Chapter 9 six

The Duke began to preach: "You're all looking at me so curiously now, and you might be mad at me if I don't satisfy your curiosity. No, I'm just kidding," he added hastily with a smile, "there...there It was all children, and I was always there with children, and only children. They were all children from that village, a lot of children in the school. I didn't teach them to read. Oh No, there was a schoolmaster there who taught them, Jules Thibault. I taught them, too, but I mostly just stayed with them, and all four years of my life passed like that. I don't Need anything else. I tell them everything, hide nothing. Their fathers and relatives are all mad at me, because in the end, the children can't leave me, they keep hanging around me, even the I was an elementary school teacher, and later became my number one enemy. I had many enemies there, all because of the children. Even Schneider blamed me. What are they afraid of? They can say anything to children Well—it’s all right to talk. I’m surprised when I think that adults don’t understand children, and even parents don’t understand their own children. There is no need to hide anything from children. Don’t think that they are young and know these things early. What an excuse. What a bad and unfortunate idea! The children themselves see very clearly that they know everything when their father thinks they are too young to know anything. Tricky things, kids can come up with some really good ideas. Oh God! It's a shame to trick a beautiful little bird when it's looking at you trustingly and happily! I call them little birds because There's nothing better than a bird in the world. However, the village people are mad at me, mostly because of one thing... and Tibber is just jealous of me. He always shook his head at first, wondering how it happened What happened: the kids knew everything with me and almost nothing with him, and then he started making fun of me because I told him once that we couldn't teach them anything, but they could teach us Many things. How could he be jealous of me and slander me for nothing, since he himself lived among children! A man's heart can be healed through children... There was a patient in Schneider's clinic , a very unfortunate man. It is a terrible misfortune, and there is no greater misfortune. He was sent here to cure his insanity. In my opinion, he is not insane at all, he is just very miserable,— —that was all his disease. It would be well if you knew what we children did to him in the end... But I will tell you about this patient later. What I want to say now is, How it all started. At first the kids didn't like me. I'm grown up and clumsy, I know, and I'm ugly too... and I'm a foreigner. The kids used to make fun of me at first, Later, they spied me kissing Mary and even threw stones at me. I only kissed her once in total... No, don't laugh ’” the duke hastened to check the jeers of his audience, “there is no love here.If you knew what an unfortunate person this is, you would feel as sorry for her as I do.She is from our village.Her mother was an old woman, and their dilapidated hut had two windows, one of which was partitioned with the permission of the village chief, and the old woman did some small business in this window, selling needles, thread, shoelaces, and tobacco leaves. , soap or something, for a living.She was sick and her legs were swollen, so she sat still.Mary was her daughter, about twenty, frail and thin.She had suffered from tuberculosis early, but she still went to help others every day, doing heavy work-mopping the floor, washing clothes, sweeping the yard, and cleaning the barn.A passer-by commis seduced her and abducted her, but after a week, he left her on the road and ran away secretly.She begged all the way before she came home, dirty like a mud monkey, ragged, and her shoes were torn.She walked for a whole week, and slept in the fields at night, and from this she caught a bad cold.Both legs were wounded, and both arms were swollen and cracked.Then again, she was not pretty, only her eyes were quiet, kind, and pure.She is very quiet.Once, this was an old story, she suddenly started singing while she was working. I remember that everyone thought it was very strange and started laughing at her: 'Mary is singing!What's the matter?Mary sang! '—She was so ashamed that she never spoke again.At that time, everyone still felt sorry for her and liked her, but since she got sick and came back after being spoiled, no one sympathized with her!How cruel they are in this respect!What an incomprehensible notion they entertained upon the matter!Her mother was the first to look down on her, and sneered at her viciously: "You have completely humiliated me now." 