Chapter 4 Possession is love

If I own you, own you, is that love? I own you like I own a car, a coat, a piece of cloth.Because in possession, I feel very rich, so I depend on this feeling, it is very important to my heart.This kind of possession, possession and dependence is what we usually call love. We discussed the complex issue of love.I don't think we can understand love until we understand another equally complex subject, what we call "the mind."Have you ever noticed how questionable we are when we are young? We are eager to know and we see more than adults.If we are wide awake, we observe things that adults do not notice.When we are young, our minds are sharper, more curious and eager to learn.That's why when we are young, we can learn math, geography easily.As we grow older, the mind becomes more and more materialized, heavier and larger.Have you ever noticed how biased older people can be? Their minds are stubborn and closed, they see things from a fixed point of view.You are young now, but if you are not alert, you will become like that too.

Isn't it important to know the mind? And to see if you are flexible, can you adapt instantly, have extraordinary abilities at every stage of life, have deep research and understanding, to replace the mind that is getting duller by the day? Don't you want To know the way of the heart, to know the way of love? Because it is the heart that destroys love.Those who are cunning, cannot understand what love is because their hearts are too sharp, too clever, because they are too superficial - which means too superficial - and love does not exist on the surface. What is the mind? I'm not talking about the mind, that's the physical anatomy that any physiologist can tell you.The mind can respond to a variety of different nervous systems.And you are exploring what the mind is.The mind says, "I think, it's mine, it's yours, I've been hurt, I'm jealous, I can love, I can hate, I'm Hindu, I'm Mohammedan, I believe this, I Don't believe that, I know, you don't know, I respect, I despise, I want, I don't want." What are these? Until you understand it -- until you are familiar with the whole thought process, which is the mind.Until you are conscious, otherwise when you are older, you will gradually age and become stubborn, embodied, dull and stubborn.

What do you mean by mind? It is a way of thinking, the way you think about things.I'm talking about your mind, not someone else's mind and way of thinking, but the way you feel, the way you look at the tree, the fish, the fisherman, the villager.The mind is gradually distorted or set into a given pattern.When you want something, when you need, when you desire, when you want to achieve something, then you set a pattern, that is, your mind creates a pattern and traps itself in it.Your desires materialize your mind.Let's say, I want to be very rich.The desire to get rich created a pattern and I got stuck in it, and I could only think in those terms, not beyond it.So the mind gets stuck in it, becomes concrete, stubborn, dull.If I have faith—belief in God, belief in some particular political system—that belief starts to set the pattern, because belief is the result of desire, and desire reinforces the pattern.My mind gradually became dull, unable to adapt, unable to be flexible, unable to be sharp, and unable to be clear, because I had been deeply trapped in the maze of desire.

So until I really investigate my own psychic processes, the way I think, the way I think about love, until I become familiar with the way I think, I cannot understand what love is.When my heart longs for the fact of love, for the act of love, and for imagining what love should be, there is no love, because I give love some kind of motivation.So, little by little, I am creating behavioral patterns of love.But it's not love, it's just my desire for what love should be.For example, I have you as my wife or husband.Do you know "possession"? You own your cloth or your coat, and if someone takes it away, you will be angry, you will be worried, you will be irritated.Why? Because you regard the cloth or the overcoat as your property; you own it because by owning it you feel yourself rich.By owning many cloths and coats, you feel rich, not only physically but also psychologically.So, somebody takes your coat, and you're pissed off, because that sense of abundance, of possession, has been taken away from you.Possession creates a barrier to love, doesn't it? If I possess you, own you, is that love? I possess you, as I possess a car, a coat, a piece of cloth.Because in possession, I feel very rich, so I depend on this feeling, it is very important to my heart.This kind of possession, possession and dependence is what we usually call love.But if you examine it, you will find that the mind is content with having.In short, when you own a piece of cloth, a car, or a house, it brings satisfaction in the heart, making you feel like they are yours.

