Chapter 16 Chapter 4 puts you on the road to sanity

If you lose your temper with someone in a fit of anger, it is true for you to vent your anger, but what will happen to that person?Can he share your ease and joy?Can he bear your challenging tone and hostile attitude? President Wilson once said, "If you come to me with two fists clenched, I can tell you that I will clenched them even more. If you come to me, if you say this: "Let's sit down and discuss it together. If we disagree, let's think about the reason and what is the main problem?" .We shall soon see that the differences of opinion are not very great, that there are few differences, and that there are many similarities.In other words, as long as we are patient and sincere with each other, we can get closer. "

John.Rockefeller greatly admired and appreciated the truth contained in President Wilson's words.It was 1915, and Rockefeller was notorious and extremely despised in Colorado.It was the bloodiest strike in the history of American industry and shocked the state for two years. The angry miners demanded higher wages from the Colorado Coal and Iron Company; Rockefeller ran the Coal and Iron Company.At that time, the property was destroyed by miners, and finally the army had to be mobilized to suppress it.Bloody incidents occurred one after another, and many miners were killed or injured at gunpoint.

At that time, the atmosphere of hatred lingered in every corner, but Rockefeller wanted to get the understanding of those miners, and he really did it.How did he accomplish this?All that happened was this: Rockefeller spent several weeks making friends, and then he addressed workers' representatives.This speech was his successful masterpiece, and it had an astonishing effect, completely calming down the anger of the workers.He completed this speech, which was appreciated by many people.In this speech, he showed a very friendly attitude, so that those miners who were on strike went back to work one by one.One of the most important things is the issue of salary increase, but these workers did not mention a single word on this matter.

Here is the famous speech, and note the kindness that flows from sentence to sentence. Don't forget that Rockefeller's speech was for people who wanted to hang their necks from a sour apple tree just a few days ago.But what he said was more kind and humble than doctors and preachers. In this speech he used the phrase... It is an honor to be here... I have visited your families... :.Seeing your wives and children... We meet here as friends, we are not strangers... We have a spirit of friendship and mutual help... For the benefit of all of us... Thanks to your kindness, I can Come here.

Rockefeller said at the beginning: This is the most memorable day in my life. This is the first time I have such an honor to gather with the company's labor representatives, employees, and inspectors. A gathering like this is unforgettable in my life. , honored me.Had this party been held two weeks ago, I would have stood here like a stranger, and I would have known few, if any, among you. A few days ago, I had the opportunity to go to the residence of the Southern Coal District, have an individual talk with representatives, and visit your family , to see your wives and children, so today we meet here as friends, not strangers.In our spirit of friendship and mutual assistance, I am delighted to have this opportunity to discuss matters of our mutual interest with you.

This gathering includes the company's employees and labor representatives. I am able to come here because of your kindness, because I am not a company employee or a labor representative.But I feel that the relationship between me and you is very close, because I represent shareholders and directors. " A speech like this, isn't that a most concrete example of making an enemy a friend? What if Rockefeller had used another method; he had had a debate with the miners, berating and threatening them with dire facts right in front of them, and pointing out their mistakes?That's bound to fuel more anger, more hatred.There will be more resistance from those miners.

If there is such a person who already has prejudices and dislikes towards you in his heart, even if you find all the logic and reasons, you will not be able to make him accept your opinion.If we use coercive means, we can't make him accept your opinion and submit to you, but if we use kind friendship and gentle words, we can guide him to agree. Lincoln said something similar about a hundred years ago when he said: It's an old and true adage - "A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall." We do the same with people, if you want people to agree with you, convince them that you are him A true friend of yours, then a drop of honey will cling to his heart, and you will be on the highway of wide, sensible reason.

As a businessman, it pays to know how to treat strikers with kindness.Now take an example: When the 2,500 workers of the White Motor Company organized a union strike in order to increase wages, the manager of that company, Bai Lake, did not anger, reprimand, intimidate, or even call them an outrage.Instead, praise and praise the workers.He placed an ad in the Clifford papers extolling them as a "peaceful way of laying down tools." He saw the pickets on strike and had nothing to do, so he bought some sets of baseballs and asked them to play in the open field.He even rented a room for some bowlers.

Bai Lake's kind attitude gave him a friendly effect.Those workers who were on strike brought a lot of brooms, shovels, and garbage trucks to automatically clean up the paper scraps, matches, and cigarette butts around the factory.Just imagine, those workers who are on strike are asking for wage increases and recognition of the union, but they are also cleaning up the environment around the factory.This situation is rarely seen in American labor disputes.That strike, within a week, the reconciliation ended...without a trace of malice or resentment. Webster looked like a god, spoke like a LORD, and he was the most successful lawyer .He usually uses very mild terms to quote his own strongest reasons.