'She was the first to spurn her, and let anyone humiliate her.The people in the village heard that Mary was back, so everyone ran to see Mary, and almost the whole village ran into the old woman's cabin: old and young, men and women, big girls and young wives, all rushed to see the excitement.Mary lay on the floor at the old woman's feet, hungry, tired, and in rags, and weeping.When everyone came running, she covered her face with her loose hair and lay face down on the floor.There were people all around, and everyone looked at her like a poisonous snake.Old men and old women scolded her, scolded her, young men even laughed at her, women scolded her, scolded her, and sneered at her, as if she were some poisonous spider.Mother took all of this into consideration, instead of ignoring it, she just sat there and nodded in approval.At that time, her mother was very ill and almost had her breath left.After two months, she really died.She knew that she was going to die, but she just didn't want to reconcile with her daughter. She didn't even say a word to her until she died, and drove her to sleep in the corridor room, and even gave her almost no food.The old woman needed to soak her two sick feet in warm water. Mary washed her feet every day, took care of her, and served her.The old lady silently accepted all her care and service, but refused to speak nicely to her.Mary put up with it all.Later, after I got to know her, I found that she herself acquiesced to all this, and she herself considered herself the most obscene bitch.When the old woman fell ill, according to the local customs, the old women in the village took turns to take care of her. At that time, Mary had nothing to eat, and everyone in the village drove her away, and no one wanted to live for her like in the past. Dry.Everyone despised her, and men didn't even treat her as a woman, and kept swearing and indecent words at her.Sometimes, and of course there were very few such times, the Sunday drunks, in order to tease her when they got drunk, threw her a few copper coins, and just dropped them carelessly on the ground, and Mary silently picked them up.At that time, she had already started coughing up blood.In the end, her tattered clothes were completely rags, so she was ashamed to show her face in the village.After she came back, she was barefoot all the time, so at this time, especially children, often in groups (about forty elementary school students) began to tease her, and even threw mud on her.She begged to be let to see the cattle, but the shepherd drove her away.So she had to go out with the herd, and she went all day.Because she brought many benefits to the shepherd, the shepherd also saw this, so he didn't drive her away, and sometimes even gave her the leftovers, cheese and bread.He thought he was doing a great good by doing so.After her mother died, the pastor was not ashamed to publicly humiliate Mary in church.Mary stood by the coffin, as she had always done, in her rags, and wept.Many people came to see how she cried and how she buried her mother.At that time, the pastor (he was still a young man, and his greatest ambition was to be a great missionary) pointed to Mary and said to everyone: "She is the one who caused the death of this venerable woman" (this is not true. , because she has been ill for two years), 'Now she stands before you and does not dare to look up at you, because she is condemned by God.Look, she's barefooted and ragged—a model for the immoral!Who is she?She is the dead man's daughter! 'It's all words of this kind.Think about it, almost all of them were very happy after hearing such shameless words, but... a special thing happened at this time, the children came out to complain, because at this time the children were all on my side, Started to love Mary.It happened like this.I would love to do something for Mary, and badly need to give her some money, but I never have a kopeck with me.I had a little diamond brooch that I sold to a junk collector who went from house to house buying and selling used clothes.He gave me eight Swiss francs, which must have been worth forty Swiss francs.I looked for Marie for a long time, hoping to meet her alone, and finally we met at the fence outside the village, behind a big tree on a mountain path.Immediately I gave her eight Swiss francs and told her to put them away and not to spend them, because I had no money other than that, and then I kissed her and told her not to think that I had money. What a bad idea, I kissed her not because I was in love with her, but because I was very sorry for her, and from the beginning, I didn't think she was guilty at all, only an unfortunate person.I really wanted to be able to comfort her and convince her that she shouldn't think of herself as inferior, but she didn't seem to get my point.I saw this at once, even though she stood before me, eyes lowered, almost ashamed and silent.After I finished speaking, she kissed my hand, and I immediately took her hand and wanted to kiss it, but she quickly retracted her hand.Suddenly at this time, a large group of children found us by accident.I found out later that they had been spying on me for a long time.They started whistling and clapping and laughing, and Mary ran off.I tried to speak, but instead of listening, they threw stones at me.On the same day, the whole village knew about it, and all the blame fell on Mary again: everyone didn't like her even more.I've even heard that someone was going to convict her and punish her, but, thank God, after a bit of shouting, that's all.Still, the children persisted with her, teased her more than ever, and threw mud at her.When the children chased her, she ran and avoided them; her lungs were so weak that she could not breathe when she ran, and they kept on chasing her, shouting and insulting her.At one point, I