So the mind longs to create patterns, gets stuck in patterns and thus becomes impotent, dull, stupid and unthinking.This mind is centered on "me", the feeling that I own something, that I'm great, that I'm little, that I'm insulted, that I'm flattered, that I'm smart, that I'm beautiful, or that I'm going to be ambitious, Or I'm somebody's daughter, or somebody's son.This feeling of "I" is the core of the soul and the soul itself.So the more you feel "this is mine", the more you reinforce the feeling that "I'm something amazing", "I must be great", "I'm a smart person" or "I'm a very stupid and boring person"; mode, the more closed and uninteresting this person appears.Then there is pain, and in that there is suffering.Then you say, "What am I going to do?" and then struggle to find something else to replace the wall that surrounds you -- enter into it with the careful awareness of thought and know it.It hopes to obtain something from the outside world, and then close itself.Gradually, the mind becomes a barrier to love.So we cannot understand what love is without knowing life, without knowing the heart, and without knowing the way of thinking on which our actions are based.

Isn't the mind also a tool for comparison? You say this is better than that, you compare yourself with others, who is more beautiful, who is more intelligent.When you say, "I remember seeing that river a year ago, it was probably more beautiful then." That's a comparison.You compare yourself to others, to an example, to an ideal.Comparative judgment dulls the mind, it doesn't sharpen the mind, it doesn't make the mind more inclusive, because, what happens when you're always comparing? When you see the sunset, you immediately Compared with the previous sunset.You see a mountain that is so beautiful, and you say, "I saw a more beautiful mountain two years ago." When you compare, you are not really looking at the sunset there, you are looking at It, just compare it to something else.So comparison prevents you from seeing the whole.I look at you, you are fine.But I say, "I know a better man, a nobler man, a stupider man." When I do that, I am not looking at you.Because my mind is on other things, I'm not looking at you at all.Likewise, I am not looking at the sunset.To really look at the sunset, there is no comparison; to really look at you, you cannot compare yourself with others.Only when I look at you without comparison can I truly understand you.But, when I compare you to someone else, I'm like, "Oh! He's a stupid guy." So, in comparison, stupidity comes.I compare you with others, and in comparing you, you lose your dignity.When I look at you without comparison, I only care about you, not anyone else.This kind of real concern for you - without comparison, will bring dignity to people.

So, as long as the mind is comparing, there is no love, and the mind is always judging, comparing, measuring, finding out where the weaknesses are.So, as long as there is comparison, there will be no love.When parents love their child, they don't compare him with other children; he is their child and they love their child.But you want to compare yourself to something better, nobler, richer, and you make yourself less loving.You are always concerned about your relationship with others.When the mind becomes more comparing, more possessive, more dependent, it creates a pattern and gets stuck in it.So, it's impossible to look at anything from a fresh perspective.So, it would destroy that thing, destroy the fragrance of life, and that would destroy love.

Student: Is there no end to love? Is love based on attraction? K: If you are attracted by a beautiful river, by a beautiful woman or man, what is wrong? We try to find it out.You see, when I'm attracted to a woman, a man, a child, or truth, I want to be with it, I want to own it, I want to claim it as my own, I say it's mine and not yours .I am attracted to a person, I must be close to him, and my body must be close to his body.And what did I do? What happened? The fact that I was attracted to someone and I wanted to be close to that person was a fact, not an ideal.And I'm attracted and want to have, it's also a fact that there can be no love.I am concerned with facts, not with what I should do.When I own someone, I don't want him to also look at someone else.Is it love when I think he's "mine"? Obviously not.When I build walls around other people, like "mine," there is no love.

The truth is, my mind does this all the time.That's what we're talking about, to see how the mind works: maybe, by noticing it, the mind will be calmer. Student: Why do people have the need for love? K: You mean why do we have love? Why should we have love? Can we live without it? What happens if you don’t have this so-called love? If your parents figure out why they love you, you might Not here anymore.They may throw you out.They think they love you, they want to protect you, they want to see you educated, they feel they have to give you a chance.This feeling of protecting you, of wanting you to be educated, of belonging to them, is what they call love.What would happen without it? What would happen if your parents didn't love you?

You'll be ignored, you'll be a liability, you'll be ostracized, and they'll hate you.So, it's okay to have a feeling of love, maybe cloudy, maybe dirty and ugly, but there's still affection, luckily for you and me.Otherwise, you and I would not be educated and would not exist in this world. Talk to Students at the Rayhart School December 19, 1952