤。她没有理由不据实回答。搜查最终结束的时候已经是七点多钟了。但那个警官还没完。他拿起了莉迪娅的手提包。这个手提包刚被她从厨房拿出来，搁在一张桌子上。 “夫人，我要将这个手提包带走，您的手表我也要带走，请您把手表递给我。” “凭什么？” “我有理由怀疑这些是偷来的赃物。” 莉迪娅惊愕地盯着他。但罗格朗上校走上前来。 “你没有权利拿走这些东西。你的授权只是搜查这所房子，并没有允许你带走任何一件东西。” 警官和蔼地笑了。 “你说得很对，先生。但按照我的指示，我的同事刚才取回了必要的授权文件。” 他做了一个轻微的手势，那个曾开车离开的警察从口袋里取出一份授权文件递给他。警官又将文件递给罗格朗上校。他读完文件，转身对莉迪娅说： “你必须按照警察先生的话去做。” 她将手表摘下来。警官将手提包与手表都装入一个袋子里。 “如果我的怀疑被证实没有根据，这些东西当然会退还给您。” 当他们全部离开后，莉迪娅闩上了门。伯杰夫人急忙穿过花园。莉迪娅紧跟着她。看到屋里的境况，伯杰夫人惊愕地叫了起来。 "These bastards!" 她冲到窗帘前。窗帘全都扔在地板上。看到接缝处已经被撕开，她发出了一声刺耳的尖叫。她瘫坐在地上，冲莉迪娅抬起了一张因恐惧而变形的脸。 “不要害怕。”莉迪娅说，“他们没有找到钞票。我已经事先找到它们并把它们销毁了。我知道你不会有这个勇气。” 她伸手扶伯杰夫人站起来。伯杰夫人盯着她。她们从来没有谈过这四十八小时来梦魇一般缠绕她们的问题。但现在沉默的时候已经过去了。伯杰夫人紧紧地抓住莉迪娅的胳膊，用一种刺耳而紧张的声音说道： “我以我对他所有的爱向你发誓，罗伯特没有杀那个英国人。” “你和我一样都知道是他干的，为什么还要这样说呢？” “你要背叛他吗？” “我像是要背叛他吗？你认为我销毁那些钞票想要干什么？你真是疯了，才会认为他们找不到那些钞票。难道一个训练有素的警探会错过这样一处明显的地方吗？” 伯杰夫人松开了她抓住莉迪娅的手。她的表情变了，呜咽声从喉咙中涌了出来。突然，她伸出双臂搂住了莉迪娅，把她紧紧地搂在怀中。 “哦，可怜的孩子，我都干了些什么呀，给你带来了这么大的痛苦，这么大的不幸。” 这是莉迪娅第一次见到伯杰夫人情绪失控。也是第一次见到她表现出这种没有算计的无私的爱。痛苦的呜咽充斥她的胸膛，她拼命抱着莉迪娅。莉迪娅深受感动。看到这个自我控制能力如此之强的女人连同她的骄傲与她钢铁般的意志一道被打碎，这个情景真是可怕。 “我就不应该让他娶你。”她哀号着说，“罪过呀，对你太不公平了。这是他唯一的机会。我怎么，怎么，怎么也不应该答应这件事啊。” “但我爱他。” “我知道。但你会原谅他吗？你会原谅我吗？我是他母亲，我无所谓，但你不同。经历了这样的事你还能爱他吗？” 莉迪娅挣脱她的搂抱，抓住伯杰夫人的肩膀。她几乎在摇晃她的身体。 “听我说。我的爱不是一个月或一年，我永远爱他。他是我唯一爱过的男人。他也将是我唯一永远爱下去的男人。无论他做了什么，不管将来如何，我都爱他。没有什么可以让我的爱减少分毫。我崇拜他。” 第二天，晚报上登载了罗伯特·伯杰因为杀害特迪·约旦而被捕的消息。 几个星期后，莉迪娅知道自己怀孕了，她知道自己就是在发生了那起野蛮凶杀案的当晚受的孕，非常惊恐。 莉迪娅与查利谁也没有说话。他们早已吃完了饭，其他顾客都走了。查利一句话也没有说，他认真地听着莉迪娅的故事，此生都没有如此专注过。其间，他也意识到餐厅空了，女服务生急于让他们离去。有一两次他差一点儿就要提醒莉迪娅，他们该走了。但他很难开口，因为她仿佛出神了一般地讲述着。虽然他们的眼神经常相对，他还是有一种怪异的感觉，似乎她并没有看他。这时一伙美国人走了进来，一共六个人，三男三女。他们询问现在吃饭晚不晚。老板娘看到他们非常活跃，认为来了一个挣钱的好机会，因此答复道：她丈夫是厨师，如果他们不介意等待的话，点什么菜都能做。