Chapter 3 Chapter One A Strange Conversation—Who Am I?

On a winter night, it was raining lightly. A Mazda sports car galloped on the hillside road of Yangmingshan, accelerated, turned sharply, and overtook other cars, and its proficient driving skills were not inferior to racing drivers. There are generally only two situations for driving in rainy days: rushing, or running for your life. Ruo Ling had no idea where she was going. But in the latter case, she doesn't seem to care about fate. "What if there is a car coming from the opposite side?" Ruo Ling thought: "That's just right! Die fast!" As soon as the thought came out, I was startled!Why do I always have thoughts of dying lately?

In fact, this kind of "self-destructive" thinking and behavior has been a habit for Ruo Ling for many years. "Living is so tiring!" This feeling has always been a background music in Ruo Ling's life, accompanying her from childhood to adulthood, she has never been absent from every scene. And the big fight with her husband tonight is still the same pattern repeated many times, pushing her into a sad psychological atmosphere, like falling into an unrepaired mess once again out of thin air. The heart was in a mess, but the body rushed out of the door again, without even thinking about where to go.

When I came back to my senses, the car was already climbing uphill on the way up the mountain. Suddenly, the car choked twice and turned off. The engine couldn't light at all, and a closer look showed that the gasoline had already run out. "Damn it!" Ruo Ling cursed, reaching for her phone on her body.After touching for a long time and turning on the interior lights, the mobile phone was nowhere to be seen. "That's all right, I didn't bring my phone!" Ruo Ling looked around the window, it was pitch black. On a rainy night in winter, in such a wild mountainous area, a lonely woman without a mobile phone or gasoline.

＊＊＊ "Every time this happens to me, why am I so unlucky?" Ruo Ling couldn't help feeling sorry for herself again. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a ray of light, which came from a hut not far from the road. Ruo Ling thought, "Maybe there is no unparalleled road, let's try it!" She tremblingly walked to the front of the hut, but after searching for a long time, she couldn't find the doorbell, so she mustered up her courage and knocked lightly on the door. "Come in!" an old voice said. "The door is not locked?" Ruo Ling became suspicious, "Do you want to go in? Hmm... first open the door and have a look!"

The door was pushed open with a slamming sound, and there was a warm hut in front of me, with firewood burning in the fireplace.A kind-faced old man in white robes was looking at her with great interest. "Come in, boy." As if being hypnotized, Ruo Ling followed the call and entered the hut. "Sit down!" The old man beckoned Ruo Ling to sit down on the chair by the fireplace, but Ruo Ling just stood there, watching the old man warily, ready to run away if the situation didn't go right. The old man was sitting by the fire and motioned to her, "There is hot tea on the table for you."

She said thank you, but her feet didn't move half a step. The old man didn't care about Ruo Ling's defense at all, and asked with a smile, "Who are you?" "I... my car is out of gas, and I didn't bring my mobile phone. I need to borrow a call from you..." Ruo Ling muttered. "I can lend you the phone, but you didn't answer my question," the old man shook his head and said, "Who are you?" "My name is Li Ruoling..." "Li Ruoling is just your name, a code name," the old man insisted with a smile, "What I'm asking is: who are you?".

"I...", Ruo Ling was confused - what exactly did he want to ask? "I work for a foreign computer company, and I'm the marketing manager in charge of a set of their software products." Ruo Ling tried to explain. "That doesn't mean who you are." The old man shook his head again, "If you change your job, won't the content of 'who are you' be changed?" Having such a strange conversation with a strange person in a strange place? At this time, Ruo Ling felt a mysterious atmosphere in the room, as well as the peaceful and tranquil temperament emanating from the old man.This kind of mystery and serenity is always shocking.

So she sat down involuntarily. ＊＊＊ "who am I?" Her heart finally heard this question on the Luangang, echoing there like an echo in the valley... Who am I?who am I?who am I? At that moment, I couldn't help but recall all the past and burst into tears. "I am a miserable person. My parents divorced when I was a child, and I only saw my father a few times. I was raised by my grandparents until I was ten years old. My stepfather has always treated me badly, cold and alienated. In order to leave the family, I married early, but I was infertile for a long time. , suffered from mother-in-law's eyes and sister-in-law's ridicule, and even my husband didn't show sympathy. I always meet villains at work, and I don't have many close friends..."

Ruo Ling fell into a mood of sadness and self-pity, and in a daze, all kinds of misfortunes and injustices in her life flashed before her eyes like a revolving lantern. She herself was surprised that in front of a stranger, she actually poured out all the bitterness that had been brewing for a long time, and she was not stingy at all. There was sympathy in the old man's eyes. "This is your identity," he said slowly, "a perspective from which you view yourself." "You identify with yourself as an unfortunate human being, a victim of bad luck, injustice, and the wrongdoing of others."

"Your story is sympathetic, but it's not the real you." Ruo Ling thought, "When he speaks like this, he must be looking at this issue from another angle. What kind of angle is that?" "Wait a minute!" Her thoughts suddenly moved: "I am born smart, talented, handsome, and have many suitors! I am a high-achieving student who graduated from Taiwan University, and now I am in my thirties. ..." He opened his mouth and mentioned her husband, but stopped abruptly. "Yes, yes, I know, you are excellent!" The old man nodded understandingly, "But this is another identity of yours, and it is not the real you."

Ruo Ling's confidence that had just been aroused collapsed again, and she bowed her head in thought. "What answer does the old man want?" Ruoling's usual competitive spirit is ready to move at this moment, she thought, obviously the old man is not looking for a common answer to the secular world, so I will try in the direction of philosophy and religion! So she replied, "I -- I am a collection of body, mind and soul!" After finishing speaking, she looked at the old man with some complacency, and said with that look, "This time, I finally got the answer right!"