Chapter 6 Love, Sex and Relationships

single men and women with sex imbalance Perhaps no feeling is more excruciating than being ignored.Everyone remembers what it was like not to be drafted to a sports team, or excluded from a night out with friends, or being the only one not invited to a wedding.Of course, the most infuriating thing is the unfairness - why me?I was a decent golfer, a loyal friend, a gregarious guest - and yet I was ignored. In today's world, more and more women are finding that they are being neglected in their marriages.Some women deliberately avoid marriage, while others frequently fill out their profiles on dating sites, only to be disappointed by the results.Many women blame themselves and wonder what they have done wrong.

The reality is that single women who don't have a few straight men who are attracted to them don't do anything wrong. 150 years ago, there weren't many women in the Wild West, so they had to bring in brides from elsewhere.Today, our problem is just the opposite.There are fewer non-gay men and more non-gay women, so, unsurprisingly, women are dragged into a game of grabbing chairs to the music - a game in which at least 3% of women are aired on the side. A 1994 National Opinion Research Center study on "The Social Organization of Sex" found that 9 percent of men and 4 percent of women admitted to having had some sort of homosexual sex after puberty.Another study by a group at the Harvard School of Public Health reported that 6.2 percent of men and 3.6 percent of women admitted to having a same-sex partner in the past three years.A third study reported that among those who had at least one homosexual experience, 9 percent of men and 5 percent of women admitted that these experiences could be described as "regular" or "ongoing."

These studies show that regardless of the actual number of homosexuals, the ratio of gay men to lesbians in the United States is approximately 2:1.These figures suggest that when the game of chairs to music stops among heterosexuals in the United States, it is women who are left on the sidelines. The situation means that, for the first time in the United States, more single women are likely to remain single forever. How did the numbers here come out? Girls have a considerable advantage when it comes to babies.There are 90,000 more boys than girls born each year, establishing a dating ratio that favors girls.But by the time these children were 18 years old, the sex ratio had reversed, with the sex ratio reversed, with 51 girls for 49 boys, because more boys than girls died during puberty. (Researchers have dubbed this phenomenon a "testosterone storm," and it leads to higher rates of death among boys in car crashes, suicides and drownings.)

While it's not too bad a heterosexual woman from a social standpoint, it's exacerbated by the male homosexuality. (According to experts and survey results,) we assume that about 5% of adults in the United States are gay, so there are 7.5 million gay men and 3.5 million gay women in the United States.If you subtract the gay figures from the already unbalanced total number of men and women, you get 109 million non-gay women and 98 million non-gay men - a ratio of 53 non-gay women to men: 47. For black women, the situation is even worse.Leaving black homosexuality aside (actually, this factor does not change the sex ratio of adult blacks because their numbers are relatively small), due to the higher mortality rate among teenage black boys, among adult blacks, female and The male ratio was initially 56:44.Later, because black men were incarcerated at a relatively high rate—4,700 per 100,000 black men compared to 347 per 100,000 black women—the ratio changed to 57:43.Given the disproportionate black male-female ratio, most notably the disproportionate number of black men and women with college educations, it is not surprising that many black women, especially the more successful ones, are single.

Lesbians may be less willing to come out as gay than gay men — and of course the tabloids often reveal that some female public figures are gay.On the other hand, research seems to show that even when women have had a homosexual experience, they rarely see it as part of their regular lifestyle. We all know that, on average, men die four years earlier than women, so there are always more widows than widowers.But apparently, the sex ratio imbalance started too early—as men and women date—because people don't fully appreciate the fact that women tend to be sexually ill because of factors that are statistically beyond their control. blame yourself for something.

The impact of the ratio of single men to women is obvious. In 2005, single women were the second largest group of homebuyers, second only to married men and women.They bought 1.5 million homes that year, twice as many as single men.Although this would have been unheard of 50 years ago, American women are now generally buying houses, that is, buying real estate before they buy their dowry and start a family. As the number of single women rises, a related trend is the rise in the number of women voluntarily raising or adopting children without a spouse—single mothers.In the early 1990s, when TV personality Murphy Brown decided to have a baby without a husband, it was still a big deal for Vice President Dan Quayle. Ahead of that, he gave her a hard time in his most famous speech to that point (perhaps the only time a vice president took an interest in a fictional character during a debate).But at that time, in the United States, there were only 50,000 women like this, and now it is estimated that there are three times that number.