The sentences he usually uses are like: "Jorrors, this point of consideration..." "This situation seems to be necessary to explore..." "Gentlemen, I believe you will not ignore these facts. . . . " Or he could say something like this: "I believe you have an understanding of human nature, so it is easy to see the importance of these facts... :. " What Webster said was without coercion, without coercion, and without imposing his own opinions on others.He has the easygoing, friendly approach that has made him famous. You may never be asked to settle a labor dispute, or speak to a jury in court.However, maybe you wish

Looking for this friendly approach to lowering your rent can help?Let's see: The engineer Stober thought the rent of the house he lived in was too high, and he hoped to reduce it, but he knew that the landlord was a stubborn old man.Stober said at the workshop: "I wrote a letter to the landlord, telling him that I was going to move out of my apartment when my lease expired. In fact, I didn't want to move out. If the rent could be reduced, I would still live in it. But I knew the situation and didn't Not optimistic, hope is small; the problem is that other tenants have tried and failed. They told me that the landlord is a difficult person to deal with. But I said to myself: I am studying how to deal with people , I might as well try it on that landlord and see how it works?" After the landlord received my letter, he brought his secretary to see me.I greeted him at the door with Schwab's warm welcome.I didn't talk about the high rent in the first sentence; I started by talking about how I like his apartment.I admired the way he managed the house; at the same time I told him that I would very much like to continue living there, but that my financial means made it impossible for me to afford it. I do not believe he had ever been so welcomed by a lodger, and he was almost bewildered. Then, he also told me about the many troubles he encountered - he said that some tenants have been complaining to him.He also said that one of the lodgers had written him fourteen letters, some of which were downright insulting.Another tenant threatened to cancel the lease immediately unless the people on the floor above slept without snoring. The landlord pointed at me and said, "To have a satisfied tenant like you, as far as I'm concerned, that's the best thing I can do." Before I could say anything, he automatically reduced the rent a little.I wanted a lower rent, and I said what I could afford, and he accepted it without saying a word. Before he left, he asked me, "Is there anything in your room that needs renovation?" At that time, if I had used the method used by other tenants to ask the landlord to reduce the rent, I believe that I would encounter the same situation as them.It was the approach of kindness, appreciation, and sympathy that got me this effect. " Let's take another example!It was from the experience of a lady, a lady of great social standing, "Lady Day" of Garden City Beach, Long Island. Mrs. Day said, "Recently I had some friends over for lunch, and it was an important gathering for me, and naturally I wanted everything to go well at the gathering. Emile the steward, who is often my right-hand man in such matters, failed me this time. That lunch meal was spoiled, and Emil wasn't there either, only a cook and waiter was missing.The waiter, who had no idea what was going on at the high-level banquet, spoiled the banquet.I hated it to the core, but in front of the guests, I had to force myself to smile, and I said to myself: "When I see Emile, I can't spare him once he leaves." This happened on Wednesday... The next day I listened to a lecture on human relations, and when I had finished I realized that it was useless to blame Emile.If the matter is serious, it will make him angry and resentful, and he will not be able to ask him for help in the future. I tried to think from his standpoint: he didn't buy the lunch dishes, nor did he cook them himself. It was only because the waiter was too stupid that he messed up the banquet. There is no way.Maybe I took the matter too seriously, and I was eager to get angry without thinking about it. I decided to treat him kindly, praise him, and praise him. I believe this method must be very effective When I saw Emil the next day, he seemed aggrieved, as if he wanted to argue with me, to justify the matter.I said to him like this: "Emile, do you know that it would be nice to have you when I treat guests. You are the most capable butler in New York, and I know that. , You didn’t buy it and make it yourself; what happened that day, from your point of view, there is nothing you can do about it.” When Emil heard this, the haze on his face disappeared completely, he smiled and said to me: "Really, ma'am, the problem is with that cook and waiter, it's not my fault." So I said, "Emile, I'm going to have another banquet and I need your advice, do you think we should give the cook another chance?" Emile nodded repeatedly, and said, "Of course... Madame, don't worry, the situation last time will definitely not happen again." The next week, I hosted another lunch, and Emil gave me information about the menu, and I tipped him half, not mentioning the mistake of the past. When we came to the banquet, there were two beautiful bouquets of flowers on the table, and Emile took care of them personally, and served the guests attentively.The situation in front of me, even if I entertain Queen Mary, is nothing more than that.The food was delicious and the service was attentive, with four waiters around instead of one.In the end, Emile personally served delicious snacks as the end. After the banquet was over, my host and guest asked me with a smile: "What spell did you cast on that steward?"I have never seen such hospitality. . Yes, he