couldn't even hold back and got into a fight with them.Then I started explaining the situation to them, every day whenever possible.Although they still swear, they sometimes stop to listen.I told them how unfortunate Mary was.They soon stopped scolding her and started walking away in silence.Slowly, we started talking, and I kept nothing from them, and told them everything.They listened with great curiosity, and soon felt sorry for Mary.Some children met her on the road and began to say hello to her affectionately.There is a custom there to meet each other, acquaintances or not, to bow and say 'hello'.I can imagine Mary must be surprised.Once, two little girls got some food and gave it to her. After they gave it to her, they came back and told me that Mary was crying and they loved her very much now.Soon, everyone began to love her too, and at the same time, suddenly fell in love with me.They began to come to me often and always asked me to tell them stories: I thought I told them very well, because they loved listening to my stories very much.Later, whether I was studying or reading, it was all for the purpose of telling them what I saw in the future, so I told them stories for three years.Later, everyone blamed me, and Schneider also blamed me, saying why should I talk to them like an adult and not hide anything from them, I replied that it is shameful to lie to children, even if you don’t Tell them they know it all, and no matter how much you hide it from them, they will know, and maybe they will hear bad things, but they will not hear bad things from me.You only need to recall your childhood and you will understand.They don't agree with me... I kissed Mary two weeks before her mother died.When the pastor preached, the kids were all on my side.I told them this at once, and explained the pastor's behavior. The children were very angry with him, and several even smashed the glass in the windows of his house with stones.I stopped them because it was not good, but immediately everyone in the village knew about it, and immediately started blaming me, saying that I was leading the children badly.Later everyone found out that the children loved Mary, and they were very scared, but Mary already felt very happy.The villagers did not even allow the children to see Mary, but they sneaked off to find her where she was grazing the cows, at a considerable distance, half a mile from the village.They gave her all kinds of presents, and some of them ran all the way just to hug her and kiss her.Say 'Je vous aime, Marie! '— After finishing speaking, he ran back in a hurry.Mary was almost mad with joy at this sudden happiness, she did not even dream of it, she was ashamed and happy, mainly because the children, especially the girls, always wanted to run to her and tell her that I loved She, and I told them a lot about her.They told her it was I who told them all, and that they all loved her now and pitied her, and always would.Then they came running back to me, their little faces so happy and busy, and they told me they had seen Mary just now, and that Mary had said hello to me.Every evening, I go to see the waterfall. There is a place there, which is dense and hidden from the village, and there are poplars growing around it.Every evening, they all ran there to find me, and some children even came secretly.It seemed to me that my love for Marie was a great enjoyment to them, and that in this point alone I had deceived them throughout the whole time I lived there.I didn't make it clear to them that I didn't love Marie at all, that is, I didn't love her, I just felt sorry for her, and I saw from all indications that they very much wanted their own imaginary and self-righteous It was true, so I just acquiesced and acted like they guessed it.How considerate and tender these little hearts were: they saw that their good Leon loved Mary so much, but Mary was so badly dressed and had no shoes, and they thought it was unreasonable.Come to think of it, they got her shoes, socks, underwear, and even a dress!What ingenious way they got these things, I don't understand.Anyway, everyone came up with an idea and figured out a way to get it.When I asked them, they just laughed and didn't answer, very happy, and the girls clapped their little hands and ran to kiss me.I also sometimes go to meet Mary secretly.She was getting sicker and sicker, and it was difficult for her to walk. At last, she had to stop helping the shepherd completely, but she still insisted on going out with the cattle every morning.She sat on one side, and there, beside a steep cliff, almost straight up and down, there was a ledge, and she sat on a stone at the corner of the ledge, all around her, so that no one could see her, and she just Sitting there all day, almost motionless, from early in the morning until the time the herd left.She was already so weak from consumption that she mostly leaned her head against the rock wall, and sat with her eyes closed, dozing heavily, breathing heavily; her face was as thin as a skeleton, and her forehead and temples were constantly sweating .She's like that every time I meet her.I'll just stay here for a while, because I don't want others to see me either.No sooner had I appeared than Mary trembled, opened her eyes, and rushed forward