Chapter 12 Chapter 6 How to Make People Like You Quickly

I was in the post office on 33rd Street and Eighth Road in New York, waiting in line for a registered letter to be delivered, and I found the postman inside, who seemed very distressed about his work...  Weighing love, handing out postage stamps, giving change, handing out receipts, the monotonous work goes on year after year. So I said to myself, "I'm going to try to get that guy to like me, I have to say something interesting, it's about him, not me." So I asked myself, "What's there about him?" , is it worthy of praise?" This is a difficult problem to find the answer to, especially if the other party is a stranger.But very easily, I made a discovery, and I found something worthy of praise in this postman.

When he weighed my letter, I said enthusiastically, "I wish I had hair like yours!" The postman raised his head, his expression changed into a smile from surprise, and he said politely, "It's not as good as it used to be!" I told him with certainty that maybe he didn't have the luster of the past, but It still looks beautiful now.He was very happy, we had a pleasant conversation, and finally he said to me: "Many people have praised my hair." I'll bet that when the postman leaves for lunch at noon, he walks like he's riding a cloud.When he goes home at night, he will mention it to his wife, and he will look in the mirror and say, "Well, my hair is really good."

I told this story in a public place, and someone asked me later, "What do you want from that postman?" What do I want?What do I want from that postman? If we are so humble and selfish, if we don't get anything from others, we are unwilling to give others a little happiness, if our tolerance is smaller than a sour apple, then what we will encounter will definitely be failure. Well, yes, I do want something from that man!I wanted something of great value, and I had it—I made him feel that I had done him something for which he did not need anything in return.That event, even after a long time, still shines brightly in his memory.

There is one absolutely vital law of human conduct, and if we obey this law we shall almost never be troubled. In fact, obeying this law will bring us countless friends and eternal happiness.But if that law is violated, we will encounter countless difficulties.This law is.Always make others feel important. Professor Shewei once said: "The desire for self-respect is the most urgent demand in human nature." Dr. James said: "The deepest essence of human nature is the desire to be valued by others." I once said that people The difference from animals lies in the presence or absence of a sense of self-respect, and human culture also arises from this.

Philosophers have pondered the laws of human relationship for thousands of years.And of all the thinking, only one law was cited as a result.That law is not new, it is as old as history!More than three thousand years ago, Zoroast taught that law to all Zoroastrians.Twenty-four centuries ago, Confucius preached in China and Lao Tzu, the founder of Taoism, taught his disciples.In 500 BC, Sakyamuni also passed down that law to the human world.Jesus synthesized that law in one thought -- that is one of the world's The most important law: "Treat others as you would like them to treat you."

You want everyone you come in contact with to agree with you, you want people to recognize your worth, and you want a sense of self-importance in your little world.You do not want to be flattered without merit and insincere, and you crave sincere appreciation.You want your friends to be, as Schwab said, "honest in approbation, more generous than praise."All people need these. So let us abide by this golden rule to want what others give me, and give to others. How? When?Where do you do it?The answer is: "All the time, anywhere." Example: Once, I went to the Radio City Information Office and asked for Su Wen's office number.The interviewer in a neat uniform seemed to look dignified, and he answered clearly: "Henry Suwen (pause), 18th floor (pause), Room 1816."

I went to the elevator, thought for a while, then walked back and said to the interviewer, "Your way of answering questions is very beautiful, very clear and appropriate, you are like an artist, it is really not easy." There was a happy light on his face, and he told me why he had to pause in the middle of his answer, and why he had to say that for a few words in each sentence.After hearing what I said, he was so happy that he pulled up his tie a little bit higher.When I took the elevator up to the eighteenth floor, I felt that I added a little more to the total amount of people's happiness.

You don't have to wait until you're an ambassador to France, or you're president of a big club, to compliment someone, you can apply it almost every day. For example, if we want French-style fried potatoes, and the waitress brings you boiled potatoes, we might as well say, "Sorry to trouble you—I like French-style." Fried potatoes." She'll reply that it's no trouble at all," and will gladly replace it for you because you respected her first. Usually polite words, such as "I'm sorry to trouble you, please, would you mind... Thank you!" These short words can reduce disputes between people, and at the same time naturally show a noble personality.

