Chapter 19 Chapter Eighteen

As always, Lily thought, there is something to be done just at this time, something Mrs Ramsay has decided to do at once for her own reasons, and the others can stand around and talk Joke, as it is now, can't make up my mind whether to go to the smoking room, the parlour, or the attic room.Lily looked at Mrs. Ramsay, amidst the noise of people, Mrs. was holding Mintai's arm, she suddenly thought: "Yes, it's time to do that." So, she had a kind of With a mysterious look, she immediately walked away and went to do her business alone.As soon as she moved away a process of disintegration began; they hesitated for a moment, they all went their separate ways, and Mr. Bankes, taking Charles Tansley's arm, left the dining-room and went out on the terrace to end them at the supper-table. A discussion of political issues had begun, so that they shifted the whole balance of the twilight and put the center of gravity in a different direction, and Lily, seeing them walk away and hearing a word about Labor policy, seemed to feel The two were on the bridge of the steamer, and were taking their bearings; such was the impression made on her by the change from poetry to politics; and so went Mr. Bankes and Charles Tansley. , while the others stood watching Mrs Ramsay go upstairs in the light.Lili couldn't figure it out: where was she going in such a hurry?

She wasn't running in a hurry; in fact, she was walking rather slowly.After talking so much, she felt tempted to stand still for a moment, and pick out, break down, separate out, strip away all emotion and miscellaneous elements of a matter of great importance and particularity. , put it before her, and bring it to the court of her heart which she has set up to judge the matter, where the judges sit and deliberate: How good is it, what is its right and wrong?Where are we people going?etc.After the shock caused by that incident, she resumed her composure, quite unconsciously and inappropriately using the boughs of the elms outside the window to stabilize her mood.Her world was changing; the branches were standing still.That incident gave her a sense of turmoil.Everything must be in order.She has to get everything in order, she thought.She unconsciously admired the solemnity of the elms.Now a gust of wind lifts their branches up as far as they can go (like a boat heaving its prow in a storm).It's windy (she stands for a moment, staring out the window).The wind blew, and occasionally a star appeared among the leaves; and the stars themselves, as if shaking, cast light and flickered on the edges of the gaps between the leaves.Yes, it's done, it's done; and when it's done, it's solemn.Now that she remembered it, leaving aside the gossip and emotion, it had always seemed to be the way it had always been, and it was only now that it was revealed, which stabilized everything.They would go on living, she thought, no matter how long they lived, they would come back to this night, to this bright moon, to this breeze, to this house, and to her side.It flattered her, it was the most flattering part of her; she thought, however long they lived, it would haunt them, she would always be in their minds; and this, this, this , she thought, laughing, as she went upstairs, gazing fondly at the sofa (her mother's), the rocking chair (her father's), and the map of the Hebrides on the landing.All of this will come to life in the lives of Paul and Min Tae. "Mr. and Mrs. Rayleigh"--she pondered the new appellation; she put her hand on the handle of the nursery door, and it seemed to her that the genuine communion of feeling with another seemed to separate the hearts of men. The walls have thinned out so much (which is a feeling of relief and happiness) that virtually everything has merged into one stream, that these tables and chairs and maps are hers and theirs, it doesn't matter whose, when When she dies, Paul and Mintae will live on.

She turned the handle of the door steadily so as not to creak; she entered the nursery, pursing her lips a little, as if to remind herself not to speak too loudly.But once inside she found to her displeasure that all her precautions were unnecessary.The children are not asleep yet.This is really annoying.Madrete would have to be more careful.James was wide awake, Cam was sitting upright, and Maderete was still barefoot in bed, and it was almost eleven o'clock, and they were still talking.what 's wrong?It must be that horrible wild boar head again.She had told Madelete to take it away, but she had evidently forgotten, so now that Cam and James were awake, arguing, they should have fallen asleep an hour ago.What the hell had Edward called so bewitched that he gave this dreadful head to the children?She was so stupid to let them nail it to the wall.It was so firmly nailed, Maderat said, that Cam couldn't sleep when it was in the room; if she touched it, James screamed.