to kiss my hands.I no longer withdraw my hand, because it is a kind of happiness for her.She was shaking and crying all the time I sat next to her.Of course, several times, she tried to speak, but her words were difficult to understand.She was often in a state of extreme agitation and ecstasy, like a madman.Sometimes the kids go with me.In such cases, they usually stand not too far away, keeping watch for us, and protecting us from everything and anyone, which is a very pleasant thing to them. After we left, Mary There was another person left, who still leaned her head against the rock wall and closed her eyes. She might be dreaming, dreaming of something.One morning, she could no longer go out to find the cattle, so she could only stay in her empty house.The children knew it right away, and almost all of them rushed to visit her that day.She was lying alone on her bed.For two days, only the children took turns to take care of her, but later, when people in the village heard that Mary was really dying, the old women in the village went to take care of her, sitting at the head of her bed, and taking turns to take care of her.The villagers seemed to feel sorry for Mary, at least not to stop the children from being nice to her, or to scold them as they used to.Mary was dozing all the time, but restlessly, and she was coughing badly.The old woman turned the children away from the house, but they ran to the window anyway, sometimes only for a little while, just to say, 'Bonjour, notre bonne Marie! As soon as she saw or heard the voices of the children, she immediately revived herself. Regardless of the advice of the old women, she stood up on her elbows and nodded her head frequently to express her gratitude.They brought her all kinds of sweets and sweets as usual, but she could barely eat anything.Because of these children, I can assure you that she died almost happy.Because of these children she forgot her own catastrophe, and seemed to receive forgiveness from them, for she considered herself a great sinner until the end of her life.They flapped like birds and tapped on her window, calling to her every morning: 'Nous taimons, Marie! 'She died soon.I thought she would live longer, much longer than she is now.I went to see her the night before she died, just before sunset.She seemed to recognize me, and I shook her hand for the last time, how haggard it was!that's it.Suddenly someone came to me the next morning and told me that Mary was dead.Now the children could not stop them: they decorated the whole coffin with flowers, and crowned her head with flowers.The pastor had stopped humiliating the dead in the church, but there were very few people attending the funeral, and only a few people stopped by out of curiosity.But when it was time to carry the coffin, the children rushed forward and rushed to carry it.Because they couldn't carry it, they had to help on the side. All the children ran after the coffin, and all the children cried.Since then, children have often come to pay homage to Mary's small grave: every year they decorate the grave with flowers and plant roses around it.However, after the funeral, the whole village attacked me because of the child.The masterminds were the pastor and the primary school teacher.They strictly forbade the children from seeing me, and Schneider supervised that.But we still met and made gestures from a distance to express our missing.They entrusted someone to bring me small notes frequently.In the end, all these sanctions were gone, but at the time it was better: I was even closer to the children because of the sanctions imposed on me.I even sort of made up with Tibber and the pastor the last year.Schneider said a lot to me, arguing with me about my harmful 'methods' with children.How can I do it!Finally, Schneider told me a very strange idea of ​​his - this was already before I was about to leave there - he told me that he firmly believed that I was completely a child, that is, I am full of childishness, I just look like an adult in body and face, but in terms of intellectual development, heart and character, maybe even IQ, I am not an adult, even if I live to be sixty years old, I will still be the same.I couldn't stop laughing: Of course he is wrong, because what kind of child am I?But he's right about one thing, I really don't like to be around grown-ups, and with grown-ups--I've seen that for a long time.I don't like it because I don't get along with them.No matter what they say to me, no matter how kind they are to me, I don't know why I always feel awkward with them. If I can leave them as soon as possible and find my own companions, I will be very happy, and my Companions have always been children, not because I am a child myself, but because children have an indescribable attraction for me.When I first settled in this village, I often went up the mountain alone, worrying alone.Whenever I wander around alone, sometimes, especially at noon, when school is over, I will meet a large group of children, chattering, making noise, carrying schoolbags, holding slates, running and jumping, laughing and playing at the same time, my My whole heart suddenly poured into them. I don't know why, every time I meet them, I feel an unusually strong sense of happiness.I stopped and looked at