Chapter 2 Is there order in relationships

When there is no order in relationships, as in life right now, it can cause not only conflict, but also sadness, worry, confusion, and conflict. To discuss these everyday issues together, I think it is important to remember that we are exploring together.We enter together into the more complex problems of life, and exploring together requires passion, a mind unencumbered by any particular belief or conclusion, and a willingness to go far: not in terms of time, but in depth . Together we explore whether we can bring order in relationships, because relationships are societies.Relationships exist between you and me, me and others, and are the fabric of society.That is, human relationships are the structure and essence of society.I will now simply say that when there is no order in a relationship, as in current life, it causes not only conflict, but also sadness, worry, confusion and conflict.Please don't let me speak alone, let us share, because we are on a journey together, maybe hand in hand, with emotion, with empathy.If you just sit and listen, I'm afraid we won't be able to go on the journey hand in hand.So watch your hearts, your relationships - with whomever, your wife, your children, your neighbors, your government - and see if there is order in that relationship, because order is necessary Yes, accuracy is also necessary.Order is a virtue, order is very precise, very pure, complete, and we are inquiring whether there is such an order.

No one can live without relationships.You can retire to the mountains, become a monk, a dervish, wander alone in the desert, but you are still related to others.You cannot escape from what is, nor can you live in isolation.Your mind can be isolated or alone, and even then you are connected.Life is a relationship, and life is a relationship.We cannot survive if we build walls around us and only occasionally spy on each other.Beneath the walls, we are unconsciously and deeply interconnected with each other.I don't think we've paid much attention to the issue of relationships.The books you publish don't talk about relationships, they talk about God, practice, methods, how to breathe, can't do this or that, never mention relationships.

Relationships involve responsibility, just as much as freedom.The relationship between people is life.That is life, that is existence.And if relationships are out of order, our society, our culture will disintegrate, as is happening now. So, what is order, what is freedom, what is human relationship? What is order? Because when the mind really understands what causes disorder, then out of those epiphanies, awareness and observations, order comes naturally.It’s not about drawing a blueprint for order. A blueprint is a pattern set by a religion, a culture that we’ve been brought up to be, what order should be, or what order is.The mind has tried to obey order, whether cultural order, social order, legal order, or religious order.It tries to conform to the patterns established by social activities, unquestioned leaders and teachers.To me, that's not order because that implies obedience.Where there is obedience, there is disorder.To accept authority is to be out of order.Where there is comparison—measuring yourself against others, comparing yourself with others—is disorder.I will explain to you why.

Why does your mind obey? Have you asked this? Do you know that you are following a certain pattern? Whatever the pattern, whether you have established it for yourself or someone else has established it for you.Why do we always obey? Obviously, as long as there is obedience, there can be no freedom.Yet the mind always seeks freedom—the more wise, alert, aware, the more it demands.The mind obeys, imitates, because it is safer to obey, to follow patterns.This is the obvious situation.You behave in a worldly way because obedience is more appropriate.You may be educated abroad, be a great scientist, a politician, but secretly you always have a fear that if you don't go to the temples or do the mundane things that people tell you, you might be in trouble.So, you just have to obey.What will happen after obedience? Please continue to explore.What happens to your mind when you obey? First, you deny freedom completely, you deny knowing completely, you deny the desire to be independent completely.There is fear when you obey, right? From childhood, our minds are trained to imitate and obey the patterns of society—pass exams, get a degree, and if we're lucky, get a job and then Marriage is over.You accept the pattern, and you follow it out of fear.

So, from the bottom of your heart you deny freedom, you are afraid, you have a feeling that you don't want to be free to pursue, to explore, to seek and to ask.So it leads to the disorder of human relationship.You and I are trying to explore deeply, to have real insight, to see the truth.And it is this knowledge of truth that liberates the mind.This is not a practice, or an activity like exploration, but a real understanding of "What is". Through fear, submission, measurement, comparison, we both internally and externally lead to disorder in relationships.Our interpersonal relationships are out of order, not only between how close people are, but also between people and the outside world.If we see the disorder clearly, not out there, right here, embedded in us, see all the implications.Then, with cognition, comes order.Then we don't need to live according to that imposed order.Order has no template, nor is it a blueprint, it comes from the understanding of disorder.The more you understand the disorder in your relationships, the more order you will have.So, we have to find out what is the relationship between each other.