他们要了香槟鸡尾酒。他们是出来散心的。小小的餐厅内充满了他们的欢声笑语。但莉迪娅的悲惨故事却使她和查利所在的餐桌环绕着一层诡秘而不祥的氛围，那伙人欢快的气氛无法穿透这层屏障。他们俩孤独地坐在角落里，仿佛被一道环绕着他们的无形的墙隔开。 “那你现在还爱他吗？”最后查利问道。 “我全身心地爱着他。” 她的回答真挚而充满激情，让人无法不相信她的话。这可太出乎意料了。由于惊愕，查利禁不住浑身打了一个冷战。她与自己似乎不属于同一个种族。这种感觉相当强烈，使他觉得与她坐在一起有点儿不舒服。他的感觉就像自己偶尔碰上一个人，俩人在一起谈了一两个小时后，突然发现这人是一个鬼魂。但有一个问题始终困扰着他。在这二十四小时内他一直在想这个问题，但怕引起她的误解，就一直没有问她。 “如果你还深深地爱着他，我无法理解你待在像苏丹宫那样的地方还能忍受得了。难道你找不到其他谋生手段了吗？” “很容易找到。” “那我就不明白了。” “那桩案子发生后人们都对我很好。我本可以在一家大商店找到售货员的工作。我的针线活很好，我跟一个女装裁缝学过徒，我本也可以从事这方面的工作，甚至有一个男人承诺，只要我与罗伯特离婚，他就会娶我。” 似乎没什么其他话可说了，查利沉默了。莉迪娅将胳膊肘支在红白色相间的桌布上，用双手托着下巴。查利坐在她对面。她盯着他的眼睛，就这样沉思着久久地盯着，似乎要进入他的灵魂深处。 “我要赎罪。” 查利盯着她，似乎没有听懂。她的话尽管声音很小，他却仿佛听到一声霹雳。他产生了一种从未有过的感觉。好像一条熟悉的，满是人世间欢乐景象图案的面纱突然被扯掉，露出了一张因极度痛苦而扭曲的，令人震撼的黑暗面孔。 “这话到底是什么意思？” “虽然我全心全意地爱着罗伯特，但我知道他有罪。我觉得现在我能够拯救罗伯特的唯一方法就是我自己去遭受我能想到的最大痛苦，去干我所知道的最低贱的活儿。起初我想到一家普通士兵、工人和大城市底层社会的人光顾的妓院去，但我担心我会对这些可怜的人产生怜悯。这些人偶尔匆匆光顾这些地方，是因为他们的痛苦生活难得一点儿欢乐。而这些地方花钱不多，还能得到片刻的欢愉。而经常光顾苏丹宫的都是些富人、闲人和邪恶的家伙。在那里我只会对那些出钱占有我身体的人生出憎恶和鄙视来。在那里我的屈辱感会像一个溃烂的伤口，没有任何东西可以让这道伤口愈合。我在那里必须穿得野蛮而下流的服装是一种耻辱，这种耻辱感无法随着时光的流逝而降低。我愿意承受痛苦。我愿意承受那些把我当做泻欲工具的男人们对我的蔑视。我愿意承受他们的残忍行为。罗伯特在承受着地狱的煎熬，我也要遭受同样的罪，也许我遭受苦难可以让他更容易忍受自己的痛苦。” “但他遭受苦难是因为他犯了罪。而你遭受了这么大的痛苦并不是因为你有什么过失。为什么你要让自己遭受不必要的苦难呢？” “罪孽必须通过痛苦来偿还。像你这样一个天性冷酷的英国人怎么能够理解爱对我意味着什么？我是他的，他也是我的。如果我不愿分担他的痛苦，那我就会如他犯罪一样可耻。我知道只有我遭受同他一样的痛苦，才能帮他赎清犯下的罪孽。” 查利犹豫了。他没有特别的宗教情感。他从小就被教育要相信上帝，但不要去想为什么。做到这一点未必是个坏习惯，但会有点儿刻板。现在要他把头脑中的所思所想表达出来很困难，但他发现自己现在的处境似乎可以将最不自然的话很自然地讲出来。 “你丈夫犯了罪，并为此受到了惩罚。我敢说这是正当的。但是你不能认为一个仁慈的上帝会要求你为别人的罪孽去赎罪。” “上帝？上帝跟这有什么关系？你认为我会看到了世界上绝大多数人的苦难生活，并且相信上帝吗？你认为我会相信一个让布尔什维克杀了我可怜单纯的父亲的上帝吗？你知道我在想些什么吗？我想上帝在亿万年前就已经死掉了。我认为他在启动了无限宇宙形成的运动后就死亡了。而千百年来人们追求和崇拜的这个人物与现今的一切存在并没有什么关系。” “但如果你不相信上帝，我就不明白你这样做的目的是什么了。