This unfavorable gender ratio for non-gay women may discourage women in some ways, but it also motivates them to excel in others.As we'll see in trends related to articulate women, young women outnumber men in fields such as law, public relations, and journalism.In the 2004 presidential election, women outnumbered men by a ratio of 54:46.In college, the ratio of women to men is about 57:43. Of course, due to the disproportionate number of single men and women, the biggest beneficiaries are non-gay men who, frankly, have never felt better.Women who dismissed men in college started to notice after 8 or 10 years that there were significantly fewer men than there used to be.Those bald guys with regular jobs and pretty good future dads suddenly became popular.

Plus, the phenomenon has more commercial and political implications.There is a huge market for residential maintenance and improvement and home security companies that cater exclusively to single women.It wasn't that long ago that Merrill Lynch, recognizing the enormous potential behind single women's investments and pensions, was about to change its logo -- from that testosterone-filled bull to something more graceful ! If women actually want husbands as much as they want houses, will we have mail order husbands one day - to Trenton and Tuscaloosa like we used to send brides to the Wild West What about sending a husband?

If women don't want husbands - which is not a good situation - but still want children, then there is an almost unlimited market for sperm donation, and all the economic and ethical rules need to be worked out. Historians have well documented that a society with too many wifeless men leads to war.So can a society with too many husbandless women bring peace? 'Cougars' - women who date men younger than themselves Every era of popular culture recreates some of the excitement between older women and men younger than themselves.In The Graduate (1967), the worldly woman Anne Bancroft (Mrs. Robinson of the famous family Simon and Garfunkel) ) to seduce the naive Dustin Hoffman. Published in 1996, How Stella Got Her Groove Back (How Stella Got Her Groove Back), a best-selling novel by Terry McMillan, is about the mother of a successful stockbroker who accidentally finds a relationship with her. The romance of a young Jamaican Islander.In 2003's "Something's Gotta Give," a 50-something Diane Keaton (before casting Jack Nicholson) and Keanu Reeves, in his 30s, is dating.

Still, what started out as scandal and then sparked curiosity is now fairly commonplace. It is a phenomenon that the old man hides his beauty in the golden house since ancient times. "Dirty old man" is a fairly common expression.But now in the US, as financial and sexual independence increases, women are also increasingly interested in dating younger men.According to a study done by the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP), one in three women between the ages of 40 and 69 is dating a man younger than them, and of these men, about one in four One of the men was 10 years or more younger than these women.

