Chapter 6 Fives

Can a man even dare to take pleasure in his own humiliated feelings, can he, can this man respect himself even more or less?Now I don't say this out of a disgusting confession.Besides, generally speaking, I also hate to say: "Forgive me, Father, I will never do it again"-not because I can't say it, but on the contrary, maybe because I am too good at saying it and doing it, And he's a master at it!Often times, through no fault of my own, I fall into this cycle.That's just disgusting.In such a case, I would be deeply moved, remorseful, and weeping bitterly, and of course I was deceiving myself, though I was not pretending at all.At this time, I can't help but make people sick... At this time, I can't even blame the laws of nature, although this laws of nature often bully me, bully me all my life, and even other things.It's disgusting to think about it all, and it's disgusting enough in retrospect.You know it's only been a mere minute and I'm already thinking viciously (as is often the case) that it's all fake, fake, disgusting hypocrisy, that is to say, all this confession, all this emotion Why, all these vows and vows to repent, and so on, are false.You may ask, what is the purpose of me spoiling myself and torturing myself like this?Answer: Because it is too boring to sit around doing nothing; so I put on an affectation.Yes, exactly that.Guys, you'd better watch what you're doing, and then you'll know it's true.I made up a set of strange experiences for myself, and a set of life experiences for myself, so that I can enjoy myself and talk about my death.It has happened to me many times—for example, to put on a wronged look, not because of any accident, but intentionally; There was no reason for it, but he pretended to be angry on purpose, so that he made himself, really, really angry afterwards.I don't know why I still like to play this trick all my life, so that I can't control myself later.I even fell in love with someone once, even twice.Guys, let me tell you, I was in a lot of pain.I don't believe in my heart that I'm in pain, I laugh at myself, but I'm in pain, and I'm in pain; Because of boredom; there is an inertia oppressing you.You know, the immediate and lawful fruit of consciousness is inertia, that is to say, a conscious idleness.I have said this above.I repeat, emphatically and emphatically: all those mindless doers who are motivated only because they are dull and limited.How should this situation be explained?It should be explained as follows: because of their limited intelligence, they regard the immediate and secondary cause as the original cause, and are therefore quicker and easier than others to believe that they have found the indisputable reason for their cause. The cornerstone of this, so they can feel at ease; this is the main thing.You know, in order to begin to act, one must be completely at ease beforehand, without leaving the slightest doubt.For example, how do I make myself feel at ease?What was the original reason for my concern?Where is its cornerstone?Where did I find them?I practice thinking, so that any one of my original causes immediately pulls out another cause which started earlier, and so on, ad infinitum.Such is the nature of any consciousness and thought.It can be seen that this is another natural law.So what is the final result?exactly the same.Please think about it: just now I talked about revenge. (You probably don't understand).I say that a man takes revenge because he thinks it is right to do so.That is to say, he found the original reason and found the cornerstone, specifically: the justice of doing so.It can be seen that he is very at ease in all aspects, so he took revenge very calmly and successfully, because he firmly believed that he was doing an upright and very just thing.But I see no justice here, nor any nobility here, so that if there is any vengeance, it can only be out of resentment.Of course, resentment is enough to overcome everything and all my doubts. It can be seen that just because resentment is not the cause, it can smoothly and completely replace the original cause.But what if I don't even have resentment (you know that's where I started).The resentment in my heart was chemically decomposed by these hateful laws of consciousness.Open your eyes and take a look—the object evaporates, the reason evaporates, the guilty person is not found, and the insult becomes not an insult, but fate, which is in a way like a toothache. Nothing wrong, so all that remains is the same way out—thumping hard on the wall.You just wave your hands because you can't find the original reason.You might as well blindly follow your own emotions, don't comment, don't look for the original reason, dispel your consciousness, even for a short while, hate or love, as long as you don't just sit around doing nothing.The day after tomorrow, it's the deadline, and you're bound to start looking down on yourself because you're clearly deluding yourself.The result: lather and inertia.Oh, you know, gentlemen, the reason I think I'm wise is probably because I've done nothing in my life, and I have neither a beginning nor an end.Well, let me be a talker, but I'm a harmless, sorry talker, like all of us.But if the immediate and only mission of any intelligent person is to talk, that is to say deliberately air-to-air, what can be done?