Chapter 32 Chapter 31 The Relationship Between Sex and Marriage

In people's impression, the quality of sex life is one of the most important factors affecting the quality of marriage. Is this really the case?Judging from the results of this survey, some women obviously hold different views on this.Although many people believe that sex is indeed an important reason for marriage, sex is not necessarily the most important thing for marriage; some women even think that sex activities separated from marriage are more relaxing. Sex is an important reason for marriage "The basis of love is physiological needs, and it is the catharsis of instinct. I agree with a foreign teacher's point of view when I was in college. I asked her what marriage means to her, and she said: sex (sex)."

"I have fallen in love with him repeatedly, he has sincere feelings for people, but he is easy to transfer. Then there was a time when he couldn't do that.It took me half a day to help him get it up. He has a sense of dependence on me, and feels that he can't do what I do sexually.Then he finally made up his mind to marry me, and I guess it had a little something to do with that. " A woman who works in a hotel service also believes that sexual activity is related to the desire for marriage, but it is a completely different logic. I want to get married." She said that she has had several boyfriends, the longest one of which lasted four years. She believes, "When you are young, you should have fun. Come down." She admitted that she thought about getting married after playing, "I really wanted to get married when I was 21 or 22 years old."

Sex isn't necessarily the most important thing in a marriage There is a point of view that sexual harmony is the most important factor in the quality of marriage. From my investigation, it is not always the case.In some marriages, the sexual relationship between the two parties is not very good, but because of the good relationship, the quality of marriage is still very high.For example, a woman said that her husband has not given her sexual pleasure for many years after marriage, and she has been relying on herself to solve it; but at the same time, she said that she is very satisfied emotionally, because she knows that her husband is really good to her, and she is very happy. Willing to grow old together with him.This shows that for the stability and durability of some marriages, the quality of sexual relations is not decisive.

A woman who has been separated from her husband for a long time said: "We have almost no time together except winter and summer vacations. There was a period when my wife couldn't bear it. It was indeed torture to his body. He is serious about sex. It is hard to imagine having such a relationship with another girl. So I had to solve it by myself. We talked about the divorce many times, but after talking about it, neither of us would do it. She also added: "In a marriage relationship, time can play a big role. Time can condense a long and deep thing, which cannot be cut off all at once."

A single woman in her forties yearns for married life and believes that sex is not absolutely necessary for marriage: "I don't think people are saying it right, as if you have to have sex. It's good to have a good sex life It's okay if you don't have one." She described her lonely mood like this: "I am most afraid of holidays, and there is no shadow shaking at home, like a tomb. After get off work every day, there is no one waiting for me at home, and I am not in a hurry to see What kind of person, this feels bad. Although Confucius said to be cautious about being alone, although you can do things alone, you can’t stand being alone all the time. Now, I sometimes deliberately avoid music and beautiful scenery for fear of touching my loneliness. I feel that I It's pathetic." Of course, her views on sex and marital relationships may be a "best second" view, but that's how she sees it.

sex apart from marriage is easy "Separating sex and marriage, and long-term considerations, can make it easier. This requires both parties to appreciate each other. The important thing is the sense of intimacy. Some people can speak well, but you are particularly unhappy when he touches you." A divorced woman compared sex in and out of marriage: "We still had occasional sex after the divorce, as lovers. In marriage, I only had sex about once in every ten times. Outside of marriage, ten Nine out of ten times I had pleasure. I think it's because sex was an obligation in marriage, and now it's a need, a mutual need. He has a regular partner now, and he came to me with the girl behind his back. He visits me every half a month to a month."

A single woman holds the view: "It doesn't matter if you're married or not, but you have to have a sexual partner." The impact of parents' sex lives on children Many survey respondents mentioned the impact of children on their sex life.A woman described her experience in this way: "The child is always making trouble. Once we were seen by our daughter who was in elementary school. She cried and said, what are you doing? I can't explain it to my daughter. From now on Change it to sleep with my daughter on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, and sleep with my lover on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. My daughter asked me, who is better between you and my dad, and I said 50% vs. 50%. She doesn’t do it, she must 51 % not available."

Another woman shared her views on this issue: "Don't hug and kiss or lie down in front of the child, and try not to sleep in the same room with the child if possible, or let the child wake up halfway, it's too bad Well, it's an outrage on humanity." Sex is certainly an important factor in the relationship between sex and marriage, but it is not the most important and indispensable factor, as one might think; at least not for some people.Among the more "old-fashioned" people, sex in marriage is regarded as dispensable; among the more "trendy" women, sex outside of marriage is more attractive.The two achieve the same goal by different routes, and both separate sex and marriage.It can be predicted that with the further civilization of the social atmosphere, the norm that marriage is the only legal channel for sex will become less and less binding, and the social monitoring on the issue of freely using one's own body to seek pleasure (Foucault's "gaze") "imagery) will become weaker and weaker, and public opinion will become more and more tolerant of it