Let us give another example: the famous American novelist "Cohen" was the son of a blacksmith. He had not received more than eight years of education in his life, but when he died, he was the richest literati in the world. The situation is like this - Cohen likes poetry, so he read all the poems of "Rosetti".He even wrote a speech extolling Rosettiz's technical achievements, and sent a copy to Rosettiz.Rossettigan was delighted, and he said: "A young man who has such a high opinion of my talents must be very smart." Rossetti invited the blacksmith's son to come to London as his private secretary.The turning point of Cohen's life was at this time.In this new position, he met many great contemporary writers.Under their guidance and encouragement, he started his writing career smoothly, which made him famous.

His hometown is Fort Griba, which is now a holy place for tourism.He has an inheritance of two and a half million yuan, but who knows, if he hadn't written the speech in praise of famous poets, he might have died in obscurity and poverty. This is sincerity, a power of appreciation from the heart. It is not surprising that Rosetti considered himself important, nor was it a country in which almost everyone considered himself the most important. Do you feel that you are superior to the Japanese?But in fact, the Japanese think that they are much superior to you.If an old-fashioned Japanese, when he sees a Caucasian dancing with a Japanese woman, he will feel very angry.

Do you think you are superior to Indians?You have the right to think so, but their feelings are completely opposite to yours. Do you think you are superior to the Eskimos? , of course you can think so, but do you want to know what the Eskimos think of you?In their society, if there is a person who is lazy and does not do his job properly, the Eskimos refer to that kind of rascal as a "white person", which is the most mean word they despise. Each nation feels superior to the others, and thus patriotism and war arose. One of the most obvious truths is that almost everyone you meet thinks they are better than you in some way.But there is a way to go deep into his heart--to make him feel that you admit that he is noble and important in his own small world, and you must admit it sincerely. Don't forget what Emerson said: "Every man I meet has advantages over me, and in those respects I can learn from him." Some people feel complacent as soon as they feel that they have achieved a certain amount, which arouses resentment and disgust from others. Shakespeare once said: "Man, the proud man, by a moment of power, acts so presumptuously before God that angels weep." I want to tell you the story of three students in my workshop.They used this principle with astonishing results.The first one is a lawyer from Connecticut, he will not publish his name, we will use Mr. R instead It wasn’t long before Mr. R came to my workshop. One day, he drove a car with his wife to Long Island to visit relatives. His wife left him to chat with relatives and old aunts, while he went to see other relatives. Mr. R wants to apply what he has learned in the field so that he can write a report in the future, so he wants to start with this old aunt, so he looks around the room, and there are those that are worthy of his admiration. She asked the old aunt: This house was built in 1890, didn't it? " "Yes," the old aunt replied, "it was made in that year." He added: This reminds me of the house I was born in - very beautiful and well built.People nowadays don't pay much attention to these things. " "Yes," the old aunt nodded, "Nowadays, young people don't care about living in nice houses. They just need a small apartment, a refrigerator, and a car." With reminiscence, the old aunt said softly: This is an ideal house, this house is built with "love".My husband and I dreamed about it for years before building it.We didn't hire an architect, it was completely designed by ourselves. " The old aunt led Mr. R to visit each room. Mr. R is sincere about all the treasures she treasured and collected throughout her life, such as a French bed and chair, a set of ancient English tea sets, Italian famous daylights, and a silk curtain that once hung in a castle in the French feudal era. to praise. Mr. R went on to say: "After the old aunt showed me around the room, she took me to the garage, where there was a very new "Packet" car parked. " She said softly: This car was bought shortly before my husband died--I haven't been in it since he passed away. But - you love to appreciate beautiful things, I want to give you this car! " When Mr. R heard this, he was very surprised, thanked you politely, and said: "Auntie, I appreciate your kindness, but I can't accept it. I already have a new car myself. You have many close relatives, trust them Will love this car." "Relatives!." The old aunt raised her voice and said, "Yes, I have many closer relatives. They hope that I will leave this world quickly so that they can get this car, but they will never get it." Mr. R said: "Auntie, if you don't want to give it to them, you can sell this car." "Sell it!" cried the old aunt, "do you think I will sell this car? Do you think I will have the heart to watch strangers