如果你相信一个残忍的上帝，他要实施以眼还眼以牙还牙的报应，这我还能理解。如果没有上帝的话，赎罪，尤其是你要实施的这种赎罪就毫无意义。” “你是这么想的，是吗？这完全没有逻辑，简直是失去理智了。然而，在我内心深处，不，还远远不止，是在我身体的每一个细胞内，我知道我必须为罗伯特的罪孽赎罪。我知道这是他可以从拷问着他内心的炼狱中得到解脱的唯一途径。我不要求你理解。我只想要你明白，我无法拯救自己。我相信以某种方式，我也不知道是哪种方式，如我所受的侮辱，我的堕落，我的苦楚，我无休止的痛苦，可以将他的灵魂洗刷干净，即使我们再也见不了面，他也会还原成我认识的那个人。” 查利叹了一口气。这种想法他真是闻所未闻，太奇怪了。这完全是种病态又让人感到不安的想法。他不知道该怎样理解这种想法。这个女人如此与众不同，想法如此疯狂，与她在一起查利感到从未有过的局促不安。然而她的外表看起来再平凡不过了，只是一个略有几分姿色的小女人，穿着还有几分寒酸，就像是一个打字员或在邮局工作的女孩儿。此时此刻，在特里·梅森的别墅，全家人可能已经开始跳舞了。他们也可能正在戴上从拉炮中取出来的纸帽，开始晚宴。有的可能有点儿小，但是管它呢，圣诞节谁会介意这个。槲寄生树枝下的亲吻，欢声笑语与恶作剧，大家一起欢度一段愉快的时光。这个场景似乎非常遥远。但感谢上帝，它就在那里，正常、正派、理智和现实。而发生在这里的是一场噩梦。真的只是一场噩梦吗？这个悲剧式的女人过着凄惨的生活，他想知道她说的话是否有些道理。难道上帝真的在创造了无垠的世界后就寿终正寝了？他是静静地躺在某个死亡了的恒星的巨大山脉上，还是融入了他创造的宇宙中呢？如果按照这个观点，特里·梅森夫人要在圣诞节早晨召集去那里团聚的所有家人去教堂做礼拜，那不是有点儿可笑吗？而他父亲也支持他祖母的行动。 “我不想假装自己是一个虔诚的基督徒，但我认为圣诞节的时候应该去教堂做礼拜。我的意思是说，这样可以树立一个好的榜样。” 他本想这样回答。 “别表现得这么严肃。”莉迪娅说，“咱们走吧。” 他俩沿着阴森森的肮脏街道从杜缅因大街一直走到雷恩广场，莉迪娅建议在这里看一个小时的新闻片。这是当天的最后一场演出。然后他们喝了一杯啤酒后就回到了宾馆。莉迪娅摘下帽子，解开裘皮围脖。她若有所思地看着查利。 “如果你想跟我上床，你随时可以过来，这你知道。”她很随意地说道，语调就如同询问他是否愿意去圆顶咖啡厅或多姆咖啡厅一样。 查利停住了呼吸。他全身所有的神经细胞都抵制这种想法。在听了她的故事和想法之后，他不可能去碰她。有一瞬间他的嘴角由于愤怒而勾出一个冷笑。他真的没有打算出现这种他出钱而她禁欲的结果。但天生的礼貌使他将已经到了嘴边的话咽了回去。 “噢，我不想，谢谢你。” “为什么不呢？我就是干这个的，而你到巴黎也是为了这个而来的，不对吗？你们英国人到巴黎来不都是为了这个目的吗？” “别人我不知道。反正我不是为此而来的。” “那你干什么来了？” “我来这里的部分目的是要看一些画。” She shrugged. “那就随你的便好了。” 她走进浴室。她对自己的拒绝竟然如此的无动于衷，查利感到自尊心有点儿受到伤害。他想，至少请她吃了好几顿饭，她也该觉得欠自己点儿人情吧。既然她欠他些什么——至少欠他二十四小时的食宿吧，那么可能最好还是把她所提议的事情看做自己的权利；就算她因为他的无私而以这种方式感谢他也没什么不合适的。他有点儿生闷气。他脱下衣服，当她穿着他的晨衣从浴室里出来后，他就进去刷牙。他刷完牙出来的时候，她已经上床了。 “我睡觉前看一会儿书不会影响你吧？”他问道。 “不会。我背对着灯光睡。” 他随身带着一本布莱克的书。他打开书读了起来。从莉迪娅躺在旁边床上平静的呼吸声，他知道她睡着了。他又读了一小会儿，然后关掉了灯。 就这样，查利·梅森在巴黎度过了圣诞节。