What is your relationship with others? Do you have any relationships, or relationships that belong to the past? Your past, along with impressions, experiences, and knowledge, produces so-called relationships.But knowledge in relationships leads to disorder.I have a relationship with you.I am your son, your father, your wife, your husband.We live together, you hurt me, I hurt you, you pick on me, threaten me, hit me, say nasty things behind my back and to my face.And I've lived with you for ten years or two days, and these memories hold the hurt, the sting, the pleasure of sex, the annoyance, the cruel words, and so on.Those things are recorded in the brain cells, which is memory.So my relationship with you is based on past events.The past is my life.If you watch, you will see that your mind, your life, your activities are rooted in the past.And relationships rooted in the past are bound to create disorder.That is, knowledge in relationships brings disorder.If you hurt me, I will remember.That you hurt me yesterday or a week ago is kept in my mind, and that is all I know about you.That knowledge blocks relationships, and knowledge in relationships creates disorder.So the question is: when you are hurting me, praising me, humiliating me, can the mind erase it and not remember? Have you tried?

How beautiful the moonlight is, isn't it? It seeps through the leaves.And the cry of crows, accompanied by the night light! What a pleasant surprise the dusty moon accompanied by those leaves.Watch it and enjoy it. Someone said something bad to me yesterday and it wasn't true.What he said was recorded, and the mind identified the man and his actions from the record.When the mind acts on insults, harsh words, untruths in relationships, knowledge in relationships leads to disorder.Right? Now, how about letting the mind not register this feeling of insult or flattery? Because for me, the most important things in life are relationships.Once the relationship does not exist, there will be disorder.The mind lives in order, total order, like the highest model in mathematical order, which never allows the shadow of disorder to exist in any second.Disorder occurs when the mind acts on knowledge from past relationships.So how does the mind not remember the humiliated experience and know that the feeling and flattery has happened? Can it just let things happen and not record them so that the mind is always clean, healthy and whole in relationships of?

Are you interested in this? You know, if you're really interested in it, it's the biggest subject in life: how to handle your relationships without getting your heart hurt and twisted.Now, is it possible? We have asked an impossible question, and we must find that impossible answer.For "possible" means the mundane, the done, the done; but if you ask the impossible question, you must seek the answer.Can your heart do it? That's love.Know not to remember insults and flattering hearts, know what love is. Is it possible for the mind not to remember, absolutely not to remember things that are insulting or flattering? Is it possible? If you can find the answer, you can solve the difficult problem in human relationship.We live in traumatic relationships.This is not an abstraction, but a fact of life, of everyday existence.Whether you go to work, come home to sleep with your wife or fight, you are always in a relationship.And if there is no order in your relationship with others, eventually there will be disorder, as has always been the case.Therefore, order is absolutely necessary.In order to find a solution, although the mind has been molded with insults, hurts and blows, can you not remember it? By the time you remember it, it has left its mark in the brain cells.Look at the difficulty of this problem.Can the mind do this to be completely innocent? The innocent mind will not be harmed, because if it is not harmed, it will not harm others.At present, is this possible? All kinds of influences, accidents, hurts, mistrusts, are placed on the heart.Can the mind not remember to remain pure and clear? We will find the answer together.

We will find out by asking, "What is love?"Is love a product of thought? Is love in the realm of time? Is love pleasurable? Can love be cultivated, practiced, formed through thought? Is it pleasurable—sexual or otherwise? Our minds are always seeking pleasure: I had a good meal yesterday, the pleasure of the meal is remembered, and I want more experience, tomorrow I want better or the same meal.I have felt the pleasure of the setting sun, or seeing the moon in the shadow of a tree, or the waves of the distant sea.Beauty brings pleasure, that is, pleasure.The mind remembers it and wants it to reappear.And after thinking of words, chewing repeatedly, and hoping for it to reappear, this is what you call love.Right? When we talk about sex, don't be shy, it's part of your life.You have uglified it because you have denied every kind of freedom except this one.

So, is love happy? Is love made of thoughts? Just like happiness is made of thoughts? Can love be jealous? Can someone love a person who is jealous, greedy, ambitious, violent, submissive, totally People? So what is love? Apparently it's not any of those things.It is not pleasure.Please understand the importance of pleasure.Thought supports pleasure, therefore thought is not love.Thoughts cannot cultivate love.It can cultivate the pursuit of pleasure as it can for fear, but it still cannot create love, or integrate it.Just look at this fact.After seeing it, you will give up your ambition and greed.So, through negation you will find the most extraordinary thing, which is love.This is the most positive thing.

Disorder in relationships shows that there is no love, only obedience, and there is disorder.So when the mind surrenders to a happy pattern, or thinks it is love, it cannot know what love is.When the mind understands the whole process by which disorder arises, an order is attained, and that is virtue, and therefore love.It's your life, not mine.If you don't live in this way, you will be very unhappy, you will be trapped in social chaos, and you will be addicted to it forever.Only those who know what love is and what order is can cross this torrent. Madras December 16, 1972 Editor's note: Madras's public lectures were held outdoors in the evenings when it was cooler.