drive this car down the street? My husband bought it for me. Yes, I would never dream of selling it, and I am willing to give it to you, because you know how to appreciate a beautiful thing!" Mr. R politely thanked her, unwilling to accept her gift, but he couldn't hurt the old aunt's feelings. The old lady lives alone in this spacious house, facing these exquisite and precious furnishings in the house, thinking about the memories of the past-she hopes that there is someone who feels the same way as she does.She had a golden age, when she was beautiful and attractive, and was sought after by men.She built this house that gave birth to "love", and collected many treasures from all over Europe to furnish and decorate. Now this old aunt, in her dying years, is alone, she longs for a little warmth from the world, a little praise from the bottom of her heart - but, no one gives her.So when she found out that she had found it, it was like a spring gushing out of the desert, which made her excited and thankful, and she was even willing to give this "Paquette" car as a gift. Let me give another example!This is what a garden designer in New York, "McUho", said about the process: "Shortly after I heard a talk on 'How to Make Friends and Influence People', I designed the landscaping for a famous sheriff.The magistrate came out and gave his advice as to what flowers should be planted where. I said, "Judge, you have a good hobby -- your dogs are lovely, and I hear you've won many blue ribbon honors in greyhound racing." " My words had their effect, and the magistrate said: "Yes, I am very interested in raising dogs, would you like to visit my kennel? " It took him almost an hour to show me his dog and his many awards.He took out the pedigree of those dogs and told me the pedigree of each dog - because of the superior pedigree, the dogs he raised were lively and lovely. Finally he asked me, "Do you have any little boys?" " I told him there are. He then asked me, "Would your kids like puppies?" " I said, 'Well, yes, I'm sure he'll like it. " The judge nodded and said, "That's great, I'll give him one." " He told me how to raise a puppy, paused and said, "I tell you this, you will soon forget it, let me write it down for you." "The magistrate went into the house, typed out the pedigree and feeding method of the puppy he was going to give me, and then gave me a puppy worth 100 yuan. gave him an hour and fifteen minutes expensive time.That is the result of my sincere admiration for his hobbies and accomplishments. " After Eastman of Kodak invented the transparent film, the production of motion films achieved real success. At the same time, he gained a fortune of 100 million yuan and became a famous businessman in the world.Despite his great achievements, he still craves the admiration of others just like you and me. For example: A few years ago, Eastman built the "Eastman School of Music" and "Kaiban Theater" in Logards.This theater is dedicated to his mother."Adason", the manager of the beautiful seat company in New York, hoped to undertake the seat project in the theater. He called the architect and made an appointment to see Eastman in Rojaster. Edison got there, and the architect said, "I know you want a contract for the chairs, but I need to tell you that Eastman is extremely busy and serious, and if you take more than five minutes of his time, Don't plan to do this business again. He is not only busy, but also has a very temper, so I tell you, when you quickly explain to him what you are here, leave his office immediately. " After Edison heard this, he was ready to do that. He was ushered into an office and saw Eastman doing his job, dealing with a pile of papers on his desk.Seeing someone coming in, Eastman raised his head and took off his glasses, and said to the architect and Edison, "Good morning, both of you, what can I teach you?" After the architects introduced their acquaintances, Edison said: "Mr. Eastman, I envy your office. If I had an office like yours, I'd be happy to work in it too. You know I'm in the interior carpentry business, and I've never seen anything like that." Such a beautiful office." Eastman replied: "Thank you for reminding me of something I've almost forgotten. This office is beautiful, isn't it? I really liked it when it was furnished but now, because I'm so busy with work, sometimes for weeks at a time, I don't know what to do. Will notice it." Idason used to touch the siding of the office and said, "Is this English oak? It has a slightly different quality from Italian oak." Eastman replied, "Yes, it's imported English oak, specially selected for me by a friend who specializes in joinery." Then, Eastman accompanied him to visit the interior furnishings designed by himself, including wooden doors, paint colors, and carvers. They stopped in front of a window, and Eastman said kindly that he would donate some money to the University of Rochester, public hospitals, etc., and do his best for the society.Edison warmly congratulated him and said that this is an ancient and warm-hearted act of charity.Eastman unlocked the glass cabinet and took out his first video camera—an invention he had bought from an Englishman. Edison asked him, how did