Although the US Census Bureau's statistics for such dating between 1997 and 2003 vary, the numbers are clearly increasing: In 1997, there were fewer than 500,000 couples in the United States where the woman was the man and the man was at least 10 years old .By 2003, there were nearly 3 million couples in which the woman and the man were at least 6 years old. Between 2002 and 2005, Match.com, an online dating service, said the percentage of women in its database who were willing to date men 10 years or more younger than them nearly doubled. Perhaps, this is because not only in Hollywood, but also in real life, it has become fashionable for women to be with men younger than themselves.Geena Davis, 51, who played the nation's first female president on "Commander in Chief," is married to Reza Galashi, 35. Reza Jarrahy). Susan Sarandon, 60, has a child with Tim Robbins, 48.Madonna is approaching 50, while her husband, Guy Ritchie, is 39. Clear evidence of this trend is the fact that women now have a term for women who date men much younger than themselves: cougars.According to Valerie Gibson, sex columnist for the Toronto Sun and author of Cougars: A Guide for Older Women Dating Younger Men , a term that started popping up in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, to demean older women who go to a bar and then go home with a random guy who stays at the bar when closing time.But in recent years, the term has become a more positive one—for single older women who know what kind of man they want.They have the money, the confidence to get the kind of man they want, and they're not limited by their desire to have children and the white picket rails. Plus, so far there are at least half a dozen sites dedicated to "cougar" dating, where people who log on get mugs and T-shirts. In 2003, Oprah explored the issue of "women dating men younger than themselves."In the hugely popular sex and the city, 40-something Samantha Jones dates "toyboy" Smith Jerrod longer than she did in Longer dates than any one person in 6 seasons of the show. In the 1990s, Fran Drescher (Fran Drescher), a TV star who became famous for his role in the TV comedy "The Nanny", released a new play in 2005 called "There Are Old Peppers" ( LivingwithFran), about a mother of two who falls in love with a man half her age—clearly based on her own real-life experiences. "Kept," on VH1, is the true story of a group of men in their 20s who race to woo Mick Jagger's ex-wife, a 50-something, over the course of a year. Jerry Hall.The stories in all these entertainment shows reflect a trend in real life. There are a few factors that have sparked the growth of "cougar".High divorce rates, as well as longer periods of single life, mean women are more likely to re-enter the dating market.In fact, according to a 2004 survey by AARP, 66 percent of "old divorcees"—those who divorced in their 40s, 50s, or 60s—was Women are not raised by men.Women's success in the workplace means that some women want a man who is not doing so well in his career—so much so that he can come if she needs it, which may mean they will become their children's primary caretaker. (Of course, these men have longed for this arrangement for years.) But according to Valerie Gibson, it was all about sex.A woman's sexual peak more closely matches that of a man younger than herself.Whether it's a rejected marriage proposal or a failed marriage, older women are looking for something lighter and more flirtatious, and in their 40s or 50s, Gibson said, sex is more important to a woman. Talk about pastime, not procreation. Unless, of course, she wants kids.In 2004, more than 100,000 women aged 40 to 44 gave birth, a 63% increase from 10 years ago.More than 5,000 women aged 45 to 49 have also given birth—a 129% increase from 10 years ago.So, "cougars" are also various. What does this relationship mean to a man? Apparently, they like older women's confidence, sexual experience, and generally no commitment from men.Unlike decades ago, older women now look younger every day than they used to, thanks to the ability to have cosmetic surgery whenever they want and exercise whenever they want. As a result, men on Match.com also became interested in women who were older than them.Between 2002 and 2005, the number of men interested in dating women five or more years older than them increased by 44 percent, and the number of men interested in dating women 10 or more years older doubled . Where will America's "cougars" take us?In one sense, "cougar" means that older men should be on the lookout for younger men, since in this day and age, younger men are likely to frequently date these women as well.Perhaps in this regard, the rules of dating are perfectly equal. On the other hand, with more and more openly gay men, single women have plenty of time, and now their older sisters and even mothers are their new competitors. (Mother and daughter's tension over the same man is an implicit theme in "The Graduate" and "Love Is Compromise.") But for those who are more sexually attractive due to professional success, today's "cougar" is the result of natural instinct.Women with power and achievement (or a good inheritance) can now get what men used to pay for money.Just as billionaires need to be wary of women who covet their fortunes and trade their time for money, today's "cougars" need to be wary of young men looking for shelter from the elements.They can also use spying equipment to see what their young boyfriends and mates are up to; and they worry that if the older one gets sick or just loses interest in sex later in life, the younger partner will stay with them ? "Cougar" also needs an organization.They also need guidance on what men to look for and what men to avoid.They need new dating rules about fiancés, sex and commitment, and they need sisterly counsel on how to handle the reactions of parents, siblings, ex-husbands, friends, and especially children.They need a suitable vacation spot.They even need a birthday card that comes just in time.You may not have a "cougar" in your family, but you can spot them in a crowd in no time by asking around, or watching people bustling on a busy street for a few minutes.They insist on their own way of life, and that is very important to who they are and what they think.And, their numbers are approaching that magic 1%.A statistical significance of 1% would make them a mini-trend, a market of interest to politicians, filmmakers, priests and businessmen. Mrs Robinson would be proud.