It was time for Cam to go to bed (there were big horns on that head, Cam said)--sleep dreaming of lovely places, said Mrs Ramsay, sitting down on the edge of her bed.Cam said she saw wild boar horns all over the room.This is true.As long as they had a lamp on (James couldn't sleep without it), there was always some shadow cast. "But, come to think of it, Cam, it's just an old pig," said Mrs Ramsay, "a nice black pig, like those pigs on the farm." But, Cam thought, it was a The dreadful thing, its shadow spread out and spread all over the room, turned on her. "Well," said Mrs. Ramsay, "we'll cover it." They watched her go to the chest of drawers, and pull out the drawers quickly one by one, but she couldn't find a suitable one. thing, she immediately took off the scarf she was wearing, and wrapped it around the head, layer after layer, and then she walked up to Cam and almost pressed her head to her pillow, she said , how fair it looks now; how the fairies will love it; it's like a bird's nest; it's like the fair mountains they saw abroad, with quiet valleys, flowers, and bells ringing, The birds sang, and the kid and the wild antelope... She could feel the words echoing in Cam's head as she said them rhythmically, repeating them after her: How it was like a mountain, a bird's nest, a garden, and the duiker; her eyelids opened and closed, and Mrs. Ramsay went on, speaking more monotonously, more rhythmically, more absurdly. and she said to Cam that it was time for her to close her eyes and go to sleep, and that she would dream of mountains and valleys, and shooting stars, and parrots, and antelopes, and all things beautiful and lovely; Mechanically, until she sat up straight and found that Cam had fallen asleep.

She went to her son's bed and whispered: Now James is going to sleep, see, the boar's head is still there; they didn't touch it; they did as he wanted; it's still there, nothing at all damaged.He really believed that the skull was still under the scarf.But he had other things to ask her.Are they going to the lighthouse tomorrow? No, not tomorrow, she said, but soon, she assured him, as soon as the weather cleared.He is so good.He lies down.She covered him with a quilt.But she knew he would never forget it, and she was angry with Charles Tansley, with her husband, and with herself for having aroused his desire to go to the lighthouse. .Then, reaching out to touch her shoulder, she remembered that she had wrapped the scarf around the boar's head. She got up and closed the window an inch or two more. Air, softly said good night to Madeleite, she left the room, let the tongue of the door lock spring slowly back to the lock.she left.

She hoped Mr Tansley would not slam the book on the floor above their heads.She was still thinking how annoying Mr. Tansley was, because neither of them slept well, they were excitable children, and since Tansley had just said something so damning about the lighthouse, she felt, Just as the children were about to fall asleep, it seemed likely that he would be clumsily sweeping a stack of books from the table to the floor with his elbow.Because she guessed he had gone upstairs to work.And yet, how lonely he looked; she would be relieved when he went away; she would try to make him better treated tomorrow; he admired her husband; his manners could be improved. Necessary; she liked his laughter—thinking of these things as she descended the stairs, she noticed that now she could see the moon through the stair window—that golden, harvest-time The full moon—she turned around so they could see her standing on the stairs above them.

"That's my mother," thought Prue.Yes, Min Tai should see her; Paul Reilly should see her too.She felt that this was the matter itself, as if there was only one such person in the world, and that was her mother.When she was talking to the others just now, Prue looked very much like an adult, and now she is a child again, and she thinks Paul and Minta are playing a game, and she doesn't know whether her mother approves of this. The game still condemns it.What a chance, she thought, to show Mintae, Paul and Lily how beautiful her mother was, she felt so lucky to have such a mother, and she hoped she would never grow up, never leave this home.She said like a child, "We just wanted to go to the beach and watch the waves."

Suddenly, for some reason or other, Mrs. Ramsay seemed to be a girl of twenty, full of joy.She was suddenly filled with a carnival mood.Of course they should go, of course they should go, she cried, laughing; and she ran down the last three or four flights of stairs, and she started to look at one and then turned to look at the other, pulling Minta up with a smile shawls around her.She said she wished she could go too.Will they stay late?Does any of them have a watch? "Yes, Paul has a watch," Minta said.Paul showed her a beautiful gold watch from a small soft leather fob.He put the watch in the palm of his hand and handed it to her. He felt that "she knows everything, and I don't need to say anything."As he showed her the watch, he said, "I've done my business, Mrs. Ramsay. You've taken care of everything." Seeing the gold watch in his hand, Mrs. Ramsay felt how happy Minta was. !She will marry a man with a gold watch in a soft leather pouch!

"How I should like to go with you!" she exclaimed.But she was held back by something so powerful that it never even occurred to her to ask herself what it was.Of course she couldn't go with them.If it wasn't for that matter, she really wanted to go.Amused by her own absurdity (what a blessing to be married to a man with a leather fob), she went into another room, where her husband was sitting reading, with a smile on her lips.