their tiny, back and forth, running legs, at the little boys and girls running together, at their laughter and tears (because running home from school, Along the way, many children have fought and cried, and then reconciled and played together), I laughed happily and forgot all my worries.Later, that is, for the remaining three years, I simply couldn't understand that anyone was worried. Why should one worry when one is fine?My whole heart goes out to them.I never intended to leave this village, it never occurred to me that one day I would return here, to Russia.I thought I was going to be a stranger forever, but then at last I saw that Schneider could no longer support me, and just at this moment something happened that seemed so important that even Schneider urged me to hurry up. Click back, and write a reply to China for me.The purpose of my return is to see what's going on, and to find some people to discuss.My fate may change radically, but this is not what I want to say at all, and it is not the main thing.Mainly, my whole life has changed.I left a lot of things abroad, too many.All this has disappeared.I sat on the train and thought: 'Now I'm walking towards people, I may not know anything about it, but a new life is finally here. 'I decided to be honest and unwavering in my career.I might get bored and uncomfortable with people.First, I decided to be courteous and honest to everyone, and no one would ask me to do more anyway.Maybe people here will think I'm a child too - that's up to them!I don't know why, but everyone thinks I'm an idiot. I did get sick before, and I really looked like an idiot at that time. Now that I know that people think I'm an idiot, what kind of idiot am I?I came in and thought, 'People think I'm an idiot, but I'm really smart, they just can't see it...' That's what I think a lot.When I was in Berlin, I got a few text messages from the kids in Switzerland, and that’s when I realized how much I love them.When I received the first letter, I felt very sad!How sad it was when the children saw me off!It was only a month ago that they started sending me off: 'Leon s'en va Leon s'en va pour toujours! 'We were the same every evening, meeting by the waterfall and talking about our parting.Sometimes we are just as happy as we used to be.Only when they parted from each other and went home to sleep, did they hug me tightly and passionately, which was not the case in the past.There are children who sneak up to me without telling everyone, just to be able to hug me and kiss me alone, not in front of everyone.When I set out on the road, all the children drove me to the train station.The station is about a mile from our village.The children tried their best not to cry, but many children couldn't help crying, especially girls.We were afraid that we might not be able to catch the train, so we walked in a hurry, but some children would suddenly run out of the crowd, pounce on me, wrap their little arms around my neck, and kiss me, so the whole group had to stop.Although we were in a hurry, we still stopped and waited for him to say goodbye before leaving.When I got on the train and the train moved, they all yelled 'Hurrah! ', and stood there for a long time, until the train had left completely.I've been looking at them too... Listen, when I came into this room just now and looked at your lovely faces (I'm looking at your faces now) and heard your first conversation, my heart For the first time I felt better.I just thought about it, maybe I am indeed a lucky star: if you want to meet some people who meet you as soon as you meet, you can't meet them. I know that, but I met you just as soon as I got off the train. .I know very well that everyone is ashamed to express their feelings, but I told you that I am not ashamed to be with you.I am withdrawn by nature, maybe, it will be a long time before I can visit you.But please don't get me wrong, I'm not saying this to offend you, and don't think I'm unhappy about anything.You once asked me what I thought of your faces.My humble self will be more than happy to share my opinion.You have a happy face, Adelaida Ivanovna, and of all three, yours is the loveliest.Besides, you are very good-looking, and people will say, 'She has a kind face' when they see you. 'You are approachable and lively, but you are also good at reading people's hearts very quickly.This is what I think of your face.Alexandra Ivanovna, you too have a very beautiful and lovely face, but you may have a faint sadness in your heart; your heart is undoubtedly very good, but you are not happy.You have a special expression on your face, like Holbein's Madonna in Dresden.Well, that's what I think of your face, I'm the best guesser, am I right?Don't you yourself regard me as a person who can pinch and count?But about your face, Lizaveta Prokofievna," he said suddenly to the General's wife, "I have more than just an opinion about your face, and I am sure that you are a child in all its glory. , and in everything, good and bad, you are a child, in spite of your age.I say so, you won't be mad at me, will you?Because you don't know the status of children in my heart, don't think that I am talking about your faces so frankly now that I have no intention, oh no, not at all!Maybe I have other intentions. "