he start his business struggles and struggles?Eastman described with emotion the poverty of his childhood - his widowed mother opened a small rental apartment.He himself worked as a clerk in an insurance company, earning only fifty cents a day.Because he was trapped by hunger and cold, he determined to work hard so that his mother would not die of hard work. Edison found some other topics, but he himself listened quietly!Eastman talked about a past event in his laboratory: He said that when he used to do experiments, he spent all day in the office, sometimes the whole night—sometimes, he even put on his overalls and couldn't take them off for three days and nights. down. Edison came into Eastman's office at 10:15 in the morning. At that time, the architect had advised him to stay for five minutes at most, but an hour, two hours passed, and they were still talking. . Finally, Eastman said to Edison: "Last time I went to Japan, bought some chairs, and I put them on the balcony, and then the sun took off the paint on the chairs, and I bought some paint. Do you want to see how I paint my own chairs? By the way, you come to my house, let's have lunch together, and I'll let you see." After lunch, Eastman showed Edison the chairs he painted—these chairs cost no more than one yuan and fifty cents each, but Eastman, who has made a profit of hundreds of millions of dollars in his career, thought he was very proud, just because It was painted by himself. The total amount of the order for "Kaiban Theater" seats is 90,000 yuan.Guess who got the order contract?In addition to Edison, there will be others? From that time until Eastman's death they remained a very close friendship. Where do you and I begin to implement this wonderful touchstone?Why not start with your own family?I don't know of any other place where it's more needed or can be ignored.I believe your wife must have her strengths, at least once, otherwise you would not have married her.But how long has it been since you admired her beauty?How long?How long has it been? Once, while fishing on the Miramichi River in New Brunswick, I lived alone in a tent in the Canadian woods.Only one newspaper published in the town can be read there every day.Maybe it's because I have too much free time. I have read every word in this newspaper in detail.One day, I saw her article in the "Dicks" marriage counseling column in the newspaper. It was very well written, so I cut it out and kept it.In her article, she said she was tired of hearing what people said to brides. ? ....She thought it best to take the bridegroom aside and give him these wise advices. Her suggestion is: "Don't get married if you don't know how to talk sweetly. It seems inevitable to praise a woman before marriage; but to praise her after marriage is also a necessary ministry. Marriage is not only about honesty but also needs Diplomacy." If you want to live a happy and fulfilling life every day, don't accuse your wife of inappropriate housekeeping, or make meaningless comparisons between her and your mother. On the other hand, you should praise her for her good management of the house.And there must be such an expression that I think I am very lucky to have a good wife.If she spoils the food so badly that you can hardly eat it, don't complain. You might as well hint that today's food is not as good as it used to be.If your wife has hints like yours, she will work hard until she satisfies you. " Don't start doing it all of a sudden, it will make your wife suspicious. Tonight, or tomorrow night, buy her a bouquet of flowers, or a box of candy -- don't just say, "Yes, I should do that." You need to actually do it -- Give her a soft smile and add a few sweet words.If husbands and wives can do the same, I don't believe that one out of every six couples will get divorced. You want to know, how to make a woman fall in love with you?Yes, there is a secret here, and it must work.It's not something I came up with, it's something I borrowed from Ms Dix. Once, this Ms. Dix went to interview a "bigamist" who had become a news personality.This person has won two The hearts of thirteen women, and their deposits in the bank (It should be noted here that Ms. Dix visited him in prison.) When Ms. Dix asked him how he obtained the love of women--he said There's no trick here, you just have to talk to a woman about herself. This technique is used on men; it works just as well.One of Britain's wisest prime ministers said: "When a man talks about himself, he will listen in silence for hours." So, if you want people to like you, the sixth rule is: Make others feel his importance - must do so sincerely. Now that you have read a great deal of this book, close this book and immediately begin to apply this philosophy to those closest to you - and you will see a miraculous effect. ● Feed six ways to get people to like you Rule number one: Genuinely take an interest in the other person. The second rule: Smile. Rule Three: Remember the name of everyone you come in contact with. Rule Four: Be a good listener and encourage others to talk more about themselves. Rule 5: Talk about other people's interests. Rule number six: Make the other person feel important -- it has to be done with sincerity.