was right... My friendliness to Emile and my sincere admiration for him had this effect. " Years ago, when I was a child living in Northwest Missouri who had to walk barefoot through a wood every day to go to a country school... One day I read a parable about the sun and the wind.The sun and the wind argue over whose power is greater!wind said: "I'll find a proof to show you right away... Have you seen the old man in the overcoat? I can quickly take off the overcoat on him, and then you will know that I am stronger!" The sun went behind the clouds and the wind blew up, almost a hurricane...but the harder and harder the wind blew, the tighter the old man pulled his coat inward. Finally, the wind had to calm down!Then, the sun came out from behind the white clouds and smiled kindly at the old man. It didn't seem long before the old man wiped the sweat from his forehead and took off his overcoat.So the sun said to the wind: "The power of gentleness and kindness is always stronger than anger and violence." When I first read this fable, something happened in the distant city of Boston, which at the same time proved the meaning of this fable to have its truth.Boston is the historical center of American culture and education. When I was young, I didn't dare to dream of having the opportunity to go there once.Thirty years later, Dr. B in Boston, who confirmed that truth, became a student in my workshop.Here is what Dr. B told the class: At that time, the newspapers in Boston were almost full of advertisements of counterfeit drugs and secret medicine, such as advertisements for abortion and quack doctors, using shocking words to scare patients and make them afraid, the main purpose was to cheat money.After receiving medical treatment, the patients were at the mercy of those secret doctors to abort their babies, causing many deaths. However, these quack doctors and secret doctors were rarely convicted. They only need to spend a little money or use political power to get rid of this crime. The situation was getting worse and worse, and the upper classes of the city of Boston revolted, and the preaching priests attacked and denounced the newspapers that carried dirty advertisements from the pulpit. They prayed that God would stop those advertisements.Others include civic groups, business People, women's associations, churches, youth associations, etc. all condemned him one after another, but to no avail.In the state legislature, there was also a fierce debate to make this shameless advertisement "illegal", but the opponent has a background of political negotiating forces, and it did not produce any effect Dr. B. was the president of a Christian group at that time. He tried everything and failed. The campaign against this medical scum was looking hopeless. One night, it was very late, and Dr. B was thinking about that matter, and before he had a rest, he finally came up with a method that no Bostonian had thought of—he wanted to try a method of friendliness, sympathy, and appreciation; He wants the newspaper to automatically suspend that kind of advertisement. Dr. B wrote a letter to one of the best-selling newspapers in Boston. He praised the newspaper very much. One of the best family newspapers. Dr. B said in the letter that the newspaper is the best newspaper in the state and the most perfect news reader in the United States.But he went on to say: However, I have a friend who told me that he has a young daughter. One night, his daughter recited an advertisement in your newspaper. It was an advertisement for abortion. The daughter didn’t know the advertisement. To understand the meaning of the words, she asked her father what those words meant.My friend was extremely embarrassed to ask his daughter. He didn't know how to explain it to this pure and innocent daughter. Your paper is a popular reading among good Boston families.What happened in my friend's family, does it happen in other families?If you had such a pure, innocent, young daughter, wouldn't you want her to see those ads?How would you explain it when your daughter mentioned the same problem to you? Your paper is perfect in every respect, and because of the existence of such circumstances, parents are often compelled to forbid their children to read it.For this point, I feel very sorry for your newspaper. I believe that tens of thousands of other readers will have the same idea as me. " Two days later, the publisher of this newspaper sent a reply letter to Dr. B. The date on this letter was October 13, 1904. He kept this letter for more than 30 years. When he was my lecturer When I was a student in the class, he showed me the letter.The content of this letter is: "On the 11th of this month, the editor of this newspaper handed in a letter from you. After reading it, I am very grateful. Starting from Monday, all advertisements that readers do not welcome and object to will be deleted from all reports in this newspaper.As for the medical advertisements that cannot be stopped for the time being, they will be published after the editors have dealt with them seriously, and the principle is to not arouse readers' disgust. Thank you for your letter of concern, which has benefited me a lot. Heskel Aesop was a slave in the palace of "Crosses" in Greece. More than 600 years before the birth of Christ, he compiled an immortal work, which is the "Aesop's Fables" that has been handed down to this day.His education of human nature is like that of Boston and Athens of Greece 2,500 years ago.The sun will undress you more than the wind!A loving, friendly approach can change a person's mind more effectively than a violent attack. Remember the words of Lincoln: "A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall." When it comes to gaining people's approval, don't forget the fourth rule: Start with kindness.